Privacy concerns...?

[MeTooToo 1]

So, as I travel this road of research heading into this decision, I find myself very concerned about privacy. I’ve been adding up the pros and cons of using a local hospital versus an out of town one strictly in the name of privacy.
I know a lot of folks in my local medical community, and I feel it will be nearly impossible to keep this quiet if I do it locally. And really, it probably would not take much for it to leak if I go to an out of town hospital. One piece of paper crossing the wrong reception desk and my “secret” would be out.
It is frustrating to keep waffling back and forth. On one hand, I don’t want to hear judgmental comments before or after, or unwanted advice.

On the other hand... am I really going to go through all of this and a big transformation and deny the fact that I got some medical intervention as support? Really, where is the shame in it, anyway? I figure, if I encounter anyone who judges my decision or brings negativity to me, I will show the them the exit door out of my life and enjoy my new health with people that matter.
Wondering what others thoughts are on privacy. The stigma with weight loss services is frustrating. No one ridicules smokers for using medicine to help them quit. Or alcoholics who go into intense rehab.

[Jaelzion 1,127]

Who and how much to tell is definitely a personal decision. I don't go around announcing it, but if someone really wants to know how I lost so much weight, I'll tell them I had bariatric surgery. Only you can say what your comfort level is and you have every right to keep it private (it's medical care, after all). One thing I will say though - I don't think you should have any shame about having had weight loss surgery. You can't stop other people from being ignorant, but please don't internalize that at all. Personally, I cut off judgmental comments quickly. And as you said, anyone who tries to project any kind of "stigma" on me gets banished to the edges of my life (if they are allowed to remain at all). Losing weight is hard work, even with the help of surgery. It's a long journey and when you get to your goal, you will have every right to be proud of yourself (actually you can be proud already because you're getting started). You can disclose the surgery or not as you choose, but never feel ashamed. 🤗

[MeTooToo 1]

And... Is privacy so important that one should inconvenience oneself and give up the ease of doing it locally for an out of town surgeon?? And one trip to the local ER with a serious aftercare issue, and the cover would be blown anyway. Right? Thanks to anyone who can help me think this through.

[Starwarsandcupcakes 2,046]

I work at the hospital I had mine done at. I still have coworkers who don’t know I’ve had it done but I do let them know if I think they should (covering breaks for small meals or snacks). All of my coworkers who do know have never once said a negative thing to me.

Just let them know if they do find out that their opinion of what you do with your body has no bearing on what you and your medical team feels is best for you.

[It's time. 145]

I'm not posting it on Facebook, but I am telling friends one at a time since I'm not really seeing anyone these days because of covid so want to share my excitement with them.

[STLoser 1,099]

I live in a rural suburb and had my surgery 45 minutes away from where I live at a rather small hospital in my area. I had no expectation of seeing anyone I know. I'm a nurse who has been a stay at home mom for years now. I knew one of the nurses who took care of me and a respiratory therapist from the last hospital I worked at, and my other respiratory therapist was the mom of a kid in my son's class. Then, the x-ray tech was ANOTHER mom from my son's class.
Now, I'm an open book so I don't care who knows, but geez, I couldn't have been able to get to hide it if I tried. I didn't really plan on telling anyone at my son's school though.
It's nothing I ever would have expected ar that little hospital lol.

Sent from my Nokia 7.2 using BariatricPal mobile app

[BigSue 1,372]

I haven't told anyone other than medical professionals that I had surgery. Nobody in my family and nobody at work knows, and I don't plan to tell them, but I don't know if that's feasible forever, especially at family gatherings where it might become obvious that I can't eat certain things. For example, we have a family tradition once a year that involves a meal consisting entirely of fried foods, so that's not going to work for me.

People at work have started noticing and commenting on my weight loss, which I personally think is kind of rude. I know they mean it as a compliment, but I still think it's inappropriate to discuss coworkers' bodies at work. A lot of people have asked me what I'm doing, and I feel bad about lying because most of the people who ask want to know because they want to lose weight, too. I'm not a good liar, but I feel ok in telling them that I've lost weight by intermittent fasting, low-carb, tracking my food, and exercise, because it's all true. And I lost 70 pounds before surgery, so it's not ALL from the surgery. I also think they are being rude by asking for personal medical information, and I don't have an obligation to share it with them. Just like if a random coworker came up to you and asked what kind of birth control you're using or how often you poop, these are inappropriate things to ask and you don't need to answer.

On the other hand, I totally agree that you shouldn't be ashamed to have weight loss surgery. It has been proven to be not only the most effective treatment for weight loss, but the only treatment with more than a 5% long-term success rate. Why shouldn't you get the most effective treatment available? Despite what some ignorant people think, it's not easy and it still takes a lot of work to lose the weight and keep it off. I will also say that keeping a secret that affects my life so greatly is a huge burden, so keep that in mind as you decide whether or not to tell people.

I can't advise about what hospital to use because it depends on many things. I am not in the medical field, so I don't know anybody who works at the hospital where I had surgery. I live in a rural area and went to the biggest hospital in the city about an hour away from my home, and I didn't run into anybody I know, and even if I had, they wouldn't have known why I was there.

[Deb9386 110]

I've kept my wls private, only telling my husband and (adult) children. I'm a private person anyway and don't really feel it's anybody else's business. Plus there's a LOT of judgment over wls here in the UK - the surgery is a lot less common here than in the US I think - and basically you're labelled as a "fat slob who can't be bothered to limit what you eat" and who takes the easy route of having most of your stomach removed! Nobody cares about the research showing that some people are genetically pre-disposed to weight gain and excessive hunger and that the wls actually works on a hormonal level. But my decision to keep it private has been helped by Covid as we basically haven't seen anyone socially or otherwise for months....

[Mr Alley Gator 263]

This must be a female thing? I did not tell anyone and now after getting to where i want to be if people ask i just say I was done with being FAT- I focused on my diet and health and using other tools with exercise I managed to do it.

FYI your tool is going to give you Portion Control so the first time you eat with others going to be pretty obvious something is goofy. When they woof down a sub and you eat a 4 oz meal and shake.

This is your decision and your life what others think or view who the hell cares. I would rather be thin and healthy with some opinions thrown at me, then fat and unhealthy w/no views or opinions from others

[MandoGetsSleeved 443]

I all but shouted it from the rooftop! The only kind of negative I dealt with before surgery was from my father. His negative was out of concern for me and the risks involved. Just this weekend he told me how great I was doing and that he was proud I stood my ground in making this decision.

In talking about my decision pre-op with a coworker he had always been curious, but afraid it was too expensive and not covered under insurance. Guess who I picked up from the hospital on Saturday?? My buddy! For him it was seeing/hearing someone else in a similar circumstance that gave him the motivation to look into it.

For ME, telling people did three things: No stress about lies,it holds me accountable, and motivates me to be successful. Everyone is different, and you have to do what’s best for YOU in this situation.

As others have said, this isn’t the easy way out, it changes your body forever, but without this tool; it would be nearly impossible for me to have any sort of success.

[GradyCat 3,695]

I never told anyone about my surgery, even now 2 years later. But I'm not ashamed of it. It's a TOOL. It doesn't mean we were losers who couldn't do it on our own. Obesity is a MEDICAL PROBLEM. I can understand your not wanting people to know. It's a tough choice. A personal decision. Good luck with your choice.

[GivinItMyALL 169]

There are certain people I am not telling for a few reasons (mental health issues that I am not willing to deal with the repercussions), and on the whole I am keeping it kinda on the down low. I am telling some, but also saying it isn't public knowledge, so they do not share (hopefully). Anyone who asks, whom I don't feel comfortable sharing with, will get "I am working with a dietician on a medically supervised diet" -- which is not a lie.

[blackcatsandbaddecisions 851]

I kept it private and I also know a ton of people at my local hospital. I chose to go to a doctor and hospital a few hours away from here. Realistically however this MD was recommended by many people and he has been doing surgery longer than my local surgeons so that was my final deciding factor.

I didn’t have any issues with having my surgery away from home. We did most preop via zoom, I went for a full day for the actual tests a week before, and for the surgery itself we rented an air bnb in the area. I had surgery on Tuesday and we checked out on Friday, I had my post op appt, and we headed back home.

Pick the doctor you feel best about, then consider the location.

[Horseshowmom 45]

I completely understand where you are coming from, and it’s understandable. We all have to choose who and when to share with, but for me, anyone who would look down on me or take a negative opinion of my choice of trying to use any tool available to better my health and life- well then they are not a friend or person I need in my life anyway.