Telling the Kids

[tomd74 0]

I am considering WLS. I weigh “only” 300 lbs- thought of as a “big guy” by most people but not necessarily “morbidly obese”. My kids are 12, 15 and 17. I’m worried that if I tell them the truth they will either think I’m crazy for having most of my stomach removed or weak because I can’t lose weight without surgery. I feel like they will feel this while at the same time saying to me “you’re not that big”. So what did you tell your teenagers when you made the decision?

[Suzi_the_Q 257]

Unless you're 6'8" or something, 300 lbs. IS morbidly obese, generally. It's at least 100 lbs. above healthy BMI. Tell them the truth: diet and exercise alone have an average long term success rate of 5%, WLS is a tool that accompanies diet and exercise that increases that long term success rate to 65%. Tell them you just want to live long enough to hold your grandchildren, or see them graduate college or w/e. Obesity related illnesses can kill you as early as your 50s, sooner for some. Obesity is also a pre-existing condition re: Covid that puts you in the high risk category. Tell them that this is your best chance for long-term success and that you'd really appreciate their support. They're old enough to understand this if put in these terms. Good luck.

[STLoser 1,099]

I'm a woman, but I told my 9 year old son. I didn't want it to have to be explained to him if anything happened to me.
I've told him everything about the surgery and also explained why I was having it. He was totally fine it all.



Sent from my Nokia 7.2 using BariatricPal mobile app

[ms.sss 15,581]

My Kid was 13 when I had the sleeve done.

I told her that I was having surgery to help me lose some weight. She literally replied “Oh, ok” and that was pretty much it. I was prepared with a bunch of answers for the questions I anticipated from her, but didn’t even need them *shrugs*.

Your kids may or may not react the same way, but i would *think* that if you are prepared to answer/address their questions or concerns honestly and confidently they would trust that you know what you are doing?

On the other hand (though I personally wouldn’t recommend it, as keeping WLS a secret from people u live with could be challenging), is NOT telling them an option for you?

[waterwoman 179]

Sounds like you are concerned about being judged by your children for your decision to care for yourself. Do they judge you for being overweight?

One of our jobs as parents is to teach/model good decision making. Would you be willing to explain why you believe this is a good decision for you?

[GivinItMyALL 169]

I told my older teenaged son (who is also big, but not as big as me) that I was having the surgery so I wouldn't be in as much pain, I could go on walks with him, and I could stick around longer. He's happy to have a future walking partner.

[Cherie04 47]

My son is 10. I told him and explained to him why and what was going to happen. He wasn't impressed!! His response was "As long as I don't have to look at your incisions!"

[Officially Not Fatty Matty 461]

I initially told my kids (11 & 13) I was having another surgery to help my back get better (had two previous back surgeries) and they were going to remove some tissue that might be causing my pain. Eventually I told my oldest the whole truth, he was kind of impressed with the non-lie-lie and thinks it’s cool he’s one of the few people that know. I haven’t told the youngest yet because he’s oblivious to anything that’s not Fortnite related........

Edit: I showed him a pic of the part of my stomach they removed and he thought it was the coolest thing ever. 

[ChubRub 1,702]

I didn't tell my kids only b/c I didn't want my extended family to know, and didn't trust that my kids wouldn't slip and tell. They have not only never suspected anything, but they haven't even noticed that I've lost weight! Kids!!! LOL!!!

[ms.sss 15,581]

4 minutes ago, ChubRub said:

I didn't tell my kids only b/c I didn't want my extended family to know, and didn't trust that my kids wouldn't slip and tell. They have not only never suspected anything, but they haven't even noticed that I've lost weight! Kids!!! LOL!!!

What the?!?

[ChubRub 1,702]

2 hours ago, ms.sss said:

What the?!?

I know! LOL! I guess the bright side is maybe they never realized how big I used to be! Ha ha!!

[MaybeMeow 129]

First of all... it's your absolute right to keep it a secret if you wish. So don't feel pressured on any side. I had 65 pounds to lose and told my 10 year old that I was having hernia surgery (which was true). I just left the bypass part out. Only my husband and my best friend (who stayed with my daughter overnight know I had WLS. No other family. Not my parents of siblings or other friends. But your kiddos are older. I imagine it would be very hard to keep it a secret from them. Your eating significantly changes. And the recovery is no joke. And I'm not sure why you would keep it from teenagers who can understand the concept and honor your privacy. .. unless you don't trust them. Regardless... your body, your choice. Period. Best of luck!!