Being Policed

[Addicted 34]

We had guests last week, my brother-in-law and his wife. I am close to both as is my husband so they knew about my WLS. I didn't mind the questions about what my guidelines were as they seemed to be out of interest. However, my brother-in-law and husband are both "bossy" and I found the dominant question being "Are you supposed to be eating that?" or "How much of that are you allowed to eat?" I recently graduated to regular food and was pretty much sticking to my quantity requirements so I had many "to go" containers in the refrigerator of my leftovers. If I deviated from my quantity requirements, I paid for it in misery but it was a reinforcement of why we have guidelines.

I got lectures about how my brother-in-law lost weight and his exercise regimen. I wouldn't mind it if he were just "sharing", however, I was getting what I perceived aslectures at the end of their visit. I know that he cares and I have to take his personality into account so I am taking what I like and leaving the rest. With two of them (my husband and brother-in-law) at the table, it was a bit much but at least my husband kept reminding our guests that I had to eat every 3 hours.

I know that people who do this sort of thing are uneducated about what it takes for us to meet our goals. It is a definite process and we have the tools. They cannot do it for us. If we could do what they have done to meet their goals, we wouldn't have been forced to take this major step. If we have people constantly telling us what to do then we won't know how to "self manage". I kept saying that I was in a "learning curve" and while I was making "mistakes", I was getting into a routine where the program was more intuitive. We have benefit of the knowledge telling us "what" and "why" and I don't mind educating but I don't want to keep explaining or justifying. I am tired of feeling, "less than" but it is hard for me to let people come to their own conclusions but I can't control others, I can only control how I react to them.

All our lives people have thought they knew what was best for us. I am learning to say, "If I make a mistake, it is my mistake."

Edited October 6, 2020 by Addicted
Clarity

[Jaelzion 1,128]

I love your last line, I may steal that. 😁

[mattk53 124]

lol, you are not alone. My wife does the same thing! After watching a few episodes of "My 600 pounds life" she is now an expert.

Edited October 6, 2020 by mattk53

[jayteee2660 3]

I'm pre-op (hopefully getting the sleeve next month) and my husband polices me. I know he means well but it's very frustrating, I started this in June and have already reached my pre-op weight goal and even lost a little more. I know what I can and can't have and amounts of each. [emoji849] I remind him every time but sigh. Maybe he will leave me alone after the surgery because then he will truly not be able to give input as it'll be a totally different situation.

Sent from my IN2017 using BariatricPal mobile app

[1000islandgirl 61]

I have a boyfriend "policing" me and I haven't had surgery yet! This is not anything new and it's not just about weight it could be about anything. This past weekend it was about the dishwasher. He doesn't live with me although we will be building a house together in the next 2 years. He is aware that he does this and as soon as the comment about whether or not I should be turning the dishwasher on, was out of his mouth he realized it and apologized. I think its a habit for him and I'm going to keep saying things like I did this weekend. I asked him "if it was really that important to him when I ran or didn't run the dishwasher?" I told him he better start to consider "which hill he wanted to die on"....LOL.....he got the point.

I figure if I respond back without malice but gently make him aware of what he is doing and at least make him aware ...it will help.

I love him and he is a good man! I'm just not going to let him be the "food police"