Angry Friends

[AtlSpeedy 0]

Now that I have made the decision to have the lap band surgery, my friends have been re-acting very negatively. :angry

They never had a problem when I was failing at weight watchers, or jennie craig. Now they want to encourage me to continue to try to loose weight without surgery. Where was the support before? No one ever volunteered to loan me their treadmill b4 I announced I was going to have the surgery.

Now suddenly everybody has an opinion about my weight, and how I should loose it.

Has anyone experienced this? Why are my friends having a negative reaction to my news to have surgery?

[weightlossblues 0]

That's the way my doctor reacted. It really hurts your feelings, doesn't it?

[mbanja 1]

People are afraid of change. And you will be changing when you get your band. Maybe not your personality but your body will definately change. While they are offering ask them to pay for your gym membership. LOL!

[AtlSpeedy 0]

Thanks for the encouragement.

[cookielover 1]

I am mourning the lost of someone I thought was a friend. This person was a support in my life for 25 years. She actually came out and said that she could not be with me because of the lapband. After the tears passed I realized that she did my a favor by leaving. If she could not support me than there was no room for her in my entourage.

This journey you are going to undertake is all about you and no one else. I would give your friends time to come around, but if they don't then find some new ones. In my case I spent so much energy making my friend happy being fat that I forgot to be happy myself. I also realize that I have A LOT of other friends who care about me, and while they haven't been here for as long; they love me and that is all that matters.

[transformer 1]

Welcome!

Another approach is to do what you want (i.e. lapband surgery) because it's your body and your decision. As for me, I hardly talk about the procedure at all (only a couple people at work know and we rarely talk about it). Since I'm losing weight steadily and not all at once everyone just thinks I'm dieting. I might say something to my family at Christmas now that it's a little over a year after surgery. I didn't want to hear a bunch of negative comments and stupid advice that would bring me down!

I've seen people post comments about how their friends became jealous of their weight loss and it ruined the friendship. I've also read that some marriages end because the non-banded spouse can't adjust to the "new" thin person. In other cases, the bandster finally recognizes along the weight loss journey that his/her marriage is (and has been) lousy and he/she decides to abandon ship!

This can be a life-changing procedure in more than one way. Hopefully, your friends will come around and decide to be supportive!! :biggrin1:

[Frangipani 1]

Hi AtlSpeedy,

My read on the situation is that you are very fortunate to have friends who care a great deal about you.

Remember your friends haven't done the research and are not as knowledgeable as you about WLS. To them the surgery probably sounds quite risky.

I cannot think of a single person in my life who was supportive of my decision to have this surgery. Everyone expressed concern that I was doing something incredibly risky and dangerous. Again, they did not know what I knew about the relative safety of the Lap Band procedure.

Even my own primary care physician strongly advised me not to have the procedure done. His reasoning was that I didn't have any health problems and in his opinion, I was having this surgery done for "purely cosmetic reasons" (his precise words).

My read on the strong opposition to my weight loss surgery was concern, and I know I am absolutely right about this. Now that everyone sees how healthy and so much happier I seem to be, they are all genuinely happy for me. Even my primary care physician commented favorably on my weight loss when I ran into him at the DMV recently.

I suspect that your friends will react the same way after you come through the surgery with flying colors and begin your weight loss journey.

Best of luck to you!

Crazy Ates DECEMBER Exercise Challenge

1/18 Days of Exercise

Banded 8/07/07 Dr. Miguel Zapata, Monterrey Mexico

[Done 2]

Hi there,

I have this problem, too....I wanted to make a point by telling people I was having this surgery so I would not feel ashamed...but after some of my neighbor's responses, should I?

I had one girl say to me after she saw me jogging "You look like you've lost weight...oh I guess you don't have to have that surgery now don't you?". Of course her husband is into martial arts and she has a bit of extra weight around her hips from babies..but she really would have no clue how hard it is to lose and keep off 140 lbs?

Another neighbor reacts with a fake smile when I talk to her about my upcoming surgery date... they all think it is dangerous and risky. And she's fat too!

I have explained that it isn't like the gastric bypass, but I don't think even then they really understand.

[Done 2]

I'd also like to add that my family members have been REALLY supportive! Go figure. I guess maybe they know I gained this all after my mom died, know all of my co-morbidities, and want me to get my health back.

[want2bmeagain 0]

Since I told her about my banding, and since I have begun to lose weight, one of my closest friends has become distant, snide, doesn't show up when she says she will, and continually makes cut downs when she has the chance. She is severely overweight.

My take on this with friends and family might be jaded compared to some, but I have thought about this long and hard. I truly believe that if someone acts differently because of concern, that it will be somewhat obvious through dialogue with them. I had a few family members who were very concerned and wanted me to explain. My dad was least supportive (I think he believed that duck tape over my mouth would do the trick), but wanted to hear all about it. He was not snide though. Other people, friends and family, asked all kinds of questions and were excited for me, as they were concerned.

Bottom line for me..I think those kind of ridiculous actions from our "friends" are based on jealousy, their lack of sense of self, envy, and the inability to cheer us on while they struggle with the same issue. They can call it whatever they want, but why else would someone who cares about us not cheer us on...or in the least, become educated so they can rejoice with us?

I know I sound jaded, but it really irks me....It is a harsh reality, but it has remined me to watch my own actions toward someone who "has" something or someone, or an experience, that I too would like.

Thank god, there are new friends to make, especially on this board!

[Squishee 1]

Hi, I was really worried about this happening to me as when I was doing my research I read a post saying "You will lose a lot of friends due to this procedure" I think it depends on how well you know - or think you know your friends.

I'm only 3.5 weeks post op and have already lost 2 stone (I have A LOT to lose) and am feeling great. I've told almost all my friends about the procedure, some were great about it and some very very worried. I had - thankfully - no negative responces.

All my friends that were concerned needed assurance on was that this wasn't something I'd decided to do on a whim. I assured them that I'd been thinking about this for 1.5 years and had seriously considered it for the past year and this was something that I needed to do for myself to make sure that I was going to be around in the next 20 years.

Some were still skeptical and said that my health wasn't in danger and why was I putting myself though this? Well to them I explained that it was also preventative and to get this when not if I did start to have obesity related health complications would be even more risky.

I also compared it to cosmetic procedures. I don't know about anyone else but in my circle of friends I've got people that have had boob jobs, nose jobs and even a friend who has altered their ears. In this day and age if you are doing something for the right reasons who has the right to stand in your way.

I hope you find that your family and friends are not against the procedure but are concerned for you and if that's not the case these are not the people to surround yourself with.

I have realised I've not talked about my family on this yet, they were great, my parents even helped pay 1/2 for my operation and my mum was with me every step of the day. I guess I'm lucky but only time will tell on how it will all pan out.

Good luck.

[mrsjiggles 4]

I havn't told all of my friends yet. The ones taht I have told voiced thier concerns and we had a chat about it. After all was said and done, they jumped on board with me.

My family has been the least supportive of the surgery. My mother actually came out and said, "You can't do this Crystal. You are just not ready for this. You know how to lose weight on your own. Stop being silly." It really hurt my feelings. My grandmother tells me that it's just a waste of my money. My sister acts like she is jealous because she has talked about having the surgery and can't afford it right now.

Anyways, I know what you mean. I just told them that there was no point in arguing and being negative about it because I'm doing it anyways. I would rather have their support but if I don't get it, fine. I can do this without them. I have support from other people and as long as I have a few people to talk to me about it, I'm fine. Then wehn they started to be negative about something, I just walk away, hang up the phone or whatever I have to do to get out of the situation. They got tired of being hung up on or ignored mid-conversation.

Here is a hug for you I hope you find the support from your friends that you want.

[Crishell 0]

You have to do what you feel is best for YOU. I had my surgery on 1/19/07 with a starting weight of 304. Today I am 234, blood sugar and blood pressure are both fine. I have no regrets. I have hand very supportive family and close friends. Alot of people do not know all of the details about lap band surgery and are therefore ignorant to that fact. There are alot of myths and false beliefs about the band and how it works. I have some associates (frineds of friends or folks I know remotely) and some not so close co-workers who have been naysayers and are just waiting for the first sign that I am regaining the weight. I consider it jealously because I made this decision and am succeeding at it. The majority of my negativity comes from females who need the surgery themselves. They should be asking me about the procedure so that they can get the correct education to get it themselves. Their fear and unhappiness with themselves has turned to jealousy and anger towards me when we should be encouraging each other. I have no problem enlightening anyone who asks me questions about the procedure and my success but i am not going to share with those who are not serious or sincere. I have been overweight ALL my life (39 years) and am currently 20 pounds less than I remember putting on my paperwork to get my driver's license at 16. This surgery was my first ever surgery and anethesia experience and I had no problems at all, including not a lot of pain. I guess I say all of this to say, do what is best for YOU. Don't let others and fear stop you. You will be healthier and happier getting the band than if you don't.

[Crishell 0]

I made a small boo-boo. Today I am 239. Wishful thinking for that 234 (or a prophecy)

[JudiM 1]

I'm not sure if my situation means that I am soooo lucky or if everyone could not stand looking at me expand in front of them!(probably both!) All of my friends were ecstatic that I was having it, my sisters were overjoyed, my 87 year old father was sooooo encouraging (he said "that's the best idea you've had in a long time!), my children were great, my husband was "yeah, go ahead" and even my staff was thrilled! All of my aunts (ages 80-92) and cousins were so excited too! It got to the point where I was sure they were going to throw a party!

We did not tell my mil, bil & sil until after it was over.....they didn't say much except how very hurt they were that we didn't tell them beforehand (to be expected---they are always the "victims").

So, I haven't had to deal with any push back. But, I know I would be so hurt if anyone behaved the way some of your friends and family are. Concern is definitely fine....I had expected to have that with my father and aunts (but no......!). But, downright mean behavior (due to jealousy no doubt....) is just unacceptable and so very sad! Shame on them!!!