Guilt

[jami.1992 162]

I had gastric bypass on 5/14 and as of this morning I have lost 54 pounds! A total of 64 pounds if you include the weight lost before my surgery...my issue is that people are starting to notice and ask questions...I have no regrets for having my surgery nor am I ashamed of the surgery...but when people ask how I lost the weight I freeze and tell them that I’ve been eating healthier and exercising regularly (which is true). But then after the conversation is over I feel guilty for not being 100% honest about how the weight is really coming off.
I know this is my business and I don’t owe anyone an explanation, but I’ve always prided myself on my honesty. So this is new territory for me because I feel like I’m lying to people.
A few friends, coworkers and close family members know about my surgery. so I feel like with so many people knowing, it’s bound to come out eventually...and I’m nervous to get called out on my lies.
I guess what I’m asking is if anyone else has kept their surgery a semi-secret? And if this guilty feeling will go away?

[New&Improved 1,780]

I don't care I tell people the truth..

which is true I've changed my life and Eat healthy and everything but I had surgery to assist my weight loss...

I actually advocate for people who are even thinking about surgery..

WLS is not a dirty word it's perfectly normal and medically necessary

[LaInvestigadora 3]

I had mine 2 years ago and only my immediate family knows. It is truly personal and you are not required to tell anyone anymore than what you've been telling them. This is your "journey" and don't feel guilty or shame in not sharing. You don't feel guilty when you exercise, and do you give everyone your regime? Congrats on your decision to get healthy and your weight loss.

[California Guy 131]

I tell family, friends, co-workers, anyone that I had WLS. I don't see anything wrong with it. I still lost weight by eating less, eating healthier foods, and increased activity. The WLS is a smart way to gain an advantage in this journey. Hopefully, my example can help someone considering WLS. Some people may judge but I don't worry too much about what others think.

[jami.1992 162]

I am very proud of myself and how far I’ve came in such a short period of time. I feel more energized and happier than I’ve felt in years! I think i am nervous about the judgement and criticism....everyone has an opinion...whether it be good or bad...but it seems like those that have negative feelings about surgery like to voice those opinions a little more harshly than those that see the surgery for what it is....a tool.
I’m hoping that one day I will be confident enough to say “I had weight loss surgery and it was the best decision of my life. Without it I wouldn’t be where I am right now.” 🤞🏻

[catwoman7 11,211]

I don't share it with that many people . Although at this point, 5+ years out, most people have already seen me normal size or didn't know me when I was obese. I don't think that's really lying because you ARE dieting and exercising....so that's actually true.

[Hop_Scotch 1,630]

You are entitled to medical privacy the same as any other personal privacy. You are not lying when you say eating healthier and exercising regularly.

[Suzi_the_Q 257]

I haven't had my surgery yet, but from the few people I have told that I'm in the process of it, I can tell you what I have learned: people who do or have struggled with their weight are generally "safe" and supportive; people who have not, generally are not (save for my husband, thankfully!) Going forward, I'm only going to share this info with those whom I know will at least somewhat "get it." I don't need the negativity when this is already challenging enough. Once the weight is all gone, I'll be more open about it because nothing shuts naysayers up like results! It's nobody's business but your own. I'd just say that I've been working on it.

[Arabesque 7,221]

I have a small circle of friends who know I had the surgery though I know there are others who suspect I did. I told people who asked about my weight loss I was seeing a dietician which was true. I also told them I had cut a lot of carbs out of diet, was avoiding sugar & was very focussed on Portion Control again all true. I don’t feel I’m lying because I’m not saying I didn’t have the surgery, I’m just not saying I did. Though I have had one person ask me straight out & I told them I did but stressed it is something I keep to myself.

[Lychee 22]

I don't intend to tell people, mainly because most people don't understand the surgery or the difficulties that some of us face. People who haven't struggled with their weight just don't get it and I have no intention of trying to educate them in the difficulties that brought me to surgery. Stick to your guns and don't feel guilty. You need to do what is right for you. Good luck.

[MandoGetsSleeved 440]

I think the decision to tell or not tell will vary by both individuals and their environments. My surgery is on the 19th and I've told pretty much everyone that I spend time with. Some have certainly been more supportive than others, but the driving factor for me has been accountability (I might be a bit competitive!). I feel like the more educated my circle is, the better my support will be. I am hoping that the knowledge that I have PHYSICAL restrictions with regards to food intake will alleviate some of the "you aren't eating enough" or "just try a bit of x" social aspects of the surgery.

Just my thoughts - Again, I think it's a very personal decision and people should do what works best for themselves. I also agree with other folks that you aren't telling a lie... Just a little omission!

[chunkarella 59]

i only told my immediate family, my cousin and a few good friends. otherwise, i kept it a secret.

of course, that didnt stop family members from telling other family members. and i was bombarded with texts and calls in the hospital. 🙄

but its your right if you want to tell them or not. like others have said, you're not lying by saying you're eating healthier or exercising. you just have an additional tool to help you.

[jami.1992 162]

I really appreciate everyones kindness and their words of encouragement! Y’all have really helped to ease my mind! ❤️

[summerset 5,265]

On 8/9/2020 at 3:40 AM, Suzi_the_Q said:

people who do or have struggled with their weight are generally "safe" and supportive; people who have not, generally are not (save for my husband, thankfully!)

Hm, that's not my experience. On the contrary, I've experienced some serious envy and bitchiness from the "weight strugglers" while the "never strugglers" are usually curious about the whole thing but that's just a generalization. In the end open mindedness and curiosity matters, the weight or the struggle with weight not so much. Most people who know about my surgery were quite curious about it, especially the visceral surgeons.

[summerset 5,265]

7 hours ago, chunkarella said:

you just have an additional tool to help you.

Only that this tool is the game changer.

However, it doesn't matter anyway if patients choose to tell or not. With WLS being nothing exotic anymore people will draw their own conclusions when a colleague, friend or family member starts to lose truckloads of weight fast after a short period of absence without showing obvious signs of being very sick.

A colleague of mine (other department of the hospital, but one we work very close with) started losing large amounts of weight after a short period of absence, she works usual hours and doesn't appear sick. People congratulate her on her weight loss, however, one of my colleagues who works in the same department as I do recently asked: "Do you think she had some kind of weight loss surgery?" I shrugged and said: "Yeah, maybe" because I don't know (and I won't ask) but I'd guess that she had indeed some kind of WLS.

You can't really keep it a secret, at least not nowadays. And there is no reason to keep it one anyway. WLS is nothing to be ashamed of.