What is the best feedback your therapist ever gave you?

[orange_lily 69]

I have had difficulty finding a therapist that is supportive talking with me specifically about weight loss. Most seem to focus more on acceptance, which is nice in most situations, but not when my obesity is going to kill me. This made me curious about other people's experiences have been and the real question...

What is the best feedback your therapist ever gave you?

These are a couple of similar things I also saw recently that might be inspiring.

Reddit: The most effective weight loss "magic pill" I've found? Therapy.

Buzzfeed: People Are Revealing The Most Unforgettable Advice Their Therapists Ever Gave Them

Edited August 5, 2020 by orange_lily

[Sammi_Katt 303]

I got *really* lucky. Both of my therapist's parents had gastric bypass, so she really understands everything I go through and am going through.

The best thing she ever told me is that with all the things I've been through to get here (I had a lot of complications after my sleeve), I'm alive and healthy and doing well for myself. I can still have a bad day, but it'll never be as bad as it had been now that I'm getting healthy for myself.

She also mentioned that on bad body image days, I should try my best to focus on the fact that this is a *healthy* change for me, even if I feel like I'm still big. NSVs are a huge thing for us, and she tries to make me find one a week to tell her, especially if I was having a bad week. I can always find something, though, so I know something's working, and it's been really helping with my body image because, hey, I *am* making changes, even if my brain doesn't want to accept it sometimes.

[SueSaBelle 57]

There are two things that helped me tremendously:

1.) At my initial surgical consultation, the surgeon told me that after you gain 50 or more pounds, your body won't let you successfully lose weight without resetting your hormones. So all those times I lost weight, I was guaranteed to gain it all back and then some. Years of yo-yo dieting since I was in 7th grade added up and it wasn't because I didn't have any willpower or I needed to exercise more (I was constantly walking to train for the SGK 3 Day 60 mile events). When I heard this, I began to sob with relief from the weight being lifted off my shoulders.

2.) When I went my therapist and told her about my Mom and the constant diets I was on since middle school (even though I was the smallest girl on my volleyball team), she made me look at things differently. She said that my Mom had horrible diet advice but I needed to remember that the advice was coming from a place of love. My Mom had seen how hard it was for my Aunt growing up and she didn't want me going through that. While it was difficult to hear this, it allowed me to forgive my Mom & myself and move forward. It has allowed me to quiet that inner voice and stop beating myself up for every little thing that I perceive that isn't perfect.

Losing the weight is easy, I have done it at least 10 times. Keeping it off was the hard part. By doing the "head work" I am able to identify my triggers for comfort food and do something different like walk the dog, knit to keep my hands occupied while watching a movie with the hubby and chose healthier versions like cukes when I want something crunchy. Also I allow myself to eat a craving if I really want it. 4 Doves milk chocolate squares have a certain melt in your mouth texture that I love. Other brands of chocolate aren't the same. Every day, every meal, every bite is a choice you make. They all won't be the healthiest but I make sure if I am going to waste valuable stomach space on a food, that it is worth it. My husband laughs when I spit something into a napkin because to me it isn't flavorful enough or it doesn't have the right mouthfeel - this was when I was craving vanilla bean ice cream and nothing was right. When I talk to my surgeon, he told me to have the real stuff - just limit how much. Sure enough it only took one small scoop and then I didn't touch it again.

Sorry for the rambling but I hope this helps

[JessLess 1,163]

My psychiatrist thought it was a fantastic idea. He said he has recommended it to patients before. He also saw me lose 80 lbs. on diet pills and then regain most of it before I decided to have surgery.

I'm seeing a new therapist on Friday, so we'll find out!

[orange_lily 69]

3 hours ago, Sammi_Katt said:

NSVs are a huge thing for us, and she tries to make me find one a week to tell her, especially if I was having a bad week. I can always find something, though, so I know something's working, and it's been really helping with my body image because, hey, I *am* making changes, even if my brain doesn't want to accept it sometimes.

I like this! Kinda like gratitude journaling - challenging yourself to find something that is good even when it feels like everything sucks!

Congrats on your progress, complications and all! ❤️

[orange_lily 69]

3 hours ago, SueSaBelle said:

At my initial surgical consultation, the surgeon told me that after you gain 50 or more pounds, your body won't let you successfully lose weight without resetting your hormones.

I so relate to this! When I first started seeing a psychiatrist, endocrinologist, and spine specialist and realized that almost every single thing I hate about myself has a medical component... I wasn't just fat and lazy and all the other things I had been told and told myself. What a powerful moment!!

3 hours ago, SueSaBelle said:

She said that my Mom had horrible diet advice but I needed to remember that the advice was coming from a place of love.

Inspiration from a strange place, but there is a Savage Garden song that says "I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do". My mom is still emotionally unhealthy for me, but I have come to believe that they harmful things she did to me were not malicious and not because I wasn't a worthy or good kid. When I was complaining to a previous therapist about how my mom always tried to buy me things or send my money when I just wanted her to accept me, my therapist said "Maybe that is the only love she knows how to give."

3 hours ago, SueSaBelle said:

Every day, every meal, every bite is a choice you make.

Love this!

3 hours ago, SueSaBelle said:

Sorry for the rambling but I hope this helps

I loved your rambling! Thank you for sharing! ❤️

[orange_lily 69]

15 minutes ago, JessLess said:

My psychiatrist thought it was a fantastic idea. He said he has recommended it to patients before. He also saw me lose 80 lbs. on diet pills and then regain most of it before I decided to have surgery.

I'm seeing a new therapist on Friday, so we'll find out!

I hope your appointment is good! Come back and tell us if they tell you anything wonderful!

[Foxbins 625]

4 hours ago, SueSaBelle said:

They all won't be the healthiest but I make sure if I am going to waste valuable stomach space on a food, that it is worth it. My husband laughs when I spit something into a napkin because to me it isn't flavorful enough or it doesn't have the right mouthfeel.

This. There is a lot of crappy food in the world and sometimes it looks very appetizing, but if it's not what I'm wanting, why should I eat it? A lot of the time the question I ask is "Is this worth the calories?" Sometimes it is, but lots of times it's not. (Fancy French pastries, looking at you. Very pretty but often soggy and overwhelmingly sweet.)

[orange_lily 69]

@Foxbins- Agreed!!

I like to use the budgeting tip -- if you want something, wait X number of days, and if it is still worth the (monetary or caloric) cost, then have it. Usually during that time, the urge passes!

[New&Improved 1,780]

If you want to change something do it nobody else can do it for you.

Take responsibility for yourself and your choices.

You can do it if you put your mind to it.

Weight loss is 90% mental

[Sassafras1 63]

Great thread!

Mine is Every decision we make is a towards move or an away move. We need to make sure most of the moves we make are taking us towards what we want and not away from it.

"Towards moves" and "Away moves"

I've found this very helpful, it's almost a mantra for me now.

[orange_lily 69]

@Sassafras1 I really like that!

[GreenTealael 25,430]

On 8/5/2020 at 2:22 PM, orange_lily said:

What is the best feedback your therapist ever gave you?

Join an online WLS forum ♥️

[orange_lily 69]

4 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

Join an online WLS forum ♥️

We all benefited from this one! I am so glad you are here!! ❤️

[GreenTealael 25,430]

9 minutes ago, orange_lily said:

We all benefited from this one! I am so glad you are here!! ❤️

Crying now