How do you deal? It's so hard..

[BoredFatGirl 134]

How do you deal with those close around you still eating the way you used to? My husband was frying up some meatballs and I was in tears contemplating actually trying to eat one (and I am just 3 days post-op). I ended up freaking out on him for even making them - brought up the 10 hotdogs he ate next to me the past two days and 4 sandwiches he had as a snack while we were in bed last night.. I mean, I am just so upset with him. I wanted him to be supportive and he just thought that meant he should run for me..

How do you deal?

[rjan 164]

Right now you're making me feel kind of lucky that I had my surgery mid-March in Mexico, and quarantined at a AirBNB away from my husband during that really tough post-surgery time when you're in the middle of a realllly big adjustment.

Wait - are you saying he had 4 sandwiches as a snack at one sitting? Does that mean he has his own weight issues as well? Or is he one of those types who can pack it away, no problem?

[BoredFatGirl 134]

The man has a phobia of veggies and fruits (not joking), chugs 2 liters of coke daily, and puts down more food than I can imagine and is still a slim guy. Its infuriating!

Edited June 11, 2020 by BoredFatGirl

[colormehappy 124]

Is it possible to ask him to eat away from you right now? I’d consider doing it too, but I also have young kids and it doesn’t seem fair to do that to them. Does he realize how much it’s affecting you? I think there’s a misconception that you get surgery and just quit being hungry and craving food. Maybe he’s clueless.

[breavsg 90]

Honestly the first few weeks are horrible in that regard. I had to shut the door any time my husband cooked because my mouth would Water. Now, 5+ months later, it really doesn't bother me anymore, I think it may be "head hunger". Stay strong, I promise it will get better, especially when you are able to eat purees and solids. Best of luck [emoji3531]

Sent from my Alcatel_5008R using BariatricPal mobile app

[rjan 164]

34 minutes ago, BoredFatGirl said:

The man has a phobia of veggies and fruits (not joking), chugs 2 liters of coke daily, and puts down more food than I can imagine and is still a slim guy. Its infuriating!

People like that are definitely infuriating sometimes for those of us who have the opposite problem.

I agree with colormehappy - I think you're better off asking him to help you by eating/cooking his food away from you. That's a very reasonable request. If he doesn't have a weight problem, it's going to be almost impossible to get him to change his diet, and he's going to have a harder time understanding what you're going through. But surely he could at least not eat sandwiches in bed for you. 😂 Hopefully you're not in a tiny apartment like I am.

[Deemar007 244]

I'm sorry you're going through this. What my husband eats means nothing to me. I do my own thing. He can eat what I fix, which he does, anything extra, I don't really care.

[Teres36 49]

I’m a little over two weeks out from my sleeve and have been cooking dinner for my husband, elderly mom and aunt for this week. It hasn’t bothered me what they eat because I fix my food to eat at the same time. I try to focus on how much healthier I will be and the weight loss instead of the what I can’t have. My family has been very supportive. I hope it gets better for you!

[ms.sss 15,609]

I'm leaning towards @Deemar007's response.

It will be more beneficial for you now and in the long run to take on the weight loss journey yourself, vs. relying on others to adjust their habits to accommodate your chosen lifestyle. If you can succeed without the need for others to change, your successes will be in YOUR control, and theoretically be longer lasting.

I know this is easier said than done. Especially since you are only 3 days post op. The first week or so is the hardest. If you can, take the time and make the effort to sustain lasting change, you WILL NOT regret it.

P.S. Though I do also agree with the other poster that it wouldn't hurt to ask him not to bring sandwiches to bed. He can chose to decline your request, but I would think it's a fair request...I mean, even just from a hygiene and bug potentiality perspective...

Good Luck!

[NovaLuna 710]

I did a pre-diet prior to my surgery and everyone was still eating junk while I was eating healthier so I guess I just mentally prepared myself or something. My family frequently eats junk food like donuts, Cookies, cake, pie, chips, fast food, etc. All things that I used to love and while yes, I do miss the food and think it looks and smells delicious, I haven't cheated or really even felt the need to cheat. Probably because if I start to feel tempted I immediately ask myself "Would it be worth it?" and the answer is always no. It also helps to focus on your weight loss and your future weight loss because you won't reach your goal by cheating. But yes, it can be frustrating when you're on a weight loss journey and everyone around you is eating the foods you used to love but can't indulge in anymore. On the bright side though I'm now the same size as my mom (and my sister prior to her current pregnancy). Hilariously we went clothes shopping for shirts because while I'm fine borrowing her pants, I don't like short sleeve ANYTHING and that's the main basis of her wardrobe due to her hot flashes, and the entire time she kept pointing out clothing SHE liked because, and I quote, "When they get too big for you, I can always wear them" lol. I settled on buying five 3/4 length sleeve tops. Only two of which she has claimed she wants when I can't wear them anymore! x'D

[New&Improved 1,780]

Another selfish insensitive male making us all look bad... He may be skinny but his body inside will be suffering from all the junk food...

The least he could do is eat in a different room..

[mcfluffington 179]

Try logging your calories on an app when you start eating again. This will help keep you on track.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I went through it with my Mom and had a significant weight regain.

Luckily I could move out of her house to shield me from her bad food choices.

[BoredFatGirl 134]

We live in a tiny apartment for the two of us. My office is located in the living room, which is connected to the dining room and kitchen. I smell everything. It would be a hard task for him to cook while I am not near.

I also acknowledge the fact that it's simply not fair to him that he has to go through what I am going through. I had hoped he would be a bit more sensitive to what I am dealing with, but as many have said, this is something I need to get through on my own.

He and I have both talked in a calmer matter now, though. There won't be anymore snacking in our bedroom. For the rest of these two weeks, he will eat more of the 'quick things' we have in the house (sandwiches, etc) instead of cooking or he can grab fast food and eat in his car.

I still wish that I could have ignored it altogether. I had got so emotional over the smell of fried food and it makes me really feel disgusting. I thought I was doing great until yesterday when I lost my **** over it.

[ms.sss 15,609]

15 minutes ago, BoredFatGirl said:

I still wish that I could have ignored it altogether. I had got so emotional over the smell of fried food and it makes me really feel disgusting. I thought I was doing great until yesterday when I lost my **** over it.

Be kind to yourself ❤️, you just had major surgery. Yeah you lost your sh*t, but you had the ability to get it together eventually and had an honest and constructive conversation with your husband, AND come up with a mutually acceptable plan. That's a win in my book.

P.S. It does get better, if you let it. Go Girl! ❤️

[California Guy 131]

I'm on the puree diet right now. I hope you stay strong and take it day by day. Each Post OP day was way better than the last.

During my first week post OP I've taken my family to fast food restaurants and sit with them drinking Water while they eat. I've cooked dinner or baked Cookies or bread which I was not going to eat. For me, I am so sure I will follow the nutrition plan, it isn't tempting at all. They feel bad eating in front of me but I tell them it honestly isn't an issue.

I did this twice, once for the sleeve, then once for the revision to DS. Something that made it even easier this year is that I dieted for 5 months prior to my surgery. I dropped all sugary foods, fried foods, and sugary beverages. Another thing that helps me is having a finite list of things I am allowed to eat. If I see or smell something else, I just say that's not one of the 10 things I plan to eat during this phase.

I understand the position you are in now craving things you may have had recently but knowing if you eat them you could put your health at risk. There is definitely a need to set boundaries with your spouse regarding where he eats since this is troubling you.