Question for the husbands

[thewifehere 1]

Anyone here's personality change (for the better) after WLS? Been with my H for 13 years and in that time he gained over 100lbs, developed a drinking problem which he's quit now, became much more pessimistic about life and overall seems depressed and isn't fun to be around even though he has a beautiful family, a wife that takes care of herself, and he is financially successful. We are as close to getting a divorce as possible without the signed papers. He thinks WLS will fix a lot of this. Similar experience here anyone?

[Paul Bahr 73]

There's a real possibility that he has depression over his state and where it's gotten. WLS might help but it likely won't fix all of his problems. Best advice would be to seek counseling just in case the weight loss surgery isn't as successful as he's hoping.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,935]

19 minutes ago, thewifehere said:

Anyone here's personality change (for the better) after WLS? Been with my H for 13 years and in that time he gained over 100lbs, developed a drinking problem which he's quit now, became much more pessimistic about life and overall seems depressed and isn't fun to be around even though he has a beautiful family, a wife that takes care of herself, and he is financially successful. We are as close to getting a divorce as possible without the signed papers. He thinks WLS will fix a lot of this. Similar experience here anyone?

Not a guy.... but one thing i can say is WLS won't make things better..... The WLS community has a very high divorce rate. I thought my marriage was strong enough to handle it, but i was wrong. He had controlled my life so much that i thought they way i lived was the way most people did. After WLS and i regained my confidence... i started to see things. Anyway, we divorced after 26 years.

[WInston223322 160]

Ok I am jumping in on this From a differnt angle

NO WLS will not fix a abuser of food and alcohol! Most likely will make it worse

My Male Ass Story!

There is no doubt i went thru some rough times with this, To put it bluntly was a complete Prick! Moody grumpy and all out miserable! Until i got my head on straight. This is a huge issue with both males and females, the extreme changes our bodies go thru make is different. So this tool will never fix those issues

I am not married but very close physically and mentally to my x wife. She saw the changes and it got ugly again. I have a few other friends with privileges and they noticed it also. Even my Male friends said WTF! I am 52 and ended up in a Lake side bar brawl with a bunch of 21 year old. Temper was short and they did cross the line, But I would have never even let it bother me pre WLS.

Lucky for me i crashed and got help getting my stuff together. I am fine now but it took some time, back to the old person i was.

I did not get divorced from WLS i have been divorced a long time. I suggest you get his closest friend or brother to talk to him Man to Man. In other words Man up or you will loose a lot around you. Then get him a Head Doc that specializes in Divorce saving and behavior Changes.

Anything can be fixed! Just may not be easy. But i fully understand Hard to Break a ALpha Male Complex

Edited April 29, 2020 by WInston223322

[catwoman7 11,231]

some relationships get better; some get worse. Mine actually got better - my husband has never had a weight problem and is really active, and at almost 400 lbs, I couldn't keep up with him. Now I can! If anything, it's made our relationship stronger. But a good friend of mine who had WLS ended up getting divorced. But she admits the marriage wasn't great even before WLS. Losing the weight gave her the confidence to leave the marriage. SO....in other words, it depends. But if your marriage is kind of "iffy" in the first place, there is a chance that it could get worse. Not to say it will, but there's a risk... Like others have said, the divorce rate of people who've had WLS is higher than that of the general population.

[JRT Mom 919]

WLS is a lot like having children...if your relationship is strong both can enhance it, but if there are cracks in it, it might make it worse. If the WLS improves the way he sees itself it could help with his depression, but since he's given up drinking and gained 100 pounds it's likely that he has used food as a coping mechanism, so if he can't use food anymore, it might be tough for him.

I agree with everyone that counseling might help him (and you) in a big way.

Good luck to both of you.

[CalGuy64 66]

Losing over 100 pounds can change your personality quite a bit. I've become much more aggressive.

[New&Improved 1,780]

I don't have a wife but I can talk to mental health.

I've successfully lost 150lbs+ and finally for the first time I like what I see in the mirror so yes it has changed my mental health and slowly gaining confidence.