Musings 18 months post op

[notmyname 593]

So, I guess since I hit 18 months post-op, I'm a vet. I've been thinking a lot about the surgery over the last few weeks. And since I'm stuck at home and don't really have anyone to talk this out with, I'm just going to put it here. I don't really think I have a question, just want to get it all out of my head.

I really don't know how I feel about my surgery 18 months out. I had a ROUGH first 14 months or so after surgery. Well, I actually had a super time easy through month three, then I got really, really sick. Couldn't eat anything other than stuff that was basically yogurt consistency (after easily moving through the stages of food and eating shrimp/veg for dinner most nights). And the doc couldn't figure it out. To get more than about 300-400 cals a day, I had to mainline milk (protein shakes also made me violently ill, even though I'd tolerated them well the first few months). Anytime I ate anything moderately like food, I got an incredible pain in my abdomen. I remember at one point about 4 months after surgery being in so much pain I was in the fetal position sobbing on the phone to my surgeon's office begging for help). So I lost steadily, but felt like death on a stick because I was always in pain and wasn't getting enough nutrition. After about a year, I suddenly started feeling a bit better, but still couldn't eat most veggies or starches. I plateaued because I was suddenly able to eat more like 800 calories/day (doc/NUT rec at that point was more like 1000-1200).

Then a couple months ago, I started to get to where I can eat most things (raw veg and some of the tougher veggies still hard) and I'm hungry all the time. I am SO grateful that I feel better, but I gained like 15 lbs in a month. I've been steady at that for a bit, but would really like to not be where I am. I feel like I eat healthy foods, and, frankly, I'm still not at that high a cal intake according to my NUT (1200-1500 give or take, she says most folks at my stage could be up more like 1800), but I just can't seem to lose,. Healthy BMI would be just under 170. I had gotten down to 183 (sustained - I got down to 179 for one day, but I don't really count that). I was fairly happy there. Ideally, I'd be in the 170s, I'd be happy in the 180s. The 190s is making me panicky. It kind of makes me sad that I'm still over 25# overweight eating roughly 1200-1500 cals. Would love to be about 15 lbs lighter (still overweight, but I feel OK at that weight). And, frankly, I am really afraid of regain - and I'm just not sure I can eat fewer cals. And I'm hungry a lot (legit stomach hunger, not brain hunger). I'm pretty good about what I eat (I keep a fruit/veg/healthy Protein bowl near my work station to snack on. Eat protein/veg for B/L/D). Heck, since I'm home I really don't have much unhealthy stuff to eat. I suppose if I stabilize where I am, it is still better than where I was. But, frankly, if I gain much more I'm not sure that the cost/benefit is really worth it for me. So, that's where I am 18 months out from surgery.

Not really looking for advice, just wanted to get my musings out there. Thanks!

Edited to add - I'd started a C25K before this whole pandemic thing and got to the beginning of week 5. But now I've had to stop because I can't run with a mask on and, frankly, even if I could there are too many people out in my neighborhood to make social distancing possible/safe. I wonder where I'll have to restart when this is all over.

Edited April 29, 2020 by notmyname

[catwoman7 11,220]

1200-1500 is maintenance level for a lot of people, but at your height and weight, I'd be a little surprised if your maintenance level is that low. But then I don't know your metabolic rate, etc....so who knows. It's possible that IS your maintenance level. Are you weighing/measuring your food and tracking your intake so that you know your calorie level for sure? If you've been eyeballing it, I'd go back to weighing/measuring for awhile to make sure your portions are what you're thinking they are. And I STILL track everything I eat, even at almost five years out. It's so easy to forget what you've eaten and consume more calories over the course of a day than you think you've eaten. I would start really paying attention to what I'm eating if you're not already doing so just to make sure.

[notmyname 593]

Thanks. I weigh and track every bite. I've done that for years, so it is habit by now. The thing I'm concerned about most is that at 1200-1500, I will slowly gain. My history is that I stay at a weight for a while, then I gain a little, then stay. I guess its my old mindset/worry creeping in.