Spanking

[gadgetlady 4]

As a victim of abuse, I have vowed enver to spank my children. The reason is I don't think I can accurately tell the line between discipline and abuse, in regards to physical discipline.

Kudos to you for knowing your limits!

[transformer 1]

I like being spanked...:faint:

OOPs--must have the wrong thread! Just kidding! :guess

[Telecia 1]

I think the lawmakers need to stay out of our homes period unless something warrents attention like signs of abuse. If we keep allowing all these laws to take away our own decision making processes then eventually we will have no RIGHTS at all.

I gotta admit I do believe in spanking as long as its NOT abuse. But it should be as a last resort or in response to something that seriously threatens the childs safety.

When mine were little we didn't bother with a swat on the butt, diapers and all. But I found a smack on the hand was often the best way to prevent a child from reaching at something dangerous.

I also have found some really interesting methods over the years to punish the kids. Like jogging in the corner for 5 min and if they mouthed off adding another minute for each offense. Or just standing in the corner and adding jogging if they mouthed off. I think the MOST any of my 3 kids ever got was 9 minutes tops. My oldest would really carry on in anger for a while when he would get punished. There was no reasoning with him. And helped burn off the anger. Then after we could talk about it easier.

But NO dicipline to kids can also be just as bad.

My step mom rarely disiplined my brothers once her and dad split. And it has haunted her for the rest of her life. Her oldest (My brother is 4 years younger then me. the other 6 years) Had a ton of problems was rebelious and downright violent, drug user, alcholic and stole her blind, etc. and by the age of 14 had her living in total terror. He was even put in foster care for parental abuse at one point.

Watching what my step mom went through in the years before I started having kids made me decide I was not gonna let that happen to me.

But being abused myself as a child I didn't want that to happen to them either. So we settled on spanking only in very serious cases or as a last resort.

And thankfully I haven't had to do it often.

I actually had to have a all out fight with my oldest once. Only once. Which I regret in some ways simply because it happend. But also he got physical and had to learn I was NOT gonna tollerate it.

He actually came to me a few days later and was like "Wow mom I'm sorry I hit you. I never dreamed you'd hit me back!!" and laughing then he told me he'd send his friends home to get their asses kicked when they needed it. He grew up allot then (he was 17 at the time and no one had any marks afterward). And told me he appreciated it that I had always tried to avoid spanking him if I could.

Now he's on his 3rd year of being out on his own and still calls home several times a week, is always calling, IM'ing etc. for bits of advice and just to chat. And working on getting a job closer to home so he can spend more time with us. I'm rather proud of him :girl_hug:

Atm he is gotta nasty cold and calling home ALLOT! lol.

Sorry to ramble but I guess what I mean is every situation is different. And each child is different. And it should be left up to the parent/family to figure out what's best for our kids and not someone else who doesn't know them or care for them the way a parent does.

As for real abusers I have some mixed feelings here. Sometimes I think a jail term is just to tame for some of these sick people. Yet putting them to death isn't a true punishment either. ( I see death sentances as a cop out out of sorts).

And it's infuriating to know that many real abusers are out there that don't get caught till its to late for the child.

[NanaRenan 0]

My first got few spankings, because she was a little social butterfly and just hinting at restricting her got excellent compliance.

But her brother was a total homebody, so that didn't work with him. Add to that the fact that by 10.5 y/o he was several inches taller than me....spankings weren't very effective either! With him, I doled out chores. Every time he'd get in trouble he'd get a chore. And every time he mouthed off about having gotten a chore, he'd get another one.....

"Fold the towels and put them away."

ya ya ya

"And then empty the dishwasher and put away the dishes."

blah blah blah

"And when you're done with that, move the refrigerator and mop underneath it."

BLAHty, BLAH BLAAAAAAH.

"And after that, scrub the toilets."

The chores got exponentially difficult and disgusting the longer it took him to just SHUT HIS MOUTH.

It took him a while to figure out that he would have to back down because I wouldn't. For about 3 months, I had the cleanest house on the block!!! LOL

[Telecia 1]

I doled out chores. Every time he'd get in trouble he'd get a chore. And every time he mouthed off about having gotten a chore, he'd get another one.....

"Fold the towels and put them away."

ya ya ya

"And then empty the dishwasher and put away the dishes."

blah blah blah

"And when you're done with that, move the refrigerator and mop underneath it."

BLAHty, BLAH BLAAAAAAH.

"And after that, scrub the toilets."

The chores got exponentially difficult and disgusting the longer it took him to just SHUT HIS MOUTH.

It took him a while to figure out that he would have to back down because I wouldn't. For about 3 months, I had the cleanest house on the block!!! LOL

LOL love that idea. I normally use chores for when they get in trouble at school. my oldest used to constantly get detentions etc for mouthing off to his computer teacher. The computer teacher was about 10 years outta date and of course my teenage son was totally up to date with ALL things computer related. So anytime he would *correct* his teacher he got detention and I got household chores I hated doing done. My favorite one is floors and they can't use a mob. Nope good old fashioned scrubbrush and sponge and bucket!! lol

Now that he h as moved out its my daughters turn shes really bad sometimes about being late getting home by half and hour to an hour sometimes. Maybe I should add a new chore every 15 minutes late.

*Ponders*

[Serena 0]

It really saddens me that such a large percentage of you feel that it is perfectly okay to hit someone smaller and less powerful than you. Most parents teach their child not to hit another child, yet how can the child learn that lesson from a parent that hits?

I was a social worker for Children's Services for three years and it totally demoralized me. I believe that an adult hits a child in anger because it makes them feel better. Any other rationale is merely a delusion of the unimaginative.

[gadgetlady 4]

I believe that an adult hits a child in anger because it makes them feel better.

It IS possible to discipline (spank) a child when one is not angry. Hitting in anger isn't discipline; it's out of control and it's not OK. If spanking a child will curtail discipline-worthy behavior, it is, IMO, wrong NOT to do it.

[steph_co 9]

It really saddens me that such a large percentage of you feel that it is perfectly okay to hit someone smaller and less powerful than you. Most parents teach their child not to hit another child, yet how can the child learn that lesson from a parent that hits?

I was a social worker for Children's Services for three years and it totally demoralized me. I believe that an adult hits a child in anger because it makes them feel better. Any other rationale is merely a delusion of the unimaginative.

:clap2:

I can't comprehend hitting somebody just to hit them (those in the camp of, "I never do it when I'm angry"). And I don't care if you think spanking on the butt with your hand is not hitting - IT IS.

hit /hɪt/Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[hit]Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciationverb, hit, hit·ting, noun

–verb (used with object) 1.to deal a blow or stroke to

Sounds like to me you are HITTING their butt. Hence, you are hitting a child. The nospank.net website I posted before gave me the most compelling reasons to not do it to my own children.

[steph_co 9]

I missed putting my point in. The point is, you are teaching your child that using PAIN is an effective way to get others to do what you want.

[gadgetlady 4]

The purpose is to create a sting, to associate the bad behavior with pain so that the behavior doesn't happen again. If your child touches a hot stove and gets burnt, he won't do it again because he'll remember the pain. If he lies (or any number of other undesirable behaviors), there is no immediate and physically memorable repercussion, so it is up to the parent to create an immediate and memorable incident to curtail the future behavior. In an older child, extra chores or a stern lecture may work; in a younger child, a lecture will generally not do the trick. Removing a privilege may work, but then again it may not. Every child is different.

If your child has a habit of running out of the house and into the busy street, you'd better come up with a discipline that's quick, effective, and memorable before he gets killed.

[gadgetlady 4]

I missed putting my point in. The point is, you are teaching your child that using PAIN is an effective way to get others to do what you want.

LOL! Isn't that what the band is doing for you (I'm assuming you're already banded)? Don't you find that the pain of overeating and PB'ing assists you in retraining your body not to do that which is unhealthy for you?

[steph_co 9]

I'm of the Love & Logic camp. Love and Logic - Helping Parents and Teachers Raise Responsible Kids Strategies that you can use even when they are babies so that by the time they get older, they DO listen. I've seen it work wonders with my step-kids. We'll see how it works with my OWN from birth onwards, but I've heard nothing but good things from people who use it and have seen firsthand people IRL that use it and their kids are amazing. I don't believe in teaching kids violence.

[steph_co 9]

LOL! Isn't that what the band is doing for you (I'm assuming you're already banded)? Don't you find that the pain of overeating and PB'ing assists you in retraining your body not to do that which is unhealthy for you?

I'm only just past two weeks banded. I have not PB'd. No fill yet. But I am not forcing MY will on OTHER people. I am forcing will on myself. We choose to control when we fail to inspire.

[Serena 0]

Because there are numerous cruelty-free ways to curtail problem behavior, it is, IMO, WRONG to spank.

[gadgetlady 4]

I'm only just past two weeks banded. I have not PB'd. No fill yet. But I am not forcing MY will on OTHER people. I am forcing will on myself. We choose to control when we fail to inspire.

LOL again! As parents, we force our wills on our children in innumerable ways -- not to control them, but to train them and make them better people. As a parent, it is your JOB to train your children to understand right from wrong, and that there are consequences for bad behavior.

You have acknowledged, by getting banded, that pain is a motivator for you. Why would it not be a motivator for your kids? I'm not advocating whacking your kids around daily if they don't behave like robots. I'm simply saying that for some parents and some kids, the fear of a painful swat is the only thing that will motivate that particular child to relearn bad behaviors.