Spanking

[nayray13 0]

my mom whipped and spanked...there is a difference...she used her hand, fly swat, and switch to spank...and used the belt to whip...(if it was the switch, we always had to go pick it and bring it to her, longest walk , ever!) the punishment was never immediate (she explained later when we were older) because she never wanted to be mad when we got a whipping...she always cooled off first...and i did live in MS and now TN, so always, the bible belt...i don't feel like i suffered any child abuse whatsoever...i respected my mom and still do. i always felt that my mom had rules and boundaries because she loved me...and my whippings were few and far between...she was consistent with punishment...and only gave it when needed...but i also think that most, not all, kids i see out in public screaming and kicking throwing their temper tantrums, and i am not talking about babies....and teens disrespecting adults, etc., come from 2 things...no spankings or even fear of whippings..and/or that usually both parents are having to work now to survive and so they don't get to spend as much time with their kids so they don't want to be the bad guy and punish the kids or they are too tired to do it...this comes from personal observation with my friends and family that have to work...not saying it is everone...but i do not and will never support gov't telling me how to raise my kids...if they are being abused, that is already illegal, and those people will find a way to abuse their kids whether they ban spanking or not...sorry so long but personal topic... my mom was abused as a child, physically and mentally... there is a huge difference in whippings, and abuse...this subject always reminds me of Bucky Covington's song, A Different World...it descibes how i grew up...and i guess i asscoiate better days with back then and me and all my friends got whippin's...

[green 6]

my mom whipped and spanked...there is a difference...she used her hand, fly swat, and switch to spank...and used the belt to whip...(if it was the switch, we always had to go pick it and bring it to her, longest walk , ever!) the punishment was never immediate (she explained later when we were older) because she never wanted to be mad when we got a whipping...she always cooled off first...and i did live in MS and now TN, so always, the bible belt...i don't feel like i suffered any child abuse whatsoever...i respected my mom and still do. i always felt that my mom had rules and boundaries because she loved me...and my whippings were few and far between...she was consistent with punishment...and only gave it when needed...but i also think that most, not all, kids i see out in public screaming and kicking throwing their temper tantrums, and i am not talking about babies....and teens disrespecting adults, etc., come from 2 things...no spankings or even fear of whippings..and/or that usually both parents are having to work now to survive and so they don't get to spend as much time with their kids so they don't want to be the bad guy and punish the kids or they are too tired to do it...this comes from personal observation with my friends and family that have to work...not saying it is everone...but i do not and will never support gov't telling me how to raise my kids...if they are being abused, that is already illegal, and those people will find a way to abuse their kids whether they ban spanking or not...sorry so long but personal topic... my mom was abused as a child, physically and mentally... there is a huge difference in whippings, and abuse...this subject always reminds me of Bucky Covington's song, A Different World...it descibes how i grew up...and i guess i asscoiate better days with back then and me and all my friends got whippin's...

One of the nicest things about becoming an adult is that you can turn around and dish out to your parents what they handed out to you.

[kimaly 57]

A good spanking never hurt anyone!!! But when a parent disciplines a child they should NEVER lose control!!! Discipline and child abuse are two completely different things.

I agree and look whats happened to young people today not all but a lot of them have no respect and i really don't think they even know the meaning of it. when i see horrible spoiled children in public i really want to knock some since into the parent and i feel sorry for the kids because they're getting off to the wrong start in life and i can't see it gatting any better. and i beleave alot of it is lazyness on the parents part it's alot harder to say no and stand by it then it is just to give in.

[smsmithart 4]

im not for abuse but my child will get a spanking after i have warned him several times ...

i think im a parent that dotes on her child and i feel my generation of mothers like to see and hear their children ..i wanted my son and i enjoy him even when hes acting out in public ...i think my mother and grandmother just had kid because that what u did when u got married and they were seen and not heard and sometimes harshly spanked..i can tell when im around my grandmother and she like why does your son need so much attention and i say why not?hes the most important thing in the world to me ...anyways its not lazyness on the parents you see sometimes i think we just dont sweat the little things ..if my son wants to eat Cookies before dinner and jump on his bed so what...hel look back and say i had a great childhood

[joeyramonesgirl 0]

I agree, all it ever did for me was make me afraid of my dad when I was a kid. What a waste. I just don't see the logic in hitting as a method of solving a problem. Why set an example like that?

True. When I was little I got spanked by my dad via hand and belt. He usually did it without warning. There was this one time (I was 13 at the time) I came in with one of my cousins and he spanked me because I forgot to roll up the garden hose to fill up my pool. Without warning, he spanked and I asked why, and he said "you know why." My mother told me later why he did it.

Now since I'm older, I'm always afraid when he raises his voice because I'm scared he is going to stride over and give me a hard slap on the bum. I don't believe in spanking children; not because "I'm bigger, you're smaller" type of thing, but because some people can't do it without anger on their minds. Just my two cents!

[Nanook 2]

There was an interesting article in the 9/16th issue of Womans Day Magazine this month called "It's a wonderful life, 17 breakthroughs that have changed our lives".

In it they picked the biggest of the last 30 years and this is one that was listed that I found related to this thread on spanking.

PARENTING time-outs

What do you do when your child has a meltdown in the supermarket? One of the major breakthroughs in parenting has been the use of the time-out, which helps many moms and dads who might otherwise resort to sterner punishment. "The time-out has earned it's place as the most widely recommended discipline technique," says Robert Needlman, MD, coauthor of Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care: 8th Edition. "It works well to reduce unacceptable behaviors without the negative side effects of earlier punishments like spanking. Kids can learn to control themselves without suffering the pain, fear or anger that goes with hitting".

[Kat817 19]

...anyways its not lazyness on the parents you see sometimes i think we just dont sweat the little things ..if my son wants to eat Cookies before dinner and jump on his bed so what...hel look back and say i had a great childhood

This is much my son and DIL's attitude with my grandson, and that is all fine and good. Our problem comes in when he is in MY house---I do not want him jumping on the couch or the bed, or eating on them, and he is allowed to do so at home. They refuse to teach him that there are different rules at different places. When I correct him my DIL gets mad. I do not spank my grandkids at all! But if she won't make him abide by my rules, which are not strict rules, simple ones----how should I handle it???

I spoil the grandkids rotten!!! They have an entire cupboard full of things they know they can have. They also have a kiddie table right near there, for eating----but my DIL just lets him go wild, lets him open 3,4,even 5 things, not eat any of it, drag it to the LR----no rules!

He may be able to look back and say he had a good childhood----but he may also look back and wonder why none of his friends were allowed to invite him over, or why he didn't get to spend the night at Granny's like the other kids......

Everywhere a child goes, preschool, school, boys & girls clubs, boy scouts, etc. there are rules. If they do not abide by the rules they are not welcome. Teaching a child that there are different rules for different places, including Granny's house, is not going to hurt them, nor ruin their childhood.

I am not saying you smsmithart do this, but my DIL does, and she always says the same thing to me---that she always felt she had too many rules growing up, and she wants him to grow up being happy.

Sadly----he is still very young, and people cringe when they see him coming, he is a true wild child!

Still love him to pieces!!!

Kat

[gadgetlady 4]

True. When I was little I got spanked by my dad via hand and belt. He usually did it without warning. There was this one time (I was 13 at the time) I came in with one of my cousins and he spanked me because I forgot to roll up the garden hose to fill up my pool. Without warning, he spanked and I asked why, and he said "you know why." My mother told me later why he did it.

Now since I'm older, I'm always afraid when he raises his voice because I'm scared he is going to stride over and give me a hard slap on the bum. I don't believe in spanking children; not because "I'm bigger, you're smaller" type of thing, but because some people can't do it without anger on their minds. Just my two cents!

It's sad that your dad misused what can be an effective disciplinary tool. Using a belt on a child isn't acceptable, IMO, nor is not making sure the child knows in advance what the parameters are for which types of discipline, and what infraction caused the spanking to occur. Doing what he did -- spanking without warning and not telling you the reason is the classic example of spanking in anger.

[smsmithart 4]

yeah he has rules for grandmas house and his dads house ...and he eats his Cookies before dinner at the table at home and never takes food to our living room...i understand what you saying...

[neveragain 9]

Okay, seriously, I got spanked as a kid. Wah. As long as the kid doesn't actually get injured, there's nothing wrong with it. DONE.

[Minxz 0]

Different forms of discipline work for different children and discipline is necessary to help children learn limits and repercussions. For my sister a spanking was an extremely effective deterrent. For me it was grounding me to my room with no books.

As long as the child was given proper warning, then is given to understand why they are being punished and the spanking is not excessive then I feel spanking is entirely appropriate.

[joeyramonesgirl 0]

It's sad that your dad misused what can be an effective disciplinary tool. Using a belt on a child isn't acceptable, IMO, nor is not making sure the child knows in advance what the parameters are for which types of discipline, and what infraction caused the spanking to occur. Doing what he did -- spanking without warning and not telling you the reason is the classic example of spanking in anger.

Yeah. He's a good father, but he grew up in a household where that was acceptable. I do love him, but I really am afraid of him at the same time. I think sometimes, parents want what's best for their children, but in my dad's case, he thought spanking was another form of loving your child. Meaning that he's keeping me away from harm and doesn't want me hurt. But how he spanked me was deplorable, but I forgive him.

[gadgetlady 4]

Yeah. He's a good father, but he grew up in a household where that was acceptable. I do love him, but I really am afraid of him at the same time. I think sometimes, parents want what's best for their children, but in my dad's case, he thought spanking was another form of loving your child. Meaning that he's keeping me away from harm and doesn't want me hurt. But how he spanked me was deplorable, but I forgive him.

I'm glad you've been able to forgive him. My dad grew up with a father who used a belt on the kids, among other incredibly unacceptable things (he tells the story of how my grandfather once chased my uncle with an ax -- I have no idea what he would have done had he caught him). I'm glad my dad was able to get past that and use spanking a bit more properly with my brothers and me, but he still yelled a lot and that was very hurtful. I like to think I've taken it a step further and have tried to be extremely calm when I discipline, never doing it in anger. I remember so very clearly how I would cower when my dad yelled, so I don't want to do that to my kids. My husband and I have a very measured approach to discipline, including making our girls aware of the punishments for different infractions, and having frank, open discussions with them about spanking and other forms of discipline; all disciplinary actions in our family are followed by discussion (sometimes after a period of time if the child's heart needs to soften first).

[gone 4 ever 6]

growing up my best freind was never spanked. When we was 13/14 she done something ( I was there) when they were talking to her she screamed "why don't you whoop me like Paula's parents whoop her?" Here I was jelous because she never got spanked and she felt like she wasn't loved because of it. My children got spankings. My oldest 2 also tried telling me that if I spanked them they would call D.H.R. My reply was here is the number, call, bye the time they would get out here they will have a reason to hall me away. of course they knew that they wasn't being abused and apologized for the threat. Sick people will abuse and harm children no matter what law is in effect. Innocent parents will be condemed for a plain spanking. Children already have a lot of control over their parents, they don't need more because of the government. I will remind everone that this is my PERSONAL OPINION.

[aubrie 6]

My sister chose not to spank or physically correct her children. She tried to "reason" with them even when they were 2 years old. In one ear and right out the other!!! The blank stares were priceless..... Needless to say, they felt like they got away with everything, and are the rudest, most impolite, unruly, misbehaved little hellions I've ever known. they have sour and surly dispositions. I've watched one of them HIT MY SISTER when they didn't approved of what she instructed them to do!! They interrupt her when she's on the phone, and when she doesn't drop the conversation and give them her full attention they've been known to hang up the phone. I cringe and grit my teeth, when all she says is" Now Melissa, you know that's not very nice. I know you can act better than that. What would be the proper thing to do? Should I put you in time out?" I just want to scream. Now that they are older, they are so rude no one wants to be around them. My feeling is that much of this could have been avoided with a good swat when they were little. In my opinion, my sister did them just as big an injustice without disciplining them as she would have if they had been emotionally abused. Their anti social behavior is NOT going to help them in life at all.