Spanking

[nina874 48]

If the guy spanked his son the first time he ran into the street and it didn't work, why do you think it should work the second time?

I hate the idea of parents being forcibly policed so as not to harm their children, but someone has to speak up for the children. This country has an unbelievable record of abusing and killing children. Maybe the pendulum is swinging too far in one direction, but it is for a very good reason.

There has been case after case where a foster parent or biological parent hit a child and after being investigated, the state decided that they were not a serious threat to the child. Only later after the child was horribly maimed and/or killed did the realization hit everyone that the child sure enough was in critical danger.

People should not believe that corporal punishment is okay. Too many people cannot control their anger. I don't think that beating dogs is all right either. Do you?

Where did I sat that he hit the child first time? The first time he just told him off, guess he should have just let the child run out and get maimed by a car then? He did not BEAT the child he smacked his backside ONCE.

You think that justifies him being arrested and kept from his wife and kids for months???????

[BJean 16]

Nowhere did I read that he spanked his child the first time he ran out into the street - I figured that was a given. If the guy normally spanks his child when he gets into a dangerous situation, one could assume he always does. Maybe the child ran out into the street the second time because he wasn't spanked the first time... is that your point? Nowhere did I read that he didn't spank his child the first time. Or did I miss that part? I admit that I sometimes scan postings too quickly.

No I don't think this guy was actually being punished for a short, swift, single, harmless (?) smack on the bottom of his little kid's butt to prevent him from doing it again. I think he's being punished for the sins of lots of other people who seriously abuse their children. That's what I meant by the swinging pendulum reference.

There will probably be numerous cases where there will be injustices relating to public intervention when some parents discipline their children with corporal punishment in public. There are undoubtedly more cases of horrendous child abuse that can be cited. Society is sick and tired of people abusing innocent children and torturing and killing the little defenseless children. That's why the pendulum is possibly swinging too far.

When people think that it is their right and their job to hit their kids, the pendulum can swing too far the other way too. Extreme, unfair cases are never what we are hoping for when we try to solve societal problems.

I do not believe in spanking. I believe that spanking is action taken when a parent or adult in charge of a child doesn't have the wherewithall to correct a child in a sensible and more intelligent fashion. I know that is extremely unpopular on this thread. I know there are cases here of kids who are crazed and completely unreasonable and out of control. But we are the adults. We are in charge. We're bigger. We're supposed to be smarter. It's not okay to hit kids.

If it's okay to hit out of control children, do you also think it's okay to hit a retarded person who is being irrational and out of control? What about old, senile people who don't understand that they can't just take a walk out of the institution they're living in? I'm afraid I don't understand the difference.

[green 6]

I believe that there is a difference between beatings and spankings. Though I do not know whether I would personally be comfortable, notionally speaking, with spanking a child or any other creature, I also know that I have given my cats a smack when they have lovingly sunk their teeth into my flesh. Now, smacking a cat is not a good way to train it (it only engenders fear in the animal) but my actions were always purely a knee-jerk response. Fortunately the animals were sufficiently comfortable of my goodwill that they easily got over it. There was never any sign of a neurotic aftermath.

In just such a way I can easily understand a terrified parent swatting a young child after the kid has broken a cardinal rule and has narrowly missed a major disaster. Under the new and Draconian legislation these parents can be and sometimes will be charged with child brutality.

I believe that children, just like my cats - creatures which rank far, far lower in the arena of intelligence and sensibility - are also able to easily differentiate between the reactive smack of a terrified but loving parent and the blunt brutality which arises from family dysfunction.

Beatings are wrong. Any display of brutality towards a child, be it physical or psychological, is wrong. A smack, well, that may well fall into another category.

And as for my street cred, well, here it is: my father was beaten as a child. We were never, ever physically touched but we were psychologically beaten. This was, I feel, much worse. It leaves the child confused as to the nature and the extent of his or her injuries.

[AUSSIECHIK 0]

as a new parent to a 10 month old now.. i couldnt imagine ever hittin him, but as he gets older his starting to chuck lil tantums and i can see that the naughty corner isnt always going to work, a lil spank i think is ok so he knows he dont have it over his parents as i see lots of kids in the shoppin centres chuckin tantrums and the parents not able to control them probably cause they havnt installed that 1, 2, 3 stage my father smakd me maybe once or twic and never got past counting to 3 when i was a kid he was the best dad but as kids if he got to counting 1 2 3 we knew he was gettin mad.. i think spanking and bashing r very diff and if u cant control ur temper on a 2 yr old u need to re asess ur self maybw do some classes on anger manegment..

[AlysonRR 0]

I do not believe in spanking. I believe that spanking is action taken when a parent or adult in charge of a child doesn't have the wherewithall to correct a child in a sensible and more intelligent fashion. I know that is extremely unpopular on this thread. I know there are cases here of kids who are crazed and completely unreasonable and out of control. But we are the adults. We are in charge. We're bigger. We're supposed to be smarter. It's not okay to hit kids.

If it's okay to hit out of control children, do you also think it's okay to hit a retarded person who is being irrational and out of control? What about old, senile people who don't understand that they can't just take a walk out of the institution they're living in? I'm afraid I don't understand the difference.

I totally agree. Well said!

[BJean 16]

green, I remember as a child wishing and hoping that my parents would just hit me instead of explaining, ad naseum, why my behavior was unacceptable. The hit was over and done with very quickly (and yes, sometimes forgotten) but the lecture with privileges taken away made a much more lasting impression.

[BJean 16]

Btw, I do understand the distinction between a quick swat on the bottom and an all out beating. I never forgot a couple of beatings I was given. They made me disrespect the parent who administered them and my rage and disrespect overrode the fear that they hoped to instill.

Thank you Allyson, I appreciate that someone here gets what I'm trying to say.

[green 6]

Both children and animals can tell the difference between quick, momentary, and unpleasant reactions and abuse, I believe.

[shanarene 0]

I work for child protective services and this is the way we see it...you can spank...as long as it's not on a vital part of the body and you can't leave a mark that last for more then 24 hours. Anything beyond that is considered child abuse. Personally I do spank but rarely. It depends on the situation. My daughter is a very good child and has never needed a spanking but my sometimes it's the only thing my son will respond to.

[reif78 0]

in my opinion there is a difference between spanking and child abuse. I am the parent i feel that my kids need spanked im gonna spank them. i was abused as a child so i know the difference between a swat and a leather belt being whipped across the back. id rather have the spankin.

If that is the only way your child understands that they cant do something then so be it. Im just glad my children understand no I have only had to spank my 10 year old 3 times in her life and she is not have any mental issues over it. my 7 year old i only spanked 2 times . hes so sweet he gives you those eyes and you melt. my 5 year old never have i had to spank and my 3 year old i have never spanked so i think im doing pretty good if ya ask me. they listen very well.except my three year old but what do you expect she is in that stage of testing your limit. but all and all shes a great child

[gadgetlady 4]

I work for child protective services and this is the way we see it...you can spank...as long as it's not on a vital part of the body and you can't leave a mark that last for more then 24 hours.

Wow -- that's a surprising criterion. I would say if something leaves a mark for more than a few minutes it's too much.

[AUSSIECHIK 0]

:mad:i think chilld abuse would be leavin a mark for more than 24 hours... i cant imagine ever hittin my son enough to leav a mark for 24 hours not even 5 mins... thats crazy...

:wink:

[want2beme 2]

I think that inflicting pain on an inicent child is child abuse. The people that hit their kids don't have the knowledge/education to discipline their children responsibly. We need to do more to teach parents how to discipline properly. I'd never hit my child, but time outs work well.

[BJean 16]

green I agree children and pets or other animals can tell the difference between quick momentary actions and abuse. There is no book or instruction guide in print that I know of, that condones hitting a pet for any reason. In fact, there are people I've met who have more patience with and treat their pets better than, their children.

[green 6]

green I agree children and pets or other animals can tell the difference between quick momentary actions and abuse. There is no book or instruction guide in print that I know of, that condones hitting a pet for any reason. In fact, there are people I've met who have more patience with and treat their pets better than, their children.

I am sure that there are many people out there who treat their animals better than their children or, for that matter, any family member. I suspect that this is because of the peculiarly toxic nature of those family relationships to which so many adults have themselves been exposed as children.

Research has shown that children who have been subjected to abuse will, as adults, be much more likely to seek out dysfunctional relationships, ones where they are either the abusers or the abused. These patterns will repeat. Of course by now we all know this.

What I found interesting was reading about the results of a study made on the issue of elder abuse.

Elder abuse has been a largely hidden but not insignificant problem. Here follows the usual methods of elder abuse: a middle-aged child who is placed in charge of his/her frail parent becomes actively physically and psychologically abusive; the middle-aged child or children opt to warehouse and emotionally abandon their parents in nursing homes. In many cases these children will also systematically strip their parents of their wealth as part of the pattern of abuse.

Why I found the results of this study so interesting was that it indicated that those middle-aged children who treated their frail parents with brutality or those who acted in a less actively malign fashion - those who simply warehoused the old folks and then abandoned 'em - was that these were children who had either been actively abused by their parents when they were kids or were carelessly ignored by them. In brief, these bad children are giving back to their now weak parents what their parents have already given to them as children.

It seems that the toxic effects of abuse do flow in two directions. It strikes me that parents might want to think long and hard about how they raise their children. You might end up reaping what you have sown.

This is why it is so much easier for many folks to treat their animals better than they treat their own families. The relationship which exists between a human and a companion animal is free of all the psychological detritus which clots up and badly damages everything which should flow easily and generously between each other.

And animals don't dish out the guilt in quite the same way, eh.......