can someone please help me understand my husband?

[Machalo 283]

Alcoholism is a terrible disease. Yes, I said disease. It isn't about willpower or lack thereof, or just choosing not to drink. To an alcoholic it is a coping mechanism for whatever, stress, uncomfortable emotions. One little drink won't hurt. But there is never one little drink.

I grew up in an alcoholic household; I didn't understand it, I tried to help stop it, during every attempt, but nothing helped until my parent decided to do it for themself. I still didn't really understand, since I'd never had an addiction. I viewed my parent as weak-willed.

I didn't understand until I found my own addiction: cigarettes. They were the hardest thing to give up 25 years ago, but I was able to use a new tool - the nicotine patch - that changed my habits while weaning me off the nicotine. I will never forget how grateful I was for that tool! I still had to do the work, but the tool helped so much.

Now, I'm fighting my unhealthy addiction to food and am planning to use my new weight-loss surgery tool to help me make changes for the better. It isn't a magic pill, it doesn't do it for you, and it isn't temporary. That's like having a temporary fix for alcohol. You're going to go back to it. No. Weight loss surgery is permanent. You have to change what you do with food and how you look at food. It takes hard work every single day. But, it's not impossible.

As I'm struggling with my own addictions now, I can have more empathy with my parent all those years ago for struggling to and not quite being able to give up their drinking. If you've never had an addiction, then you just aren't going to understand.

Your husband may have to hit "bottom" before he decides to do something about his addictions, and then he will really need your support and willingness to help him in any way possible. I understand your frustrations since it is affecting your and your childrens' lives. This is still on him, though. You can't do it for him, he has his free will. What you have to decide is whether or not you are committed enough to wait for him.

Wishing you both all the best!