Still a virgin at 46

[SleevedCanadian 7]

I’ve always been overweight, since childhood!! So never met any women who wanted to date me on an intimate level. I’m going for sleeve on March 24th and really hoping that weight loss will help in the dating department!! Do people find they have better luck dating and meeting people after weight loss??

[Xx1jpt5xx 93]

Ya man. But it's not the weight loss that will get you dates it's the confidence you'll gain that will attract the ladies.

I was big all my life. My first date was when I was 24 and thats because I lost 160 lbs and put my self out there on dating sites. That was 10 years ago. Since then I've put on varying degrees on weight back on and was still able to get dates

I fractured my back a few years ago and put all the weight back on so I'm getting sleeved in 2 weeks.

[MourningTheLossOfBeer 42]

[MourningTheLossOfBeer 42]

But seriously, I've been pretty big most of my adult life and I'm not trying to brag, but I've never had a problem dating. Personality is important, so is confidence. If you're a shy or reserved person, try working on getting out of your comfort zone and being more sociable. Weight loss will help your appearance but confidence will make you more attractive. Good luck.

[Darktowerdream 421]

I’ve never admitted these things to anyone, let alone on a public forum. You are not alone though. I’ve struggled almost all my life with chronic illness (immunodeficiency) starting in childhood, developing many medical conditions and symptoms over the years, disability, metabolic disorders, always fighting my weight, my self image, being on the autism spectrum, adhd, ocd and so on. But through it all, through a rough childhood. My own health challenges, my mother having spine surgeries and needing my help and support. I never had a life. I just have, I guess ... survived. I fought to lose weight alone - I guess it’s going on twelve years ago now if I had to guess. But never could hang on to it. I found myself losing ground. It was either fight for Bariatric surgery as a tool to finally help me or totally give up.

But will it fix the rest of me? Those deep rooted insecurities? My separation from the rest of the world due to chronic illness? I honestly cannot say that weight loss will fix these things. Especially not my chronic illness or disability. It’s like my doctor expecting miraculous changes when I just wanted to ease the burden on my body and at least be a healthy weight to better navigate.

it’s easy enough for people to say get out of your comfort zone. Been there done that, it’s gotten me nowhere but disaster and my chronic illness deeper into a decline. Of course this is just from my perspective. I’m not in a situation where I meet people. I can’t put myself out there. It’s not that simple. Nor is it Even for healthy people to do so.

I’ve never discussed it and I won’t even flat out say my own situation in detail either since this is a public forum because people can be condescending in their response to something like this. I remember someone once telling me that she thought I liked being stuck. As if I haven’t spent my whole life fighting every step of the way.

sometimes you need to just step back from yourself and take an objective look at the why of it all, what your hopes and expectations are, and where to go from there. Decide that you are worth it and take the leap forward and maybe you will find where you want to be.

[SleevedCanadian 7]

Thanks for sharing! I definitely don’t lack confidence!! I’ve tried online dating many times, on many sites! Same ol’ story. They start off chatting, then ask for more pictures, then disappear quickly! Like my headshot is okay to chat with for a while, but a few different body pics and suddenly chatting is not even an option!! It’s so messed up! And I make FULL disclosure of my size on any profile I create. So if they read the profile at all, and know my size, why even start a conversation?? Dumb! Anyway! Thanks for sharing!!

[NerdySongBird 29]

I know it's rare, but not everyone goes for looks. I've been big all my life, but I have always had big boobs and lots of confidence and it has helped with dating and such. I have always had my internal struggles though and I understand where you're coming from. If you ever need to talk or vent you can shoot me a message. Good things come in time and you will find someone that wants you for you! Also I think most guys are just generally not great at taking pics and they tend to not be flattering no matter what size they are. If you have a female friend that you're comfortable with I'd say ask her to help you take some fun pics! They don't have to be nudes, just maybe your hobbies or something that shows the real you! Keep at it!

Sent from my SM-G950U using BariatricPal mobile app

[valentinedwv 3]

On 2/15/2020 at 2:58 PM, SleevedCanadian said:

I’ve always been overweight, since childhood!! So never met any women who wanted to date me on an intimate level. I’m going for sleeve on March 24th and really hoping that weight loss will help in the dating department!! Do people find they have better luck dating and meeting people after weight loss??

Self diagnosed as a Demi-Sexual... I have to get to know someone before I really hook up with them. Hard to just date, I make a terrible first date impression; shy, not talkative, not inquisitive.

Took me til i was 40 to get into a long term relationship and got married. Was overweight but found someone I had a bond with, and could spend life with. She passed (cancer), and I know I need be open to changing who I was, so I'm building a group of people where I live, not to date, but to enjoy life a little in the crazy time. Pretty much the same as when I moved down here and met my first wife.

So the onus is on you. Don't do dating, do life. If you do life, you will find someone with common interests. Even if you don't, then you are living. And "I think I met you before at one of these xxx" is always a great opening line.

[LaoDaBeirut 158]

On 2/16/2020 at 1:18 PM, SleevedCanadian said:

Thanks for sharing! I definitely don’t lack confidence!! I’ve tried online dating many times, on many sites! Same ol’ story. They start off chatting, then ask for more pictures, then disappear quickly! Like my headshot is okay to chat with for a while, but a few different body pics and suddenly chatting is not even an option!! It’s so messed up! And I make FULL disclosure of my size on any profile I create. So if they read the profile at all, and know my size, why even start a conversation?? Dumb! Anyway! Thanks for sharing!!

Are you putting forth the best version of you? Like are dressing well? I suggest taking new pictures and really try to look your best.

Also women on dating sites have tons of opportunities so don't feel bad if they disappear. Usually the attention is overwhelming.

[Ellakay 0]

I realize this is a over a year later, but I am curious about any updates. Thank you for sharing! I hope things have improved for you (My own story is strikingly similar (in my forties, no yield on dating sites, and yes, still a virgin) so I am hopeful for the both of us!) Happy to compare notes and/or share the female perspective (or commiserate :-)

[lekcir 19]

Not about looks its about character.

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Revisionist 1]

Guess I'm a little late to this, but it's not true that it's not about looks. If that were the case, I would just date men. There has to be a physical attraction. I learned I was just as unattractive thin as I was overweight. I was rejected just the same thin as I was overweight.

[stardust82 11]

Would also love to hear updates and if anything has changed since the OP last posted here.

[SHORTY_ 154]

On 12/30/2020 at 3:30 PM, LaoDaBeirut said:

Are you putting forth the best version of you? Like are dressing well? I suggest taking new pictures and really try to look your best.

Also women on dating sites have tons of opportunities so don't feel bad if they disappear. Usually the attention is overwhelming.

Wayyy late to the party but I 2nd this completely. There are a lot of women out there that prefer their guys "thicker than a snicker" but A well-kept man is def. something I look for. I think I can speak for many women out there and just personal experience in the dating world, Men take terrible pictures and sometimes come across as sloppy no matter the size. Pictures online are the first impression, personality is a lot but if you look like you probably have poor hygiene it's hard for me to look past that. Also, the attention can most definitely be overwhelming. I'm guilty of doing the vanishing act.

[PsychoMantis 9]

I know how you feel. I’ll be 35 on January 27th and I’m still a virgin. I’m gay too in a small Mormon populated city so finding dates is near impossible for me. And the ones I have found on dating apps are kind of scary looking. They have terrible teeth or smoke (which is a deal breaker for me) or they do drugs (another deal breaker). I mean these women look like hillbillies. While looks aren’t everything, I figure if you look like this, you probably aren’t taking care of yourself and don’t have good hygiene.