Effect on families

[H8thissurgery 1]

I am sorry to say that while this surgery has helped many, it has ruined 5 lives. My ex got this surgery without realizing that he probably had an underlying psychiatric issue which he medicated with food. After the surgery he never was relieved of pain. In fact, he almost died, even though the surgery was done in Princeton, New Jersey by an expert. He became septic because of a fistula. He lived through that. For 6 weeks after the surgery I had to stuff gauze inside the wound and change it twice a day. A nurse came to our house to change his IV. That was the summer of 2007. The entire month of July. The pain lasted more than 8 years. This pain and the lack of joy he Had previously derived from food, led him to a dark place which he medicated with alcohol while doctors prescribed antidepressants. His family thought he would be okay because he continued to make money hand over fist by surviving each office work day and spending the evenings and weekends soaked in alcohol, Drugged by medicine to mask his physical and mental anguish, and sleep. He lost interest in our children who were all under 8. He lost the ability to perform sexually. He eventually lost his job. We moved and in one weekend he took so many ambien that it is miraculous that he is alive. We eventually divorced because he felt “maybe [he] would feel less like committing suicide if we were divorced”. But it was not so. He continued to behave and feel the same way. It was, in fact, worse. When the police intervened and got him to a hospital, it was found that he had a Vitamin deficiency which caused damage in multiple organs. He is now recovered. He is in his right mind and has a job. But from 2007 to 2018, that was the life we lived. My children were without a present, healthy father from the time my son was 2 until he was 12. My daughter barely speaks to him because she blames him for turning to alcohol. She spent her life to 16 that way. The middle daughter understands, but likely does not realize how it has affected her. She knows nothing else. She was 4 when this started. I hate gastric bypass. If people are fat, it’s because of a mentally unhealthy relationship with food. The exceptions to this statement are FAR LESS than the number of people getting this surgery. But doctors like money.

[New&Improved 1,780]

Another fake story to try discredit surgery..

This man had many demons that had nothing to do with surgery if it's even true.

I see this person only joined 2 hours ago.....

[NYJenn 1,463]

Psychiatric issues would have reared their head regardless. Doesn’t have anything to do with surgery. An addict will find a way

[GreenTealael 25,439]

Sorry, but no...

[TattooedSeaStar 139]

prob not the best place to vent this to. Maybe seek out Alanon? They would be more helpful.

[JessLess 1,163]

Seek therapy for yourself. This is not an appropriate place for you to post things like this.

[James Marusek 5,244]

According to this story, the gastric bypass surgery was done in 2007 and supposedly performed by an expert. I underwent gastric bypass surgery in 2013 and this story doesn't make much sense from my perspective. Before and after surgery, I underwent many steps. Firstly I had to undergo a psychiatric evaluation to see if I was qualified for the surgery, if there were underlying psychiatric issue that drove the weight gain, they had to be remediated prior to approval for surgery. In order to qualify for the surgery, my insurance required that I undergo a six month program of weight loss and exercise. I had to attend monthly support group meetings. Then there were a variety of medical tests that were performed to detect any medical conditions that may affect the outcome. So over a year went by since I started the process before I had the surgery. I also underwent a day of classroom training prior to the surgery that included very detailed information covering almost every aspect of the surgery and what was to follow and given a 1 inch binder of material to constantly refer to.

After the surgery, I lost 120 pounds over the first 7 months. It was difficult because of the extent of the requirements (food types, food volumes, Vitamin, etc.) But overall I was please with the surgery.

Then there was yearly follow-ups. Gastric bypass surgery requires that the individual must take many types of Vitamins for the rest of their lives. If someone fails to take those, their bodies will experience Vitamin deficiencies which caused damage in multiple organs. That is known up front. Every year for the first 5 years, I underwent extensive blood work. These test measured my various vitamin levels and allowed my doctor to fine tweak the vitamin levels.

Also there was a mechanism in place for a psychologist in the event that psychological problems arose post surgery.

There are many people involved in this process, not just the surgeon. They included nutritionist, psychologist, support group meetings etc.

In order for this surgery to work effectively, it depends upon the compliance of the patient to follow the guidelines given and seek help when problems arise.

[Fatboyslim1 204]

Many reasons cause a marriage to go to ****. In some, adversity brings people closer. This was a sad tale, but I would image the Bariatric surgery was minimally causal.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

@H8thissurgery, sorry after all this time you cannot come to terms with your situation. Therapy might be helpful. You are angry at the wrong people.

We are not here for you to take your frustrations out on in this manner, it will not give you the outcome you seek - to dissuade people from getting surgery. It's not your call to make.

Mental illness is a disease that deserves to be respected and treated. Transfer addiction is a possible known issue in bariatric surgeries.

[H8thissurgery 1]

I’m rebuilding. I have had therapy. So has my ex. His life is working out.

I also stand — if transfer addiction is an issue, addiction to food needs to be clearly ruled out before surgery. This is my opinion. I was telling my story as a cautionary tale. I am still wondering if an issue with Vitamin deficiency has been noted as causing organ damage (reversible) in post bariatric surgery patients. The people who said “if it’s even true, well..” whatever. I get it. This is the internet. I can take this post down. But I hope people really make sure they are not addicted to food when they get this surgery. That is a mind and not body issue. Again, my opinion. I read all the comments and appreciate the well thought out comments.

[H8thissurgery 1]

James... my ex was so turned off by what happened In The initial surgery he lost his trust in doctors, though doctors were the ones who helped him so many years later. He did not do any of the things he was supposed to do. He did lose a bunch of weight though. He got down to 168 pounds at his lowest. But he was never the same.

yes I joined 2 hours ago. I do want people to be aware. Do the surgery like James did it and not the way my ex did.
I’m rebuilding. I have had therapy. So has my ex. His life is working out.

I also stand — if transfer addiction is an issue, addiction to food needs to be clearly ruled out before surgery. This is my opinion. I was telling my story as a cautionary tale. I am still wondering if an issue with Vitamin deficiency has been noted as causing organ damage (reversible) in post bariatric surgery patients. The people who said “if it’s even true, well..” whatever. I get it. This is the internet. I can take this post down. But I hope people really make sure they are not addicted to food when they get this surgery. That is a mind and not body issue. Again, my opinion. I read all the comments and appreciate the well thought out comments.

[GreenTealael 25,439]

9 hours ago, H8thissurgery said:

I’m rebuilding. I have had therapy. So has my ex. His life is working out.

I also stand — if transfer addiction is an issue, addiction to food needs to be clearly ruled out before surgery. This is my opinion. I was telling my story as a cautionary tale. I am still wondering if an issue with Vitamin deficiency has been noted as causing organ damage (reversible) in post bariatric surgery patients. The people who said “if it’s even true, well..” whatever. I get it. This is the internet. I can take this post down. But I hope people really make sure they are not addicted to food when they get this surgery. That is a mind and not body issue. Again, my opinion. I read all the comments and appreciate the well thought out comments.

These post are permanent and the Internet never forgets...

I'm still not sure who exactly this cautionary tale is for? Spouses of patients? Surely not the patients here who knowing their pitfalls decide to work on them. have done their research and rigorously pass all evaluations.

We. Are. Prepared.

Frankly, if your spouse had heart or knee surgery with complications and fell into the well of addiction and depression, you likely would not be on forums for that type of support saying you hate cardiothoracic or orthopaedic surgery.

Perhaps the better cautionary tales :

Life is like castles built in the sand

You never truly know someone

Divorce is possible

Otherwise your monologues are falling on deaf, but well informed, ears

good day.

Edited January 19, 2020 by GreenTealael

[Fatboyslim1 204]

9 hours ago, H8thissurgery said:

I’m rebuilding. I have had therapy. So has my ex. His life is working out.

I also stand — if transfer addiction is an issue, addiction to food needs to be clearly ruled out before surgery. This is my opinion. I was telling my story as a cautionary tale. I am still wondering if an issue with Vitamin deficiency has been noted as causing organ damage (reversible) in post bariatric surgery patients. The people who said “if it’s even true, well..” whatever. I get it. This is the internet. I can take this post down. But I hope people really make sure they are not addicted to food when they get this surgery. That is a mind and not body issue. Again, my opinion. I read all the comments and appreciate the well thought out comments.

Well of course we are addicted to food. That's what food does: trigger the natural opioids in your brain, which make you want to consume. It's how all living species survive.

Whats the point of your tale, to change millions of years of evolutionary development?

Sorry for your problems, but this ain't it.

[summerset 5,265]

20 hours ago, H8thissurgery said:

My ex got this surgery without realizing that he probably had an underlying psychiatric issue which he medicated with food.

So the real problem here is the mental/psychiatric issue that went untreated and not WLS itself. And yes, mental diseases can destroy families.

[James Marusek 5,244]

12 hours ago, H8thissurgery said:

James... my ex was so turned off by what happened In The initial surgery he lost his trust in doctors, though doctors were the ones who helped him so many years later. He did not do any of the things he was supposed to do. He did lose a bunch of weight though. He got down to 168 pounds at his lowest. But he was never the same.

There are different approaches to Bariatric Surgery. My surgery went through a Bariatric Surgery Center of Excellence. It was a very comprehensive program. Sort of like "the full meal deal" because it encompasses a multidisciplinary team of specialists. It includes a surgeon who specializes in bariatric surgery and a hospital specializing in bariatric surgery and a team of specialist in a variety of other fields (such as nutritionist) as support staff. There was a lot of support after surgery. So for those contemplating this type of surgery, I recommend using a Bariatric Surgery Center of Excellence.