Frustrated with "I know someone who gained it all back" reactions

[Rthomas24179 3]

Technically you’re telling the truth if you say you’re drinking Water and Protein Shakes. I’ve heard the same about people gain. My sister said she gain some back but nowhere near what she was. I haven’t told a lot of people. The ones I don’t want to know I’ll say diet and shakes and working out.

[Recidivist 1,141]

My sister and a close friend (both quite obese) had extremely negative reactions to my decision to have surgery, and both relationships have become strained as a result. Both mentioned people who had the surgery and gained it all back. My interpretation is that they were extremely threatened by my taking this positive step and wanted to justify not having it themselves. But that's speculation on my part.

[froufrou 678]

The first thing out of my mother in law's mouth when I told her I was having surgery (and this was in front of her husband and mine) was 'oh, what are you going to do with all that skin?!'. Who says that?? hahahaha

[rs 1,473]

And this is just one reason why I don't tell people

[🌱VeGan❤️HeArT🌱 97]

I’m not afraid to tell anyone, and absolutely am blessed that someone shared their story with me, other wise I may have not had the surgery. So yes, I tell ppl. For the ppl who don’t support me can take there jealous ass on! You win some, you lose some!

[momof3_angels 465]

I am fortunate that most people I tell are interested and are positive and usually even supportive. The only negative I have dealt with is someone who was obviously jealous and unwilling to look at this as an option for herself. She has struggled to lose weight for as long as I have known her and from what I have seen her attempts have always been half assed and riddled with excuses to not follow her supposed diet. And then she sees me and I drastically lost weight very fast. She asked how I did it and I felt I should be honest with her. Her reaction was negative and she has avoided me since lol. No loss on my part. I made a choice to be healthy and I am doing it. She on the other hand is obviously miserable and probably afraid to attempt real change. But if she ever approaches me wanting more info... I will gladly help her.

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[momof3_angels 465]

I’m not afraid to tell anyone, and absolutely am blessed that someone shared their story with me, other wise I may have not had the surgery. So yes, I tell ppl. For the ppl who don’t support me can take there jealous ass on! You win some, you lose some!

Agreed. I chose not to tell my extended family, but I have been more open with those around me and am pleasantly surprised at how well it has gone. And like you.... I watched someone who struggled who shared their experience with me and it made me more open to consider surgery for myself. Now I am sharing my experience with someone else who is considering surgery herself... and while I had no complications, I am encouraging her to talk to the person we both work with who gave me my guidance... as she did have difficulties and will give this person a better understanding of benefits and risks.


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[GradyCat 3,695]

I'm sure it's frustrating but it would inspire me to not become one of those statistics and keep me on the straight and narrow

[Rthomas24179 3]

I’ve told my friends and just a few family members. I have a few friends that would have been a little negative. I know one would’ve been saying Why? It’s to extreme, it’s not good. She does it with just about everything I do. I just recently told her after it was done and 2 after surgery. First thing she said was why??? Everyone I’ve told has supported me and they’re there for me. My sister had this done in 2004. She’s helped me a lot with questions. So I’m thankful for not telling a few.

[Kris77 1,534]

On 01/09/2020 at 11:47, Basham53 said:

I had surgery last July and I've lost 70 lbs. When I see people that I haven't seen in a while that is usually one of the first things that comes up. Immediately after "You look great!" comes the "How are you doing it?". What is most frustrating to me is that it seems like when I open up to people about my surgery so many choose to share that they know someone who did it, lost a bunch of weight, then gained it back or weigh more than before. I'm SO sick of hearing that! I feel bad to mislead people about how I'm losing so much weight because I know that desperate feeling of hoping to discover the "perfect" diet. I could just say that I only drink Water and mostly eat Protein but I'd feel like I was lying because I know I couldn't do this without the surgery. I've tried losing weight so many times. I am seriously surprised about the number of people that have reacted that way. In a way it is motivational driver to keep the weight off but it is also annoying because it keeps happening. This journey hasn't been easy and I'm proud of my accomplishments so it is depressing when someone's first response is negative.

Has anyone else experienced a lot of negativity when you open up about having surgery? How do you respond? Just wondering.

Yes. I have had the same response from some people. I’m amazed at what some people have no problem telling others.
It messes with my head as well and scares me about the potential future regain. But I have to remember we are all individuals and not every outcome will turn out that way. That being said when I hear it, that does still bother me.
Keep doing you and pushing forward towards your goal. You can do it!

[FluffyChix 17,415]

2 hours ago, MsMocie said:

I exploded on a local forum critizing a young, famous woman who had sleeve.

Everyone seemd to know that "everyone gaines back the weight" or that the surgery is total useless because she was seen eating a cake and thus she had just went back to old habits. "Surgery works for none".

So tired of this crap.

Have you or are you changing your behaviors with food? Do you eat the same foods that got you the invitation to the Obesity Ball in the first place, except that you are eating "everything in moderation?"

32 minutes ago, Kris77 said:

It messes with my head as well and scares me about the potential future regain. But I have to remember we are all individuals and not every outcome will turn out that way. That being said when I hear it, that does still bother me.

Have you or are you changing your behaviors with food? Do you eat the same foods that got you the invitation to the Obesity Ball in the first place, except that you are eating "everything in moderation?"

These are the real question. For most of us, if we eat the same foods we ate as MO people, once our tools mature and our bodies adapt--anywhere from 18mos to 5 years, we run the risk of partial or total regain.

It's enough to scare every one of us straight...and yet it doesn't.

I say it all the time. This is not magic bean surgery. This is a tool with a brief window of time that allows us to push a "Metabolic Reset" button and allows us to lose weight easier than it will ever be before or again and allows your body to defend a lower weight. But you don't use a screwdriver to hammer in a nail. And you don't use a hammer to screw in a screw. The tool is only what you make of it and the lasting headwork is by far the hardest part of the whole process.

And even though this will be the "easiest" weight loss you've ever had, every day takes dedication, work, effort, action, and repetition, and denial. And it's pretty Forkin' HARD!

[mousecat88 2,280]

The only time someone outright told me they knew someone that gained the weight back was my coworker. Here daughter in law had it, but didn't actually want to have it and was persuaded by her doctor due to medical conditions. She didn't take it seriously and continued eating the same way so DUH she gained her weight back. Everyone else has just continually told me how fantastic how look and "how much better I must feel". Usually some questions like what can and can't you eat. That's about it. No one seems to really give a crap. I have actually heard more stories about people losing TOO much weight and looking ill or actually becoming ill. Many of those stories relate to people transferring addiction to doing drugs.

Edited January 13, 2020 by mousecat88

[ms.sss 15,581]

oopsies double post

Edited January 13, 2020 by ms.sss

[ms.sss 15,581]

Over the holidays, I saw relatives who haven't seen me since the summer. I got "Oh look, you are still skinny." or "Good for you for not gaining weight again", and them offering me some cake.

These are the gossipy aunts and cousins who I generally put invisible armour on whenever I'm around them. You know, the types who shoot out poison arrows disguised as innocent remarks. They've been doing this to everyone about everything for as long as I can remember.

They don't even know about my surgery, but I know they are just waiting for me to gain the weight back.

Insecure people feel better about themselves when they compare themselves to others, do their mental math and determine they measure out on top. And if their math tells them they are NOT on top, they will do/say/think what they can to make it so (or at the very least, justify it). I figure they need do this to get through the day, so whatevs. Let them do what they need to do to get by. I know I'm awesome.

Edited January 13, 2020 by ms.sss

[MarvelGirl25 2,168]

3 hours ago, FluffyChix said:

Have you or are you changing your behaviors with food? Do you eat the same foods that got you the invitation to the Obesity Ball in the first place, except that you are eating "everything in moderation?"

These are the real question. For most of us, if we eat the same foods we ate as MO people, once our tools mature and our bodies adapt--anywhere from 18mos to 5 years, we run the risk of partial or total regain.

It's enough to scare every one of us straight...and yet it doesn't.

I say it all the time. This is not magic bean surgery. This is a tool with a brief window of time that allows us to push a "Metabolic Reset" button and allows us to lose weight easier than it will ever be before or again and allows your body to defend a lower weight. But you don't use a screwdriver to hammer in a nail. And you don't use a hammer to screw in a screw. The tool is only what you make of it and the lasting headwork is by far the hardest part of the whole process.

And even though this will be the "easiest" weight loss you've ever had, every day takes dedication, work, effort, action, and repetition, and denial. And it's pretty Forkin' HARD!

If I could heart this 1000 times I would. Pre-op I was told many times that this was a tool and not a permanent solution so that part was clear, BUT i was never informed about the possible change in mentality towards food.

I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would WANT to chose a salad or something lighter over the heavier dishes I was use to. I never thought I would WANT to log every single bite that goes into my mouth and actually LOVE tracking macros. I never thought I would ENJOY taking dishes I would make pre-op and turn them into something healthier.

Before surgery I thought one of two things would happen. The first was that i wasn't going to be able to tolerate anything and I was going to be stripped away from everything I loved (i read too many horror stories). The second was that I was going to be able to tolerate everything and just eat what I loved in moderation. Neither one of these is the case.

Although moderation is great, I see food much differently now. I dont want moderation with what I use to eat because as you say Fluffy, once we stop losing, those frequent moderation meals will catch up to us.

For me, moderation is eating clean everyday all day and maybe having some chocolate almonds for a snack, or fulling indulging on special occasions or certain days when you feel like it. I do believe in planning ahead though by eating light on those days you know you're going to indulge.

As corny as this sounds, I've truly learned that this is not a temporary diet, its a lifestyle change. Also, I don't feel like I'm on such a tight food restriction because I love my healthy meals way too much!

Thank you for being such a great example and for showing newbies like myself that eating good can be enjoyable and that its all in the mind!