My mother said she no longer wants to talk or see me anymore.

[Slimming Down Steve 176]

2 minutes ago, paulabear said:

Maybe gastric surgery isn't the only weight you lose through this process. Maybe it's all the horrible dead weight in your life too. If they dont contribute positively in your life then good bye. It's their loss you dont need that toxic enviroment in your life. Hope you are ok sending hugs to you and your family.

Sent from my SM-G950F using BariatricPal mobile app

Thanks. And many hugs to you back.

Edited January 5, 2020 by Slimming Down Steve

[Slimming Down Steve 176]

She's very good at playing a victim. So I wouldn't ever lay a hand on her. I would be the one going to jail. I was sitting here remembering as a kid how out of nowheres in front of my aunts or her female friends she would kick me in the nads and start laughing. This went on till I was around 12 every now and then, never knew when. Could be weeks apart or months apart. When she did it in front of my friend, I pinned her to the wall and told her I would strip her of skin the next time. She stopped. But not before calling the cops and filling a police report on me abusing her with tears in her eyes. My friend was the only reason I didn't go to a boy's Ranch. Even one of her friends testifying that she has kicked me multiple times in front of her. The case was dismissed with the judge telling her that she was never to kick me there again. That wasn't discipline. That was it.

Edited January 5, 2020 by Slimming Down Steve

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

Your life might have been a lot better at the boy's ranch. How very sad. You've done amazingly well, putting your own life together. Now she just resents that, too. She's pathetic.

[Bamachicvsg 17]

Remember surgery is a tool. This is the mental stuff that causes us to fail. Yes that's your mom but this is also your life. You took a huge step for your health don't let her vanity ignorance and jealousy derail you

Sent from my SM-G960U using BariatricPal mobile app

[lvidacovich 372]

Seems like you're better off without her. I know it's tough but remember you CAN choose your family! Be thankful she wants to leave and say goodbye. She's a bitter, spiteful awful person.

[SteveV215 6]

Sorry to hear brother, but this may just be a blessing for ya. Move on from the negativity and toxicity. Keep bettering yourself and growing for yourself and your chosen family. Blood doesn't mean they have your best interest in mind. Stay strong!

Sent from my SM-G955U using BariatricPal mobile app

[starladustangel 270]

She sounds toxic and abusive. She's been treating you horribly since you were a little boy. You have a supportive loving wife, your friends and your furbabies. You don't need her. My husband's toxic father and sister are both cut out. His sister is a lot like your mom from what it sounds like: a toxic horrible person who belittles my husband and says the most cruel hateful things she can to him and anything good that happens to him she views as a personal attack. Our lives are better off without both of them.

[Krimsonbutterflies 661]

8 hours ago, Slimming Down Steve said:

She's very good at playing a victim. So I wouldn't ever lay a hand on her. I would be the one going to jail. I was sitting here remembering as a kid how out of nowheres in front of my aunts or her female friends she would kick me in the nads and start laughing. This went on till I was around 12 every now and then, never knew when. Could be weeks apart or months apart. When she did it in front of my friend, I pinned her to the wall and told her I would strip her of skin the next time. She stopped. But not before calling the cops and filling a police report on me abusing her with tears in her eyes. My friend was the only reason I didn't go to a boy's Ranch. Even one of her friends testifying that she has kicked me multiple times in front of her. The case was dismissed with the judge telling her that she was never to kick me there again. That wasn't discipline. That was it.

The unfortunate result of this and her timing with her latest display of metal instability is that it's taking your focus away from your healing. I'm not an expert and I don't have a degree, but I did grow up with my family members who were either mentally ill diagnosed or not diagnosed and family members who were drug addicts.

She's unfortunately not going to be a positive light in your life or even her own. Her sisters are also incredibly dysfunctional as well and which leaves you without an immediate family bobd it sounds like. You wanted the time to make things better and to heal old wounds, but that's not what has occurred either. The people who you are related to may be happy with who they are and that's fine for them, but not you & it's fine to acknowledge that this crap is hurting you. It is also fine to start your TRUE healing process and seek therapy to really discuss in a neutral zone how this person has made you feel & could affect your healinh if you aren't careful. Lots of us are good maskers of our pain and say we are okay when internally we aren't and don't have to be. On the surface we lead productive lives and carry on with our heads high, but that pain festers and grows like a cancer that spreads. Steve she has changed your narrative this weekend and taken the spotlight from you and put it on her, once again. I apologize if I have overstepped my boundaries, truly. I just understand more than you will ever know what you are experiencing, it just wasn't my mom but her daughter and son. Also my siblings by my dad's mother (drug addict), so I understand the mental cruelty and abuse.

Live for you and hopefully you are strong enough to free yourself from those bounds and chains, therapy is good....it gets ugly, but it helped me. I probably wouldn't have this surgery without it, I wasn't always obese. food became a comfort on top of pre-existing health conditions.

[Slimming Down Steve 176]

I would like to to thank everyone who has responded so far and who may still respond! This is a great community of everyday people who have come together to better themselves. We all carry emotional baggage we have to work through. I would like to put this to bed once and for good. I sent a certified letter to my mother Stating that is is not my family and never really has been except through blood. That I am going on with my life, that she has no rights to me or anything I own, she isn't welcome at my home or on my property, and further more she is not to ever contact me through the USPS, UPS, FedEx, or any other carriers. Is not to try to contact my by phone, VOIP, or any other digital means. Have fun in your life, cause I know I will. Then I printed my name, signed my name and dated the letter. Went out to the post office and sent it certified mail yesterday afternoon.

Sent from my Pixel 2 XL using BariatricPal mobile app

[Slimming Down Steve 176]

I would like to to thank everyone who has responded so far and who may still respond! This is a great community of everyday people who have come together to better themselves. We all carry emotional baggage we have to work through. I would like to put this to bed once and for good. I sent a certified letter to my mother Stating that is is not my family and never really has been except through blood. That I am going on with my life, that she has no rights to me or anything I own, she isn't welcome at my home or on my property, and further more she is not to ever contact me through the USPS, UPS, FedEx, or any other carriers. Is not to try to contact my by phone, VOIP, or any other digital means. Have fun in your life, cause I know I will. Then I printed my name, signed my name and dated the letter. Went out to the post office and sent it certified mail yesterday afternoon.

Sent from my Pixel 2 XL using BariatricPal mobile app

Thank you and I now consider this forum dead. Thank you everyone!!!!

Sent from my Pixel 2 XL using BariatricPal mobile app

[FluffyChix 17,415]

I'm so sorry. Please make sure you work through and process all of your feelings and pain from the past and current. Wishing you huge success!!!

[bethow 114]

Steve, my birth father was physically and mentally abusive and when she had the courage and the conviction to leave and demand a divorce at which she got full custody of my brother and me (keep in mind this was 1960 and there were no services to assist her), he stole my brother and me, telling us that she had been killed in a car accident. For the next four years of hell he directed his fury at my mother to me.
When I discovered my mother was alive , I did everything I could to get my brother and I out of that living hell.
Thankfully, my mother had married a wonderful, kind and loving man who was head over heels in love with her and extended himself to her children when we finally escaped into their care.
For seven years we never heard from him and then he showed up at our door. He made it perfectly clear he was there to see my brother. At first I was crushed and then he deliberately started to pick a fight with my mom and used me to do it because I refused to talk to him. He made several snide comments about my weight, a genetic tendency in my mother’s family that she struggled with and beat her whole life. He told me he was still my father.
My stepfather had remained in the bedroom for two reasons; he was a cop and couldn’t afford to get into trouble and he knew that neither my mother and I were afraid of him anymore.
I was 18 and had graduated from high school less than a week before. When he accused my mother of turning me against him and demanded respect he did not deserve, I was done. I told him he was not my father that my father was in his room (I meant it then and I will mean it for the rest of my life) and that I was 18 and quite capable of drawing my own conclusions based on the facts. And the fact was that for four years he had made my life hell and that he no longer had any right or invitation to be in my life because I chose to be happy.
In spite of struggling with my weight my whole life, I still managed a successful career, a happy husband (we celebrated our 39 anniversary on 12/28th, raised three children and two grandchildren.
For your mother to speak to you or your spouse like she has is beyond the pale of hurtful and hateful comments. To be jealous because you took control of your issue and apparently she hasn’t is indicative of how petty and narcissistic she is. The time has come to remove this emotional cancer from your life and forge ahead on creating a happy life for yourself and surround yourself with people who appreciate you and make you happy. In the long run, you will kiss neither the pounds , the emotional baggage or your mother. It’s often said the best revenge is to be happy. Choose to pursue happiness because life is always ready to toss us around to fate.

[Slimming Down Steve 176]

Steve, my birth father was physically and mentally abusive and when she had the courage and the conviction to leave and demand a divorce at which she got full custody of my brother and me (keep in mind this was 1960 and there were no services to assist her), he stole my brother and me, telling us that she had been killed in a car accident. For the next four years of hell he directed his fury at my mother to me.
When I discovered my mother was alive , I did everything I could to get my brother and I out of that living hell.
Thankfully, my mother had married a wonderful, kind and loving man who was head over heels in love with her and extended himself to her children when we finally escaped into their care.
For seven years we never heard from him and then he showed up at our door. He made it perfectly clear he was there to see my brother. At first I was crushed and then he deliberately started to pick a fight with my mom and used me to do it because I refused to talk to him. He made several snide comments about my weight, a genetic tendency in my mother’s family that she struggled with and beat her whole life. He told me he was still my father.
My stepfather had remained in the bedroom for two reasons; he was a cop and couldn’t afford to get into trouble and he knew that neither my mother and I were afraid of him anymore.
I was 18 and had graduated from high school less than a week before. When he accused my mother of turning me against him and demanded respect he did not deserve, I was done. I told him he was not my father that my father was in his room (I meant it then and I will mean it for the rest of my life) and that I was 18 and quite capable of drawing my own conclusions based on the facts. And the fact was that for four years he had made my life hell and that he no longer had any right or invitation to be in my life because I chose to be happy.
In spite of struggling with my weight my whole life, I still managed a successful career, a happy husband (we celebrated our 39 anniversary on 12/28th, raised three children and two grandchildren.
For your mother to speak to you or your spouse like she has is beyond the pale of hurtful and hateful comments. To be jealous because you took control of your issue and apparently she hasn’t is indicative of how petty and narcissistic she is. The time has come to remove this emotional cancer from your life and forge ahead on creating a happy life for yourself and surround yourself with people who appreciate you and make you happy. In the long run, you will kiss neither the pounds , the emotional baggage or your mother. It’s often said the best revenge is to be happy. Choose to pursue happiness because life is always ready to toss us around to fate.

I'm very sorry you have been forced to drag up what happened in your past for me! I really shouldn't of started this post because someone always has it worse than me. I was just in aww of the timing. My wife now understands how bad she can be and keeps apologizing that she informed my mother that I was in surgery. Betty just figured that my mother had the right to know. Now she finally after 20yrs of being together knows why my mother has been mostly out of my life. She is now going to be really completely shut out. Stay thirsty my friends!

Sent from my Pixel 2 XL using BariatricPal mobile app

[nymatnldy 3]

Sure some may have it worse but it doesn't lesson your pain. We all have pain and I don't mind listeniing to yoursif you need someone.

Sent from my LM-X410.F using BariatricPal mobile app

[bethow 114]

Steve, it’s been years since my past has held any pain fir me. I just wanted to pass on one of life’s lessons that life is too short to waste it on someone who doesn’t appreciate you.
To be truly free you must release the anger and the pain and shut the door on further opportunities . My past is not nearly as bad as so many others. I focus always on the positives. My stepfather was such a positive that when I decided to adopt my son, I decided to change my last name to my stepfather’s so that my son would carry his name. He was so happy, he volunteered to pay for it. I only hope that once the pain has passed, you will find as much happiness and joy in life as I have.