Picking a goal weight...Psychiatrist worried

[Briswife15 890]

Hi, y'all! At the end of December I will be 9 months pist Gastric Bypass. I have gone from a high of 246 to 147, 99 pounds lost. However, I am still a few pounds shy of "normal" weight. I an 5'4" and medium boned. My goal all along was to stay between 120-125, so I think I still have a ways to go. Saw my psychiatrist yesterday, and she says she's terribly worried that I'm losing too much weight and heading for an eating disorder. I have a history of Anorexia, but am definitely not restricting my food intake. How do you decide when you're at goal, and what yo do about my psychiatrist? I see bariatric PA in 2 weeks. Thanks!

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[GreenTealael 25,378]

37 minutes ago, Briswife15 said:

Hi, y'all! At the end of December I will be 9 months pist Gastric Bypass. I have gone from a high of 246 to 147, 99 pounds lost. However, I am still a few pounds shy of "normal" weight. I an 5'4" and medium boned. My goal all along was to stay between 120-125, so I think I still have a ways to go. Saw my psychiatrist yesterday, and she says she's terribly worried that I'm losing too much weight and heading for an eating disorder. I have a history of Anorexia, but am definitely not restricting my food intake. How do you decide when you're at goal, and what yo do about my psychiatrist? I see bariatric PA in 2 weeks. Thanks!

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Work closely with the professionals and take their professional guidance seriously❤

Good Luck 💚

[2Bsmaller18 436]

Just my 2 cents and I know others on here hit that 120 lbs. at your height. However remember you still probably have a few pounds of loose skin that someone who has never been over 125 pounds will not have. I am 5'3" or maybe 5.2 1/2 and I had a goal of 140 but flew past that. I purposely tried to stop or slow weight loss since I felt the loss was out of my control. Now I have been bouncing around 125-128 for 2-3 months but seem to be closer to 126 this month vs 128 a month or 2 ago.

Others on here said your body will naturally slow down the closer you get to your own body's ideal. I have found that to be true however even with increasing my calories I have dropped a few pounds so my body must not be settled yet.

Are you still loosing at a steady rate or has it naturally slowed down?

I still see myself as heavy and pick up bigger clothes when shopping however at the same time I feel too thin at 125 if that makes sense. I thought I looked better in the 130s with less wrinkles but recently saw a picture from this summer at 145 and thought wow I was still heavy back then. It's mentally a challenge and takes awhile for your head to adjust.

Do you feel like you are beating yourself up about a certain number on the scale or if you don't hit a certain number you failed? If you played out the scenario in your head that in a few months you settled at 130 or 135 would you be ok with that? IMHO I think it's fine to have a goal and even a lower dream goal as long as realistically you would be happy at a higher number and not start bad habits to reach a number. You have come so far already and succeeded past what most charts say people reach after WLS.

Also, don't forget the scale might stall out but things shift and clothes will get looser, stomach smaller etc without a pound lost.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,934]

I know when i had my band (2009) it picked the weight of 143.... that's where i stayed for 7+ years. I got down to 130, but my body just went back and stayed at 143.

Now with the sleeve i'm down to 139. After my band was removed in 2017 i got to 173.5. So, i'm waiting to see where i land this time.

[Briswife15 890]

Work closely with the professionals and take their professional guidance seriously[emoji173]
Good Luck [emoji172]

Thank you, GreenTealael!

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[Briswife15 890]

Just my 2 cents and I know others on here hit that 120 lbs. at your height. However remember you still probably have a few pounds of loose skin that someone who has never been over 125 pounds will not have. I am 5'3" or maybe 5.2 1/2 and I had a goal of 140 but flew past that. I purposely tried to stop or slow weight loss since I felt the loss was out of my control. Now I have been bouncing around 125-128 for 2-3 months but seem to be closer to 126 this month vs 128 a month or 2 ago.
Others on here said your body will naturally slow down the closer you get to your own body's ideal. I have found that to be true however even with increasing my calories I have dropped a few pounds so my body must not be settled yet.
Are you still loosing at a steady rate or has it naturally slowed down?
I still see myself as heavy and pick up bigger clothes when shopping however at the same time I feel too thin at 125 if that makes sense. I thought I looked better in the 130s with less wrinkles but recently saw a picture from this summer at 145 and thought wow I was still heavy back then. It's mentally a challenge and takes awhile for your head to adjust.
Do you feel like you are beating yourself up about a certain number on the scale or if you don't hit a certain number you failed? If you played out the scenario in your head that in a few months you settled at 130 or 135 would you be ok with that? IMHO I think it's fine to have a goal and even a lower dream goal as long as realistically you would be happy at a higher number and not start bad habits to reach a number. You have come so far already and succeeded past what most charts say people reach after WLS.
Also, don't forget the scale might stall out but things shift and clothes will get looser, stomach smaller etc without a pound lost.

Thank you, 2Bsmaller18! I appreciate your thoughtful reply. Im not beating myself up, but will feel like a failure if I don't lose the last 2 pounds to make it to a "healthy " weight. I didn't come this far to still be "overweight "! I would be fine at 130 or 135. I agree that I've got lots of loose skin which will add some pounds, so 120 is probably not achievable! My weight loss has really slowed down to about a pound a week, if that. From the early days of losing 1/2 pound a day!! I tend to plateau for 4 weeks, then lose a few pounds, then stay there another 4 weeks. Thanks for your support![emoji4]

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[summerset 5,265]

5 minutes ago, Briswife15 said:

Im not beating myself up, but will feel like a failure if I don't lose the last 2 pounds to make it to a "healthy " weight. I didn't come this far to still be "overweight "!

If you told this your psychiatrist it could very well be the red flag that caused her to worry.

[Healthy_life2 8,324]

21 minutes ago, Briswife15 said:

Thank you, 2Bsmaller18! I appreciate your thoughtful reply. Im not beating myself up, but will feel like a failure if I don't lose the last 2 pounds to make it to a "healthy " weight. I didn't come this far to still be "overweight "! I would be fine at 130 or 135. I agree that I've got lots of loose skin which will add some pounds, so 120 is probably not achievable! My weight loss has really slowed down to about a pound a week, if that. From the early days of losing 1/2 pound a day!! I tend to plateau for 4 weeks, then lose a few pounds, then stay there another 4 weeks. Thanks for your support!

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Hugs

Give yourself credit for all your hard work. The goal is healthy, and you achieved that. Trust your professional’s guidance as you work on things.

[FluffyChix 17,415]

Congrats on all your hard work! I'm torn in replying.

I too was rabid about not going to all this work/pain, etc to end up in any other level than "normal". So I disregarded my surgeon and my RD's goal of 156 which still had me overweight.

I think there is a delicate balance between doing what you NEED to do for your internal peace of mind and doing something contrary to you just because your doc doesn't take your position. I also think it's very easy to rationalize behaviors (bias confirmation) and positions to make them fit our beliefs--even if they might be twisted and out of perspective.

I would just say, exercise caution and be brutally honest/transparent with yourself and maybe someone whom you trust implicitly to be your touchstone who can warn you if they see you straying beyond what is healthy.

I totally get BDG Goals. I'm 5'4" and am maintaining at 130-135. But deep down would like to be 125. I'm not actively stressing and straining to get to this goal. I am comfy where I'm at now. But if it happened, I wouldn't be a hater. I just know that I'm not going to artificially take cals down, work out even more, etc just to make that goal. Does that make sense?

[GreenTealael 25,378]

❤

Edited December 12, 2019 by GreenTealael

[GreenTealael 25,378]

2 hours ago, Briswife15 said:

but will feel like a failure if I don't lose the last 2 pounds to make it to a "healthy " weight. I didn't come this far to still be "overweight

Some of us are still technically overweight and life is good, the sky did not fall, the earth still spins, time still moves forward.

Just a thought ❤

Edited December 12, 2019 by GreenTealael

[FluffyChix 17,415]

Just now, GreenTealael said:

Some of us are still technically overweight and life is good, the sky did not fall, the earth still spins, time still moves forward.

Just a thought ❤

For you. And that works for you.

But for some of us, personally, it creates a great conflict. So we either choose to follow what works for us as individuals, as long as it stays within the healthy realm, or not. But I would certainly not advocate that EVERYONE must do it this same way. I'm thrilled you have a weight that works for you and who cares about the charts. Cuz it works FOR you. Psychologically.

But I do relate to the OPs feelings.

[GreenTealael 25,378]

4 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

For you. And that works for you.

But for some of us, personally, it creates a great conflict. So we either choose to follow what works for us as individuals, as long as it stays within the healthy realm, or not. But I would certainly not advocate that EVERYONE must do it this same way. I'm thrilled you have a weight that works for you and who cares about the charts. Cuz it works FOR you. Psychologically.

But I do relate to the OPs feelings.

This isn't about you or me personally but the OP (why i didnt say me) I don't have a history of eating disorders & I don't work with a professional for that.

I just wanted to remind the OP about body positivity, happiness away from weight and remind the OP to work with the professionals on a serious issue that sees a lot of recidivism.

[Briswife15 890]

Thanks for the input, advice and support everyone! I love that I can come here and get caring replies! I'm going to be doing some serious soul searching. I'll post after I meet with Bariatric team about their opinions.

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[summerset 5,265]

8 hours ago, Briswife15 said:

I'll post after I meet with Bariatric team about their opinions.

Keep us updated, pease.

WLS and eating disorders are a very touchy subject. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's just the definition of the term "eating disorder".

A lot of people still seem to view only anorexia and bulimia as eating disorders (still including so called "professionals"), maybe binge eating disorder at a stretch but not chronic/compulsive overeating so suggesting that disordered eating runs rampant on WLS boards seems to be seen as outrageous somehow.

I might be the lonesome loner with this opinion but I believe that nobody gets heavy enough to require WLS without disordered eating. People might not calling it "disordered eating" but rather refer to their "relationship with food" or to "bad habits" instead.

Again, I might be offending quite a few people with this one: I see a lot of disordered eating and disordered thinking about food/weight/exercise on this and other WLS boards (I'm not excluding myself here) and probably the worst about this is that it's often seen as a both completely normal and desirable mindset to have. Sometimes this feels a little bit... creepy.

Society's view on obesity might fuel this: if you were never above a normal weight and suffer from a restrictive eating disorder you're a sick human being in need of help. If you were obese once and got down to a normal weight by engaging in the same behaviors you're a success story.