Do we all have "issues"?

[Ginger_ 0]

I was speaking to a very close friend last night and he started going on at me that I had to work at getting to the “real” reason I am fat and if I didn’t this band will not help me lose weight. He was adamant that I have “issues” that need to be resolved, and if I can’t figure it out I should be in therapy to work on it. Thing is, I don’t think I have any issues. I was never abused in any way, no major traumas, and no deaths of close friends or relatives.

I just don’t know when to stop eating. I don’t sleep well, so perhaps I’m trying to eat the energy I’m lacking by not sleeping. And I’m lazy.

My question to you is – do you think you gained weight because of “issues”? Everyone’s different, of course, but do I seriously have to go to therapy to look for issues I don’t even believe I have? Can’t I just be a lazy over-eater? Isn’t it the best course to work on losing the weight and accepting a healthy lifestyle? Does there HAVE to be issues?

[SimplyMe 0]

I believe everyone has "issues"!!!! Lol! But whatever learn from your mistakes and move on!

For me the best thing after having the lapband was the sheer pleasure of food was gone! For me that is a miracle! food was a comfort to me. And yes sometimes just laziness and overeating!

Whatever....doesn't really matter. I don't think about food as much anymore. When I eat its slowly and I savor what small amount I get! So I guess "issues" resolved!

Good Luck! Have fun!

[Jachut 487]

My initial reaction is no, I dont have issues. I have good relationships, a good life, nothing traumatic has ever happened to me, I have plenty of money and education to be able to eat well and know how to look after myself, I simply have a body that likes to be heavier.

But upon really honest self reflection, I'm lazy, I like lying around doing nothing much, I can be half arsed in my effort at things that are a chore, and my eating and exercise habits, not to mention my spending and housework habits, reflected that. Big effort sometimes, keep up the facade so that nobody thought I was a complete pig, the house was always Okish and could be pulled into shape for visitors, we dont have a $30,000 credit card debt and I never got *really* fat, but I was basically slovenly and immature in my approach to those areas of my life. I decided to grow up basically.

So yes, that would be my issue. Laziness and lack of attention to detail.

But child abuse, a bad relationship with my mother, a stressful marriage - I'm lucky not to have any issues like that. I defintiely dont eat to damp down some inner demon.

[snowbird 2]

No, I don't think there is always a psychological reason for obesity. I think it is a physiological thing. I've been fat since I was four years old. I have always had a thing about food, and would sneak it out of the kitchen from the time I was a small kid. My brother is skinny as a rail. I have two kids, one who is a lap bander who has lost over 100 lb, the other a fit and trim son who would have his Halloween candy still in his room at Christmas. If it's all psychological, how come sometimes I can diet very successfully and keep the weight off for several years, and sometimes I can't get started at all? I wasn't any more mentally/emotionally stable during those successful diet times than during the unsuccessful ones.

As research continues into functioning of the brain, we find that more and more characteristics that we once felt were grounded in emotional problems have a physical cause. I just read an article the other day that put forth the theory that our political leanings, left or right, were a function of how our brains processed information. I know for me it certainly wasn't something I picked up from my parents!

[Longhorn 1]

I don't have "issues," either; at least, none that are related to gaining weight. Sure, I could exercise more and so could my skinny husband! Sure, there are times I ate more than I should and so does my skinny husband. But I have a genetic predisposition to gain weight, as does everyone in my family, and he does not, nor do most people in his family.

Here's what Khaliah Ali and her bariatric surgeon have to say about it in her book, "Fighting Weight:"

So what do thin people have over those who are extremely overweight, if not self-control? Luck. Or, more specifically, genetic luck. The genes that put their ancestors at grave health risk thousands of years ago, by making it difficult to hold on to fat stores in times of food scarcity, are the very genes that are keeping them thin and largely free of health risks today in the face of food overabundance.

Thin and even mildly overweight people often scoff at that notion, as I know all too well. They say that while a person's genes could perhaps cause a weight gain of twenty, thirty, or even fifty pounds, there's no way someone's genetics could cause her to gain a hundred or more excess pounds. The fault for such obesity, they say, falls on the eater's lack of resolve, not her own particular metabolic circumstances. Not true, and you need only to look at the growing ranks of the obese over the last seventy years to douse such thinking.

As Dr. Fielding likes to tell it, if you had said to your thin, tough grandparents in 1935 that they would be able to sit in their car, make the window go down with a flick of a finger rather than with a hand crank, and have a nice teenager hand all their grandchildren five thousand calories through the window with none of them making a single move, they'd have told you to stop dreaming. That is, seventy years ago, constant availability of very high-calorie food with no need to expend any calories in order to procure that food was inconceivable, and there were extremely few obese people.

What has changed in the last several decades is not people's level of willpower but our food supply, which has literally become toxic. It's now nothing, as I know intimately, to buy an 1,100-calorie pecan bun from Cinnabon's, an 850-calorie Taco Bell taco salad, a 600-calorie king-size fries, a 400-calorie slice of pizza topped with pepperoni, or a 1,200-calorie pint of super-rich ice cream. And there are no more scheduled mealtimes around the table to cue you about when eating starts and when it's over. It's all grazing, all the time. Furthermore, it is more common now to overeat for emotional reasons.

It's at the intersection of these changes that the genetic differences come in. Some people can eat whatever they want whenever they want with no consequences on the scale, or at least not severe consequences. Their metabolic wiring allows them to burn calories faster. Or they may have hormones that are set in such a way that they simply do not get as hungry as other people or as turned on by the sight of food. Others, like me, are not so fortunate. And the not-so-fortunate number keeps growing, because as the food supply keeps getting more and more abundant and concentrated in calories (not to mention more available at every turn), more and more people's genes and metabolisms are losing the ability to withstand the caloric onslaught. Their internal signals are overridden.

In 1980, 15 percent of Americans were obese; now it's more than 30 percent. What has changed is the food, along with the drop in the number of calories people burn in daily activities -- not their characters, genes, willpower, or anything else.

I believe that if I had learned to eat better food and exercised more when I first started gaining weight instead of going on a diet, I wouldn't have gained as much as I have. I do not stuff my emotions with food. I don't eat fast food. I don't finish off containers of ice cream.

Four years ago, I lost 70 pounds in about nine months on Medifast. I fought regaining that weight with everything I could. I went back on Medifast. I joined Weight Watchers Online. I exercised 90 minutes a day. I tried South Beach. I rode my bike 34 miles round trip to work for months. I tracked every bit of food I put into my mouth and limited my calories to 1600 per day, presumably 600 calories below my resting metabolic rate. Yet I gained back all but about five pounds.

I even had some doubts about whether my band would work but I now believe that my metabolism is so messed up that the only way I will lose is with a much lower caloric intake than I thought, a level I don't believe I could maintain on my own without the band. And more importantly, I believe the band will help keep me from regaining what I lose.

We've been blamed by everyone else and now we've bought into it and blamed ourselves. Why? Because we know we're not perfect and we could have done things better to avoid this. But that's true for most people, whether they're overweight or not.

Yes, some people have issues that led to their obesity and they may not be able to lose weight and keep it off if they don't get help. And some of us are overweight for the same reason that we're bald or nearsighted or have big noses.

There's another great book out there: "Rethinking Thin: The New Science of Weight Loss--and the Myths and Realities of Dieting" by New York Times reporter Gina Kolata. There's also a PBS special report: "Fat: What No One is Telling You." Both do a good job of examining the issues of obesity and dispelling some of the myths. The PBS special can be viewed online at: FAT: What No One Is Telling You . PBS

You know, when AIDS was first discovered, years of precious research time were lost while people spent more time blaming the victims than finding out the cause. We still have doctors who tell us that weight control is a matter of self-control and all we have to do is "eat less and exercise more" rather than find out what is really causing the obesity epidemic in our country. I think it's time we quit blaming the victims and look at what's really going on!

Now ask me what I really think!

[KarenH 0]

I don't think I had issues that caused me to gain weight. 3 pregnancies, lack of exercise, laziness.......... It's the loss of weight that I think I have issues with. I have just begun the process towards banding, and I think I am afraid to become "thin" again! I am concerned about the liquid phase, what people will think..........

[juliegeraci 7]

I am a lazy overeating plain and simple. The band has helped me with restriction thus losing the weight.

[Forestcat5 1]

Longhorn -

Thank you so much for your post. My parents and all my siblings are obese. My SIL, who is adopted, is obese, and in the last few years found 2 biological sisters and a brother - and they are all obese. There is so much more research that needs to be done!

Thanks again!

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

I 100% know why I was fat, and yes I do have issues. I spent my childhood being sexually abused and raped. My teen years I was a stripper to gain control of my body. Then of course after I became a Mom I had to make another career choice, and had to find another way to control my body. Being overweight is a good way to make sure no one hurts you, at least it was for me. So yeah, I have issues, now I have no way to deal with them.

[Chickie 15]

I didn't have any issues beyond being pretty lazy, and not being accountable for my lifestyle.

[MollyBrown 0]

I think 20 years ago I had issues. Volatile family life when I was young (parents split, mom tried to shoot my dad, ya know, nothing really big :cry). Then once my dad left, my mom was devastated and at 13 I had to take care of her. When I got older, I started finding men who needed to be fixed (drinkers), who needed to be taken care of.

Thankfully, I went to counseling 20 years ago to figure that stuff out and to understand those issues. For the last 10 years I have had a great marriage with a wonderfully flawed man, who does not drink, has a good job, is funny, my best friend, and although he cannot fix the car or hang dry-wall, is one of the smartest, kindest, and most interesting people I have ever met. I don't try to fix him, nor does he try to fix me, rather we support each other. I have a great kid (who is actually my niece but that is another long story). Life is pretty awesome except for my weight.

So, certainly part of the reason I have had weight issues my whole life come from the under-pinings of a volatile childhood and a family (not husband) who to this day needs me to take care of them in some form or another. But part of it is genetics and learned behaviors from those who should have been teaching us the right way to eat, exercise, live...

The real question your friend should have said to you is, what are those behaviors that have contributed to your weight gain and how can you un-learn or modify those behaviors. So tell your friend you probably only need to see a dietitian instead of a shrink...

[steph_co 9]

This is an excellent thread to read about "issues": http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f17/why-you-fat-5223/

I honestly don't think that EVERYBODY has them. I do. But I'm willing to accept that not everybody does.

[insubordination 0]

I'm fat because of 'issue' but I think a lot of people, particularly some men, just have extremely poor habits and have learnt to ignore their satiety signals.

[maryrose 2]

I don't know about "issues" causing my obesity. Like others said, we all have issues. My husband has issues and he is thin.

I think the big picture here is that once you start putting the weight on...it is hard as HELL to take it off...and it just gets beyond our control

[DonHoll1 0]

issue-middle age spread Donna