My ugly truth about WLS

[BetterBelizeIt 28]

May I vent for a second?,

I’m nearly two months post-op from gastric sleeve surgery. I’m now 40 pounds lighter from when I started this journey at 278 lbs. I look amazing. But in the inside I feel like $#|%. I may be one of few people who Love and Regret my decision at the same time. I finally understand what some of y’all meant when you say you have to be mentally prepared and mentally strong. BOY!!!! I miss being able to eat at my own leisure without worrying if my body will accept it...or wondering if I’ll feel horrible afterward. I thought I knew everything there was to know abt bariatric surgery...but just like a first time parent finds out, boy was I wrong. I realize that for me it’s very difficult to separate myself from my love of food. For me, it’s very comparable to a drug addiction. Of course, I can’t physically eat as much as I want/used to but I long for normalcy! I miss the old me. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I dwell on this feeling everyday. Is there anyone else who feels the same? Is this normal? Honestly, I’m starting to feel some sort of self-doubt which I know can lead me back to bad habits. But I have to be honest with myself and at least acknowledge my thoughts, feelings and actions.

I’m also struggling severely from having to cut certain people off. A few of my close family members, who are also over-weight, have started treating me differently. They constantly mention the fact that I had surgery. And say that I’ve changed...duh!!!! Ya don’t say????!? They say I’m always wanting to be seen, and the truth is that I have more energy to go out and try new things. I can now walk around the room instead of hiding in one spot for hours. They’ve since started delving deep into my personal life with the malicious intent to “discover” something else unflattering about me since weight is no longer a major concern. It hurts me deeply because my intentions currently do not align with my reality. I pictured pure happiness and laughter with my loved ones and friends...and now they’ve turned on me. I pray the good Lord blesses me with new and supportive people in my life who actually accept me as I am, as a person who wants to do better. My struggle with my loved ones make me regret my decision tremendously. I’m not sure what to do.

[New&Improved 1,780]

I suggest some really good personalised mental health team support. Good luck.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Well I. see. Mikeey's point, it is Valid but. yes Ambivilence is also more prevalent than many on here do admit. And if it helps , you have a Soul Sister in Ohio, almost 14 months out from my RNY, finally admitted to my PCP today, that although I am grateful my body size. is now one- half my HW, I am approaching a " normal" size appearance, now weigh 20 pounds less than HIM, deep in my inner- Frustr8 at least 30% I wish I could go to my surgeon, and request to be reconnected. I MISS my pyloric valve, I miss a smooth digestion, I am SO SO TIRED. of my frequent urp- up 1o Emesis, I yearn to feel a " FULL" sensation because I never really have one, I yearn for a day with no pouch, stoma or jejunem pain. Although I have been judged to have a patent/ open diameter there - I will carry to my dying day visible scarring with every endoscopy. I have just enough gastric acid prodution to ulcerate my upper small intestine but not enough to digest meat --not even highly ground or pureed stays down . It is my belief when my pouch was "stapled off" and devided, my gastric inervation was either destroyed or severely limited, my pouch drains, mostly by gravity instead of motility. But rationally I am aware I would have a 45- 50% chance of not surviving an open abdominal SURGERY, yes my Surgeon does have the skills, I chose the Chief of Bariatric. Medicine at The Ohio State University, after all. And I am LUCKY ( if you want to CALL,it that) I did not have to donate 3/4 of my natural stomach to either Medical Science or the Waste Incinerator. So everything still remained within ME, just rendered portions less or non- functional.
But the ultimate irony- except for the first 14-15 days post- SURGERY before my pouch strictures and stenosed, I have not been pain- FREE, oh Tylenol does take it down to a dull roar, but like the rotten stepchild you receive in a Second marriage, yeah the very same one who tries getting in your face and stating " I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU- YOU'RE NOT MY MoM!" it just hangs around glaring if you try to make contact.
I DID really think by now the Sunlight would be warm and welcoming, the Bluebirds singing and all the Flowers blooming freely and THEY'RE NOT.
Tried to discuss my dis- ratification with my NP at the Bariatric Clinic only to be told " Quit Your Belly- aching- YOU know you are healed, there is nothing really wrong with YOU, you are just wanting to be coddled and/or pitied- it's been over a Year so you have been already " grandfathered" into health" Gee Thanks for such a " lovely" assessment- remind me to fill out that card that says how WONDERFUL you all have been to ME. If I had desired to be ignored, I wouldn't have travelled 50 miles to see YOU!
I really wish I could go back to being rejoined- if I died at least I would return to my GOD the way He Made Me- rejoined in a proper manner sans the interior scars and exterior droopy skin. And forgive me, my last breaths would be at peace .
Sorry but I didn't want you to feel an "outlier" there are OTHERS out here in Cloud Cuckoo Land, and I'm not going to Gild the Lily- there are pluses and minuses whether or not anyone admits it!
Much love, stay as strong as possible and perhaps there is still a Brighter Day for Us Both!

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

@BetterBelizeIt The feelings that you're experiencing are very normal. The comparison to first-time parents was spot-on. You can prepare as much as you want, but until you have the actual experience, you don't know $#@!. Surgery doesn't turn us away from our long-time coping mechanisms (i.e. food). It makes it more difficult to over-indulge, but certainly doesn't prevent us from doing so, especially once we learn how to eat "around" our restriction.

I'm sorry that friends and family have not been there for you. Some react out of jealousy, others mistakenly think that you now look down on them. Avoid them for now, maybe they'll come around in the end. But you need to do what you need to do and surrounding yourself with supportive people is important. This site is absolutely amazing for that kind of support. Seek out and connect with others who are at a similar phase of weight loss to you and support each other. If you have a local support group, go and meet others who've gone through similar challenges. One-on-one connections can't be beat, imho.

If you have access to a therapist, by all means take advantage of it. The results may be mixed, though. My experience has been that therapists who don't work with a lot of bariatric patients tend to lump us in with other "eating disorders" and I didn't find that helpful at all. There are also some books that may be of help to you: The Emotional First Aid Kit is the only one I can bring to mind right now, but maybe others will add favorite helpful books that they've read.

Please reach out by PM if you'd like to talk more and good luck on your journey. Btw, where are you in Texas?

Edited October 24, 2019 by Orchids&Dragons

[GreenTealael 25,330]

I think these feelings are VERY normal and not often enough talked about. Probably centered around fear of seeming ungrateful or having the great karmic finger pointing and wagging "you wanted it now well you got it"... IDK

{An aside}: After my conversion to RNY my boyfriend began to feel this way for me. He was utterly devasted when more & more foods were added to my no go list (I suspect I'm more adaptive than he is when it comes to that and just was fine) You would have thought he had surgery 😒... I digress

But i hope you find that this is a safe space to vent (without fear) and when you need tangible help and suggestion there are plenty of people who are kind enough to talk in private too! (see post above)

[S@ssen@ch 745]

7 hours ago, Frustr8 said:

" Quit Your Belly- aching- YOU know you are healed, there is nothing really wrong with YOU, you are just wanting to be coddled and/or pitied- it's been over a Year so you have been already " grandfathered" into health"

@Frustr8, I would report this NP. It's unprofessional and unhelpful in any medical practice to say something like that, not to mention outright rude. He/she entirely dismissed your concerns. Doing that has lead to malpractice in many instances and should NEVER happen.

@BetterBelizeIt Sorry to have somewhat hijacked your post. I agree entirely with Orchids&Dragons above and don't think I could have said it any better. What you're feeling is normal and I would strongly urge you to seek out support and/or counseling to help you through. Best of luck.

[Mrs. Mercedes 17]

@BetterBelizeIt Thanks for your post. I agree with the posters above that this is something not talked about enough. While I am happy for all of the people here who are doing great and adjusting well to their new lives, I sometimes feel alienated by my own feelings of frustration. Your post was some welcome realtalk.

I don’t regret my decision and I believe things will get better in the months that follow. But for now, I’m so frustrated and unsatisfied all the time. I go from feeling ‘hungry’/empty stomach to a feeling of pain (aka the new ‘fullness’) within about 5 bites. There is never any feeling of satiety. Like you, I miss that so much. I especially get frustrated when I take the time to actually make a meal. I’m 32 days out and finally made a meatloaf last night. it was a recipe from my nutritionist. It took 90 minutes to prepare after a long day of work and when I sat down to eat it, I took a few bites and the pain hit. I got so upset. It feels like a pointless waste of time to bother cooking anything. Maybe this is the effect of an unhealthy relationship with food but i don’t necessarily think it’s unhealthy to want to feel satisfied after eating Or be able to enjoy a meal. It’s not healthy, I guess, to feel excited about food, but now I almost dread eating.

I saw someone else on these boards comment recently that they think about food now more than they ever did before surgery. i feel that way too. When to eat, how much to eat, how slow to eat, how Long to chew, counting minutes between bites so i don’t eat too fast. It’s A lot and i was not prepared, despite 6 months of pre-op counseling, reading books, internet research, talking to friends. Etc.

anyway, thanks for sharing your frustrations and allowing The rest of us to vent, as well. i Know it will get better and I am lucky to have supportive friends and family. can’t imagine the added stress you are feeling without that ❤️ Please take care and remember it’s ok to put yourself first and cut toxic relationships if you need to.

[Saxons 71]

You are absolutely correct in how bariatric surgery not only changes your eating, digestive habits forever, but there is also a huge mental impact as well. I do think we all suffer some form of regret and remorse.

Everyones experience is different. I am 18 months out from gastric sleeve. I have lost 75lb, but goal is another twenty pounds and I have been stalled now for 3 months. Frustrating.

Everyone tells me that I shouldn't get dumping syndrome, as "people who have sleeves don't suffer dumping". Well I definitely do and it's miserable. My husband and I are medical, so we know the condition. Seems to happen mostly when I eat Protein (red meat, chicken, less so with eggs and fish). I become extremely sweaty, pale, dizzy and nauseous. I feel like I could lay down on the floor and pass out. It lasts about 30-45 minutes which feels like forever.

One of the strategies my husband proposed was to view these episodes as similar to a "ice cream headache".. Only longer. If I stick it out, I will feel better soon. I am not dying, and this too will pass.

We loved eating out at restaurants, having brunch, eating with friends. I am quite scared of food because I don't know how my stomach is going to react. So, now we don't do as much of that. And because we chose not to tell anyone (my decision), I do worry about whether people will notice that I have hardly eaten anything.. Especially if we are guests of friends. I hate thinking "what if they think I funny like their food?!"

I wish some days I could be reconnected as well, but as I have dropped 5 dress sizes, have no loose skin (amazing but probably genetic elastic skin.. but I am thankful for that) my knees don't hurt anymore, I can wrap a standard size bath towel around me, climb stairs without huffing, cross my legs very comfortably etc etc.. It has been worth it. Just keep reminding yourself. Enjoy all the benefits, and try not to focus on the bad.

Best wishes.

On 8/22/2019 at 7:40 PM, AchieveGoals said:

What foods make you experience dumping syndrome? And if you can name the type of food, with quanity/amount etc.

And did the reaction to dumping change with more time that you've had the sleeve? For example, eating half a small bowl of ice-cream make you dump 8 months out vs not anymore at 2 or 3 years out?

Hope this makes sense, I would like to know as foods to avoid or some that are prone to cause someone to dump

[Dances with Carbs 168]

I am sorry this is turning into a love/hate experience for you. Unfortunately from the time we are children we have gathered around food at all social and family functions. It's a bond created from generation to generation centered around food. I haven't experienced anything that negative yet. But I constantly get invited to dinners celebrating anything from birthdays to anniversaries. It kinda sucks. I haven't ordered anything for myself at a restaurant since surgery. I generally eat off my husbands plate but when he's not around I just sit there and drink Water and assure everyone I'm ok and I'm not starving as they suspect. Usually I've already chugged a Protein Shake in the parking lot of the restaurant in anticipation of my situation. My bestfriend tells me all the time that I've changed but I keep reminding her I haven't changed me, just my eating habits and we can bond over something other than food. I've also had to break that food bond with my husband and mother. It's been hard but they are coming around. I just try to be as open about my needs to them as I can so they can understand. I hope you find the support you need. It makes this journey so much easier.

[New&Improved 1,780]

The eating habits most of us were taught from day 1 were bad.

We need to learn better relationship with food and realize food is just fuel to live.

Eventually you will be able to eat more variety and better foods when the time is right but just for the first year it is best to get as much nutritious food as possible to get to the health weight and lifestyle; that is the whole reason for the surgery to have a better life.

It's one year of sacrifice to gain many more years to your life and your future and as they say anything worth having takes hard work!!!

You'll also take time to learn to enjoy healthier alternatives and feel better about food and find satisfaction in life from other activities as well.

It is hard to break that Co-dependent relationship with food but it is very important to train yourself to be healthy and happy long term!!

[rs 1,473]

I too felt the same in the first few months following surgery. I was angry that I couldn't eat what I wanted and how much I wanted. I hated eating my small portion then having to sit at the table waiting for everyone else to finish eating. I'm now 14 months post surgery and somehow some way it's all gotten easier for me to come to terms with. Not sure if it's simply the passage of time or what. I still struggle with following the plan exactly but I've been maintaining my goal weight for a couple months now so I think I'm managing ok. Sending you lots of good wishes that this journey gets easier for you real soon.

[JMA2019 43]

I can relate with your first paragraph 10000%! I feel the exact same way. I try to explain it to my family and friends but they don’t get it. I’ve felt very alone in feeling this way. Just know you are not alone.

[summerset 5,265]

On 24. Oktober 2019 at 2:37 PM, GreenTealael said:

I think these feelings are VERY normal and not often enough talked about. Probably centered around fear of seeming ungrateful or having the great karmic finger pointing and wagging "you wanted it now well you got it"... IDK

Most likely. Shouldn't be a problem in a bariatric community though.

I agree that ambivalent feelings are normal. They occur with many things and too many people respond to them with "Well, you knew it would be like that". What comes to my mind here is when people in the medical field talk about e. g. being on endless working hours, night shifts, 24 h duties etc. - of course everyone who've chosen working in the field knows about these things (duh!!), however, what nobody knows is how you'll be able to cope with these things a decade or more down the road when you're in your 40s or 50s.

[summerset 5,265]

On 24. Oktober 2019 at 2:07 PM, Orchids&Dragons said:

If you have access to a therapist, by all means take advantage of it. The results may be mixed, though. My experience has been that therapists who don't work with a lot of bariatric patients tend to lump us in with other "eating disorders" and I didn't find that helpful at all.

Results are generally mixed when it comes to treating eating issues. "Mixed" meaning "by far not always successful". Yes, worth a try if the access to a therapist ist there, but I wouldn't expect any miracles.

[Sandra Nuelken 419]

On 10/23/2019 at 11:31 PM, BetterBelizeIt said:

May I vent for a second?,

I’m nearly two months post-op from gastric sleeve surgery. I’m now 40 pounds lighter from when I started this journey at 278 lbs. I look amazing. But in the inside I feel like $#|%. I may be one of few people who Love and Regret my decision at the same time. I finally understand what some of y’all meant when you say you have to be mentally prepared and mentally strong. BOY!!!! I miss being able to eat at my own leisure without worrying if my body will accept it...or wondering if I’ll feel horrible afterward. I thought I knew everything there was to know abt bariatric surgery...but just like a first time parent finds out, boy was I wrong. I realize that for me it’s very difficult to separate myself from my love of food. For me, it’s very comparable to a drug addiction. Of course, I can’t physically eat as much as I want/used to but I long for normalcy! I miss the old me. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I dwell on this feeling everyday. Is there anyone else who feels the same? Is this normal? Honestly, I’m starting to feel some sort of self-doubt which I know can lead me back to bad habits. But I have to be honest with myself and at least acknowledge my thoughts, feelings and actions.

I’m also struggling severely from having to cut certain people off. A few of my close family members, who are also over-weight, have started treating me differently. They constantly mention the fact that I had surgery. And say that I’ve changed...duh!!!! Ya don’t say????!? They say I’m always wanting to be seen, and the truth is that I have more energy to go out and try new things. I can now walk around the room instead of hiding in one spot for hours. They’ve since started delving deep into my personal life with the malicious intent to “discover” something else unflattering about me since weight is no longer a major concern. It hurts me deeply because my intentions currently do not align with my reality. I pictured pure happiness and laughter with my loved ones and friends...and now they’ve turned on me. I pray the good Lord blesses me with new and supportive people in my life who actually accept me as I am, as a person who wants to do better. My struggle with my loved ones make me regret my decision tremendously. I’m not sure what to do.

I suggest you ask your doctor for a referral to a counselor. My doctor has one on staff and yours may too. The food you so miss was not your friend and didn't solve any issues. It was killing you. You've been in an abusive relationship with food. I'm on my second go with this I had a lap-band before this surgery. Do I miss my favorite foods, sure? Do I enjoy being healthy absolutely? Is it always a fair trade not always. People will treat you different and will sometimes say you took the "easy way". They don't realize how difficult it is really. If your surgeon has a support group I would suggest that you go. Felling this bad because you want to be healthy is not a good thing. Reach out and get help.