Why do I dislike myself more now?

[Manatee 4]

So I've done pretty well with this damned snake wrapped around my belly, down some 80 lbs so far. That ain't bad. So, why do I look at myself in the mirror now and see a fatass? I didn't think of myself that way when I was morbidly obese.

Surely someone else has been here before, how do I get past this?

[faithmd 14]

This is a really good thread:

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f109/omg-how-crazy-am-i-39650/

[violeteyes37 0]

I know what you mean. I was inspecting my hips in the mirror the other day and was thinking about how fat they were. If I had been so critical of myself before I wouldnt have needed this surgery.

[green 6]

This is a really good thread:

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f109/omg-how-crazy-am-i-39650/

That is an excellent thread. Thanks for posting it. I didn't see it the first time around but it sure does apply to me.

Manatee, weight loss seems to be a two-pronged issue, and the second part lives directly inside our heads. This mental conflict is what you are experiencing right now. I think that it is safe to say that all of us who have lost a great deal of weight have a certain amount of trouble wrapping our heads around our new slimmer bodies. In your case it sounds as though the excitement of successful weight loss has now left, and left you with an emotional hangover. For many of us, as reading the above link will show, we are left feeling a real sense of disbelief in our new, normo bodies. Thin on the outside and fat in the head........

[Sophie248 0]

I really think that my internal self-hatred is what contributed to my weight in the first place. I didn't take care of myself, exercise, eat the right foods because I didn't like myself - it was a type of punishment.

Normally people have to shed this in order to lose the weight and keep it off, but because the band is such a helpful tool, we will lose the weight without losing the self-loathing. It will take a lot of mental energy to make our heads keep up with our changing bodies. This will be the hardest part of my journey. I do have much more hope now than I ever had pre-lap band.

[mcgreen 0]

I really think that my internal self-hatred is what contributed to my weight in the first place. I didn't take care of myself, exercise, eat the right foods because I didn't like myself - it was a type of punishment.

Normally people have to shed this in order to lose the weight and keep it off, but because the band is such a helpful tool, we will lose the weight without losing the self-loathing. It will take a lot of mental energy to make our heads keep up with our changing bodies. This will be the hardest part of my journey. I do have much more hope now than I ever had pre-lap band.

I agree with this 100%. I was doing great with my weight loss and then I saw pictures of the current me and got insanely depressed about how much further I have to go. I only saw someone who is fat and have been on a 2 week fight to not gain any weight because my eating habits have regressed so much. It is the self-dislike/ the self-hate that must be feeding that. Its been said on this board time and time again that losing weight doesn't solve any pre-existing mental problems (on the whole).

Hang in there manatee- I think it can take some people years to get comfortable with their new selves. Our bodies have changed faster than our minds can, possibly.

I'm hoping to get my head back to where it needs to be soon, don't want to gain any of the weight I've worked so hard to lose. Glad that you haven't had a slide down bad food mountain.

faith- thanks for the link to that thread- good read

[KarenG. 0]

I understand how you feel. I "feel" like I weigh 140lbs now but in truth I am about 60 from that now and it shows in the pictures I saw from thanksgiving and in the mirror. Also, when I see myself without clothing I feel like I look even worse with hanging skin. I know in my heart that I look much better now but I don't feel it 100% yet. I think it goes to what Jack says about not seeing himself the way he was before - I always thought I was sexy - some sort of delusion and did not see myself as fat as I was in the mirror. Now when people get excited over my loss I HATE it because it reminds me of how bad I was before.

[BRANDYK 0]

Manatee,

I can relate. My problem is I NEVER looked in the mirror unless I had to, and I NEVER looked in a full length mirror. I used to do everything I could to avoid them, and I wouldn't even look at myself when I was naked if I could avoid it. Now, I scrutinize myself all the time, wanting to watch my body change, so now I feel much more disgusted with myself than I ever did when I was at my pre-op weight. I'm guessing a lot of us are getting reaquainted with our bodies

[DonHoll1 0]

I feel really good about how i am looking now. Real happy with the changes. Donna

[Sarahkc 7]

I feel the same way! I have done pretty well with the band and my subsequent lifestyle changes—but my head still needs to catch up! I still dress like I am trying to hide my body (even my boss told me to buy new cloths)… And I have found that when I look in my full length mirror I eyes go straight to my tummy. My friend also told me that when I am out, I tend to put my hand on my stomach (or where more of it used to be!) like I am trying to hid it. I think when the weight comes off- we start to get greedy… I want it to come faster and in the “right” places (I didn’t notice how big my thighs were until my tummy got smaller!). I still hate pictures—especially the ones which are still unflattering after all my hard work.

What helps me is to remember back to before the surgery… how hard weight watchers was (and how much hard it was when I gained the weight back and plus 10)… how I would sometimes have to leave a button undone on my pants….. How much I ate when I binged and how it made me feel…. And I especially remember the feeling of lying in bed and hopelessly wondering what life would be like if I was a “normal” weight. I may not be at normal weight… yet… but at least it is not hopeless! I try to keep those memories because the tend to fade with time and I need too keep the perspective that I am a healthier person now emotionally and physically no matter what the reflection looks like!

[aubrie 6]

Funny, I never felt I was "obese" until I saw pictures of myself. when I looked in the mirror I didn't see it. When I looked down at myself, I didn't see it. When I held my clothes out in front of me I didn't see it. I was unhappy with my weight gain the first several years, and then after a while it didn't really matter. I was happy with myself. I didn't consider the lap band until I started seeing physical health problems evolve as a result. My husband NEVER said anything about my weight so I felt secure and totally accepted. We started having sex less about 2 years ago. I just assumed it was him and a "man" problem. He was compliemntary, and sweet and it didn't ever occur to me that I was the problem. I got banded about 2 1/2 weeks ago, and this past weekend, I brought up the subject with my husband. It was only then that he dropped the bomb on me that he is no longer sexually attracted to me, and that he was fine physically. I'm devastated, and for the first time, I have TOTAL self loathing. I'm humiliated and literally sick. I just want to crawl under a rock. Now I don't even want him to look at me. It's earth shattering to realize your husband actually finds you repulsive. I don't remember when I've been this sad or depressed. My new band, which was bringing me so much self confidence, almost seems like a waste of time. What do I do?????? Great timing huh?

[Marimaru 7]

I was in denial about my weight for a good long time. Not that I thought I was thin, I just didn't think it was THAT bad!

I've lost about 80 lbs, and the longer I sit at this weight, the bigger I seem to see myself. Not sure what's up with that. It worries me to wonder what I'm going to think of my body when I am at goal...

[Dibaby 0]

I think I know what your talking about Manatee. I think ur a bit like me. Your comfortable now with your weight loss..but you still aren't at your goal but yet everyone keeps on saying you look fine. But yet..your not truely happy with yourself right? Soo do what I did. Refocus yourself. Ask yourself a few questions. What is it exactly I wanna do with this body? What am I shooting for? For me I just kept on thinking everything was impossible..well guess what..it's not! Just figure out exactly what your goals are from here and go for it! Be happy dammit

Nothing is impossible!

[Sophie248 0]

Funny, I never felt I was "obese" until I saw pictures of myself. when I looked in the mirror I didn't see it. When I looked down at myself, I didn't see it. When I held my clothes out in front of me I didn't see it. I was unhappy with my weight gain the first several years, and then after a while it didn't really matter. I was happy with myself. I didn't consider the lap band until I started seeing physical health problems evolve as a result. My husband NEVER said anything about my weight so I felt secure and totally accepted. We started having sex less about 2 years ago. I just assumed it was him and a "man" problem. He was compliemntary, and sweet and it didn't ever occur to me that I was the problem. I got banded about 2 1/2 weeks ago, and this past weekend, I brought up the subject with my husband. It was only then that he dropped the bomb on me that he is no longer sexually attracted to me, and that he was fine physically. I'm devastated, and for the first time, I have TOTAL self loathing. I'm humiliated and literally sick. I just want to crawl under a rock. Now I don't even want him to look at me. It's earth shattering to realize your husband actually finds you repulsive. I don't remember when I've been this sad or depressed. My new band, which was bringing me so much self confidence, almost seems like a waste of time. What do I do?????? Great timing huh?

Aubrie, I wouldn't let this disclosure shatter you too much. There are many aspects to a relationship, and your hubby must love you for many other reasons. I'm sure he doesn't find you "repulsive" - there is a huge difference in "not sexually attractive" and "repulsive." Just remember that you have made an important decision to do something about your weight and should only be positively looking forward from here. Your hubby must be looking forward positively, thus he is now comfortable to share his feelings with you that he has keept inside - that is good! You two can work to put the past behind you as you go on this journey together. You had a major shake out of your denial stage - pick up the pieces and keep going! Your life and your marriage are about to change for the better!

[aubrie 6]

Sophie248,

thank you so much for your kind words. I had to digest what you said a bit, but it didn't occur to me that his disclosure was positive in that now that I've done this for MYSELF and not for him, he felt comfortable sharing it. It still really hurts, and I'm going to have to continue working with this revelation, but I'm glad you pointed out that he was finally comfortable with telling me the truth. You are also right that not sexually attractive and repulsive don't mean the same thing, but it sure feels horrible and still bites. My head and heart are telling me two different things. I want to hope, but my confidence is shaken. Not to mention the nagging fear that he took his "passion" somewhere else, now that I know he's "capable". This is going to be harder to deal with than the banding itself!