Partner Support

[GCDaddy 11]

Hey Lads,

I've been knocking around the forums to find some sort of generalized support checklist. There is a lot if info strewn about but I was hoping to find one place with the whole shebang. So here's my request. My wife is getting the sleeve sometime in the next two months. How can I be prepared to help her out while she is recovering? Basically, how do I not f**k up?

[MLB357 58]

You already starting helping her by joining this site....now you both just ask what you want to know. We are family and will try to help you by sharing our stories.. Best part of being an member is learning from others who have already "Loser's". Welcome aboard

[AZhiker 2,252]

Offer to go to education classes with her and if her surgeon has support group meetings, offer to go along. The other big thing is to keep any junk food that you may eat (chips, Cookies, ice cream, etc) out of the house. The very best thing would be to start eating the healthy foods that she will have to eat. So as she advances her diet over several months, you can be eating the same healthy Proteins, veggies, low carbs, etc. Of course, you will not be drinking Protein Shakes or eating broth for weeks like she will, but being willing to eat her healthy diet down the road will save on shopping, meal planning, food prep, and will avoid a lot of temptation for her.(And be healthier for you, too.) I would give my eye teeth for a spouse who would embrace healthy eating habits.... and maybe even learn to prepare some of those foods!!!!! Let me tell you, it is not a happy feeling when I prepare a really nice healthy meal - like Asian lettuce wraps or eggplant parmesan and hubby takes two bites and then goes to fix himself a peanut butter/jelly sandwich.

Edited September 3, 2019 by AZhiker

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

It's great that you're on board and wanting to prepare in advance. That says a lot about you and your relationship. 💛 One tip I would give you both is to expect her to become very emotional. Fat stores estrogen and especially during the very-high fat-burning time (first few months after surgery) she may experience wild mood swings as she burns fat. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it's common enough for you to be forewarned. I also second @AZhiker's suggestion that you refrain from eating tempting foods around her. Not having them in the house is even better. You don't have to all the time, but at least at times when she's struggling, because even with surgery, we all struggle at times. I would have really appreciated my hubby not drinking in front of me when I was craving a glass of wine. But, in the end, I need to accept that this is my problem, not his. I'm just saying it would have been nice.

[april042019 105]

^I agree. I remember just a week or so after surgery I went to the grocery store with my mom and I saw a reallly good looking broccoli cheddar Soup and told my mom that I wish I could eat it but i can't ( I was still on Clear Liquids I think ). My mom went and picked up the soup and took it home for herself and just kept eating it in front of me. I knew it was my problem and that she shouldn't have to restrict herself in front of me but it just hurt me that she didn't care. So yeah it would be nice if you didn't do that.

Also this site is amazing so if you need to know anything you can always post and ask!

Good luck to you and your wife! ❤️

[VIKING 0424 1,107]

18 hours ago, MLB357 said:

You already starting helping her by joining this site....now you both just ask what you want to know. We are family and will try to help you by sharing our stories.. Best part of being an member is learning from others who have already "Loser's". Welcome aboard

I CANT AGREE MORE WITH THIS STATEMENT

[GCDaddy 11]

20 hours ago, MLB357 said:

You already starting helping her by joining this site....now you both just ask what you want to know. We are family and will try to help you by sharing our stories.. Best part of being an member is learning from others who have already "Loser's". Welcome aboard

Thanks! I love how active this community is. It's refreshing to see lots of people with similar stories keeping each other on the right track towards health.

[GCDaddy 11]

19 hours ago, AZhiker said:

Offer to go to education classes with her and if her surgeon has support group meetings, offer to go along. The other big thing is to keep any junk food that you may eat (chips, Cookies, ice cream, etc) out of the house. The very best thing would be to start eating the healthy foods that she will have to eat. So as she advances her diet over several months, you can be eating the same healthy Proteins, veggies, low carbs, etc. Of course, you will not be drinking Protein Shakes or eating broth for weeks like she will, but being willing to eat her healthy diet down the road will save on shopping, meal planning, food prep, and will avoid a lot of temptation for her.(And be healthier for you, too.) I would give my eye teeth for a spouse who would embrace healthy eating habits.... and maybe even learn to prepare some of those foods!!!!! Let me tell you, it is not a happy feeling when I prepare a really nice healthy meal - like Asian lettuce wraps or eggplant parmesan and hubby takes two bites and then goes to fix himself a peanut butter/jelly sandwich.

This is exactly what I was thinking and why I started looking in the first place. I do a lot of the cooking so I'll have to learn to meal prep and reduce portions for an 80% stomach reduction. My wife and I would usually go on hardcore diets together. We initially decided to get bariatric surgery together but I opted out for two reasons. One, I didn't want both of us to be out of commission post-OP. Two, I love beer and I fear that I'm not at a point where I can completely cut it out. I wouldn't want to spend so much time preparing for it to be lost on wanting to drink. Since we are nearing the surgery date it sounds like it's time to purge the baddies from the fridge!

[GCDaddy 11]

10 hours ago, april042019 said:

^I agree. I remember just a week or so after surgery I went to the grocery store with my mom and I saw a reallly good looking broccoli cheddar Soup and told my mom that I wish I could eat it but i can't ( I was still on Clear Liquids I think ). My mom went and picked up the Soup and took it home for herself and just kept eating it in front of me. I knew it was my problem and that she shouldn't have to restrict herself in front of me but it just hurt me that she didn't care. So yeah it would be nice if you didn't do that.

Also this site is amazing so if you need to know anything you can always post and ask!

Good luck to you and your wife! ❤️

Oh man that is ridiculous. It sounds like something my dad would have done. I like the thought process too.

>sees soup but can't have soup

>mom let's you live vicariously through her tastebuds

[GCDaddy 11]

12 hours ago, Orchids&Dragons said:

It's great that you're on board and wanting to prepare in advance. That says a lot about you and your relationship. 💛 One tip I would give you both is to expect her to become very emotional. Fat stores estrogen and especially during the very-high fat-burning time (first few months after surgery) she may experience wild mood swings as she burns fat. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it's common enough for you to be forewarned. I also second @AZhiker's suggestion that you refrain from eating tempting foods around her. Not having them in the house is even better. You don't have to all the time, but at least at times when she's struggling, because even with surgery, we all struggle at times. I would have really appreciated my hubby not drinking in front of me when I was craving a glass of wine. But, in the end, I need to accept that this is my problem, not his. I'm just saying it would have been nice.

Thanks for this tip! I didn't know about hormone storage in fat. I know it's going to be emotional for everyone involved. Now I just need to remember to be patient and never ever say, "Babe! You're just emotional right now because excess lady hormones are being released from your stored up fat cells." I'll probably tell her before hand.

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

11 hours ago, GCDaddy said:

I do a lot of the cooking so I'll have to learn to meal prep and reduce portions for an 80% stomach reduction.

There are several bariatric cooking websites but my favorite recipe site is skinnytaste.com. It is geared more to Weight Watchers, but the food is wonderful. She remakes normal dishes into healthier versions. The sizes aren't bariatric, but she provides full nutritional information and since you'll have a normal size stomach, there shouldn't be too many leftovers. It's great that you like to cook. It's so much easier to know exactly what you're ingesting.

[CalGuy64 66]

Have a good divorce lawyer pre-selected. I wish I was kidding but divorce rates skyrocket after women have WLS.

[VIN_IN_AL 55]

On 12/12/2019 at 9:12 PM, CalGuy64 said:

Have a good divorce lawyer pre-selected. I wish I was kidding but divorce rates skyrocket after women have WLS.

Unfortunately this happened to a friend, his wife had WLS in 2017 and in about a year and a half she lost over 100 lbs. He was never in full agreement with her decision for having WLS, his reasoning was that he liked his women "plump".

She really became focused on living a healthy lifestyle. She had cosmetic surgery and visits a nutritionist and physical trainer 3x a week. She began pushing her new healthy lifestyle back on him, probably because she felt he wasn't making much of an effort to support her. He is about 5' 10" @ 299 lbs but did not consider himself obese and insisted he would never have WLS when the subject came up. I could not understand why he was complaining so much about his wife's new appearance after the WLS. To my eyes she was a completely different women, she looked almost 10 years younger.

It did not take long for other men to notice her new found appearance and with the husband proving no support or interest she ended up filing for a divorce 2 years post-op.

Edited March 3, 2020 by VIN_IN_AL