skinny shamed!

[mousecat88 2,281]

My mother skinny shamed me today.

......

She told me I looked too thin and sickly. I am literally 10lbs overweight still! And when I was 25lbs lighter she would always tell me I looked great. When I was fat she never made any comments. But now I look too skinny? Uh what? I still have about 10lbs to go before I am "BMI healthy" and I am a Size 8! I am 5'3"!

I told her maybe she just wasn't used to be looking healthy or because I lost weight quickly, and she was just like "no, that's not it...." and didn't elaborate. I can't win. *eye roll* Now the parent that used to call me fat is congratulating me all the time and the one who never called me fat is skinny shaming.

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[DeeberLee 300]

22 minutes ago, mousecat88 said:

My mother skinny shamed me today.

......

She told me I looked too thin and sickly. I am literally 10lbs overweight still! And when I was 25lbs lighter she would always tell me I looked great. When I was fat she never made any comments. But now I look too skinny? Uh what? I still have about 10lbs to go before I am "BMI healthy" and I am a Size 8! I am 5'3"!

I told her maybe she just wasn't used to be looking healthy or because I lost weight quickly, and she was just like "no, that's not it...." and didn't elaborate. I can't win. *eye roll* Now the parent that used to call me fat is congratulating me all the time and the one who never called me fat is skinny shaming.

Sent from my SM-G930R4 using BariatricPal mobile app

I certainly can emphasize with you. My brother told me to "eat something." He asked me if everything was okay at home! I agree with you, when I was fat no one said anything. I'm eating healthier, exercising without pain and now I'm too thin! Geez!

[Lynnlovesthebeach 626]

I think when people get used to seeing you thinner the comments will stop. At least that's what I'm hoping for too. I know a girl I work with had surgery 2 yrs ago and people used to say that about her all the time. Now I rarely hear anything...maybe because they are now saying it about me, behind my back! I hear those comments too and I think it's because the wt came off so fast. I just hit my "normal" BMI wt this morning so now when they comment at least I can say I'm where I want to be...and don't plan to lose more! Congratulations on your weight loss!

[FluffyChix 17,415]

2 hours ago, Lynnlovesthebeach said:

I think when people get used to seeing you thinner the comments will stop.

This. Everyone is used to seeing us through our MO filter. It will take them a while to get used to it too. Ignore her. Live your own agenda. Keep on going!! You're doing great!

[Frustr8 7,886]

Well I am 288 ( I think) at a week short of 1 year and a Joyful Size 17/18 and diminishing Every Day. I started at 365+ so at 5ft8in I'm starting to look like a Firecracker instead of a Full keg of Dynamite! And my PCP, yep same dude that danced around singing " You're Obese and you're GONN DIE!" now has started a Slender-Shaming Tirade. Thinks I've lost TOO MUCH and TOO FAST,told me I could stop ALREADY. Am I Gonna? Nope no Way, not when I can SEE my goal of 175 shining ahead for ME! But some people are so Contrary they' d argue with a tack about not being Sharp enough. There is an River in the Canadian Maritimes so affected by the tides it flows backwards. Wonder if they would like to go live there?👈😛👉

[Frustr8 7,886]

And it's 1*8*8 not 2*8*8, been in Onederland such a Small Time even I can't believe it's TRUE!

[momof3_angels 465]

Devils advocate here... I know when my co-worker dropped really low too fast (or it appeared to be too fast to me), she DID look sickly. She had the sleeve done and while she would periodically look awful for a week or two while her body was adjusting. Then she would look healthy. Then it would happen again. It is possible that you are just in one of those phases where you don't look as healthy to others, but that doesn't mean you will stay looking that way. My friend overall did look great most of the time, and she looks great now that she is at her maintenance healthy weight. But that doesn't mean she always looked healthy in the eyes of others while the weight loss was happening. Anyhow, after watching my friend... I am gearing up to have others see in me what I saw in my friend. Personally, I kept my mouth shut and remained supportive during her entire weight loss. I asked her how she was doing and listened when she needed to vent. But I was careful not to say anything that could be construed as criticism. I am hoping others will do the same with me. But I also know that some people (probably my husband) will make rude comments when I am looking not so great. Even if I think I look fine.

Anyhow, ignore your mom. Or if you want to, let her know that it bothers you when she makes those comments. Also re-assure her that your doctor is monitoring you and everything is going very well. Let her know where you are in your goals. She might be afraid you are just going to keep losing until it is too much weight loss. Or she just might not be used to seeing you at your current size. What is important is how you feel and how you think you look.

[Stella S 612]

Keep being the healthiest you possible. For me this included giving a pass to some comments said about my loss. Now I think few even remember 2015 pre sleeve. You do you!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Chiptress 327]

Congrats to everyone doing so well with weight loss & becoming healthy! That’s so amazing & I can’t wait to be healthy again. You know what I don’t get? Why anyone feels that they need to offer their option unless it’s asked for. I think other people have entirely too much to say & they should mind their own business

[mousecat88 2,281]

It's just crap when it comes from a family member, especially one that has never made comments about your appearance before. The irony of this is she was/is 200% against weight loss surgery but is actually consulting with my bariatric surgeon for it as a last resort option to control her diabetes. That's actually what prompted the comment. We were talking about her meeting with my surgeon and then she said I looked too skinny/sick.

[Healthy_life2 8,324]

54 minutes ago, mousecat88 said:

It's just crap when it comes from a family member, especially one that has never made comments about your appearance before. The irony of this is she was/is 200% against weight loss surgery but is actually consulting with my bariatric surgeon for it as a last resort option to control her diabetes. That's actually what prompted the comment. We were talking about her meeting with my surgeon and then she said I looked too skinny/sick.

Did you ever think you would hear the words “you look too skinny”? At least you inspired her to get healthy. Sorry you are feeling this way about the comment.

It’s hard enough for you to deal with the physical change. The comment was not helpful. It’s also hard for family to wrap their heads around our smaller size. Her comment may be because of her own weight issues.

Unfortunately, you look too skinny/sick seems to be a common comment. Most people don’t know what a healthy BMI looks like.

[mousecat88 2,281]

50 minutes ago, Healthy_life2 said:

Did you ever think you would hear the words “you look too skinny”? At least you inspired her to get healthy. Sorry you are feeling this way about the comment.

It’s hard enough for you to deal with the physical change. The comment was not helpful. It’s also hard for family to wrap their heads around our smaller size. Her comment may be because of her own weight issues.

Unfortunately, you look too skinny/sick seems to be a common comment. Most people don’t know what a healthy BMI looks like.

Well the weird thing is that 9 years ago I was 135lbs and she used to say I looked fantastic and then I went in for liposuction and she begged me not to because I looked great already. But now at 145 I am too skinny? Wat.

[momof3_angels 465]

6 hours ago, mousecat88 said:

It's just crap when it comes from a family member, especially one that has never made comments about your appearance before. The irony of this is she was/is 200% against weight loss surgery but is actually consulting with my bariatric surgeon for it as a last resort option to control her diabetes. That's actually what prompted the comment. We were talking about her meeting with my surgeon and then she said I looked too skinny/sick.

Sounds like her comment was really due to her anxiety about her own health and fears regarding surgery. I personally would just ignore and let her process what is going on in her own mind.

It does remind me of a different situation where my mom was 200% against me putting my son on some very much needed medication for his attention deficit disorder. I did it because he was struggling significantly in school (couldn't function in educationally) and it worked wonders on him. Then a few years later, he would actually get hyper when he didn't have it as more of a side effect of being on the medication. When he was acting up in any way she would suddenly say "Did you give him his medicine today?" Um, I thought you were against medication? BTW, that isn't why I give it to him anyway!

Hang in there! She needs to process her own feelings/fears.

[336Mike 549]

I still hear that periodically and I know it's worse when it comes from someone who you'd expect to support you. Totally sucks!! But focus on you and being healthy...try to let it roll off (easier said than done).

The latest for me was someone new in the weight loss support group I go to saying I didn't look like I belonged there and another WLS veteran saying exactly what you were told re: being too skinny. We need too support each other!

HW = 360
SW = 292
GW = 220 reached 3/7/18
CW = 210 @ 6'5"
150 pounds lost!

[Sheribear68 3,201]

My brother-in-law now always refers to me as “hey skinny” even though I’m still about 20 actual pounds overweight and at a BMI in the “overweight” category.

Oh yeah, and his wife (my sister) is still thinner than me. There’s just zero logic to his comments