Has anyone else felt this way?

[Miss.ferby 2]

I have been struggling with my weight my whole life. It's always a comment from my parents, or my old doctor saying that I should eat more veggies and salads and run more. Or me trying fad diet after fad diet, or trying a "lifestyle change" diet like Noom or Weight watchers or Keto... but I always hover between 280 and 220 pounds. I remember once, I broke past my 220 pound curse... I got to 200 pounds even! "Finally! Progress!" I thought to myself, but a little voice in the back of my head came around. It was all the doctors I had ever seen come to torture me. "For a person my size, gender, and age. I should be between 100-120 pounds". Ok, so time to change up the routine, and try to lose more weight. I took weight loss pills, exercised harder, but the weight loss just stalled. No matter how much I tried I could not break the barrier.

So. I am taking the plunge into weight loss surgery. I spoke with my PCP, and he said felt it would benefit me. It will help with my insulin resistance that is due to my Pcos (polycystic ovary syndrome), and lower my risk for diabetes and heart problems (both are health issues from my parents). I found a surgeon in the Tampa, FL area and I have my very first appointment with him in a couple weeks... so why do I feel like a failure?

Why is it that I feel like I can try a new way to lose the weight on my own without having surgery? Why am I against the surgery? Why does it feel like I'm failing when I haven't even started? I just want to be healthy... I don't even care about being skinny... I just want to be able to tie my shoes without becoming winded. Or go to a theme park without becoming tired in an hour.

Do I have many, many questions? Yes. But signing up in this forum has helped answer some of them... do I worry about what I'll look like after the surgery? Yes. But that does not outweigh my health... and I know this!

But why on earth do I still want to cancel the appointment and try, for the millionth time, to lose the weight on my own? Why do I feel like giving up when I haven't even started?

Am I the only one who feels like this? I can't be alone in these thoughts, right? ... truthfully I probably should save this discussion for the bariatric therapist; but I can't stop thinking about it...

How did you all do it? How did you guys push past the intrusive thoughts?

[catwoman7 11,212]

I think that's pretty common when making the decision to have surgery. I, too, thought I could try once again to lose it on my own, but I leveled with myself. What would make this time any different from the other 1000 times I've done it? Losing weight and gaining it back was pretty much the story of my entire adult life. Weight loss surgery was the only thing that ever worked for me. I'm glad I had it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat!

[MMME 89]

I remember on the morning of my surgery saying to my partner "Do you think I can just lose the weight and keep it off on my own and not do the surgery?" That was obviously nerves talking, but his answer made perfect sense. He said, "If you could, you would have by now".

Bariatric surgery is NOT a failure. It's still hard work after surgery to lose and maintain for the rest of your life. It's about using a tool to make the best choices for your health. You'll still have to eat properly and exercise, but WLS is the tool that will help you to learn how to change not only your weight, but your mindset.

Since my bypass 11 months ago I have become intolerant of a good few foods - not a bad thing when they include sugary foods, fatty foods and absolutely intolerant of anything chocolate. It's not easy but it's your health you need to consider.

[FluffyChix 17,415]

So I agree, we all go through this to one extent or another. The shame and stigma attached to WLS and obesity is really so sad. It's diagnosed by the AMA as a disease. That means doctors are allowed to treat us for this disease and insurance has to cover it, if it's listed as a covered feature of their plans.

Obesity like many diseases is multi-factoral. Do we have some amount of culpability? Absolutely. But at the core, there is some element of broken-ness within that then takes our body out of homeostasis and hormonally sets us up for heartache down the road. Most of us are champion losers. But most of us are hideous maintainers. Sure there is ricidivism (reverting to old ways and patterns with eating/food), but our body also has a desire to take us back up and level us off at our last HIGHEST weight level. Yikes! Hello regain? Yes.

WLS helps break this cycle. It is a metabolic reset. It is actually (or can be) more of a weight maintenance tool than it is a weight loss tool. But like with any tool, it is up to us to use the tool correctly. Don't use a screw driver to hammer in a nail. And just like with any disease, take heart disease...do you blame the patient for needing a heart bypass or stint if lifestyle changes and medicine doesn't work to reverse their CHD? No...we don't. Then it's unfair for MO people to be blamed for needing a surgical intervention to help normalize a substantially broken metabolism.

This is what finally gave me peace about my surgery. I also have PCOS since I was 13-14y. My highest weight was 325lbs. My recent high was 287lbs. I weigh 134lbs this morning. I'm 56y. I'm not any great shakes. But I am determined and focused and have chosen to put my love/adoration of food to the side in favor of kicking ass and taking names in the healthy living department. I just "ran" 65minutes straight this morning. When I first started I was chair/bed bound and couldn't stand or walk for more than 5 minutes.

You can do this. But you do have to want to change and you have to apply yourself. My RD said that PCOS makes it harder and wl slower for patients. It's partly why I did the RNY over the VSG.

[hopefulmad 4]

I can understand how you are feeling right now. I was back and forth about it for almost a year. I watched others go through it to see how they were doing. I think it’s the finality of it.
When I finally realized that I needed it for my health in order to continue to be a mom to my special needs girl, the decision became much easier. All of my docs are in favor of it.
I am also from the Tampa Bay Area. On September 3rd I will be having my sleeve done at TGH. I did go through lots of testing. I did have to go through at least 6months of diet classes. They are sooo beneficial. I started this process on January 3rd so you can see how long it has taken. You can check them out on you tube. There is a clip of a blonde woman interviewing a brown hair woman. That is my surgeon, Ashley Mooney. TGH is good but one has to follow their rules. Like they have said it’s our body but their surgery! LOL
Wishing you well in your journey!🙂

[hopefulmad 4]

I made an oops! My surgery date is September 5th no the 3rd. 🤓

[GradyCat 3,695]

But even having WLS means you have to have discipline afterward and eat healthy for a lifetime of changes. Surgery isn't the magic bullet everything thinks it is. It doesn't cut the fat out and make it go away overnight. There's still a lot of work to it. So be proud of yourself for making this life change.

[Chiptress 327]

Welcome! My surgery is tomorrow morning! I went through so many ups & downs . I started researching as much as possible. If you go to the hospital you’re not signing your life away you’re gathering info. I was on a site yesterday & out of 800 something people almost all said that they’d do it again . Only regret was not doing it sooner!!

[Miss.ferby 2]

Reading all of the responses, helps ease the thoughts I am having. I do think there is some anxiety in the fact that this is my last option for a healthier life, and if I can stick to the very strict dietary restrictions. @FluffyChix I have to agree with you, there is a stigma with WLS and how people think it is the "easy way out", but reading more forums and researching more... you're right, it is not a failure, it is an aid, and it is NOT easy. You have to change your psychology/relationship with the food you eat. I am just stuck in a mentality of anxiety of having this aid and not being able to overcome my obesity. I am also worried that I will be part of the statistics of failing the WLS and gaining all my weight back... even though I am telling myself different, and I am trying to change my eating habits NOW, pre-surgery.

@Chiptress I DEFINITELY want to find WLS meetings and websites like this one, and talk with actual people in my position and people post-surgery, that is my next google research endeavor.

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

FWIW - 5'3", 55 years old at time of surgery. 3rd surgi-versary in a few days (8/23). Highest weight- roughly 300+. Current weight - about 162. Lowest 152 after contracting e coli.

I told only my immediate family (two teen daughters and husband.) I did not tell my mother or my sister (mom died without knowing and sister still doesn't know).

I am NATIONALLY RANKED as a fencer now in my age group in two weapons (foil and saber). I can deadlift 240 and back squat the same.

Getting your head in the right place is the biggest issues. Learning to deal with emotions without food is huge for most of us. Finding an exercise you love is important. Tell who you choose, or not. But I can tell you that this made a mammoth difference in my life.

Best wishes to you.

[jasmineinmymind 204]

I think everyone feels that way, I mean who really wants to have life changing surgery that carries so many risks?? For me I wish I could have found the strength to do it 10 years ago. Im so mad that I wasted so much of my adult life feeling fat and miserable and torturing myself with diet efforts to never see any real long term success. I would renew it every year if I had to. Doing this was the best thing I've ever done for myself.

[CrowLuv 60]

On 8/19/2019 at 12:34 PM, jasmineinmymind said:

I think everyone feels that way, I mean who really wants to have life changing surgery that carries so many risks?? For me I wish I could have found the strength to do it 10 years ago. Im so mad that I wasted so much of my adult life feeling fat and miserable and torturing myself with diet efforts to never see any real long term success. I would renew it every year if I had to. Doing this was the best thing I've ever done for myself.

This X 100. I'm only, what, 3 days out from surgery, and already I wish I'd done it years ago. Better now than never.

I have plenty of willpower and self-discipline - and boy do I ever understand the feelings you're having, OP - @Miss.ferby - and also, I have had so many surgeries in my life, I did NOT want to willingly walk into another one.

But the past several years of giving my absolute 100 best efforts to every diet/healthy eating/etc. plan known to mankind and beyond, and having every effort and success end up boomeranging back on me, just nuking my self-confidence into the dust every single time, with extra weight ON TOP of it to boot - aaaaack - I just finally tapped out, you know?

This is a tool that will finally allow me to achieve success - I know I've got the inner gumption and strength - and clearly you do as well, OP - but that was no longer enough and that is not a personal failing at all. You aren't alone!

[Flo-grown 194]

I have been struggling with my weight my whole life. It's always a comment from my parents, or my old doctor saying that I should eat more veggies and salads and run more. Or me trying fad diet after fad diet, or trying a "lifestyle change" diet like Noom or Weight watchers or Keto... but I always hover between 280 and 220 pounds. I remember once, I broke past my 220 pound curse... I got to 200 pounds even! "Finally! Progress!" I thought to myself, but a little voice in the back of my head came around. It was all the doctors I had ever seen come to torture me. "For a person my size, gender, and age. I should be between 100-120 pounds". Ok, so time to change up the routine, and try to lose more weight. I took weight loss pills, exercised harder, but the weight loss just stalled. No matter how much I tried I could not break the barrier.
So. I am taking the plunge into weight loss surgery. I spoke with my PCP, and he said felt it would benefit me. It will help with my insulin resistance that is due to my Pcos (polycystic ovary syndrome), and lower my risk for diabetes and heart problems (both are health issues from my parents). I found a surgeon in the Tampa, FL area and I have my very first appointment with him in a couple weeks... so why do I feel like a failure?
Why is it that I feel like I can try a new way to lose the weight on my own without having surgery? Why am I against the surgery? Why does it feel like I'm failing when I haven't even started? I just want to be healthy... I don't even care about being skinny... I just want to be able to tie my shoes without becoming winded. Or go to a theme park without becoming tired in an hour.
Do I have many, many questions? Yes. But signing up in this forum has helped answer some of them... do I worry about what I'll look like after the surgery? Yes. But that does not outweigh my health... and I know this!
But why on earth do I still want to cancel the appointment and try, for the millionth time, to lose the weight on my own? Why do I feel like giving up when I haven't even started?
Am I the only one who feels like this? I can't be alone in these thoughts, right? ... truthfully I probably should save this discussion for the bariatric therapist; but I can't stop thinking about it...
How did you all do it? How did you guys push past the intrusive thoughts?

Hi,
I'm also in Tampa and had my surgery 22 days ago and I'm already down 18 lbs post OP. After many many years of dieting...losing and gaining it right back and numerous health issues. I knew I needed help to lose the weight and keep it off. Having this surgery has given me the tool I needed to help lose the weight. I have zero regrets and going into this after spending countless hours of research has helped mentally prepare me for my new way of viewing food. What ever you decide, I wish you all the best!!

5'4"
Starting weight 297
VSG on 7/31/19
Surgery wt: 266
CW 248
GW 135

Sent from my [samsung Galaxy] using BariatricPal mobile app

[loridee24 13]

On 8/18/2019 at 6:46 AM, FluffyChix said:

So I agree, we all go through this to one extent or another. The shame and stigma attached to WLS and obesity is really so sad. It's diagnosed by the AMA as a disease. That means doctors are allowed to treat us for this disease and insurance has to cover it, if it's listed as a covered feature of their plans.

Obesity like many diseases is multi-factoral. Do we have some amount of culpability? Absolutely. But at the core, there is some element of broken-ness within that then takes our body out of homeostasis and hormonally sets us up for heartache down the road. Most of us are champion losers. But most of us are hideous maintainers. Sure there is ricidivism (reverting to old ways and patterns with eating/food), but our body also has a desire to take us back up and level us off at our last HIGHEST weight level. Yikes! Hello regain? Yes.

WLS helps break this cycle. It is a metabolic reset. It is actually (or can be) more of a weight maintenance tool than it is a weight loss tool. But like with any tool, it is up to us to use the tool correctly. Don't use a screw driver to hammer in a nail. And just like with any disease, take heart disease...do you blame the patient for needing a heart bypass or stint if lifestyle changes and medicine doesn't work to reverse their CHD? No...we don't. Then it's unfair for MO people to be blamed for needing a surgical intervention to help normalize a substantially broken metabolism.

This is what finally gave me peace about my surgery. I also have PCOS since I was 13-14y. My highest weight was 325lbs. My recent high was 287lbs. I weigh 134lbs this morning. I'm 56y. I'm not any great shakes. But I am determined and focused and have chosen to put my love/adoration of food to the side in favor of kicking ass and taking names in the healthy living department. I just "ran" 65minutes straight this morning. When I first started I was chair/bed bound and couldn't stand or walk for more than 5 minutes.

You can do this. But you do have to want to change and you have to apply yourself. My RD said that PCOS makes it harder and wl slower for patients. It's partly why I did the RNY over the VSG.

thank you so much for sharing, not just the weight but your ability to be more active. I want to be thinner, but my main motivation is feeling like I can go do the things I want without my body stopping me in the tracks with pain and lack of stamina.

Lori