How to choose a realistic goal weight

[Sheribear68 3,200]

On 07/23/2019 at 19:13, ValerieInMexico said:

I think my goal will be safe BMI. Thanks for the chart!

That would be about 150 for me. Also, a very big goal is getting a report that says I no longer have a fatty liver. That really, really bothers me. Livers and Kidneys are important and I want good "grades" for my organs.

Tomorrow, the interventionists are coming to my house. Those are friends who think I should not have surgery. They think I look just beautiful and fine and I should accept myself the way I am.

Now, I am going to explain that this is not about just wearing smaller clothes, it is about getting rid of the fat around and in my liver, getting healthy. Health is the reason I work so hard in the gym and walking. However, that is just not how they think. Its only about looks. I wish they could relate their illnesses to their weight and what they consume.

One of them is my shopping buddy who is 40 or 50 pounds overweight, has diabetes, smokes and almost lost her foot last year due to complications from PAD and diabetes. I love her and I spent a lot of time helping her during her recovery. I also want to do this for her, to show her by example, and not to be enabler for either of us. I won't go shopping with her, or eating out now. I think she is sad, and worried I won't be there for her.

This passage really speaks to me.
I have one and only 1 good friend who isn’t at least obese and most of mine are in the “severe to morbidly obese” category.
For that reason, I really didn’t tell any of them about this until literally 2 weeks before surgery (the day I got my confirmation of date)
The only people I told ahead of time were my coworkers because I had to change out so many shifts due to all the the pre-op appointments and procedures (it took me almost 8 months from start to surgery day due to all the complications and additional testing that had to be done).

Quite simply, I just didn’t want to deal with these kinds of issues from telling my obese friends because this was my decision for my health and—to me— it was independent of my friendship with them.
Now I did let a lot of them know my surgery date so they wouldn’t get their feelings hurt that I’d done something so “risky” without letting them know to pray for/think of me that day.
I had mixed responses from “you aren’t unhealthy or even all that fat” to “what can I do for you right after surgery?”
Not gonna lie.... I don’t hang out with many of them as much as before because I don’t go out and eat really anymore. Also I think some of them don’t understand fully how I truly have lost most interest in food. How could they? They’ve not had their digestive tracts modified so they can’t know.
I think that eventually things will get more to a normal point, but I’m still not even 6 months post sleeve.

Anyway, I also had an extremely difficult time setting a goal and I’m not sure if the modified one I have is realistic or not.

Prior to starting this process I was willing to settle for being 175/size 14.
I’m 5’7”, 50 years old and have a fairly average frame (big-ish legs and thighs, but it is what it is)

For some reason, I always thought 175 was “the best I could ever hope for”

After I started into the 8 month process and did more research and talked to more people in support groups (I became a support group junkie) I realized that I was going to more than likely lose under 175 based off of the math for EBW loss and my weight then.
Right before surgery I changed my goal weight to 155, which is at the very upper range of “normal” BMI.
I basically chose that number because it put me right at the border of normal/overweight.

Now as I’ve progressed through these almost 6 months, I’m thinking I might want to shoot for 145. I was 135-ish all through high school and college (with one glorious semester when I ran a lot and got down to 125)

As of this morning, I’m at 177.6, so I absolutely know I’m going to blow way past goal #1.
In retrospect, I had gotten so used to being so fat for so long that it seemed ludicrous to initially choose a goal in a “normal” BMI, but you know what???? I’ve decided I’m worth taking the chance and going for the 145.

[apiane 174]

I picked 145, which is ever so slightly still in the overweight range. But I picked it because I was small until 20 and I was too small. I think I’d look good at 145. I think once I get there I’ll decide if I want to go smaller.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Well , my goal all along has been size 15 Junior/175 pounds. The junior because for a Once very obese 🐤 and now lost feathers, claws and spurs, and probably my break and comb next, joke I already look like a Plucked Pullet in neighborhood of 190, scrawny neck, what seems like sunken- in cheeks, the whole sad train- wreck I think I LOOK like , although most people say I DON'T. I maybe chose 175 because it was a little over one- half the High Weight I once had 2 years ago, and after having Medical personnel say " OMG, You're at least 175 pounds overweight; that number, like a Bad Scar, I just can't escape it showing.Will 175 give me that cherished hope of a Size 15? Not certain, at this point I am either a 18 or 19, depending on which style pallets I'm dabbling in. I do miss Me, some of the old look I used to have, even the last time I was this size, Maybe summer of 1967, I still looked quite different. Although many say I do Not LOOK MY Age, I fear I look closer to the years I really have lived. Will they know ME when I walk into the Bariatric Clinic on August 14th? If they don't, IT IS THEIR OWN STUPID FAULT, not MY CHOICE not to be seen for 4 almost 5 months. Either it is Benign Neglect or I am NOT as interesting as once I was. Nurse Practitioner Valerie has decided to "grandfather" me into Good Health, does not want to do an additional EGJ even though I feel my ulcers are back again, the gnawing sensation eating , drinking milk, or even abstaining from food, nothing seems to relieve it. Yes I faithfully take my PPI once a day, have taken Carafate every 6 hours around the clock since October 12 2018, missed very few doses, probably could count them on my fingers and HAVE a digit or 2 left. But Valerie has made up in her little mind I am all BETTER, a miracle healing, Maybe she Moonlights as an TV Evangelist? Oh it is ONLY MY BODY after all, how dare I believe I might not be PERFECT by now?
Oh,I have kept my faith with my surgeon, the Great White Kahuna of it All, I promised on July 17th 2018 if HE would permit and perform my Surgery he would never hear a Whine , Complaint or me saying I regretted Anything about my Road TO and Through RNY and I have kept My Promise! I, on the other hand made No Such Promise to Ms VALERIE Moore, Certified Nurse- Practioner along with her other titles , like Masters in Nursing, Advanced Practice Validation/ Certification and GOD himself knows What Else. I am basically placid, sweet- tempered, put up up with enough BS to fertilize A Very Large Garden Plot, but at 73 just how much do I Endure before fighting back at least verbally? I have submitted, rolled over until I can't launder the soil out of my clothes, I would cry at the injustice but turning the " Other Cheek" gains one 2 bruised cheeks and permanently Red Eyes and Ragweed season is nearly over, can't pass this off as Allergies as I once did.
So better off or worse? I am thinner, look better, almost have a figure that Appears like a More Average Woman. But to gain this, I had MAJOR surgery, elected to make myself an Gastrointestinal Cripple. Yeah, in theory since I was an RNY, I could be reconnected since I did not lose my stomach, just had it divided into 2 sections, but what Guarantee do I have that ability to. take more than 6 ounces of anything in food, renewed enervation, natural peristalsis and all the things I once could take for granted WOULD work once again ? And Although I know my surgeon has more than adequate skills to effect this, would he be willing to? Would Medicare/ Medicaid fund another and MOST IMPORTANT-- Could I actually survive another? Yeah Alex Brecher did, but He's a Whole Lot Younger and his was to Save His Life, not to. merelyfeel better. Sorry folks, but tonight The.Big Brave Cowgirl has rode this pony until we are both 😫 Tired, stable one or both of us until Sunrise.💦😪&🐎

[Darktowerdream 420]

@Frustr8 I understand. I might be calendar younger. But my body isn’t. I’m exhausted. I can’t say I regret surgery. I fought hard for it. I’m just exhausted with everything that goes awry and not having solutions.

For me a Goal weight is hard to perceive, I think I remember being called mildly obese in school and maybe weighed 135lbs I was actually 4” taller then and had a bigger body frame. Due to illness I lost bone density and have very small bony wrists compared to then. And I’m 5’ - tall.

Im exhausted with the never ending battle with my weight. At my highest over 215 lb I fought so hard to lose weight. I’d guess it was sometime prior to 2009. I can’t even remember. My weight at its lowest was around 124 lb. I struggled to keep it there but It kept creeping up. 2010 I had major surgery. Despite that I traveled to visit someone I thought was my best friend. To be there for her during the holidays.

i don’t understand people. Pretty much the first thing she said was something like I’m going to fatten you up. Let’s just say the whole thing turned into a bad dream.

I gained weight that I again fought to lose. I was down to 134 lb and that was during the process of moving to Florida. But somewhere at some point my weight jumped 30 lbs and for no reason I could discern. And then another 30. And I kept begging the doctors to help me. I dreaded seeing 200 again. But I did and my BMI hit 40.

My body can’t handle the weight, my immune system either. I was too afraid to set a goal weight. I’d be glad to get back to square one and hopefully beyond that. And be able to maintain it. My metabolic disorders looming over me. And the difficulties of ulcers, Dysphasia, stricture, etc. and my day to day chronic illness. I don’t really think about goal weight. I’m still on liquids and at best a Protein Soup with Pasta that is a little easier to eat since the soft pasta goes down easier.

I hit the 42 lb loss mark. I forgot how much time has passed since surgery. I should be on regular food by now. I think July 12 was the timeline to hit phase 4. I had a endoscopy but never heard from my surgeon. They did a small dilation. But I’m having intermittent crushing pain in the center of my chest. And I’m feeling ulcers. I’m just beyond exhausted.

[nikkilee72 25]

This thread has got me rethinking, in depth, about my goal weight. At my initial consult my nutritionist asked if would be happy at a 140lbs and I said no and I would be happy at 105 lbs. I've only been struggling with my weight for 8-9 years. It wasn't until I broke my ankle in 2018 that launched me into the abyss. I can live with a higher weight if I have swapped out fat for muscle.


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[summerset 5,265]

On 7/22/2019 at 1:37 AM, Cheeseburgh said:

My advice is to pick a realistic goal weight so when you reach it you will have a better grasp on how you feel, how active you are and your diet. You can always change your goal.

This. One can always go lower with weight goals after having reached one. Some people pick as first goal getting out of the obese BMI for example.

Quote

Psychologically it would be tough for me to set a goal I might not reach. So many people lose a bunch of weight yet still feel like they failed.

Again this.

I guess we've all read posts from users feeling like "failures" despite losing a real bunch of weight because their BMI is still in the overweight range.

[summerset 5,265]

On 7/24/2019 at 8:56 PM, ms.sss said:

Long story short, once you are on your "forever diet" I suspect our bodies decide what a realistic weight will be.

This is something to keep in mind. Our bodies will decide. Yoni Freedhoff writes about "best weight possible" and I think it's a sensible goal weight to have.