Oy Vey! What mixed signals!

[KarenLR75 515]

SIGH, my husband keeps saying that "he knows lots of ppl who have had bariatric surgery when I started looking into WLS, when I got serious about it, when I actively pursued approval..and again today.

I have been, perhaps because of vanity, a bit hesitant to bring up the subject of WLS causing potential hair loss..as I've been a bit worried about..well, how he might feel about how i look...and he heard me listening to some youtube videos done by ppl who have had both gastric sleeve and/or bypass. I'm trying to make sure that I get the one that is the best fit for me, not based on just what the doctor says.

He kept interrupting but was asking questions so I thought ok, now he is interested that is cool. He asked about difference between bypass and sleeve. I gave him some basics. Just based on the quicker weight loss he 'agrees with new dr' that I should have that. Then I told him my concerns about dumping/malabsorption (do you lose more hair with bypass than with sleeve due to this?)..and he brought out the "no one i know who as had WLS has ever showed any signs of hair loss"...

He is a distant co-worker to 2 ppl he THINKS may have had WLS. He doesn't intimately know them. He has told me this before. When I went through diff things (pros and cons of each) he became more horrified and said "maybe you shouldn't be doing this and just keep trying to lose weight".

SIGH...I've been "trying to lose weight" most of my life...although I was never super morbidly obese until my late 30's. Anyone else have mixed signals from their 'closest support'? I've invited him to the 3 hr seminar/clinic I went to and to my dr appts. Don't get me wrong, it's not that he doesn't care at all..he just "doesn't get it..that he doesn't get it"

I really...could use him "getting it". I guess I'll have to start a pros and cons thread on sleeve vs. bypass. I've looked at many old threads that have been posted here over the years and I've googled, etc. - but mine would be in regards to the fact of my own co-morbidities or lack thereof, etc.

[MrsGamgee 756]

It sounds to me like he would really benefit from attending an info seminar. He may be more inclined to accept info about how WLS actually works from a medical professional. Having your primary support people on board is important.

And your question about hair loss... I don't know that there's a real difference between those who get the sleeve vs. those who get bypass. One of my SIL had sleeve, the other RnY and both lost about the same amount of hair. I had RnY and am on track to lose a bit more hair than either of them. I think genetics and Protein consumption play significant roles. My personal outlook on Hair loss is that if it means my co-morbidities are brought under control and/or eliminated, then I can live with less hair for a while. Me bald is better than me missing limbs due to diabetes or dead from a heart attack.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

He doesn't have to 'get it' and may not even after going to the lecture. But he can still support what YOU want because it's your health at stake. He just has to be on board for changes, it has to change. You will change drastically, there are pieces of you that will never be the same. food socialization will change. If events are mainly about food they will be drastically less interesting to you. Be prepared.

I do not regret it, not once. Wish I had known about the sleeve sooner.

Just my opinion, RNY has malabsorption and I didn't want that. The only two people I know personally that had RNY both needed Iron infusions, and one had an ulcer in the unused stomach portion left in. Overall sleeve patients lose as much as RNY. just a little slower and a little longer and we stall more often. But we are still successful. Good luck.

[AZhiker 2,252]

Do this for you. He needs to support you, but to be honest, a lot of family members will never "get it." My husband watched the videos and I explained a lot. He even went to a support group with me. And then..... forgot everything. All he knows is that I had surgery and he supports me. ..... and he cannot bring tortilla chips into the house. That's it.

That's why a forum like this is so valuable. We have all been through it and are the best support for each other. It might be unrealistic to expect him to understand this on the same level as you.

[catwoman7 11,178]

there isn't a difference in Hair loss between the two surgeries that I'm aware of. hair loss can be a side effect of any surgery, but it's more common in weight loss surgeries because we're not taking in much Protein or calories those first few months. This would be true of either surgery. AND..not everyone loses hair. And some people just lose a little - not enough for anyone else to notice. Even if you're one of the unlucky ones who loses a lot, others may not notice - and in the end, it all grows back. It's totally worth it.

[TattooedSeaStar 139]

YES! I’m this way with my husband as well. He has more twists and turns than a roller coaster. First he was on the fence because he was able to lose 160 lbs, why couldn’t I? Then he was for it, then he was calling it the chicken way out. I need to do this for me, and luckily I have a great support of neighbors and friends who support me. Right now he’s onboard but with his flipping sides, I’m nervous. I also know that once I get the surgery he will be supportive of my new eating habits because he needs support as well.... it’s just the recovery period I’m worried about. My mother is planning to come stay to back me up and drive me around.

[KarenLR75 515]

@TattooedSeaStar - Yes! The roller coaster is exactly the right comparison. I agree with people who say he doesn't have to 'get it'....it's the flip flopping back and forth...that is driving me nuts. He is not REQUIRED to learn or get it; however if he did learn MORE, it would help reduce..or maybe it wouldn't..lol, but I like to think it would help reduce his flip flopping....

OR, maybe it would make his flip flopping worse. Just as 5 yrs ago I could not even consider the thought of WLS as my only remaining acceptable option, it took me going on this long journey to realize that I did indeed, need this tool.

Wow...so you have an even harder situation, someone who lost a GREAT DEAL of weight "on their own"...yikes!

I think that neither of our husbands will feel completely comfortable as they are in a diff head space than we are. It is good to know that he will be supportive after surgery and that may be what we'll have to stay focused on. That is the critical thing.

[Frustr8 7,886]

And girls we are under an inherent handicap. The Way we're are genetically engineered, Mother Nature is fearful we may be incubating the next generation, the generation that may just save the world, so it is twice as hard for a female to lose weight. I once had a Gyn in Columbus, got a little middle- age plump, dropped 140 pounds like a finger- snap, berated all us prospective Mama's for not TRYING and if you were like me, plump and preggo, you got a double dose. Maybe by now he's writing up case notes for Satan in Hades. Another of his Pearls of Wisdom, at least he thought so.
All Pregnant women are dippy because all their blood pools in their abdomen and none gets up to their brain.
Why did I even darken his door? Because Connecticut General , my Late husband's insurer, had him,on their approval list and I didn't or couldn't afford to private-pay.

[2019CD 18]

I suggest taking him out of the equation and completely focus on what YOU want and do it for yourself.

[NagathaChristie 95]

Hair loss? The hair will grow back, that is temporary. You need this surgery to live a longer fuller life