Why Do We Still Use Food To Socialize??

[Danny Paul 761]

Talking to a friend of mine who had WLS. (He is one of the few that knows about my WLS.) Since we haven't seen each other in awhile he suggested we meet to catch up on things. He suggested that since we both don't eat much we can meet at a diner and just get a bowl of Soup. I asked him why he chose the diner to meet. He said that we used to go there all the time and that was usually the place we would meet. After WLS I'm trying my best to change my bad behaviors as it pertains to food. One of them is not going out to eat 3-4 times a week. I prefer to stick to a meal plan that allows me nourishment and has healthy choices. I told my friend that we are so hardwired to look at a food experience as a way to socialize. Couldn't we meet at a park on a nice day to chat? Is there any other place we can meet that does not involve food? I also don't eat processed foods and he doesn't either. I reminded him that the diner serves soup from a can it's not made in-house. So, it's a highly processed food that will do neither of us any good.

In the end, we both realized that we have such a long way to go in order to deprogram ourselves of many years of thinking we need food to socialize. I understand that there will be times that we will need to be in a food to socialize setting such as weddings, birthday parties, etc. I don't think we two friends need it, not at this stage of our lives. We both needed WLS due to our compulsions to over eat. We eventually met up at a park. We both commented on how hard the bench has become since we had our weight loss.

[AZhiker 2,252]

And since surgery, do you notice how much people TALK about food !?!?!?!?! Where to get the best donuts or pizza, what to order for lunch, favorite eateries, food channels, cooking shows, etc, etc, etc. It never stops! Out society is obsessed with food!

[summerset 5,265]

Using food to socialize is a human thing to do since thousands of years. Everyone can feel free to break with this tradition of course but don't expect many people in your environment to follow you.

[summerset 5,265]

5 minutes ago, AZhiker said:

Out society is obsessed with food!

Yes, including quite a lot of people on this website.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Because it has been such a central point in our lives, even socially, that we have had to develop and reconstruct our lives.
Papa or MAMA got a Brand New Bag but even now it is hard to handle. I grew up in a culture where food equated love, you were a poor host or hostess if you didn't feed your guests And few if any are into Protein enriched shakes and such like me. So I have not socialized like I used to, the few times while they probably think I am starving or cancer-ridden, I am amazed the amount of crap they quickly stiff in. And once upon a time I was like that or WORSE. Yeah many do have joy socializing, but mou people didn't talk that much,too busy getting theirs before someone else could get it. Quite like lions or WILD hyenas at a kill. Only sounds are growling, snarling and a dolce- voiced" Get your fangs off that Impala liver, it's MINE!"
At least that's my assesment of Social Norms Now!

[AZhiker 2,252]

There's nothing like being trapped in a procedure room with a surgeon, anethesiologist and tech all talking about donuts!

[Frustr8 7,886]

Oh tell me You Didn't! That would be like discussing childbirth with Mother Teresa and the Holy Father, although Pope Francis has more a sense of humor than Pope Benedict, he was a pretty Striaght- laced Getman!

[AZhiker 2,252]

2 minutes ago, Frustr8 said:

Oh tell me You Didn't! That would be like discussing childbirth with Mother Teresa and the Holy Father, although Pope Francis has more a sense of humor than Pope Benedict, he was a pretty Striaght- laced Getman!

It wasn't ME talking about donuts! I was quietly doing my job and sipping a Protein Shake hidden behind my computer!

[GradyCat 3,695]

Good point. It's always "let's meet for lunch to catch up." Gotta think of other meeting options

[Guest]

I think EVERY society has ALWAYS been obsessed with food. There are numerous evolutionary reasons behind this, and I don't see any society changing it anytime soon. That's just a hard fact.

However, it does annoy me that there aren't a lot of alternative things to do when it comes to socializing these days. American society in particular has become very sedentary. We like our video games, tablets, smartphones, streaming channels, and Internet. Rare is it anymore that people ask each other to hangout in the park to go walking, or after a date, to go dancing to burn off your dinner. People don't even go bowling that much anymore. Personally, I think it's sad and the more I think about it, it's pretty clear this societal change played a major role in my weight gain (I wasn't always heavy).

I remember back in my middle/high school-college days, friends and I loved being active. We hiked, camped, putt-putted, and swam in public pools in the summer then ice skated and bowled in the winter. We even glow in the dark putt-putted! Places like the library or art museum would offer free or nominal fee day camps/ classes to everyone from kids to adults. We learned how to paint, sew, make pottery, and do other brain-stimulating things that didn't require staring at a screen. Yes, there's no question about it. There was always some non-food related activity we could partake in if we wanted to socialize.

But things changed. A lot.

Most of those places, sadly, closed or became associated with criminal activity and were no longer deemed safe. The libraries and museum stopped offering classes and day camps. A personal tragedy scared my friends and I from camping and hiking. What was funny was that some of the places that closed were actually bought out by fast food or local restaurant chains (such as our glow in the dark putt putting place and bowling alley), subconsciously implanting in our minds that guzzling down 700-calorie blended coffee drinks was the new way people socialized.

I'm not trying to blame all my problems on societal changes, but it does frustrate the hell out of me. People wonder why obesity has risen to astronomical rates and I can't help but think about stuff like this.

[Biddy zz 🏳️🌈 1,003]

I remember a friend’s child asked me once “why do we all get together to eat - to put food in - but we don’t get together to poop - get the leftovers out?”

Cute question!! The cultural preoccupation with eating, especially in a time in human history where we westerners have SO MUCH FOOD available, is powerful.....

[Carrot64 214]

This is the party season and what else is there to do but be gluttonous ... I decided to mingle and talk and converse instead of hovering around the appetizers and cupcakes and it isn’t always easy.. especially if someone is messily consuming said cupcake as you try to talk to them.. I look around and see people who were never food addicted and they seem to be there for the fun and not the food. I try being like them!

Edited June 21, 2019 by Carrot64

[Frustr8 7,886]

I like Biddy ZZ little friend, definitely raises an excellent point. We westerners are a strange breed, some things we will wink at , yet others we are appalled at. Social Norms are inconsistant at best.

[looly 361]

I don't think there's anything wrong with eating when you socialise, as long as you don't eat too much.