Keeping secrets

[Mellis 0]

Does anyone but me want to keep getting the band a secret? I am scheduled for 12/28 and just don't want to tell very many people. Is it a fear of failing "again" or just not wanting to go through "the discussion"? AND of the few people I am telling--even few of them know that I am going to Mexico to have it done--absolutely because I don't want THAT discussion!! My husband told his father and my f-i-l's remark was"I rather just be fat than have surgery" But like I told hubby--that's because he has no clue--but then most people don't!

so--back to the question--do you tell people ahead of time--or wait till they notice

Mary

[SUNSHINE007 0]

i had the same conversation with myself and in the end i told people that i wanted to. after being overweight for 27 years and feeling bad about myself because people make fun of overweight people.....i said you know what, screw em. i have don't care what people think of it, i am 100% glad i did it and that is all that matters.

good luck and best wishes on surgery and who you tell

[destiny79 0]

I have kept mine among my husband 1 coworker who is also getting banded at the same time as me and 1 sister, I didn.t anyone to try to discourage me I don't me watching what I eat like I am a experiment and I don't want all the question, and joke. I have talked about it in front of some friends but I always get negative feed back(you are going to look like Star Jones )

[jenn.ifer 0]

I think you should only discuss it with whomever you feel comfortable discussing it with. I also struggled with who I should talk to about it and although I have not yet had surgery. I pretty much only talked about it with my mother. No one else needs to know.

[summerbushnell 0]

I am getting my surgery on 11/27. The psychiatrist at the place I am getting my surgery done at suggested that I tell everyone that I confide in, and family unless I think they will be very negative and unsupportive about it. I am not telling accquaitances or distant family like cousins.

So far I have told my mom, brother, dad, grandma and my three good girlfriends. I am not telling my grandpa because he is not supportive and a very negative person in general. Also not telling my nother in law for the same reason. They can find out later.

I am not lieing about it either. If my grandpa or mother in law was to ask a direct question I would tell them, but it is unlikely that they will.:scared:

[PATCHELTON 0]

I am new to this board. Have not been approved as yet. Waiting to finish the 6 month "diet" required by insurance. That will finish up in mid December. I didn't tell everyone at first (skipped my older sister who has the "just eat less" attitude--my younger sister has lost 100 pounds with RNY) I go to Curves and when I shared with a friend there her well meaning suggestion was to put my food on a smaller plate. There is no fooling my brain with that trick! I explained that doesn't work for me. I live alone and there is no one to stop me from getting seconds. I can't even stop me! My BMI is not high but I have enough co-morbidities for 3 people (HBP, cholesterol, knee arthritis, reflux, and sleep apnea). A post op Lapband patient told me I didn't look heavy enough to need surgery. I am 5'7" and started the 6 months weighing 252. That is at least 100 pounds too much. I changed my response which is closer to the truth, to the fact that I am trying to reduce or eliminate co-morbidities and the medicines I take for them. And that is only if they question my decision. I am at the point where I don't give a hoot what other people think, but I am not putting an ad in the paper either. You have to decide what your comfort level is. It is nice to hear that you don't look heavy enough to need surgery, but you know better, and you do what is best for you. This isn't about anyone else.

[LadyTrisha 0]

I should have told less people, but my "secret" is pretty much out there that I go for surgery on 12/29.

I will see some of my husband's family on Christmas Eve who don't know right now, but I'm pretty realistic in that someone is gonna let it out that night LOL. I really don't want to have the "OMG you're going to Mexico?" discussion with my MIL - we have had a twisted co-existence for 34 years (with 27 as my MIL) and this will just be something else to disapprove of.

Today, my boss asked me how much weight I'm going to lose so in essence the pressure is on already. Not like there isn't already a ton on myself from me - my biggest fear thru all of this is failing. And then I slap myself and say no more, get over it, and that this is the start to a brand new me :scared:

[FELICIA17 0]

I didn't tell a lot of people, just my immediate family and very few friends ,who I told to keep their mouths shut about it. I just didn't feel like explaining myself over and over again, and hearing things like, just go on a diet, etc, etc. I also don't want a lot of people micromanaging my weight loss either, saying things like, "oh, you only lost 40lbs so far?", which one friend has said and it totally pissed me off, I'm like what do you mean "only", 40lbs is a huge step. When other people comment on my weight loss, I just say I've changed my way of eating which is the truth. So just tell who you feel will be the most supportive.

[Chiquita 0]

I have told 2 friends, one is a friend online, and one I known for several years, and my husband, that is it.

I feel my husband is not in complete agreement, but he don't say much, silence is the worst sometimes and that is what I feel from him.

I won't tell no one else other then this people. I have been put down enough in my life, and expected so much of, that I don't feel anyone deserves to know, including my family. I keep it to my self, and when they notice the weight loss and say something, I will not put much into it, praise has always bother me, because I struggle as much when I am loosing to when I am not loosing the weight, there for don't change who I am, but people tend to want to talk to you more when they think you are heading to where you are more socially acceptable, there for, I am very unsocial lol.

I know I sound sore, but I been fat all my life, and gotten the bad looks all my life and sort of makes you this way.

Me, I am happy I made this decition, I know, so that is good enough for me :scared:

[make33 2]

I had to do the six-month nutritionist thing, and began telling everyone about my upcoming surgery.

I ended up being sorry that I did because of some of the responses I got--from coworkers who didn't want me to have it to family and friends who thought I should try yet another diet to people who felt I was "cheating" and "taking the easy way out".

This is absolutely the most wonderful thing I have ever done for myself! :scared:

[Sades 4]

I have told all my family, some relatives, most of my friends and heaps of people at work. I wasn't too worried about people knowing but must say, I'm already a little sick of everyone wanting to know how I'm going. I should have kept it more of a secret at work because I feel I'm being watched there... in a nice way but still too much some days.

[steph_co 9]

Only person in my personal life that knows is DH and it'll stay that way until/if I feel comfortable on down the road with telling people. I just don't want to risk hearing any negativity. This is going to be rough enough.

[jenjuice 0]

I not only told everyone I know but I also blog about my surgery on my myspace page. There are so many people that are considering it and look to my page to get some answers. I wanted all the support I could get. I had some people that didn't think I needed it but they were wrong. I am so glad I told everyone because the support I get is unreal.

[Griz Girl 0]

Hi there,

The only people I told were my husband, sister, and my friend who got banded with me. (I was also banded in Mexico...gasp! :biggrin1:) My weight problem has always been a source of judgement and discussion. Although I know my family has tried to help, they usually end up making me feel worse. I didn't want the pressure, judgement, etc. I didn't want to explain my decision to anyone, so I haven't. So far, I'm really glad I decided to keep it this way. My success will be my own without it being attached to anything else.

The only hard part for me has been at work. They keep having potlucks, etc and since I'm still on liquids, I obviously can't join in.

Since you are the only one that can truly understand what you've been going through, I don't think you need to justify your decision to ANYONE. Good luck!!

[jarvisj 0]

<p>I'm having my surgery on Dec. 6th! I''m so excited but, I do not want to tell anyone that I cannot trust to be supportive of me. I don't want to tell my MIL or my boss. I can't seem to figure out what to say to them. I don't want to lie but, I'm not ready for the back lashing either. My husband thinks we should tell my MIL since we will probably need her to help with the kids that day. I can't stop thinking about how I wished I could tell her something else without telling her. She didn't speak to her cousin for months after having gastric bypass. YIKES! She still feels very strongly about it. Any ideas on what I could say without lieing? I'm on the low side of having a bad BMI so I know she will not understand. But, my struggle has been on going for 10 years. Please help with any ideas. I'm freaking out over this!!!</p>