Let's talk about body dysmorphia

[Lochnessamber 46]

Hi, I'm the Loch Ness Amber, and I have trouble perceiving my body as it is. (I have NOT been diagnosed with body dysmorphia.)

Pre-op, at my largest, I felt smaller than I really was. The concept of how big I truly was didnt seem right and needed to be proved with photos I didnt take myself. Post-op, I now feel larger than I really am, and it's what i see in the mirror.

I believe my perception of myself beforehand was contributing to my gain. My perception afterward doesnt seem to affect me other than a vague frustration. I'm wondering how common this is, and if anyone knows why this cognitive dissonance with our bodies even exists.

I'd also like to know if it resolves in time, or if I will forever perceive myself as "3-4x" whenever asked my clothing size.

[Avery's Mom 315]

So we are very similar in that I never saw myself as being as big as I was. my heaviest was 364 and I am 5' 10in tall. (used to be six foot but I am shrinking lol) So now I see my body changing and an totally enthralled with the changes. and what it can do. twisty yoga bendy poses, jump rope. run.

I guess everybody is different but I am 2lbs away form 100lb loss and I feel sexy, sassy and FREE

[VIKING 0424 1,107]

Self image is one of the hardest parts for me i still at times is all that i see is the larger me sometimes it is hard to see the difference although everyone else sees it i still feel the same at times those feeling have started to fade with time and my confidence has started to blossom as well it just takes time i guess so yes we all have our insecurity's about our body

[Healthy_life2 8,327]

3 hours ago, Lochnessamber said:

Hi, I'm the Loch Ness Amber, and I have trouble perceiving my body as it is. (I have NOT been diagnosed with body dysmorphia.)

Pre-op, at my largest, I felt smaller than I really was. The concept of how big I truly was didnt seem right and needed to be proved with photos I didnt take myself. Post-op, I now feel larger than I really am, and it's what i see in the mirror.

I believe my perception of myself beforehand was contributing to my gain. My perception afterward doesnt seem to affect me other than a vague frustration. I'm wondering how common this is, and if anyone knows why this cognitive dissonance with our bodies even exists.

I'd also like to know if it resolves in time, or if I will forever perceive myself as "3-4x" whenever asked my clothing size.

Hi Amber,

Yes, this is common experience for many of us.

I knew I was overweight. The term morbidly obese was hard to hear. Honestly, I hid from cameras and didn’t spend much time looking in a full body mirror. I was not seeing my self correctly pre surgery. It took time for my mind to catch up with the rapid weight loss. I finally saw myself correctly after goal and my weight settled.

A vet gave me a good suggestion. Place a photo of yourself at your goal/low weight on your bathroom mirror. Look at it as you get ready in the morning. I used a counselor to get past this issue. She said some people eventually see themselves correctly, some may take years and some never do.

I see myself as smaller. I have confidence and feel comfortable in my own skin. (I should say loose skin) I’m maintaining five years out. It’s ridiculous that a five-pound weight gain can make me feel like I am at my high weight all over again. The fear of weight gain is still something I’m working on. I am better with this as time progresses. I’ve had to learn to trust myself more.

[Lochnessamber 46]

3 hours ago, Avery's Mom said:

I guess everybody is different but I am 2lbs away form 100lb loss and I feel sexy, sassy and FREE

Good!! I'm happy for you and the attitude you have!

[Lochnessamber 46]

29 minutes ago, Healthy_life2 said:

Hi Amber,

Yes, this is common experience for many of us.

I knew I was overweight. The term morbidly obese was hard to hear. Honestly, I hid from cameras and didn’t spend much time looking in a full body mirror. I was not seeing my self correctly pre surgery. It took time for my mind to catch up with the rapid weight loss. I finally saw myself correctly after goal and my weight settled.

A vet gave me a good suggestion. Place a photo of yourself at your goal/low weight on your bathroom mirror. Look at it as you get ready in the morning. I used a counselor to get past this issue. She said some people eventually see themselves correctly, some may take years and some never do.

I see myself as smaller. I have confidence and feel comfortable in my own skin. (I should say loose skin) I’m maintaining five years out. It’s ridiculous that a five-pound weight gain can make me feel like I am at my high weight all over again. The fear of weight gain is still something I’m working on. I am better with this as time progresses. I’ve had to learn to trust myself more.

Thank you for such a well constructed and honest answer. I deeply appreciate it.

[mrblond 56]

I got to say I dont feel as large as I am. at my max i was close to 450 lbs. I never felt like I was that heavy until I saw myself in a mirror. The funny thing was id see guys that looked Waaaay bigger then myself but they weighed less..funny thing that.

[Lochnessamber 46]

Exactly. A few years ago there was a plus sized model that was pretty much everywhere. I said oh thank god at least I'm not as big as she is. My s/o humbled me lol

Now I'm like yup I am definitely that big... and I'm not now

[FancyChristine15 810]

I'm also similar. I was 463 at my largest. Now, I knew that I was big, but I don't think I realized quite how big I was. Now that I've lost a lot of weight, I know that I look much better than I did, but sometimes I don't see much of a difference, even though I know that I look like a totally different person. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm excited about what I see and other days I don't like what I see so much. It's such a mind game.

[renjenn 41]

I knew I was big and very overweight. I didn't really feel that big. I hated what I saw in pictures and denied to myself that I was actually that overweight. What told me was my shirt size, the fact that I had to ask for a seatbelt extension on a plane and the inability to <<warning, TMI>> wipe my behind and to roll out of bed in the morning. Since having surgery it has almost reversed everything. I don't feel like I've lost much looking in the mirror but my husband keeps saying how much I've changed. I'm not down a shirt size yet but they fit better, I can get out of bed and do other things easier. my cholesterol and glucose tests are half of what they used to be. Everything is improving but I still worry that I'm not going to get to the size I want as if its going to stop tomorrow and I'll always be fat. Then sometimes something in me says, wow. you look so much better. I can feel bones I haven't felt in a long time.

[Healthy_life2 8,327]

28 minutes ago, renjenn said:

Everything is improving but I still worry that I'm not going to get to the size I want as if its going to stop tomorrow and I'll always be fat.

I felt the same way. I had failed at so many diet attempts. I felt my weight loss was too good to be true. You are doing fantastic. Hold on to the “wow” moments. You have many good things coming your way.

[Avery's Mom 315]

3 hours ago, renjenn said:

. Everything is improving but I still worry that I'm not going to get to the size I want as if its going to stop tomorrow and I'll always be fat. Then sometimes something in me says, wow. you look so much better. I can feel bones I haven't felt in a long time.

RIGHT? I have Collarbones! I can cross my legs now.

[Colchabay 46]

So we are very similar in that I never saw myself as being as big as I was. my heaviest was 364 and I am 5' 10in tall. (used to be six foot but I am shrinking lol) So now I see my body changing and an totally enthralled with the changes. and what it can do. twisty yoga bendy poses, jump rope. run.

I guess everybody is different but I am 2lbs away form 100lb loss and I feel sexy, sassy and FREE

I'm very similar to you as well, heaviest weight 362, 5'10". I knew I was big but after seeing myself in my daughter's wedding photos, I was like Whoa, I didn't realize I looked like that! I'm down 66lbs since February and very pleased so far. Congrats on being so close to 100#. When was your surgery and did you get the sleeve?

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using BariatricPal mobile app

[Avery's Mom 315]

29 minutes ago, Colchabay said:

I'm very similar to you as well, heaviest weight 362, 5'10". I knew I was big but after seeing myself in my daughter's wedding photos, I was like Whoa, I didn't realize I looked like that! I'm down 66lbs since February and very pleased so far. Congrats on being so close to 100#. When was your surgery and did you get the sleeve?

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using BariatricPal mobile app

Dec 11, 2018, sleeve was done

[BrighterSide 242]

I had my sleeve when I got too old, tired and heavy to put the game face on to get past the preconceptions.

For many years my ambition got me to work and events and my brains and way with words carried me through. I avoided social situations with all but closest friends as time went on. When I ceased feeling that hunger for a success that frankly cost too much in terms of sanity and family time, that final shred keeping me motivated and active got lost.

Being at home with my family I forgot my size until rare occasions I had to venture out. At those points, confronted by an inability to hide the rolls, my self-image broke and hate in. Until then I had managed to disassociate naked huge me from the rest of me.

Posted elsewhere that about 3 weeks after surgery I called a truce with my naked self. I began caring for my skin, even the parts with heinously crepey skin tears and overhangs. Ruined parts I had treated like a hoarders in denial.

Now trying to shape a self-image that projects that I don’t want to ever try and compete on a ‘socially acceptable’ playing field looks and weight-wise even if my BMI says I may qualify for the first time in my life. Sure as hell not gonna start paying for pro blow drys, fake tans, Brazilians, manicures and spider lashes for nights out. Reckon it might have to be purple hair, purple clothes or both, cos for all the discomfort, aches, sweating, and periodic self doubt I did like the ‘f@!# you’ attitude I owned professionally and personally when I didn’t fit into a convenient pigeonhole.

TL:DR I was intentionally dismorphic, and not sure how to navigate the new ‘normal’ :-)