Let's talk about body dysmorphia

[Healthy_life2 8,324]

46 minutes ago, sisternewt@yahoo.com said:

I’m hard on myself for no reason. I’m 4 1/2 months since surgery and have lost 47 lbs. I need/want to lose at least 60 more. I’m discontent with how much weight. So many people have lost so much more by this time. I’m where my dr said I would be, however.
So last night my sweet husband took me outside and gave me a 40 lb bag of salt and told me to pick it up. Well I really couldn’t. Then he reassured me that bag was less weight than I’d lost and to think I was carrying that much around.
Sometimes we need help adjusting our vision!

Awe. You have a great husband.

[GradyCat 3,695]

I can relate to this before I never really felt "big" and didn't see myself as "fat" in the mirror, but the scale told me a different story from what I was seeing. Now that I've lost 50 pounds I can't see the difference from pre-op and post-op even though people are telling me "Wow, you've really lost a lot of weight." I feel bigger now than I did before the surgery. Weird, isn't it?

[Lochnessamber 46]

29 minutes ago, GradyCat said:

I can relate to this before I never really felt "big" and didn't see myself as "fat" in the mirror, but the scale told me a different story from what I was seeing. Now that I've lost 50 pounds I can't see the difference from pre-op and post-op even though people are telling me "Wow, you've really lost a lot of weight." I feel bigger now than I did before the surgery. Weird, isn't it?

It really is. Perhaps it's the increased awareness of what we out into our bodies (whether that be food or work). Going through the motions of daily living it was easy to justify my weight and eating as normal and pay no mind to it. Now it's under a fine toothed comb.

I dont know enough. Maybe I should look for scholarly articles about this. My interest is piqued! So many of us have similar experiences even in a small sample, it probably has been studied somewhere.

[ms.sss 15,581]

4 hours ago, sisternewt@yahoo.com said:

I’m hard on myself for no reason. I’m 4 1/2 months since surgery and have lost 47 lbs. I need/want to lose at least 60 more. I’m discontent with how much weight. So many people have lost so much more by this time. I’m where my dr said I would be, however.
So last night my sweet husband took me outside and gave me a 40 lb bag of salt and told me to pick it up. Well I really couldn’t. Then he reassured me that bag was less weight than I’d lost and to think I was carrying that much around.
Sometimes we need help adjusting our vision!

awwwwww. he's a keeper

[sisternewt@yahoo.com 102]

Yes. He’s definitely a keeper. This month marks 42 years of one incredibly terrific marriage. Includes 4 great sons, 4 of the best daughter in laws and the 2 prettiest, smartest, loving and loved little granddaughters! I’m blessed! Truly!
Now to get thin again, healthy and ready to do all of the fun things my body has balked at doing for quite a few years. Woo Hoo!

[Panda333 276]

I'm glad you posted this topic, there are others like me! Like other posters I knew I was bigger and plus sized, I also knew my weight...I looked at myself in the mirror daily, etc. I had an overall confidence. but....occassionally.... I would see a photo of myself or maybe a glimpse in a window and wonder who that person was. I would even talk myself into the fact someone got a bad angle. I totally didin't realize how I really looked to other people and no one ever told me. We can really play tricks on ourselves. You always here about the people that are 130 lbs feeling so fat I was 300 lbs just thinking I'm a "big girl" No, I'm obese, and that is not to be mean to myself just trying to be accurate. When I got over 280 lbs I needed a seatbelt extender. Funny how you can talk your self into the fact that maybe "xyz" airline just has shorter belts. Anyway..... Happy on this journey and finally putting myself first. Embarrassed how "judgy" I used to be to people who had WLS. I always felt like it's the easy way out. Now that I've researched it I know much better. I have about 3 - 4 more months ahead of me and thankful for everyone posting, old or new. I've been inspired by posts as far back as 2013.

[YeahOkay31 651]

When I was 377 pounds, I didn't realize how big I was until I'd see myself in pictures.

When i was in the low 300s, I think I realized my size, but since I liked the way I looked, I felt sexy and womanly, it wasn't this bad thing.

Now, I realize that I am technically smaller, but I don't feel like this is a good thing. Like I am not smaller in the way I should be. Loose skin and the lost of my once impressive chest and booty is a very hard adjustment. I randomly get upset when I pass a mirror. My husband says I look great with clothes on and that my figure is still shapely, but it is very hard to see it myself. Hopefully after I manage to get some plastic surgeries done I will start to accept the new me.

Edited May 14, 2019 by YeahOkay31

[Sheribear68 3,200]

On 05/14/2019 at 06:24, Panda333 said:

I'm glad you posted this topic, there are others like me! Like other posters I knew I was bigger and plus sized, I also knew my weight...I looked at myself in the mirror daily, etc. I had an overall confidence. but....occassionally.... I would see a photo of myself or maybe a glimpse in a window and wonder who that person was. I would even talk myself into the fact someone got a bad angle. I totally didin't realize how I really looked to other people and no one ever told me. We can really play tricks on ourselves. You always here about the people that are 130 lbs feeling so fat I was 300 lbs just thinking I'm a "big girl" No, I'm obese, and that is not to be mean to myself just trying to be accurate. When I got over 280 lbs I needed a seatbelt extender. Funny how you can talk your self into the fact that maybe "xyz" airline just has shorter belts. Anyway..... Happy on this journey and finally putting myself first. Embarrassed how "judgy" I used to be to people who had WLS. I always felt like it's the easy way out. Now that I've researched it I know much better. I have about 3 - 4 more months ahead of me and thankful for everyone posting, old or new. I've been inspired by posts as far back as 2013.

Lol, I remember being very angry at one of my favorite plus-size clothing brands one time when I was needing to purchase a dress last minute for an event and the current size I thought I was was too small. I honestly blamed it on the clothes because there was “no way” I was that bigger size.
As I’m in the halfway spot that I’m in right now, I’m finding myself shopping consignment fairly regularly. I don’t have a choice as I’ve already gone though the “skinny” clothes I had in my closet.
It’s really weird putting on a pair of size 14 pants now and finding that I can actually pull them over my hips (even if they still do fit a bit snugly).
Lol, it’s also disheartening to realize that size 14 is still considered “plus size”
Seriously I do NOT feel plus size right now because I’m weighing less than I have in the last 20-plus years

[Frustr8 7,886]

Maybe feeling " fat" is your body's way of saying " I'm still ME,no matter what people outside see, I'm still the Real Me down in here" I've spoke often that only does my body look different, my face does also. I Look in the Mirror, and I truly often think it's someone else trying to pull a trick on ME. That can't be Mama's Frustr8 after all, I don't remember her looking like THAT anytime in her life, and I have been around since her first attempts at self'-ego 70+ years ago!🔎

[egs93 16]

I'm very worried about this concept myself. Like you, I usually perceived myself as being at least slightly smaller than I really was before surgery. Even at my highest weight when I was very unhappy with my appearance, I was still seeing myself being not quite as big as I actually was.

Throughout my pre-op process I was constantly trying to "picture" how I might look as I lose and when I get to my goal weight. Because I've struggled with obesity since childhood, I don't have any point in my life I can look back to for comparison, so I was very stressed about my inability to form the mental image of how I'm going to look.

Now that I'm close to a week post-op that feeling is creeping back up, and I'm starting to worry that the whole thing will feel so surreal that I won't be able to reconcile what I see in the mirror with how I perceive myself. I'm hoping that I can accept the changes that I see as I lose the weight, but I do worry that I'll fall victim to body dysmorphia and not be able to accept that my new body is truly mine.

[Stella S 612]

Loving the discussion. Sing it healthy life!!! Your post is spot on. If I gain 5 pounds at 128 I feel way bigger than I ever did at 220. It is a mind job. Psychology has not caught up to the WLS patient. Very little quantifiable research exists when I think about diagnosis of body dysmorphia I return to the final question how does this interfere with life functioning???? So I’m about a size 2 and physically I can do more than I could 20 years ago. I am confident and feel good. I have an amazing marriage and good friends I am solid in what I believe is right and wrong. Most days I feel fat. The thoughts are not pervasive and do not interfere with daily functioning. I’ve been in my 5 lbs goal window since 2016. The questions are many and answers do not yet exist. It seems as though obesity is not the only pathology and a deviation in self perception is common. I am most interested in how self perception impacts long term success. I do not have another dissertation in me - anyone want to take this on?

[BrighterSide 242]

Loving the discussion. Sing it healthy life!!! Your post is spot on. If I gain 5 pounds at 128 I feel way bigger than I ever did at 220. It is a mind job. Psychology has not caught up to the WLS patient. Very little quantifiable research exists when I think about diagnosis of body dysmorphia I return to the final question how does this interfere with life functioning???? So I’m about a size 2 and physically I can do more than I could 20 years ago. I am confident and feel good. I have an amazing marriage and good friends I am solid in what I believe is right and wrong. Most days I feel fat. The thoughts are not pervasive and do not interfere with daily functioning. I’ve been in my 5 lbs goal window since 2016. The questions are many and answers do not yet exist. It seems as though obesity is not the only pathology and a deviation in self perception is common. I am most interested in how self perception impacts long term success. I do not have another dissertation in me - anyone want to take this on?

If it was about fascination and willingness to research I’d have it started by now, but I too remember the state I was in on that deadline last time so I’ll watch this space with deep interest.

[SueSaBelle 57]

I was glad to stumble onto this topic. I have always found that I have denied how big or small I was. What makes me even angrier is looking back at my 7th grade picture I was the smallest girl on my volleyball team but my Mom made me feel like I was a whale with her comments and way of dieting. I realize that she loves me in her own way but her diet information was never good. I think it caused me to become an emotional eater which compounded problems.

So how do you change 35 years of negative voices in your head that resemble your parents? Phrases like " You look wonderful in your bridesmaid dress but if you lost some weight, you would be stunning" (Dad) or "Men don't marry fat women so you better lose that weight" (Mom). It takes a therapist telling you that certain behaviors I grew up with were actually emotional abuse. It takes a husband who loves you no matter how much you weigh telling you over and over again that your Mother isn't always right. It is the realization that every morning I wake up, I no longer have that deep bone achiness and pain that I was use to and thought was normal. It comes from facing 50 and realizing that I will never become the tight toned 20 something that I could be if I just lost the extra weight. I know that life is always going to have problems and losing weight will not make them all magically go away.

I have a ways to go but I am trying to be realistic about my weight loss and being happy and loving with myself as a person who is aging. I truly think coming here and reading about everyone else's experiences helps. I know that I am not alone.

This article was very interesting to me: https://www.thecut.com/2013/11/what-no-one-tells-you-about-dramatic-weight-loss.html

[Frustr8 7,886]

My dysmorphia seems to manifest itself that I am ugly now, parts of me look absolutely scrawny, nobody may be able to stand looking at me long enough to be my friend. Like SueSaBelle said, Early Childhood programming does leave scarring. But , you know, it's all is getting and going to get better, instead of believing I was a Nasty Nobody, I narrowing into a Somebody with a lot of Good Things to Me.
And people do smile when they see me, some even ask "Is that REALLY YOU?", I used to worry when someone would say "You're looking good today" that they were saying "You usually look pretty ugly", but now I know it's just a greeting, not an assessment. etched in stone. I am. still a little shocked how my old favorite clothes are truly falling to the floor when I try pulling them on, want to go buy an entirely new wardrobe, but am trying to rein in that impulse, who knows how long I will EVEN stay this size? So buy some basics either on clearance, second- hand gifts or thrift stores. I am tempted to buy one item in my Goal Size, hang it up where i can see it, and use it for inspiration when I feel like this is TAKING TOO LONG! I must remember in May 2018 I was 120 pounds heavier, and I didn't realize it until I pulled out of the back of the closet, the outfit I wore last Memorial Day. That sound you now hear is the Reality Bell chiming for ME! And the semu-sad thing, I thought I was looking pretty Okay then! Even with my face getting lean and angular, cheekbones prominate after years of being covered up with Chubby Cheeks, of not knowIng what dead relative I am going to end up resembling, cause I sure don't look like ME! I CAN NOW SAY ITS ALL PRETTY GOOD*AND ITS ONLY GOING TO GET BETTER AND BETTER* Hang around and see what the renovated, remidked and realigned Frustr8 is going to be, you know I don't even have a clue MYSELF!😝👍😝

[SueSaBelle 57]

This topic is still on my mind. FB has reminded me of where I was a year ago and I am able to look at myself and see that yes I was morbidly obese. When I compare a picture from yesterday's 15 mile training walk to a year ago when I was still recuperating from a total hip replacement, I can see what was obvious to everyone but me. I never talked about my weight since it was such a source of embarrassment and pain. Thankfully my husband sensed this and knew to never bring it up. When I did he was always supportive and even joined me in eating healthy.

He has really helped me when it comes to the mental aspect of losing weight. For example, a few years ago we went to an amusement park with our middle child and friends to Celebrate their high school graduation. They took off and my husband and I made our way to a roller coaster. When we sat down and I couldn't get the bar to lock, I was shocked. I was mortified when I realized that I had to get up in front of all those people waiting in line. I could feel the judgey comments and disparaging remarks being muttered under their breath. My husband just got up and said this ride hurts my back - let's get out of here and go to the casino. Yesterday, he asked if I wanted to go back to the amusement park with the kids. While I told him yes, I also explained to him that our daughter wouldn't be able to fit any more because of her weight gain, even though she has a different body shape ( I am an apple and she gained hers in her bottom half and our daughter needed a seat belt extender on the last air flight). I explained that I don't want her to have to go through the same experience and how much I loved him for the way he reacted.

I have vowed to keep taking pictures of myself and looking at myself in the mirror when I step out of the shower. I can see the flaws but then I remind myself that this body has been through some trials and allows me to do some amazing things that I couldn't have done a year ago.

When the BMI chart had my doctor telling me I need to lose another 71 lbs, I laughed. Here is why: my job requires me to lift 50-100 lbs. I have been doing this for over 23 years. I have some muscle on me under all the fat. I showed him a picture of my coworker who is 5' 8" and weighs 180 lbs. She doesn't have an ounce of fat on her but is considered overweight, borderline obese. My surgeon understood that I will not be going by his chart. I will continue to follow my program and do the activities I love but I will not stress about getting down to a number on a scale. I want to be healthy and active, not sickly and weak just to say I can fit in a size 2 jeans. With my personality and competitiveness, I could easily fixate on that but it wouldn't be healthy for me. I don't have to have an "all or nothing" mentality. It can be one day at a time, making a healthy choice for that day. Because soon all those tiny individual choices add up to positive changes.