How Do You See Yourself in Your Dreams

[SteveT74 359]

I was blessed to not suffer from obesity as a kid or even as an adult in my 20's. In fact, I worked as a personal trainer through college and part of law school and was in great shape in my early to mid twenties. I had a few mild ups and downs with the scale (gained 15-20 extra pounds) in my late twenties, but got back into shape and kept the weight off for a few years. It wasn't until I reach my early thirties (after I got married) that the weight started to accumulate. I didn't notice it in the mirror. I would gain 10 pounds take it off, regain 12 pounds take ten off, regain 14 pounds take 5 off---you know the pattern. The swings got to the point where I would drop 30 and regain 45. Low and behold, I got up to probably got up to around 270 (don't really know my true HW). Regardless of what the numbers on the scale said, I never saw myself as "obese"--not the guy in the mirror or the guy. In my dreams, I was always I my 20's, in great shape and super healthy. Waking up was always a big disappointment.

I had my VSG in December 2018 and I have dropped about 75 pounds since my highest "measured" weight. Although I am now 45, I am almost back to the weight I was 20 years ago and the shape I was in too. Ironically, when I dream at night, I am now the fat version of me from the past 5 or so years. I actually have this reoccurring dream where I am standing next to my refrigerator stuffing my face as quickly as I can, when I hear my wife coming down the stairs. I start to panic to get the food back in the fridge to hide my binge eating from her. I am embarrassed by my behavior and disgusted with myself in these dreams. They cause me to wake up in a panic only to realize it's just a dream and I didn't gain the weight or start binge eating again. It's an awful feeling--almost as awful as waking up from a dream where I am thin only to find that the real me is morbidly obese.

Maybe when I had dreams when I was fat about being skinny, it was my subconscious trying to remind me of the guy I was and am still meant to be. Maybe these new dreams are are my subconscious warning to myself about the possibility of what could happen to me if I don't stick to the plan. I would like to think these dreams are more than just an example of how I can torture myself and induce anxiety. Has anyone else had these types of dreams and experiences???

Edited March 28, 2019 by SteveT74

[GreenTealael 25,357]

Early on I would have NIGHTMARES that I was doing something contrary to my plan like eating and drinking at the same time, alcohol, etc.

I stop giving these (subconscious) fears real estate in my life by being moreproactive and vigilant. I don't dream like that anymore.

I started thinking about my life on a whole beyond my weight. I was entirely too fixated on one aspect in life. There are sooooo many more.

I put this diet/lifestyle on automation so i can focus on other things.

Edited March 28, 2019 by GreenTealael

[SteveT74 359]

Sounds like good advice to me, but I just don't know how to put this on auto-pilot. I am conscious of everything I eat, drink and the physical activity I need to do to get and stay in shape. I still only 3.5 months out from surgery, this healthy lifestyle and change in my body is very new. I guess I worry about slipping back into bad habits and I don't really trust myself unless I am being strict in following my rules (which are not entirely the same as my doctor's rules).

[GreenTealael 25,357]

43 minutes ago, SteveT74 said:

Sounds like good advice to me, but I just don't know how to put this on auto-pilot. I am conscious of everything I eat, drink and the physical activity I need to do to get and stay in shape. I still only 3.5 months out from surgery, this healthy lifestyle and change in my body is very new. I guess I worry about slipping back into bad habits and I don't really trust myself unless I am being strict in following my rules (which are not entirely the same as my doctor's rules).

That's around when i was having dreams too! Give it time find the right balance for you between the set of rules and believe in yourself 👑

Edited March 28, 2019 by GreenTealael

[Frustr8 7,886]

I now see me at my Goal Weight, even though I haven't made it there yet. I am able to do so much more activities than I could at the degree of Obesity I was at. And Tomkitten looks much as he does now, so I take this to mean it could and would be soon, like within a year or so from now. So March 2020 is when I plan to set the Silver Sneakers crowd on 🔥 fire! Yes I am within 35 pounds of the goal just under 200 Valerie Dr Needleman's Nurse Practioner set but inately I would like to try for the 175 I have dreamed of and to be a 15 Junior, because that's where I believe I belong. So I think I am still heavy awake but asleep I am healthy , smaller and happy, Oh so happy, the Fat Shell has cracked, fallen off, and I will never wear it again! I am justified by all that has gone before but I now can live the life I was MEANT to have!

[FluffyChix 17,415]

Wow! First off, make sure you remember to give yourself credit for your incredible accomplishment! Dude, 75lbs in 3.5months is absolutely stellar work! Congrats!!!

Second, I dream of myself at my secret fantasy "Barbie Dream Girl Weight" of 120lbs (my "due" weight or the ideal weight as computed by archaic insurance charts). It's so kewl. LOL. Then I wake up. At first it was a huge disappointment to be mo upon waking. And as I lost weight and was able (thru pics) to see my actual loss, the body dysmorphia started to come into more of a remission thing...it's still there, though.

But so weird you should post, cuz in the past week, I've been gooder than good can be, and I'm waking with these nightmares that I'm mo again. I put my hand down almost while asleep and think I feel big mounds of squishy jiggly puff! 😯 Then I wake and do my morning weigh-in routine and I'm either right where I was or down a little.

I've no idea what we're trying to work through in our dreams, but I believe it does have to do with fear or control as @GreenTealael said. I think it's a phase and if we continue to walk our walks, these dreams will change and we will evolve!

[SteveT74 359]

Thanks for the support guys. I guess these types of dreams are fairly common occurrences. They never told us about these during those pre-op meetings and classes. I guess I am really happy where I am and where things are going that losing this would be just awful. Even when I lost weight in the past, in the back of my mind I knew it would eventually come back (since that's how it's always been for me as an adult). This has to be the time that it stays off!!! As bad as it was looking morbidly obese, the feeling of having no control over myself and feeling like crap all the the time. I had issues sleeping because breathing ward hard when I laid down. I would often sleep sitting up like a bear. Living with diabetes sucked in so many ways. I had issues with ED because of it (and the meds I took for it). I had gastroparesis due to neuropathy in my stomach. Heart disease. I was 44 and I felt like I was 70. Last year when I met with my cardiologist after my 44th birthday, he was really worried for me (not in that BS way that some doctors have when they feel obligated to read us the riot act). He was sweet as sugar but he told me that based on my blood work, stress test etc. and family history, if I don't make a major change right now I will probably have my first major heart attack in the next five years. I CAN'T ever live like that again!!!! I owe it to my wife and kids to be super healthy Dad--not fat dad that will be dead before they are in high school.

[SusyQ918 8]

From someone who has been overweight since I was a child, I don't really dream as myself. I actually "met" myself once in a dream and I remember thinking how strange it was to actually see a face since most of my dream people are faceless. I might recognize who they are, but faces are rare.

I didn't recognize myself at first and when I did, I was surprised. I'm still overweight, but I'll check back when I lose more weight to see if I can ever subconsciously be able to dream as myself or not. As it is, I think it's always been so disappointing to be me that I subconsciously stay away from it.