Dating after surgery

[Samantha1324 23]

I have just lost my first 50lbs and I am starting to get a lot more confident in myself.

I have started using the dating apps and now that the possibility of dating is more real I am starting to get really freaked out.

Has anyone starting dating soon after surgery?

These are the things I am nervous about:
- they will think my minimal eating is weird (I am not 100% open about having the surgery and don’t want to have to explain my situation to every tinder date.)
- most people want to meet up for a drink but I’m still not drinking alcohol
- even though I am much more confident I still have a ton of insecurities about my body so I’m not sure I will be ready for an intimate relationship if the time comes and I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

Anyways any thoughts and advice are appreciated. I’m just excited to start dating but also scared.

[Pippa1703 32]

I haven’t had a surgery yet but honestly, these sound like typical thoughts of a person that’s not been on the dating scene for a while surgery or not, these are all hang ups that people worry about when getting ‘back in there’. If you meet for drinks, make an excuse for not drinking alcohol, perhaps you had a few too many the night before (they’ll be amazed by how well you handle a hangover!) and as for food, just don’t arrange a dinner date? Maybe arrange a walk in a park or bowling? This way, you can always figure out if like a person enough before you give them your entire history? Good luck

[saygrace 122]

i’m 7 months out and started dating again 3 months out. honestly, everything the person above me said is great, try and make plans for dates that don’t revolve around drinking/food. and most people don’t even notice the amount of food we eat or don’t eat, it’s really mostly something you notice yourself. also- not gonna encourage smoking weed cause that gets you nowhere on this forum, but before i was able to drink alcohol, i just suggested smoking instead of getting drinks. there’s alternatives for everything in life!!

everyone has insecurities about their bodies, surgery or not! fake the confidence until you make it. anyone worth dating doesn’t care what size you are anyway, just try to remember that!

although i am only 23 so my dating life might be very different from yours and some of this might be easier said than done.

[Beegrrly 23]

I’m about to start this journey again too so I’m glad I’m not the only one who is having these worries but also working on overcoming them.

[Stella S 612]

Well I am not in the dating scene but it seems to me a date to be active - go cart riding, Canoeing kayaking, To an art museum, play, or and outdoor concert. One of my friends takes her day to sort food at the local food pantry as a value check I love the Bowling idea Because it does not put you alone in an isolated environment Since I do not want my relationship to be about eating and drinking I redefine what an date is with my spouse. have fun and be smart and safe.

[logicwand 269]

So, I got on Tinder shortly after my sleeve surgery. (What was I thinking?! I hadn't dated in YEEEEEARS!) I had lost about 40 pounds and was already feeling so good - mentally and physically. The three biggest takeaways I got after using Tinder for three months:

1) Meet for coffee. Keep it casual. Going to dinner with someone you don't know can be excruciating, especially if you haven't been talking for long and you feel there's pressure for it to go well. Meeting for adult drinks is casual, but obviously it's not good for your stomach and if the date goes well, you won't be able to keep up after a drink or two. When you meet for coffee, there's no pressure to finish food or explain yourself.

2) Expect the unexpected. Guys you think that are totally into you will disappear. Guys you thought may not have the time of day for you will want to meet you out of the blue. There's hardly any courtesy on Tinder (e.g. ghosting, cancelled dates, flaking, etc.)

3) People are diverse. There are SOOOOOO many unique souls out there! Wow. Like, a lot. We just need to find ONE (I'm assuming you want to be monogamous lol). It will take time - or, at least, it usually does. I met guys that I knew almost immediately were not my type but enjoyed my time with them because I learned more about them and myself in the process.

I will always be uncomfortable with my body. I know that sounds sad, but it's something I feel is true. And while I've made SOOOOOO much progress with my weight and my confidence, I know I will always feel uncomfortable being naked.

So I eventually got off Tinder. Why? Because I met my boyfriend. He's silly, sweet, and supports me 100%. Once we began dating in earnest and were having meals together, he asked baldly, "Did you have weight loss surgery?" I felt my heart fall to the floor. OMG OMG OMG I didn't want him to know!!! WTF?!! And in those few seconds I realized I needed to be honest with him even though it was embarrassing and I was upset he would ask something so personal. I said, "Yeah, I did - why?" He told me he noticed I didn't eat very much and his friend had also recently done it. But he asked so casually because he said he didn't think it was a big deal. (!!!!) Fast forward 10 months later, we're still happily dating. I'm uncomfortable with my body but he's always telling me how much he loves everything about me including my body (which is SO hard to believe but I just go with it). He makes me feel comfortable in every possible way which is what I needed. Yes, I need therapy. LOL

[sideeye 1,440]

I didn’t start dating until after 6 months so I was cleared for alcohol, but typically went out for a drink and an appetizer. I’d prep by having a larger Breakfast and a smaller or earlier lunch, and then I’d eat whatever I felt like during the date (which is usually quite little).

The good thing is that unless you’re going out to dinner, no one’s likely to notice what you eat and “I’m not really hungry” is a perfectly valid statement. By the time you progress to dinner, the guy usually already likes you enough to brush it off or is adjusted to eating 50% of whatever you ordered.

The key thing is feeling comfortable with you. Someone will notice if you eat lightly AND guiltily. They’re less likely to note anything if you’re so casual about it that it’s a non-issue (because it is). Just be careful about what you order early on, it’s really easy to have eyes bigger than your new stomach and you can get tricked by old budget-conscious habits. One of my first real post-op meals with a friend we ordered the cheap fixed-price lunch deal, and I finished half the Soup and started laughing because I was full and had a main and dessert still coming! (I got them both boxed up)

For body image... it takes a while. And probably depends quite a bit on how much you’d internalized your overweight self-image. But it’s really not worth worrying about, and do NOT apologize or explain for anything about your body. Attraction is about so much more than whether or not you unveil an impressive set of bingo wings. Power throughout and be confident.