Need Advice for My Family

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19 minutes ago, sideeye said:

A lot of parents see this as a voluntary surgery, and if you view it with that framing, their freakout kind of makes sense - why volunteer for a procedure that has risk? You're fine! Sure, a little fat, but fine! Just diet and exercise to lose a little weight and don't go through a voluntary medical procedure! Many of them hear the medical reasoning, but revert right back to the cosmetic as the core argument, and that's how they convince themselves it's just vain and unnecessary.

It's a very in-the-moment calculation, though. When you sit them down and say "you realize that if I keep going like this, I'm likely going to have to replace joints, right? Multiple surgeries?" and then talk about increased risk of illness when you carry a lot of weight, or talk about the impacts of diabetes, etc - that's when it lands that a relatively safe surgical procedure right now is actively warding off MULTIPLE, NON-voluntary surgeries in future.

They have a hard time untethering their view from the individual in front of them who might be fat, but is coping. Get them to project 10 years down the line with you having made no changes, and they'll understand that one surgery now is better than four or five down the line, when you're not as young and able to rebound.

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Yessss! Now that you mention that I remember her telling me once before..."Well, you're not 600 lbs, you don't need that kind of surgery, do you?" I'm the most overweight person in my entire family. Everyone else is naturally skin and bones. I'm approaching 40, never known what "skinny"/healthy weight feels like and I know that if I don't make an impactful change now, it'll progressively get more difficult to manage as I get older and approach menopause. When I was 28-29, I dropped about 100lbs on my own in about 9mo. by just eating like a person that had Lap-Band. Gained it all back after a pregnancy. Tried the same approach at my current a few years ago and got fatter! I'm like whoa...ok...this is nuts. Tried Keto for 2 years, lost 45lb then got stuck. Then boom, my employer changes insurance plans that covers bariatric...things happen for a reason! There's no way I'm turning back now.

You said "They have a hard time untethering their view from the individual in front of them who might be fat, but is coping."...that really makes sense. Thanks so much for your help with perspective.

Edited January 9, 2019 by Kimmie K

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I dug around and found this really great PDF called How To Support Someone During the Bariatric Surgery Process. Mom is getting this PDF! It looks really helpful and simplified.

https://www.uhn.ca/PatientsFamilies/Health_Information/Health_Topics/Documents/How_to_Support_Someone_During_the_Bariatric_Surgery_Process.pdf

[Frustr8 7,886]

Found it, downloaded it to Adobe Acrobat, a lot of good wisdom from Ontario, CANADA but things we all can use. Thanks KimmieK, I'm going to have Tomkitten, my son, to read it. He is my cheerleader and main support person.👸&👩Just the 2 of us left, older brother died 11 years ago this Friday (1-11-2008), be a rough day for me his Angel Day/Anniversity always is, and my husband and Tomkittens Daddy, Big Tomcat died 7 years ago on the Fourth of July (7-04-2012). But we keep together going forward in life together. If he disapproved I'd like to say. I still would have had my RnY, but it would have been difficult.