Surgery and Divorce - Advice!?

[Skc150 28]

6 months ago I decided with the support of my husband to start the long insurance approval process for gastric sleeve surgery.

5 months so my husband of 12 years informed me he was no longer attracted to me didn't think the surgery would work, and wanted a divorce so he could "live his true life."

The last few months have been unreal but I decided to go forward with the surgery even though most everyone recommended postponing it. I had the surgery last Tuesday (12/11) and my divorce was finalized today (12/17).

All I want to do is eat ice cream and drink wine, but since that is obviously no longer on the menu, does anyone have some advice for how I can get through the next 24 hours? Drowning my sorrows in Gatorade and chicken broth is not cutting it!

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[elcee 3,341]

Sorry you are going through this.

No brilliant ideas. Maybe you could go and watch a movie, one that you want to see but know that he would have hated.

Get together with friends . Go shopping.

[Hop_Scotch 1,630]

Sounds like you need the support of friends and/or family right now, if that isn't possible do some things that keeps both your hands and mind occupied. You have probably cried a few tears by now, but if you need to do more don't hold back.

Edited December 17, 2018 by 2shea

[shedo82773 1,236]

So very sorry : ( I don't have anything to add but...stay busy, hang out with your friends and family. Hold them close.

[notmyname 593]

I'm so sorry. But good for you for continuing to care for yourself during this. Maybe screaming into a pillow (careful not to blow your sutures). Write down what you're feeling? What about a meditation? Kaiser has some good ones on various topics - anger/forgiveness, grief, stress, relaxation, etc at the link below.

https://healthy.kaiserpermanente.org/health/care/!ut/p/a0/FchBDoMgEADAt_iAzYZEYfFmhH6hhdsGiZIIGELt99seZ9DjC33hO-3cUy18_uxCLD22md9bqnCnLVZ8okd_Nd4zoysVAocj_o9bT-GM6IzVap2MBamlBCGsgEWPBohoUkKp8UErXjnTZxmGL2IKPpI!/

Edited December 17, 2018 by notmyname

[Skc150 28]

Sorry you are going through this.
No brilliant ideas. Maybe you could go and watch a movie, one that you want to see but know that he would have hated.
Get together with friends . Go shopping.

That's a good idea - with 2 sons I always get outvoted and always have to see the super hero movies! Now to convince myself that popcorn, soda, and Junior Mints are not requirements for seeing a movie ...

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[FluffyChix 17,415]

Watch comedies!!! As many comedies as you can! Follow your plan (the plan from the surgeon). Get outside to do your walking or go to the mall to do it. Know that you are going through "The Deep Suck" all at once! And it "might" get worse before it gets better. But be assured...The Deep Suck ends! It honestly does!!! And you WILL feel better/look better/feel happiness and find someone to share your new life with!! You can do this! Talk freely about your feelings with family and close friends! Go to a grief/support group through church. Lean on people if you need!

I'm so sorry you're going through this -- especially right now. Don't sabotage. You've come too far!!!

[Skc150 28]

Sounds like you need the support of friends and/or family right now, if that isn't possible do some things that keeps both your hands and mind occupied. You have probably cried a few tears by now, but if you need to do more don't hold back.

Thank you! Definitely shed some tears and I'm sure there are more coming. My family and friends were actually so against my having the surgery that I didn't tell anyone. They know I had the LapBand removed - just not that I also had the sleeve done at the same time.

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[Skc150 28]

I'm so sorry. But good for you for continuing to care for yourself during this. Maybe screaming into a pillow (careful not to blow your sutures). Write down what you're feeling? What about a meditation? Kaiser has some good ones on various topics - anger/forgiveness, grief, stress, relaxation, etc at the link below.
https://healthy.kaiserpermanente.org/health/care/!ut/p/a0/FchBDoMgEADAt_iAzYZEYfFmhH6hhdsGiZIIGELt99seZ9DjC33hO-3cUy18_uxCLD22md9bqnCnLVZ8okd_Nd4zoysVAocj_o9bT-GM6IzVap2MBamlBCGsgEWPBohoUkKp8UErXjnTZxmGL2IKPpI!/

I couldn't get the link to work for some reason, but I Googled it and you're right - they have a lot of really good options. I have a journal I've been writing in but I haven't tried meditation yet - thank you!

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[it'sonlythefirststep 141]

I am so sorry. But let me tell you. Surgery is a tool and you get out of it what you put into it. I am down 120lbs since March 22, 2018. Changed my eating habits, portion sizes, no alcohol and nothing fried. I walk a lot but not exercise in the gym but want to start that to tone up. Prove him wrong! Do it for you and no one else. Be the best you for you! Take care... let him see what he is missing out on

[GreenTealael 25,336]

Sorry. 😢

[Bypassgirl92 124]

I am so sorry to hear that. I know you have probably heard this already but you deserve better! Marriage is for better and for worse. He clearly just was not in the time frame for a marriage anymore. Dont let yourself think it was you. People like that do not ever end up happy. Show everyone including him that you are the new happier and stronger you!! Kill it with your results and progress. I know the hunger sucks but it will be worth it in the long run. Try going out with friends. Or have someone over. Anything to get your mind off food. I must say it has sure helped me out these rough few weeks.

[Skc150 28]

I am so sorry. But let me tell you. Surgery is a tool and you get out of it what you put into it. I am down 120lbs since March 22, 2018. Changed my eating habits, portion sizes, no alcohol and nothing fried. I walk a lot but not exercise in the gym but want to start that to tone up. Prove him wrong! Do it for you and no one else. Be the best you for you! Take care... let him see what he is missing out on

Thank you for your kind and wise words!

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[jesseycakes 103]

Freeze a Protein Shake and pretend it's ice cream!!! You don't need that jerk, you are going to move on and find someone who loves the whole package. 😍 My ex told me I was getting too fat (right after having a baby!) and he left me. Best damn thing that could have ever happened!

[Sweettoothless 100]

Practice exactly what you are going to say to him when he tries to slither back into your bed. It will happen at some point. Even if you never actually say it to preserve your co-parenting. You could say, sorry I only go to bed with men who work out/ have a full head of hair/ good teeth... whatever his Achille's tendon is.