Interpreting men

[Healthy_life 1,437]

Need a place to vent/rant A guys perspective would be appreciated.

I could be all wrong about this. Could someone explain some things to me about men and social interaction. I'm clueless. When I talk to some men they think I'm hitting on them. When I was obese they never thought I was hitting on them..So why now?

Had a casual conversation with one of the gym regulars I've known for about 2 years. I teased him about being on the phone and not running the track. Nothing inappropriate. It got back to me that he thinks I'm hitting on him. Now when we talk he feels the need to say "you met my wife right?"

I had a conversation with a acquaintance. I asked how his wife was doing. He explained her fibromyalgia was acting up. It got back to me that I am hitting on him because i asked how his wife was. He interpreted it as if I was seeing if he was single...What the hell????

I'm an old fart and married. I don't get it. Should I stop talking to men???

[Matt Z 4,139]

1 hour ago, Healthy_life said:

Need a place to vent/rant A guys perspective would be appreciated.

I could be all wrong about this. Could someone explain some things to me about men and social interaction. I'm clueless. When I talk to some men they think I'm hitting on them. When I was obese they never thought I was hitting on them..So why now?

Had a casual conversation with one of the gym regulars I've known for about 2 years. I teased him about being on the phone and not running the track. Nothing inappropriate. It got back to me that he thinks I'm hitting on him. Now when we talk he feels the need to say "you met my wife right?"

I had a conversation with a acquaintance. I asked how his wife was doing. He explained her fibromyalgia was acting up. It got back to me that I am hitting on him because i asked how his wife was. He interpreted it as if I was seeing if he was single...What the hell????

I'm an old fart and married. I don't get it. Should I stop talking to men???

Never let an interaction with 1, affect your interaction with all. I can't even dance around all the things I'd like to say because it will *ALL* come out wrong in this wonderfully PC world we live in. But, not all men think that, not all men act this way, etc etc etc etc stereotypes are bad no matter who we are taking about, etc etc etc.

Take each interaction as it's own. Not sure what this guy is "bringing to the table" in your interaction (meaning his thoughts, feelings, history, moral compass, etc etc etc). I've got a friend that has no idea when girls *ARE* hitting on him... even when it's beyond obvious that it's happening. So... that's my 2 cents.

[Healthy_life 1,437]

1 minute ago, Matt Z said:

Never let an interaction with 1, affect your interaction with all. I can't even dance around all the things I'd like to say because it will *ALL* come out wrong in this wonderfully PC world we live in. But, not all men think that, not all men act this way, etc etc etc etc stereotypes are bad no matter who we are taking about, etc etc etc.

Take each interaction as it's own. Not sure what this guy is "bringing to the table" in your interaction (meaning his thoughts, feelings, history, moral compass, etc etc etc). I've got a friend that has no idea when girls *ARE* hitting on him... even when it's beyond obvious that it's happening. So... that's my 2 cents.

I am not a part of the PC generation. You wont offend me. Feel free to message me the things you would like to say.

[BigViffer 3,544]

IT is also possible he is using your interaction as a bragging point to whomever is listening. Doesn't matter the age, the male ego is a silly thing and he may be using these obviously mundane conversations as examples of the attention he brags about to the men in his group.

Or it could just be that he isn't very good at dealing with the opposite sex.

[Matt Z 4,139]

7 minutes ago, Healthy_life said:

I am not a part of the PC generation. You wont offend me. Feel free to message me the things you would like to say.

Thanks... it's ok. Overall it's just that, "not everyone is the same" sorta thing is all. Sorry you had a bad interaction, but as they say "don't let 1 spoiled apple ruin the bunch".

[Healthy_life 1,437]

3 minutes ago, Matt Z said:

Thanks... it's ok. Overall it's just that, "not everyone is the same" sorta thing is all. Sorry you had a bad interaction, but as they say "don't let 1 spoiled apple ruin the bunch".

I also said above its not all Just some. I'm clueless and needed some mansplaining. *laughing* Feeling awkward about the interaction. The last thing I want is to be the creepy woman at my gym.

Edited December 10, 2018 by Healthy_life

[Matt Z 4,139]

2 minutes ago, Healthy_life said:

I also said above its not all Just some. I'm clueless and needed some mansplaining. *laughing* Feeling awkward about the interaction. The last thing I want is to be the creepy woman at my gym.

Doesn't sound like the "issue" was on your side of the interaction at all. Just keep on being you!

[Healthy_life 1,437]

5 minutes ago, BigViffer said:

IT is also possible he is using your interaction as a bragging point to whomever is listening. Doesn't matter the age, the male ego is a silly thing and he may be using these obviously mundane conversations as examples of the attention he brags about to the men in his group.

Or it could just be that he isn't very good at dealing with the opposite sex.

Ok, that makes sense. BTW I have the book you suggested. (Starting strength).Thanks again.

[GreenTealael 25,430]

Don't discount the fact that they may simply be more attracted to you now and are using transference to stay ahead of guilt.

[Healthy_life 1,437]

3 minutes ago, Matt Z said:

Doesn't sound like the "issue" was on your side of the interaction at all. Just keep on being you!

Thanks Matt. Needed to hear that.

[Healthy_life 1,437]

2 minutes ago, GreenTealael said:

Don't discount the fact that they may simply be more attracted to you now and are using transference to stay ahead of guilt.

I'm feeling awkward and clueless. *laughing* not the first time in life. Interesting that you said Transference to stay ahead of guilt.

[Frustr8 7,886]

A FYI I'm telling on myself. Last time a guy hit on me I was so naive it took me 45 minutes to realize it. Maybe as I lose weight and my Inner Cute starts emerging I should get a little more with it? Hate missing friendly overtures, just might happen?

[GreenTealael 25,430]

1 minute ago, Healthy_life said:

I'm feeling awkward and clueless. *laughing* not the first time in life. Interesting that you said Transference to stay ahead of guilt.

I think people confuse flirting and common friendship all the time now because it's sorely lacking these days in society

Actually even the boundaries of friendship are blurred in this generation...

[Healthy_life 1,437]

1 minute ago, Frustr8 said:

A FYI I'm telling on myself. Last time a guy hit on me I was so naive it took me 45 minutes to realize it. Maybe as I lose weight and my Inner Cute starts emerging I should get a little more with it? Hate missing friendly overtures, just might happen?

I'm still used to being invisible. Working on being comfortable. The gym is not a place to hit on someone. To hear back that these two individuals thought I was hitting on them was weird. four years there and this has never come up before.

[Jazzy1125 1,010]

Just continue being the person you are. If they are taking your verbiage incorrectly then there is something on their end that makes them feel that way.. Like Green said.. moving the guilt to another party so they dont have to accept it.