Need help with something...

[blahblahblah 4]

Hello all,

My husband and I are both banded...He was banded in April 07 and I was banded in July 07. To date, I have lost 73 lbs...and he was up to just shy of 90 lbs, but has been dealing with a ton of family stuff (his mother was just in the hospital for sudden cardiac arrest and a subsequent surgery)...and is now only down 78lbs.

I am so excited for myself and thrilled with my progress.... 73 lbs in 4 months is awesome...but, I am very aware that it will destroy my husband if I surpass him in weight loss.

I am doing this for me, and I will not jeopardize my weight loss for anyone...but it is killing me that he will be devestated by this... What to do, what to do???

Any suggestions?

I adore my husband and I think he is doing a phenominal job...I'm so super proud of him...and I don't want to blow all of what he has gained in self confidence and self worth out of the Water by surpassing him. And we tell eachother every day what we've lost...so I will not be able to keep it from him.

Any thoughts?

Thanks,

Rain

[sherilynn 1]

Hello all,

I am so excited for myself and thrilled with my progress.... 73 lbs in 4 months is awesome...but, I am very aware that it will destroy my husband if I surpass him in weight loss.

I am doing this for me, and I will not jeopardize my weight loss for anyone...but it is killing me that he will be devestated by this... What to do, what to do???

/quote]

Hey Rain...

I can't understand why this would 'destroy' him? I'm sure the two of you must have some friendly/loving rivalry going on - and that's healthy and fun! But for you to loose more than him would 'destroy' him? Nah...if anything it would be a blow to the oh so delicate male ego. But I'm hoping he'd just be super duper proud of you - and move on with his weight loss.

Perhaps the best way for you to approach it- it quietly. That would be respectful of his delicate issues he has going on with his Mom. Keep yourself loosing, but don't hide it or lie about it - for the sake of him feeling bad. He won't because he loves you.

[Lap_dancer 8]

My first reaction was that you both love yourselves enough to do this journey together. You support oneanother. Destroy? Nah, I'm thinking not unless you know something about his personality that would be such that he has a competitive nature that supercedes your getting healthy.

Wait until the drama dies down with his family. There are the holidays to contend with as well. Try to do things exclusively together and also attend a support group meeting together..things just for you.

I would personally talk about this with him LATER.

[blahblahblah 4]

Hello...

Thank you for your reply..

He is enormously proud of me...but it will kill him because he's been banded for three months more than me...and he feels he should be further ahead...

Rainer

[Wheetsin 714]

Yeah, I don't know your husband, but I don't think it would destroy him. He would still be happy for you, and he knows that he hasn't been sticking to his guns due to the emotional uprisings. We know when we're eating well and when we aren't. If you having more loss than him effects him, then you know it's competition/ego, which isn't a healthy way for him to see it (no new news here). So just find other ways to stroke his ego.

If it's going to be a huge huge issue, maybe just don't tell him? I'm to that point now. There are people who every time I see them, ask how much more I've lost. Umm, I just saw you Saturday? So I just say "I'm not sure, I haven't weighed recently." Would you have a similar way to just not tell him?

[Cerrin 3]

I have to agree. I think it might hurt his ego a little but I dont think it will destroy him. it is not like your going to rub it in his face or anything. I think he is stronger then that. he MAY lash out...all little boys do when they get upset but I am sure he will still be proud of you.

[Daisalana 33]

Everyone loses different, look around the boards and you will see this.

I was banded April 07 too and have lost 65lbs. I am jealous of you! But that just means we're different, not better or worse than each other. Your DH is doing awesome, he should be proud of himself too! It's not a competition

[GayleTX 1]

I think you're selling your husband short. He might wish it were otherwise but he realizes he's been dealing with stress and that can be his excuse if he needs one. Don't do yourself an injustice and quit losing because you don't think he can 'take it.' He'll be okay. Maybe it will be the motivation he needs to get control again.

[IndioGirl55 32]

Rain

First of all my prayer to your family - 2nd help your hubby make better food choices - ya this is difficult period - but it doesn't mean he has to turn to food - food is not the answer it's not going to make his Mother better and it's only going to hurt him. I would assume that you are the meal provided in the family - pack him lunches - get the junk out of the house that he's eating,...

I don't understand why he would be destoryed unless this was just a plain out competion between the 2 of you - which you know there will be no winners there...

Support him - help him make better food choices ... That's my suggestion...

[juliegeraci 7]

You are both doing great. I would sit him down and tell him how you feel and your concern.

[OH Juli 15]

I'm going to be a brat....please do forgive me...

Are you looking for an excuse to slow down and take a break and putting it on your husband? This occurs to me because I workout with a couple at work, and he hurt his ankle this weekend, so she was like Woo-Hoo, I have an excuse not to go.

Just a thought.

And if you want to slow down and take a break that's all well and good, but don't put that on your husband's ego. This journey has ebbs and flows.

You may now throw rotten eggs at me.

[blahblahblah 4]

gently...and told him that I was very very close to passing him and that I wanted him to know because I knew it would upset him.

Well, he was bummed for a moment..and then went to the gym this morning. So, thus far it has had a positive side effect!

Juli...no, I am thrilled with my weight loss and can't wait to lose more...I'd like to lose 100 lbs by my twins 2nd birthday on January 19th. I can do it!!! It was truly out of a fear that this would result in him quitting rather than going to the gym and trying to kick my butt. I am thrilled to have been proven wrong.

Thanks for all of your replies...I appreciate them and wish you all continued success!

Rain

[Cerrin 3]

Good luck and just remember working out and excercising increases the feel good feeling.