Fat shaming ?? Post op over 4 yrs

[Lucky Dog 32]

do you find that you seem to judge overweight people now ?? or is it just me ?? please dont eat that ice cream or cookie,,, I frequently try to bite my tongue,,, Look I was a FAT guy,,, 325 at my heaviest,,, now 160 ish ,,, steadily for 4 + years,,, (sober too) did surgery help me ?? absolutely,,, just one step in the process,,,, but ya gotta change your way of looking at food.. I always say,,,, after I mention WLS,,,, does FF and sweets go in me,,, yup,,, ya gotta make a choice to change ... re think your whole way of eating,,, if you dont you are destined for failure,,, I regularly still see / consult my dietitian,,, work out / stay insanely active,,, and extremely watch what I eat,,, I have recently started IF (intermittent fasting) for health and fat burning,,, results ,,, Im curious if anyone will really admit,,, to shaking your head to a overweight individual,,, I actually on a long follow up appt,,,,, WLS doc appt,,, spoke to some folks about the journey and was very willing almost boisterous to praise its,,,, life CHANGING results

[linlew 39]

I'm very happy for you that you've had success.

However, I'm a bit concerned by you saying "I frequently try to bite my tongue."

"Frequently" implies not always

"Try" implies you don't always succeed.

My advice would be to keep your thoughts to yourself, and do your best not to indicate your thoughts with your facial expressions. Not everyone who is large is unhappy about it, and if they are, they don't need you reminding them.

Perhaps I'm reading your post incorrectly; the style with all of the commas makes it a smidge difficult to follow. However, I would only offer up opinions or advice if someone explicitly asks for it.

Again, congrats on your continued success though!

[KimTriesRNY 1,853]

I do think about how WLS has changed my life for the better, so many things are easier now than a year ago I feel so grateful and blessed.

The truth is out there for those that wish to find it. There are TV shows about weight loss surgery, you tube videos about it, books about it, countless Instagram posts about it. It is not my job to inform every obese person that they could lose weight, they are most likely aware of this.

If someone I know asks me how I am losing weight, or inquires about my diet I do share with them. If a very obese person asked me, I would even share that I had surgery if I thought they were honestly interested. Most people want a quick and trite answer though. Eyes glaze over once you mention exercise and lowering carbs so it’s not a topic I discuss with people.

Just as other people with unhealthy habits need to want to make changes: smokers, alcoholics, drug users, etc....people have to be ready to change. Making comments to strangers does not inspire change, likely just shame and embarrassment.

[insta_adventurer 1,046]

I am always super sensitive about this when talking about the surgery with other overweight people (I’m still losing, but would consider myself overweight still). I answer any questions they ask or receive any positive comments from them, but I try to steer clear from proselytizing to them or insinuating I think they should do it.

Like someone else said, some people are totally happy and fine with their size. Some people are fat and not unhealthy. Just because this was the right choice for me, does not mean I can say it’s the right choice for them... that’s not my call, that’s theirs. Just like the decision to have it was mine and based off of my own situation. And I try to be very careful about implying or insinuating I think they should, because it’s a deeply personal choice and not my g*d d*mned place.

[Healthy_life 1,437]

On 11/27/2018 at 3:20 PM, Lucky Dog said:

do you find that you seem to judge overweight people now ?? or is it just me ?? please dont eat that ice cream or cookie,,, I frequently try to bite my tongue,,, Look I was a FAT guy,,, 325 at my heaviest,,, now 160 ish ,,, steadily for 4 + years,,, (sober too) did surgery help me ?? absolutely,,, just one step in the process,,,, but ya gotta change your way of looking at food.. I always say,,,, after I mention WLS,,,, does FF and sweets go in me,,, yup,,, ya gotta make a choice to change ... re think your whole way of eating,,, if you dont you are destined for failure,,, I regularly still see / consult my dietitian,,, work out / stay insanely active,,, and extremely watch what I eat,,, I have recently started IF (intermittent fasting) for health and fat burning,,, results ,,, Im curious if anyone will really admit,,, to shaking your head to a overweight individual,,, I actually on a long follow up appt,,,,, WLS doc appt,,, spoke to some folks about the journey and was very willing almost boisterous to praise its,,,, life CHANGING results

Feel free to ignore what I have to say about your post.

I had surgery in the same year as you. I get that you are excited about how life changing WLS is. Great to praise surgery and your outcome. I don't feel the need to educate or preach it to others. I am not the spokesperson for weight loss or surgery. If they ask, I will give information.

You asked "do you find that you seem to judge overweight people now ?? or is it just me ??

Is it only you judging people? Probably not, Many judgmental negative people in life. Biting your tongue and shaking your head judging people?...Seriously ???

I have to ask....

• Did you enjoyed being judged or fat shamed when you were obese?
• Were you approached that you needed to lose weight pre surgery?
• How did they come off to you?
• Did you jump right on it and lose all your weight?
• Did you ignore their advice?
• Did you find it intrusive or offensive?

You said "Im curious if anyone will really admit,,, to shaking your head to a overweight individual."

Really admit ??? No not all of us think this way about other obese people. I look at someone struggling with obesity with compassion. Why would I judge someone with a disease? I have not forgotten where I came from. I walked in the shoes of an obese person. Treatment options are their personal choice.

[NYJenn 1,463]

I do judge sometimes. I’m not ashamed to say so. Plenty of people judged me, sometimes silently, sometimes with their eyes, sometimes with their loud mouths. I don’t ever say anything to these people though, but in my head, I do judge. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Hrsnjs 267]

I think overall it's sort of human to judge. Especially in our society, where it's so ingrained. Once we have some success it'seasy to wonder why others don't follow suit...but I sure hope I never lose compassion for anyone going through this struggle though. I hope I never forget what it was like to be where they are....once I'm ON the other side of it, that is!

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[sideeye 1,440]

Being overweight sucked. It sucked that people stared at me, that I got an endorphin kick off of eating, that planes have middle seats, that the clothes I wore were the best I could assemble out of bad options. It sucked that social events were based around calorie-laden moments. It sucked that I had to spend years trying diets and counseling and have humiliating conversations with HR to get this op covered, then do a complicated insurance switcheroo when they said no, and then scrape up the money to cover the surgery. It sucked that even when I did lose weight before, I’d regain it when people’s reaction to me (shocked praise, aggressive flirting, extensive recitations of all the hideous health complaints I’d now avoid) actually made me REGAIN just so they’d STOP TALKING.

So no, I don’t judge. I feel sad that the other person is likely still trapped in some part of that depressive cycle, whether they’re actively looking to lose or not. And then I treat them exactly as I would absolutely anyone else.

My one rule with this surgery is that if a thin person asks me how I lost weight, I generally don’t spill the Beans because they’re usually looking for random diet tips or are being nosy. But if a fat person asks, I tell them honestly. The last thing I want to do is imply that I lost this weight through diet and exercise alone, and I want them to be able to ask me anything they want to know.

[nomorefattypatty 329]

do you find that you seem to judge overweight people now ?? or is it just me ?? please dont eat that ice cream or cookie,,, I frequently try to bite my tongue,,, Look I was a FAT guy,,, 325 at my heaviest,,, now 160 ish ,,, steadily for 4 + years,,, (sober too) did surgery help me ?? absolutely,,, just one step in the process,,,, but ya gotta change your way of looking at food.. I always say,,,, after I mention WLS,,,, does FF and sweets go in me,,, yup,,, ya gotta make a choice to change ... re think your whole way of eating,,, if you dont you are destined for failure,,, I regularly still see / consult my dietitian,,, work out / stay insanely active,,, and extremely watch what I eat,,, I have recently started IF (intermittent fasting) for health and fat burning,,, results ,,, Im curious if anyone will really admit,,, to shaking your head to a overweight individual,,, I actually on a long follow up appt,,,,, WLS doc appt,,, spoke to some folks about the journey and was very willing almost boisterous to praise its,,,, life CHANGING results

OK hold on, I used to judge fat people when I was fat, my mom and I have always been people watchers. Lol, it's not being rude to people it's only for our amusement. It's interesting and I don't judge really morbidly obese people because I sincerely feel bad for them and that's a dilemma I have complete empathy for. I feel so bad for people when I see them struggling just to breathe, and they have to use electric chairs just to go to Walmart. It's very sad, not amusing at all. With that being said, we do find it amusing when really obese people wear clothes that are so skin tight their cellulite bumps are showing through. The funniest part is that they think it's sexy. Lol. We people watch everyone. If they dressed appropriately, it wouldn't be there to get a little laugh out of. It's harmless because people generally look at others. We also make fun of all the pants sagging going on so I don't think it's harmful as long as you're not hurting people's feelings and it's just another way to get through the day with a little fun, no harm intended. Lol, nice chatting with you. [emoji6]

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[sideeye 1,440]

1 hour ago, nomorefattypatty said:

Lol, it's not being rude to people it's only for our amusement.

1 hour ago, nomorefattypatty said:

It's harmless because people generally look at others.

I'm surprised that, as a former fat person, you aren't painfully aware of the sensation of people staring at you and then sniggering. Or the horrible feeling that you've JUST missed catching someone's eye because they look away a second before you made eye contact, and now they're exchanging significant looks with their friends.

It's not actually harmless. Communication isn't just verbal and overt; when you're mocking someone, they usually know you're doing it, even if you haven't walked right up to them and said "you think you're sexy but you're FAT". That's been one of the strangest (and most depressing) discoveries while losing weight: the absence of that feeling that I'm being observed but excluded. I can't tell you how vividly different it is to get on a subway car these days; before, I'd get on a somewhat crowded car and most of the people would treat me like I'd put on an invisibility cloak while a few would openly stare and judge. Now everyone sees me and no one stares, and some even move their bags so I can sit down.

The energy you put out there is a real and palpable thing. If you silently hate someone, they usually know you don't like them. If you silently love someone, they often feel that too. And if you silently laugh at someone or judge them, same deal.

[nomorefattypatty 329]

I'm not silently hating anyone, but if they dress with their ass and boob's hanging out when they are obese, then people will judge and look and you can't unsee something.They shouldn't hang everything out there if they don't want to be noticed. Even skinny people are noticed I don't think this is fat or thin argument. It's about having a little class and getting noticed for the right reasons and everyone notices other people you're lying to yourself if you say you've never done it. Get honest at least.

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[NYJenn 1,463]

This is probably an unpopular option and Maybe I’m the minority but I honestly don’t feel empathy for obese people.
I didn’t get to almost 300 lbs by accident. I ate my way there! I put every item in my own mouth, maybe I hated myself for doing it, but no one else made me fat, except for me. Why should I ask people to feel compassion for me as I’m actively killing myself day after day? Honestly, I wouldn’t have wanted some strangers sympathetic eyes. I knew what I was. I didn’t/don’t need them to feel sorry for me.

[tfarr 270]

Hi!
Today is actually my 4 year anniversary, I’m also sober 11 years sober.
I do also find myself judging, I mean, we know what it’s like. I tried Intermittent fasting. Hell no lol I was STARVING!!! Lol
I found losing weight was harder than quitting smoking and drinking together.
I still have difficulties with emotional eating. But realize it when it does happen and I step back.

[insta_adventurer 1,046]

On 12/02/2018 at 09:47, nomorefattypatty said:

I'm not silently hating anyone, but if they dress with their ass and boob's hanging out when they are obese, then people will judge and look and you can't unsee something.They shouldn't hang everything out there if they don't want to be noticed. Even skinny people are noticed I don't think this is fat or thin argument. It's about having a little class and getting noticed for the right reasons and everyone notices other people you're lying to yourself if you say you've never done it. Get honest at least.

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If you don’t like what you see, avert your eyes. Mocking strangers for what they are wearing is incredibly childish and likely just projecting your own feelings of inadequacy and your own insecurities. Get some self-confidence and leave others alone.

People should dress however they want to. Who cares? What if that’s all they own? What if they’ve gained some lbs and can’t afford new clothing? What if they feel like they look awesome? Who are you to bring them down? What gives you the right to insult them or say/do things that could be damaging to their self esteem.

Shame on you.

[nomorefattypatty 329]

If you're insecure about people watching then don't do it. It's not my intention to put anyone down but if you want to play all high and mighty and act like you don't notice such things you're a hypocrite and a liar. I'm extremely confident, it's human nature to look at others and if they want to dress like pigs they can. I reserve the right to be free to look at what I want and freedom to think whatever I want. It's no different than seeing a homeless person and walking on the other side of the street to avoid them. I've seen alot of people do that. You want to act perfect go ahead, I'm just being honest because I am definitely a people watcher.

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