A Tool for Dealing with Emotional Hunger

donali · August 26, 2003

Hi All -

One of the exercises I was required to do by my counselor for my food obsession was to create a chart of alternative activities for the various emotions I felt throughout my days.

I am not a journaler by nature, so a lot of the counseling sessions were tedious for me - lol. But I thought that this particular exercise was so worthwhile, and gave me a concrete and self-tailored tool to help me deal with my emotions seperately from food.< /p>

First, take one week and write down the time every time you eat. Do not change your eating habits - this is not a good/bad kind of thing. In addition to the time, write what you ate, and then write how you are feeling: bored, tired, physically hungry, sad, worried, anxious, resentful, mad... whatever. Write down EVERY emotion you're feeling at the time you eat. Do this for an entire week.

Second, review your week's journal. On a separate piece of paper, write down one time every emotion you noted. This in itself can be enlightening - you get to see the kind of foods you are drawn to when you're eating for a reason other than physical hunger.

Third, think about all the things you could have done INSTEAD of eating that would have had the same effect on your mood that eating did. Some of the items on my list were: take a hot bath, give myself a facial, take a walk, play on the computer, curl up in front of the TV with a sugar-free hot chocolate, call a friend to chat, work in the yard. My food tendency is to eat to calm and relax myself, or to entertain myself.

Fourth, make a grid. Down the left hand side write each of your emotions from your journal week. Across the top, write each of the alternate activities you thought up.

Fifth, read each emotion, and mark an "X" under each activity that you think would help you deal with that emotion. For me, when I was feeling anxious or frustrated, I felt a more active response like working in the yard or taking a walk would be helpful. But for the times I was feeling neglected, or worried, or tired, a more nurturing activity like a hot bath, or reading sounded more soothing.

Once your grid is completed, and you have your emotions matched up with activities, you have a valuable tool for when you want to eat but you know you are not physically hungry. Whip out that chart, find your emotion, and look at the things you want to try before turning to food.

Sometimes you will still turn to food - that's okay! Be good to yourself. Remember that food has been an important coping mechanism in your life, and do NOT feel guilty or bad! However, the more you work with the tool, the more often you will end up substituting a different activity for eating in response to your emotions.

The goals of this exercise:

1. become aware of WHY we are eating

2. eat only in response to physical hunger

3. substitute an alternative behavior to eating in response to emotional hunger

4. be kind and loving to ourselves throughout the process

I hope this helps others as much as it has helped me!

Donali

Dr Lopez, 1/23/03

303/245/135

donali · March 24, 2004

This used to be "stickied"... Apparently the glue gave out on the tape.

I posted some additional things from my therapy sessions on SmartBandsters, and thought I'd post them here as well. Some is a repeat of the tool above - I'm just going to combine it all together anyway. :eek:

//But why does it still FEEL so much like dieting?// //How can I start making "wise food choices" the majority of the time without bringing back the dieter deprivation mentality? Any suggestions?//

I had the same struggle when I went through compulsive overeating therapy - okay, nothing's off limits, but I'm still trying to eat healthy, so... how is this different from dieting?!?!

I did finally figure it out - it is 100% about the mindset. If you are dieting, and you eat a cookie, you "broke your diet", and that equates in our minds that "we failed". Considering ourselves a failure puts in motion all the negative tapes we've developed over the years: "I have no willpower." "I'm such a loser." "I am worthless, I can't even do this right." "I can't do anything right." "Who would want someone who can't do anything right?" "I am unworthy of love and good things because I can't do anything right." "I am unworthy of love." "I am unworthy of life." "I am a useless waste of space." "Since no one cares anyway, why do I even try?" "I'm so fat now, what does it matter what I eat?" And then the bingeing would start. At least, that was how my tapes progressed, and the actions I took based on them.

If you aren't dieting, and you have a cookie, that was just a choice, and there was no failure, because the focus ISN'T on NOT EATING Cookies (the diet mentality), but choosing more healthy foods MOST OF THE TIME.

It is very difficult to let go of the "all or nothing" attitude that most of us have. Life is not about "all or nothing" - it is ALL about compromise and balance. Our value as human beings does not revolve around how "perfect" we are. We do not have to EARN love. People love us because they do - not because we meet all of their expectations. None of us are 100% anything. If we fail at our job, we are NOT failures, because there are things we do not fail at. The worst we can ever say about ourselves is that we fail sometimes and succeed sometimes. We are loveable sometimes and we are unloveable sometimes. We make good choices sometimes, and we make bad choices sometimes. NO ONE is EVER 100% anything. Life just is not that black and white.

I know that in my previous attempts to lose weight, I felt that if I was not suffering in someway, if my attempt somehow did not have a "drastic" quality about it, then I wasn't trying hard enough. My therapy taught me how untrue that was, and how that sabotaged everything I did. I do not have to kill myself at the gym everyday to add exercise to my life! What a news flash!! I do not have to follow my "plan" everyday to be a success! What? If I'm not perfect, I can still be successful? My negative tapes started to get erased. Everytime that hateful voice started up, I said out loud, "STOP!" EVERYTIME. And then I replaced that negative voice with a positive affirmation. "I am actively working on becoming more healthy." "I believe with practice that I will become more healthy." "I am getting better everyday." "I love myself just the way I am, right now, today." "I am worthy." "I am exactly where I need to be right now." That negative voice finally got the message, and that self-debilitating tape no longer plays in my head, destroying my self-esteem and joy in life.

The first thing I was required to do in therapy was to sign a contract with myself that I would "NEVER DIET AGAIN". This was very hard for me to do - dieting was all I knew. I also felt that if I signed that piece of paper, I really meant it - it was a promise to myself that I would never break. I did finally sign the paper, but it took me a week to do it.

The next step was to evaluate whether at any given time I was eating in response to physical hunger, or for some other reason. This was surprisingly difficult to figure out - the difference between physical hunger and emotional hunger - but the following exercise really helped me. It gave me a concrete, personalized tool to help me get in touch with my emotions, and gave me a pre-planned response to emotional hunger.

I was tasked to create a chart of alternative activities for the various emotions I felt throughout my days.

I am not a journaler by nature, so a lot of the counseling sessions were tedious for me - lol. But I thought that this particular exercise was so worthwhile, and gave me a concrete and self-tailored tool to help me deal with my emotions seperately from food.< /p>

First, take one week and write down the time every time you eat. Do not change your eating habits - this is not a good/bad kind of thing. In addition to the time, write what you ate, and then write how you are feeling: bored, tired, physically hungry, sad, worried, anxious, resentful, mad, loney, angry, frustrated... whatever. Write down EVERY emotion you're feeling at the time you eat. Do this for an entire week.

Second, review your week's journal. On a separate piece of paper, write down every emotion you noted. This in itself can be enlightening - you get to see the kind of foods you are drawn to when you're eating for a reason other than physical hunger.

Third, for all the times you were not eating in response to physical hunger, think about all the things you could have done INSTEAD of eating that would have had the same effect on your mood that eating did. Some of the items on my list were: take a hot bath, give myself a facial, take a walk, play on the computer, curl up in front of the TV with a sugar-free hot chocolate, call a friend to chat, work in the yard. My food tendency is to eat to calm and relax myself, or to entertain myself.

Fourth, make a grid. Down the left hand side write each of your emotions from your journal week. Across the top, write each of the alternate activities you thought up.

Fifth, read each emotion, and mark an "X" under each activity that you think would help you deal with that emotion. For me, when I was feeling anxious or frustrated, I felt a more active response like working in the yard or taking a walk would be helpful. But for the times I was feeling neglected, or worried, or tired, a more nurturing activity like a hot bath, or reading sounded more soothing.

Once your grid is completed, and you have your emotions matched up with activities, you have a valuable tool for when you want to eat but you know you are not physically hungry. Whip out that chart, find your emotion, and look at the things you want to try before turning to food.

Sometimes you will still turn to food - that's okay! Be good to yourself. Remember that food has been an important coping mechanism in your life, and do NOT feel guilty or bad! However, the more you work with the tool, the more often you will end up substituting a different activity for eating in response to your emotions.

The goals of this exercise: 1. become aware of WHY we are eating 2. eat only in response to physical hunger 3. substitute an alternative behavior to eating in response to emotional hunger 4. be kind and loving to ourselves throughout the process

So although I sometimes choose to have a bag of Cheetos, my negative tapes have been erased, and I do not descend into "I am worthless" hell. I think about what I'm eating, and whether or not there is any more nutritious choice that would satisfy me, or any alternative activity that would satisfy me (if I'm eating for non-physical hunger reasons). I have permission to eat the whole bag, so I don't HAVE to do it because it's forbidden. And because it's not forbidden, I don't HAVE to eat the whole thing so it's not there to "tempt" me tomorrow. I am allowed to have them WHENEVER I want. Because I am allowed, and do not feel guilty, I can admit to myself that 98% of the time that eating a lean Protein and veggies instead of Cheetos is just as good. So not eating Cheetos at that meal (or AS that meal!) is not some kind of sacrifice. The truth is, I don't crave Cheetos everyday - I don't even crave them every month. So when I do, REALLY crave them, I have them (or whatever it is I'm craving). But MOST of the time, I don't really crave anything specific, in which case lean meats and veggies suffice.

Additional ways to successfully eradicate the “diet mentality”:

1. Eat immediately in response to hunger. Don't wait! It doesn't have to be a huge meal if you need to have a "real" meal at a later time because you have dinner plans, or some such thing, but eat at least a little something to tide you over. It's the only way your body and subconscious will start to trust again that the diet mentality really is dead. Plus it helps keep us from getting too hungry and overeating when we finally do eat.

2. STOP eating when you are full. This is much easier to do if you ALWAYS eat immediately in response to physical hunger, and much easier if you start eating BEFORE you are starving! Being able to stop eating when you are full is dependent on the build-up of trust in the very core of your being that you WILL eat again when you are physically hungry. In the past it was dangerous to stop eating, because we never knew when our minds would start playing that game with our meals again – “Okay, no more pizza ever.” Or “No more pizza for 3 months.” Or “No more pizza until I reach “x” goal.” Or “I just ate so much, I need to skip dinner.” Or “I am so full, I’m doing liquids for two days to ‘make up for this’”. The diet mentality is behind all of these thoughts. Diet mentality = making up for, punishing for, compensating for.

3. While de-programming the negative tapes, just as important as saying "STOP!" as soon as that tape starts to play is to replace that negative tape with something positive. It has to be something you utterly believe, and the phrases can get stronger as your beliefs about yourself heal. The best I could start with to combat the negative tapes were, "I am actively working on becoming more healthy." "I believe with practice that I will become more healthy." I graduated to "I am getting better everyday." After three months, I was finally able to say (and MEAN), "I love myself just the way I am, right now, today." "I am worthy." "I am exactly where I need to be right now."

4. Treat yourself with love and understanding, like you would a best friend, beloved child, or adored pet. Talk to yourself like you would them. It seems silly, but I am able to comfort myself and feel better when I have these types of conversations in my head: "Oh, honey, you want cake? It does look good, doesn't it? Have you had a bad day, my sweet? You have? I'm so sorry. How horrible was it? So-and-so hurt your feelings? They were probably having a bad day, too. I'm so sorry your feelings were hurt. Do you think maybe you'd like some grilled meat instead? Does that sound good to you? No? You want something sweet? Okay. How about a sugar-free, fat-free yogurt? Does that sound good? Are you really hungry, precious, or are you just feeling bad? Just feeling bad? Let's look at our list of alternative activities. How about a hot bubble bath? Yes, that sounds good, doesn't it? Do you still want the cake? Maybe? Let's take the bath first, and if cake is still calling your name we'll get it. Okay?" Sometimes I settle for the bath, sometimes I settle for the cake. But I just feel much more nurtured when I have this kind of dialogue with myself, and the voice I use in my head is very sweet and loving.

5. Acknowledge EVERYTHING that you accomplished that day, no matter how small. It's amazing how many bizillion little things we do right EVERY single day, no matter what else goes wrong. Getting up when the alarm goes off, brushing your teeth, having clean clothes to wear, drinking your Water - every little thing that goes right counts. Getting credit from ourselves for everything we did right that day helps balance out the goals we may not have reached. Focus on what's right, and pick one thing you'd like to work on for tomorrow.

6. Make positive, achievable goals for yourself. Work up to where you want to be gradually - baby steps. Instead of saying, "I am going to work out every single day for at least an hour" when you've not had any kind of exercise routine in the past, say something like, "I am adding movement to my day today. I will take 20 more steps today than I did yesterday." Reinforce your positive actions with believable affirmations: "I love moving my body." "I enjoy how I feel when I am more active." "Walking a little each day makes me feel more in touch with myself, nurtured and loved." Each day is an opportunity to achieve realistic goals. Achieving realistic goals today is not dependent upon what did or did not happen yesterday, or what will or will not happen tomorrow. We are not required to repeat the mistakes of yesterday, nor do the mistakes of today have to carry into tomorrow. Each day is its own day, fresh and new, without burdens from yesterday or tomorrow.

Ah, there was/is so much to work on with me... lol I still haven't mastered the concept that saying "No" is an acceptable response... Particularly without some sort of explanation. I totally failed the role playing portion of that exercise.

La_madam · September 1, 2004

I enjoyed reading this post so much that i had to bump it up for those of us who struggle with mental hunger..Great ideas here that I'm willing to do to see if it helps

Thanks Donali!

lauri · November 12, 2004

This is such great info! I am going to start now! I've noticed that I really gravitate toward certain foods for different moods but never had a plan. What a wonderful idea!

Sue Gaddis · November 12, 2004

Thanks for the great information. I have been fighting with emotional eating myself.

Sue

princess_n_thep · March 19, 2005

Bumping (because I liked it so much)

princess_n_thep · March 19, 2005

Since this was such a fantastic thread I thought i would add a little inspirational poem that applies sooooo very much to all of us... banded or not:

Yesterday

Yesterday has once again,

come back to let me know.

That my mistakes are not forgot,

today again they show.

Reminding me that once again,

I failed in some small way.

This recall is just a hint,

of what I've yet to pay.

Don't be fooled and think its past,

when all seems good and fine.

Yesterday can be a friend,

it comes here to remind.

It does it as a helpful voice,

to keep us all aware.

If we learn from its advice,

then heart ache we may spare.

So yesterday come visit please,

remind me once again.

Tomorrow comes just much to quick,

mistakes I need to mend.

Remind me what I should not do,

and if I've done it right.

One day maybe I will learn,

and win this endless fight.

BeachBabe(soon) · March 19, 2005

Thanks for that thread, it's really going to be helpfull in working on my mental hunger. To bad I couldn't get a brain transplant ,from a skinny person, a long with the band..

Just Waiting · March 29, 2005

Great threads Thanks for the info I'm going to use the ideas. Let's all get rid of the emotional hunger. Monica

mustang07babey · May 2, 2005

I am getting my surgery on June 8th. I am nervous about it and scarred. I have had gallbladder surgery...C-Section..but this one is a total life change.

Reading your letter...has given me inspiration. I went to a Support Group that was required by my dr. and left upset....but told that I need to get my body in shape NOW..that I have to start NOW taking Vitamins...start to exercise. All I could think about when I left the meeting was what I was going to eat so that I wouldnt miss it after the surgery. You letter has put things in prospective for me. I am an emotional eater and I have been under and enourmous amount of stress these past two weeks.

I am going to implement your plan and start tomorrow.. I am not a failure..I realize that now.

Thank you so much,

Maria

Eileenja · May 25, 2005

No - you are not a failure! We are all here to support each other through good times and bad. We would not be here is we didn't all suffer from severe overeating problems. You can do this! I never would have thought that I could do it, but somehow, I have lost over 30 pounds!

Good luck in your upcoming surgery