Unsupportive Husband, Says I Gave Up

[Elisa Jones 1]

I am set to have surgery in January/February for a gastric sleeve. Today my husband says hes not supportive and that I just gave up, that surgery will not fix my problems. Mind you I am an emotional eater, which I'm working on, but also have a sleugh of medical problems that by getting the weight off will help. I feel so hurt and now doubting whether I should go through with it. But, frankly I am tired of being overweight, tired of the aches and pains, and tired of not being able to do many tasks because I am physically unable to. Anybody experience something like this?

[Jingle123423 165]

My husband was supportive but had he not been, I still would have done it.

[Strivingforbetter 247]

I have a very supportive husband, but I agree with @Jingle123423. I would still do it if he hadn't been. Sometimes people just don't understand, due to ignorance, how much this improves a person's overall well-being. If they knew, they would be more supportive. Education is key. I wish you the best. I've lost 80 pounds and having this surgery was the best thing I've done for my health. I didn't give up. I had the courage to do something about the problem.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Owhee you hit a Sore sore spot with me. I was married to one of those type for 44 long years. A good reason why I just went through an RnY at 72, if you want the whole story PM me, I would take up Much Space telling it all. Suffice it to say, my generation was told, your goal in life is to find a man, marry and if things are not dreamlike Suck it Up Baby, suck it up! I lost so much in the deal especially self-respect but Frustr8 survived and has made her way to strength, bruises, scars, and a spiritual limp here and there, but you know I am really a kool and witty individual and nobody's shadow anymore!😝👍

[NYJenn 1,463]

You have to make this decision for you, and you alone. Maybe he’ll come around, maybe he won’t. Just remember, that’s his hangup though, not yours

[BlueCrush 408]

Is your husband also overweight?

[CyndieRI 251]

I let my unsupportive husband talk me out of surgery for many years!! This time I went through all the appointments and had surgery scheduled before I even told him. I was NOT letting him talk me out of it this time!! I had sleeve surgery one month ago yesterday. I only wish I had done it years ago!! And FYI - since the surgery he has been MUCH more supportive than I ever thought he could be! Good luck and please don’t let him change your mind!!

[SleevednowAK 23]

Hello. I just signed up after months of reading these forums as I feel the need to share some support. I too will be having a sleeve done hopefully end of January/early February. He is extremely fit, works out every day but he knows my challenges. He’s been supportive and we both wished I’d done this years ago. Please, please stay on your path to a better you. I hope that when I’m post-op and join the post-op forum chats, you are right along side me.

[insta_adventurer 1,046]

Surgery doesn’t fix emotional eating. That’s what therapy is for and I strongly encourage you to address this- as doing so will increase your chances for success and help you work through how to handle your husbands lack of support.

That said, even if it doesn’t fix why you eat, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try, because not doing anything surely won’t fix them either.

Good luck!

[Bryn910 519]

Prove him wrong.

surgery won’t fix your problems 100% but it’ll make you more aware of your problems maybe.

When people aren’t supportive and say that surgery won’t fix the problem, just turn around and ask them “have YOU helped me fix my problem?!” Bet they won’t have much to say then

WLS is the last resort for most and we go through extensive prepping so Please do not let your significant other talk you out of something that you know will help you. Much luck to you

[Swanton_Bomb 522]

I am very fortunate to have a supportive husband but I have kept this surgery a secret as far as friends and family goes because I know a lot of people who absolutely would not be supportive.

People are under the mistaken impression that surgery is the easy way out. It is NOT EASY. 6 months of appointments, liquid diets, surgical pain, gas pain, loose skin, Hair loss, and a slew of other problems are not easy. It isn't easier, it is simply more effective for some people, particularly long-term.

People who don't struggle with food are often extremely judgemental of those that do. I've known very few people that don't struggle with something: drinking, smoking, drugs, gambling, shopping, hoarding, etc. The obese wear their addiction on the outside, people know the second they look at you, and for some reason, even though this is a far more common problem than other addictions, the world looks at us with more disdain and disgust.

I hope that if you think it will help you that you will have the surgery as scheduled, with or without his support. No, it won't fix emotional eating, but it will give you a weapon to fight it and increase your odds of fighting the battle.

[Myhorseisfattoo 387]

My husband is a non-supportive jerk wad. I'm doing my sleeve in December despite him and maybe a little TO spite him!!! 😎

Seriously, though, it isn't about him. You need to do what you know is best for you. I bet he';; jump on board at some point!

[Frustr8 7,886]

And if he doesnt, the loss will be his-emotionally, yours physically. And we know the real winner here, YOU!

[GreenTealael 25,329]

Hi!

I would love to simply say your husband is just ... XYZ, but he's in the trenches with you everyday and can see things we can't. You married and bonded a life with him in sickness and health. (Tell him that this is for the health part and he must be tired of the sickness because you certainly are)

Also you know him best so you know his true intentions. If he loves you and this concern is coming from a place of love, take it under advisement, remember it and succeed despite his doubt. This is your epic, remain vigilant.

Try to work on everything possible prior to surgery including your marriage, and set up sustainable goals that you will hold yourself accountable to.

Safe Journey!

Edited November 16, 2018 by GreenTealael

[FluffyChix 17,415]

^^^This. Great post.

Also you might mention that the surgery helps you lose and maintain weight loss easier (but it is NOT easy). And tell him that the sex will get better again with the surgery. That should shut him up...for a minute. (j/k guys! Only directing that rude sexist comment to dudes who are non-supportive of their wives. And I will come up with one for chix who are unsupportive of their hubs efforts in this as well if you want!)