Suddenly Terrified

[Swanton_Bomb 522]

I got my surgery date two weeks ago, and yesterday the official confirmation that the insurance went through. I haven't been nervous about anything except the Hair loss so far, but I think my body saved all the anxiety up because as of last night I feel absolutely terrified. I'm crying and feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm so scared. I'm scared that I might die. I'm scared that I'm basically choosing to give myself a permanent disability by cutting out most of my stomach. I'm scared that I'm going to look like a monster when my hair thins and my skin sags. I'm scared that I will get an infection. I'm scared that on limited calories I will be exhausted and won't be able do do my job well. I'm scared that I will be miserable for life because food is what I love more than pretty much anything. I'm so, so, scared of the pain and feeling like I've been hit by a truck. I'm scared of the anesthesia, which I've never had before. I'm scared that I can't take NSAIDs anymore and if I get a painful condition I may be really screwed. I'm so scared and I can't stop crying. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing.

[Matt Z 4,139]

1 hour ago, Swanton_Bomb said:

I got my surgery date two weeks ago, and yesterday the official confirmation that the insurance went through. I haven't been nervous about anything except the Hair loss so far, but I think my body saved all the anxiety up because as of last night I feel absolutely terrified. I'm crying and feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm so scared. I'm scared that I might die. I'm scared that I'm basically choosing to give myself a permanent disability by cutting out most of my stomach. I'm scared that I'm going to look like a monster when my hair thins and my skin sags. I'm scared that I will get an infection. I'm scared that on limited calories I will be exhausted and won't be able do do my job well. I'm scared that I will be miserable for life because food is what I love more than pretty much anything. I'm so, so, scared of the pain and feeling like I've been hit by a truck. I'm scared of the anesthesia, which I've never had before. I'm scared that I can't take NSAIDs anymore and if I get a painful condition I may be really screwed. I'm so scared and I can't stop crying. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing.

The "Hair loss" is called Telogen Effluvium
https://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/hair-loss/effluviums#1

It's not really "Hair loss" it's just a larger % of your hair follicles going into rest at once, so when they reactivate they shed the hair they were holding and that gives the appearance of "hair loss".

Fear is normal, NSAIDs are not the only pain relief out there, there are options. Pretty much everything you've listed is normal fears, and pretty much, all of those fears, you'll laugh at down the road.

I was 370 at my largest. I'm 210 now, I have some extra saggy skin, but it's really not THAT bad and it's totally hidden under even decently tight clothing.

Just remember, staying overweight *WILL* kill you. If something was to happen during your surgery, the best place for that to happen, is in a hospital.

No one but you can tell you if what you are going to do is right for you. You have to make that call. Weigh out all the pros and cons, and make your decision based on that, no one is going to look down on you for making the best decision for your life that you can.

[FluffyChix 17,415]

Ok, I can relate to all of this. But once you are through to the other side and give your tum time to heal, you will wonder why you wasted all that energy with such amazing amounts of stress. I swear, I call myself a tool everyday for being like that and just burning empty energy with worry.

It IS the best thing evs!!! And the pain level will go down soooo much you won't even recognize yourself.

What you're feeling is norms just as @Matt Z said and there ARE other pain relievers but you may not even need them! Cheers!

[S@ssen@ch 745]

Totally normal to have some of these questions and fears. I remember crying as they were strapping me to the surgical table and putting the mask over my face!

I just kept reminding myself that I did not make this decision lightly.

Most of the concerns you're mentioning can be prevented, are temporary if they can't be prevented, or can be managed. And I certainly wouldn't consider reduced stomach size a disability.

[browneyez42 280]

I got my surgery date two weeks ago, and yesterday the official confirmation that the insurance went through. I haven't been nervous about anything except the Hair loss so far, but I think my body saved all the anxiety up because as of last night I feel absolutely terrified. I'm crying and feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm so scared. I'm scared that I might die. I'm scared that I'm basically choosing to give myself a permanent disability by cutting out most of my stomach. I'm scared that I'm going to look like a monster when my hair thins and my skin sags. I'm scared that I will get an infection. I'm scared that on limited calories I will be exhausted and won't be able do do my job well. I'm scared that I will be miserable for life because food is what I love more than pretty much anything. I'm so, so, scared of the pain and feeling like I've been hit by a truck. I'm scared of the anesthesia, which I've never had before. I'm scared that I can't take NSAIDs anymore and if I get a painful condition I may be really screwed. I'm so scared and I can't stop crying. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing.

All of us have had some type of fears. Turn it around and think of all the positive things this surgery will bring to your life... feeling better, less meds, smaller clothes and overall better health. Im 6.5 months post op and was fearful of Hair loss. Guess what? Not one strand of hair has been lost. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and meet us on the loser's bench [emoji4]





Sleeved on April 25, 2018
HW: 258
SW: 238
CW: 195
GW: 165

[Swanton_Bomb 522]

Thank you everyone for your reassurance. The stress of this pushed me into a major panic attack, and I haven't had a panic attack in a long time, so it really scared me. I know intellectually that I need to do this, and that the risk of being obese is worse than the risk of surgery, but everything just suddenly got real. Thanks so much for being supportive. I don't feel like I can talk about this with most people, I want to keep the surgery private, so this forum has been so valuable for me.

[James Marusek 5,244]

Fear is a natural reaction prior to major surgery. Since you are approaching your surgery date, here are a few things to do:

1. Take a good before photograph of yourself, so that you have something to compare to after surgery. Many times we are blind to our obesity. We do not see ourselves. Therefore when the weight begins to drop off rather dramatically, we question if this is really happening. Photographs are a good visualization of our success. Many people carry a before and after photo with them, just to remind themselves of their success.

2. Walk 30 minutes each day, every day until surgery (or equivalent exercise). Walking helps the recovery process go smoothly and minimized the pain levels from surgery.

3. Wean yourself from caffeine and carbonated beverages now. After I gave up my 6 diet coke a day habit, I suffered from a week of severe withdrawal syndrome consisting of severe headaches and body aches. I was miserable. You don't want to combine the effects of caffeine withdrawal with the effects of surgery.

[SueperGal 93]

I feel like I am reading my diary from 6 short months ago! I know it really really sucks feeling that way, and I am sorry that you are going through this panic. It is not a good feeling :-(. As everyone on here has said, this is completely normal, and you look back and wonder why you ever worried once you are on the other side. Try if you can to focus on the facts and the tasks at hand and not the what ifs. It is very easy to become overwhelmed by negative thoughts and feelings.

The unknown can be terrifying. It takes strength and courage to make it through this period. We really only get the chance to be courageous when the going gets tough. Be courageous! Just making the decision to have the surgery in the first place was brave, so I know you are tough. You are here asking for help, instead of just giving up, again a sign of strength! You can do this!! We are all here for you.

I am only five months out, and I can tell you, I am not weak at all. I work out 5 times a week on less than 900 calories a day and I do not have any problems with energy. A lot of my hair has fallen out. My best friend and I are the only ones who have noticed. It has been falling out for about 3 months and my only result is a smaller ponytail . Some people don't experience it at all, so you never know. The pain does suck a little, but it doesn't last long, and it is not even close to as bad as you may be thinking. I don't really remember it so much at this point. Pro tip: have a recliner, that helped me dramatically during the first week or two. There are plenty of things besides NSAIDS. Saggy skin is no big deal, it is a much smaller issue in my opinion than not being able to fit in a chair or buckle my seatbelt.

Your relationship with food will absolutely change, but I definitely do not miss it the way I thought I would. You will see, when you have that restriction, and lack of hunger, you think about it differently. You think about it less. If you find you need help, reach out, reach out to the community here, reach out to your surgeon, your GP, or a counselor. No one has treated me with anything but dignity and respect when I have reached out for help. People want to help and they will :-).

[CrankyMagpie 509]

I have multiple disabilities. A month out from surgery, I can assure you: a smaller stomach is not a disability. (The first few weeks, as your body heals, yes: you're disabled. You're a little extra tired. Maybe there's pain--though by the second week, it's really minimal for most of us. In my case, I'm still, for a few more days, not allowed to lift 10 pounds or more. But when that rule is lifted, I won't have any surgery-related disabilities anymore.)

Also, with the sleeve, you can take NSAIDs after ... 6 months? I think? My doctor gave me a date, but it was far enough out that I don't remember. Anyway, they aren't off the table forever, so I wouldn't worry overmuch about potential future pain issues.

This is a surgery, and like any surgery, there are risks. The risks of this particular surgery are lower than for gallbladder removal and for joint replacement. Only three people out of a thousand die within the first month, which is still not a number I took lightly, but I chose my surgeon carefully, as I assume you did as well.

I'll be honest: I wouldn't have taken the risk if I didn't have a comorbidity that was going to continue to degrade my quality of life without this intervention. That's how my math worked out when I weighed all of the pros and cons, all of the risks and potential rewards. Only you can do that math for your own situation, and I hope that, whatever decision you make, it brings you a sense of peace and confidence that you're making the right decision for yourself.