Bad family experience :(

[juliegeraci 7]

Surround yourself with positive people. LIfe is too short. Good luck.

[ParaGirl 71]

Your brother is being a turd. It sounds as if you have it all under control. Good for you!

[sherilynn 1]

Before my surgery I kept telling my family and friends; "ONLY POSITIVE ENERGY".

So I salute you taking a step out for a while. I get where you're coming from.

Everything has a way of working out for the best in the end.

[Lap_dancer 8]

Is anyone else getting that it sounds like brother is picking up where dad left off between dad and mom? No wonder they divorced.

Good for you in not spending your money to go up north and have your family verbally abuse you. You would pay for that? ..not just no but hell no.

You don't owe anyone an explanation. Your life, your body, your health. Whatever you share with your mother, god love her for not broadcasting it to the family.

TRUST is a big issue for me. My mother and sister have given me zero reason to trust them. I had to cut my sister out of my life and I'm sad as she is my only sibling but she has very toxic habits that are toxic for me.

Your brother sounds the same. Maybe later it will work out but for now, if he wants to talk to you, he can call. If he wants to see you, he can come to Florida.

PROTECT YOURSELF*

[Marimaru 7]

It sounds to me like your brother is being nasty to you for issues he has with your mom. It's just a guess but it seems a little familiar to me. My parents had a nasty divorce involving 2 nasty custody battles for my sisters and I. Right off the bat I knew I wanted to live with my mom. My dad found out and was really angry with me. He made up a bunch of nasty lies about my mom and I beating my sisters. Mom got custody and tried to be civil to him to speak to him about visitation with us and whatnot, but over time, she just wont speak to him (we're all grown now anyway), so every now and then he does something to poke at me with his anger for her. The relationship he and I have is very fake, and to be honest, that works for me. I don't talk to him much, when we do, it's all small talk, and when he comes to town I'll go to dinner or something with him and that's it.

[Lap_dancer 8]

It sounds to me like your brother is being nasty to you for issues he has with your mom. It's just a guess but it seems a little familiar to me. My parents had a nasty divorce involving 2 nasty custody battles for my sisters and I. Right off the bat I knew I wanted to live with my mom. My dad found out and was really angry with me. He made up a bunch of nasty lies about my mom and I beating my sisters. Mom got custody and tried to be civil to him to speak to him about visitation with us and whatnot, but over time, she just wont speak to him (we're all grown now anyway), so every now and then he does something to poke at me with his anger for her. The relationship he and I have is very fake, and to be honest, that works for me. I don't talk to him much, when we do, it's all small talk, and when he comes to town I'll go to dinner or something with him and that's it.

True!

If they had reputation points to give I would rep. you for this one.

.................

I think we find hints of what we experience when others are talking about it and it hits home.

[make33 2]

No-one can ever understand obesity like an obese person! I wish I had a nickel for every time someone insinuated that just eating less and exercising would melt the pounds off! (And I have worked out since October of 1983!!)

And no, you most certainly are NOT taking the "easy way out"--because we all must follow the band's rules after surgery and that is not an easy task!

I'm so pleased you are standing your ground--some others might have caved... Keep it up! :bounce:

[Marimaru 7]

True!

If they had reputation points to give I would rep. you for this one.

.................

I think we find hints of what we experience when others are talking about it and it hits home.

Thank you

[BigBand 0]

Boy, you know what this sounds like to me? It sounds an awful lot like a member of your family likes you to be heavy and will have a hard time dealing with your success. Sounds like he feels this is an area where he's got you beat. Wouldn't we all be skinny if will power and exercise were all it takes?

Hugs from Minnesota

[DonHoll1 0]

So sad for you. My brother and i are very close and he has been so.....supportive of me. I do not know what i would do with out him. Our parents are dead so we are always there for each other. I am glad you have your mom. Donna

[mummybandit 0]

It sounds to me that your brother is also a bit jealous of your relationship with your mum - hence all the "sheltered" "not normal relationship" comments. I just wish that people who have never struggled with their weight and their relationship with food would stop thinking that you can just stop eating junk, exercise more etc. My brother has made the same comment to his wife - who really struggles with her weight and me. I struggled with my weight - (albeit no where near to the same extent that I do now after two children)- when I was an elite basketballer playing and training 6 nights a week. Can't do much more exercise than that. The classic thing is he is a smoker and drinker and they are really hurting his health but he is "addicted" and can't give up. Food addiction is exactly the same - it is a very difficult thing to control and unlike smoking where you don't have to do it - you have to eat to live so your addiction is with you all day every day. If he or anyone else ever says that this surgery is the easy way out - ask them if they have a band and if not then they can shut the hell up. The surgery can be very painful - (mine was) and the post op diet is really hard for some people- tell him to have nothing but liquids for a month. Then tell him to change his lifelong habits - learning to eat slowly - chew everything so much more takes time and effort - so easy way out my arse. It is a tool to assist you and will not do the work for you. (Mind you it is all worth it and you are making the right decision) But I do hope you can patch things up with your brother and he can be supportive - I think writing the letter is a great idea because you can get out everything you want and need to say without interruption. Then it is up to him. Hang in there and I wish you every success.

[michiganer 0]

<p><p>

It sounds to me like your brother is being nasty to you for issues he has with your mom.

Thanks to all for your encouraging words. After my brother hung up on me, we have not spoken. I think it is better that way anyway. Our relationship turned toxic very quickly.

Sarah-I think you hit the nail on the head. Because my brother has never acted this way until now, I think it is clear that he has some resentment towards my mom. My brother went to live with my dad when he was 14. Even though it was his choice, I think he feels like my mom abandoned him and didn't fight for him to stay. I think he resents me for the great relationship I have with her and I think he is hurting greatly inside.

I also think some of his problem could be what others said, the success of me weight loss may make him afraid that I will get positive attention. There really could be many things going on with him that I wouldn't know the first thing about. I thank God so much that my mom has taught me to turn to the Lord when I need help. She has also been very supportive of me throughout my life. I guess I forget sometimes that he didn't get the same experience because he was with my dad. It makes me sad to think that he is hurting inside. Maybe one day, he will be able to work through his feelings and he will be happier. I think when that happens, we can have a relationship.

I told him and my dad that I am done being talked to like crap. I mean it. I am changing my life, becoming healthy and I don't care who has a problem with it. I am doing it for me and me alone. It took me 26 years to say that to my dad but I finally did. Fourtunately, I think my dad and I are on the way to having a better relationship. I will not forget what was said in the past but I am beginning to feel like I could forgive. Just because I got my hurt feelings out doesn't mean they are gone. But at least I got them out, my dad acknowledged that he hurt me and that is a huge step for both of us.

Again, thank you all for your words. I am moving on with or without my brother. I hope some day we can speak again. Until then, I am not worrying about it and I am looking forward to my new life which starts Dec 4th!