Did you tell your new partner you had WLS?

[mousecat88 2,281]

I had the original plan of not "worrying" about getting into the dating scene until I had gone through my weight loss, plastic surgery, etc. I wanted to spend the next 2 years focusing on just me and my health. I was talking about this with my mother and she thinks it would be better to start dating someone before I lost the weight, so I know they care about me no matter my size. Personally, I feel more comfortable waiting so I am comfortable with myself and not adding to stress.

That being said, did you tell your new partner after you lost weight that you had weight loss surgery? Did you mention it in your dating profile? I feel like I want to be upfront that, hey, I was almost 300lbs once and I do not want to be with anyone who has an issue with that. I would hate to get to know someone, and then have them make some snide comment about obese people, etc. I want to screen out those people. How did you approach the subject?

[Ed_NW 684]

You should wait until after you lose the weight. This is considered the relation destroyer of surgeries for a reason. Chances are, if you form a relationship with someone now, it will be based on your current physical appearance. A lot of dudes like plus sized women and you will no longer qualify at 140 lbs. Don't kid yourself into thinking a person will be attracted to you initially, based on your personality and things you share in common (and those too shall change after your weight loss). Think long term to save yourself the drama. Focus on the task at hand. This is for your health first and foremost. Good luck!

[redhead_che 824]

I've been going on random dates for a little while and I told one person since the date unexpectedly led to food and I haven't seen that person since

I've told the others recently that I am living a healthier lifestyle and I steer the date setting to things that don't revolve around food! One of my pictures on my dating profile is a "progress" selfie so fitness inevitably comes up.

[sillykitty 10,781]

I was dating someone when I started considering surgery, and only told them once my surgery was approved and scheduled. ( I had no pre-op diet, so my process was quick). We stopped seeing each other shortly after my WLS for unrelated reasons. We then started dating again. He gave me no reason to believe he was any more or less attracted to me +/- 70 or so lbs. It ultimately didn't work out, but again, unrelated to WLS.

After that I intended to not date until I got to goal and had plastics. But someone interesting contacted me on a dating site and I decided to go with it. I was about 70 lbs lighter than the pics on my dating profile. Before we went out I sent him some current full body pics, so he get the an idea I had lost weight, but didn't say anything. On our second date we had dinner, and he noticed how little I ate, so I told him about my WLS. I kept it positive and light, and he just asked a couple of not very probing questions. We've been dating 3 months now. It's honestly, pretty great. We've talked more extensively about my WLS. I asked him about the body type he is attracted to. He said he likes curves, and the exact size of those curves he's flexible about. I have no reason to doubt that's true, as he contacted me thinking I was larger, and is dating me now that I'm smaller.

Couple of thoughts ...

"she thinks it would be better to start dating someone before I lost the weight, so I know they care about me no matter my size."

Time goes so fast. My advice is don't put your life on hold for some point in the future where you will meet such and such goal. After you lose the weight, will you want to wait for plastics? It's easy to let time fly by and feeling like your in some kind of holding pattern. Just embrace who you are, put yourself out there and see what happens

"Did you mention it in your dating profile?"

IMO, that's a bit much for a dating profile. Just bring it up when you feel it is natural, it should happen early on. That will screen out people that have an issue with it. I think you are overthinking this a little.

@Ed_NW ... I think that is a bit pessimistic, and that has not been my experience.

[mousecat88 2,281]

On 10/24/2018 at 1:51 PM, redhead_che said:

I've been going on random dates for a little while and I told one person since the date unexpectedly led to food and I haven't seen that person since

I've told the others recently that I am living a healthier lifestyle and I steer the date setting to things that don't revolve around food! One of my pictures on my dating profile is a "progress" selfie so fitness inevitably comes up.

A progress selfie is a great idea!

[mousecat88 2,281]

On 10/24/2018 at 9:46 PM, sillykitty said:

I was dating someone when I started considering surgery, and only told them once my surgery was approved and scheduled. ( I had no pre-op diet, so my process was quick). We stopped seeing each other shortly after my WLS for unrelated reasons. We then started dating again. He gave me no reason to believe he was any more or less attracted to me +/- 70 or so lbs. It ultimately didn't work out, but again, unrelated to WLS.

After that I intended to not date until I got to goal and had plastics. But someone interesting contacted me on a dating site and I decided to go with it. I was about 70 lbs lighter than the pics on my dating profile. Before we went out I sent him some current full body pics, so he get the an idea I had lost weight, but didn't say anything. On our second date we had dinner, and he noticed how little I ate, so I told him about my WLS. I kept it positive and light, and he just asked a couple of not very probing questions. We've been dating 3 months now. It's honestly, pretty great. We've talked more extensively about my WLS. I asked him about the body type he is attracted to. He said he likes curves, and the exact size of those curves he's flexible about. I have no reason to doubt that's true, as he contacted me thinking I was larger, and is dating me now that I'm smaller.

Couple of thoughts ...

"she thinks it would be better to start dating someone before I lost the weight, so I know they care about me no matter my size."

Time goes so fast. My advice is don't put your life on hold for some point in the future where you will meet such and such goal. After you lose the weight, will you want to wait for plastics? It's easy to let time fly by and feeling like your in some kind of holding pattern. Just embrace who you are, put yourself out there and see what happens

"Did you mention it in your dating profile?"

IMO, that's a bit much for a dating profile. Just bring it up when you feel it is natural, it should happen early on. That will screen out people that have an issue with it. I think you are overthinking this a little.

@Ed_NW ... I think that is a bit pessimistic, and that has not been my experience.

Now that I've had the last 2 weeks to think about it... these are my conclusions so far...

I honestly don't want to waste my time going on a date with someone just for them to have an issue with it. I like the other poster's process of putting a before and after photo as one of the dating profile pics. That way, they know whether to "swipe right or swipe left" and I don't even have to talk to anyone who may be against it.

I was planning on waiting until after plastics to start dating. I won't feel comfortable in my own skin until that's finished, and I don't want to start dating the wrong person because I still have low self-esteem due to my body image. I mean, yes, time flies and all.. but I am 29. I think I can wait 18 months-24 months to start dating again.

Edited October 30, 2018 by mousecat88

[GreenTealael 25,492]

I told my new partner on the second or third date. I had an unexpected dumping incident and didn't want to have to lie about my behavior so I bit the bullet and told him. He didn't care (I suspect because he liked the current me and could careless about the past he was not a part of) And really why should I? I'm not interested in indulging in the past either.

Whatever you decide good luck!

Edited November 22, 2018 by GreenTealael