Need a support system to get through this

[jennreed 0]

Hi! My name is Jenn and I’ve been “watching” the board for about 2 months now. I’ve been looking for a place where the people may understand some of the things I’m going through. I’ve been looking for a place of support. I feel that I’ve found that placed based on the comments that I’ve seen posted by you guys.

I was banded on January 15, 2007 and I’ve lost 51 lbs (depending on the day). This is a bittersweet victory to me. The reason I say its bittersweet is because on some days, I know if I hadn’t been banded, I would have been gaining instead of losing. However, on most days, I wish it was a bigger loss and I feel disappointed in myself—like a failure.

I feel disappointed because I know that I could be doing so much more to make the band work. I know the band works, but it’s me. I feel that I still engage in the same old habits that I used to before I was banded. I still eat emotionally. I still don’t control myself and I feel frustrated and tired. I feel tired of battling these same ole’ demons. I feel like a failure—that I can’t even “diet well” with having weight loss surgery.

Before I was banded, I knew that I had to do something because I was killing myself. I weighed 407 lbs. and I was getting bigger. I was depressed and my body ached. I knew I had to have weight loss surgery. I chose the lapband, but part of me felt like I needed to have the gastric bypass. I thought if I had the bypass, then it would decrease the chances of me “messing up.”

I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy, yet I thought it was going to be easier than what I was experiencing then. I hoped that the band would fix my emotional eating and boredom eating problems because it would restrict the amount I could eat. It hasn’t. To be honest, it’s only been about 3 months ago, that the light bulb came on for me and I realized, “Oh, I have to still work at this. This isn’t a magic pill where the weight loss is going to fall off by itself.” So, sometimes I wish I had had the bypass because I wonder if it would have been easier for me, than the band. Yet, on other days, I know in my heart that the band was the right one for me.

This is hard and I’m struggling. Sometimes, I cry because I feel so frustrated with myself and wonder why I can’t do better with this. “I’ve had weight loss surgery and look at me!”

I’ve just recently started journaling what I eat and how many calories I take in (by using the Weight Watchers system). I’ve just recently started working out by going to Curves. Yet, I’m still not perfect at doing either one.

I need help. What have you guys done to work through some of your old demons? What have you done to help you be successful with the band? Also, do you guys see counselors or nutritionsits or what to give you extra push?

Thank you!

:help:

[jjsmiles 3]

Hi Jenn

I think what you are going through is really normal. Those of us who have been morbidly obese didn't get there and stay there because we had so many functional coping skills .

I know for myself that I have used food as my comfort and my punishment for years. In this journey, I have been seeing a psychologist as part of the clinic that I am attached to, and I have to tell you that I have found that process to be much more helpful than seeing a nutritionist. I think that most of us know what we should be eating, yet somehow we don't choose what we know is best. That doesn't make us abnormal or bad - it just makes us human.

I think you are doing great at starting to take control in your life. Journaling is a great way to help you. I know for me that when I actually take accountability for my actions and write down everything I eat, I do much better at controlling my intake. For me, my choices in eating are very much about control and when I write down what I eat, I have to be accountable, and not just unconsciously eating.

One of the things that I have learned about myself is that I am not good at identifying and dealing with my emotions, so instead, I am looking at using what I am good at. I am good at planning and organizing and carrying out committments - so I need to plan and organize and commit to myself. I do this through following the weight watchers plan (flex plan) and writing down what I eat and do for exercise.

My journey has recently been complicated by a large other health set back since I got banded (not band related, but triggered by the band and quite complicated) and I am again trying to find my way back to the above strategy. At times I am very discouraged, but on the other hand I am more confident than at any other time in my life that I can and will do it.

Long story short, I think my advice to you is to take a look at what is helpful to you and start taking concrete actions to make those a reality. You need to give yourself congratulations and credit for all that you have achieved and let yourself NOT be perfect all the time. No one is perfect any I think it is the reality that everyone else always seems to be doing better and in an easier manner.

You need to find a way, that is real for you, of loving yourself and feeling that you are worth your own dreams and goals.

Keep up the good work!!!! You are doing a fabulous job. :clap2:

[AppleSmith1226 1]

Hey Jenn ... I really feel for you ... But I just wanna say ... we all love food. And i know that the band won't make us stop loving food. It will just keep us from OVER doing it. I am not banded yet but I am really looking forward to it because I eat kinda healthy... and I work out 3-4 days a week. I haven't had any soda in a month!! I am doing really good but I when do have a healthy dinner I will over eat. I grew up in a "struggling" household and my parents didn't always have money... So I was always told clean your plate and I still have the same mentaility about "wasting" food. I feel as though I have to just eat it all LOL... crazy I know!! And I live alone. But I think I have worked hard to change alot of habits. I just need something to prevent me from over eating. But what do you do for a living?? What's making you still emotionally eat?? I think 50 POUNDS IS GREAT!!!! GOOD JOB!!! Just change these patterns when ever you wanna eat something or emotionally or bordem eat pull out a magazine and look at clothes you wanna fit in to!! Start doing crunches or jumping jacks. WHATEVER it takes to get your mind off of that food!! Make a collague of all your goals and whenever you wanna eat go and sit in a room and just stare at that collague and vision yourself being that beautiful women that you are and that you want to be!!! Remember nothing taste as good as thin feels!!! LOL!! Get a bodybugg!!!

[GR8 1]

Jenn - I understand completely where you are at. For me-weekly I reflect on my past week and results and determine WHAT I need to concentrate more on - make a list of 3-5 items that I will concentrate on in the coming week. Then review the list daily - journal my food intake as well.

Examples:

1. Getting in my 90gr of Protein daily

2. Getting in my 64oz of Water daily

3. No Snacks - 3 meals only.

4. No drinking 15 minutes before; or 1 hour after eatting.

5. Exercising daily

Best wishes -- you are not alone!

[AppleSmith1226 1]

Hey GR8 what do you mean by no drinking ??? any fluids at all or do you me alcoholic beverages!!

[GR8 1]

No drinking at all -- 15minutes prior and 1 hour after eating.

[AppleSmith1226 1]

So no more drinking during the eating??

[GR8 1]

Correct!

Here are the basic Bandster rules:

Ten Rules for Success - Guideliness and Nutrition

1Eat only three small meals a day.Once properly adjusted - you require only small amounts of food to reach fulliness.By eating three meals a day, you will fill your pouch, feel full, then allow enough time to empty it to feel hungry again.You only need to fill the pouch three times a day with appropiate food to give the body adequate nutrition.

2Eat solid foods, slowly, and chew thoroughly. (approximately 15 to 20 times a bite).The brain takes 20 minutes to detect that the stomach is full.Chewing thoroughly will permit you to eat adequate amounts of food, without food clogging the stoma.A properly adjusted band will permit you to eat only a third of the volume of food you were used to eating.

3Stop Eating as soon as you feel full.Because yo uare eating slowly, you can detect when your pouch tells you that it is full.Stop. Push the plate away. Just because you CAN shove more food in, doesn't mean you should.Remember your band can be at risk if you push it to it's limit.

4Do not wash down your solids with liquids.< /span>Liquids creates a slurry of food and allows it to slip down the stoma faster, which defeats the goal of getting the pouch full in order for the hunger signals to turn off.Don't drink within 20 minutes before a meal, and an hour after. (Some recommend 2 hrs after a meal.)

5Do not eat between meals.If you eat three regular small meals of solid foods and are properly adjusted, you should not be feeing hungry.You may have psychological hunger, also called head hunger and emotional hunger, but it is not real hunger.Learn ways to examine possible causes and ways to defeat it.

6Eat only good quality foods.Cereals: Prefer gains like Beans, lentils or whole wheat bread or oats.Vegetables: Prefer broccoli, brussel sprouts, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, corn, cucumbers, eggplants, leafy greens (spinach, collard greens), mushrooms, onions, peppers, oumpkin, tomatoes, and winter squash.Fruits: one piece for Breakfast, one at lunch, and one for dinner. Try apples, apriocots, blueberries, cantaloupe, grapefruit, kiwi, oranges, plums, pears, watermelon, and mango. Avoid canned fruit, dried fruit, and coconut.Meat, poultry, and fish: Serving size=deck of cars; most people need two or three servings a day. Prefer light meat, poultry, fish, shellfish, legumes, egg whites. Avoid hotdogs, bacon, Peanut Butter, sausage, duck, fried poultry.Milk, cheese and yogurt: Two servings a day, three if you are a teenager or pregnant or a lactating woman. Prefer nonfat and 1% milk, low fat cottage cheese, nonfat yogurt. Avoid whole milk and whole cheese whole yogurt, milk shakes and ice cream.Fat: you do need fat. Three servings a day is good. Prefer avocado, veg. oil, almonds, and nuts. Avoid maynnase, lard, butter and margarine.

7Avoid fibrous foods.Certain vegetables (asparagus) and fruits (pineapple) and some meats contain many fibers that may clog the LAP-BAND, even if they are thoroughly chewed. Eating these can only cause regurgitation and vomiting. This in turn can upset the normal function of your band.

8Drink enough fluids during the day.Drink at least six to eight glasses of fluids per day.Many banded people drinl a great deal more.As the body burns off fat, it creates waste product that the fluids are critical to providing a channel for excretion through the urine.

9Drink only low-calorie liquids.Drink only low-calorie liquids. Water, tea and coffee without milk and sugar and other non-caloric beverages, are acceptable.Crystal Light can be a satisfying alternative.Consuming carbonated beverages are for the most past not encouraged.

10Exercise at least thirty minutes a day.Phyiscal exercise consumes energy and sustained exercise increases your metabolism.You can start off slowly with walking and using a pedometer walk 10,000 steps a day and then add more strenouse exercises, such as joining a dance class, yoga, or wahtever is of interest to you that will offer you vigorous exercise.

Best wishes!

[jennreed 0]

Thank you all for your support! I needed it. You offered so much great advice! So much of the advice that was offered, I would say to a friend and I know deep down, yet it's sometimes hard to not be so hard on yourself. Sometimes, you need that friend telling you to keep going. Keep pushing and don't think about giving up. You guys were that friend for me. Again, thank you!

[IndioGirl55 32]

Hi! My name is Jenn and I’ve been “watching” the board for about 2 months now. I’ve been looking for a place where the people may understand some of the things I’m going through. I’ve been looking for a place of support. I feel that I’ve found that placed based on the comments that I’ve seen posted by you guys. :help:

Jenn - Now doing all the right stuff... Tracking your calories (I love WW and think its a great eating program) and the exercise - these are the 2 things that you must do in order to lose weight - the band will do 25% of the work the other 75% is up to you... It you need go and get another fill - - It's hard - it is so very hard to change our habits... You have to plan what you are going to eat - you can not buy stuff that you know is unhealthy you need to make healthy food choices low fat - sugar free -

When you are bored - get online - come here talk to other people who will understand how you feel and what you are going throught - No one knows a fat person except another fat person.

I am a nite time eater - you know what I do - I save my daytime Snacks

(dannon lite & fit yogurs - Jello sf puddings - healthy choice fudgecicles )

and eat them at night when I am hungry. I can get through the days with no problems - but the nites are hard for me - so I just plan for them

I limit my calories to 1000 to 1200 daily by planing weighing & measuring my food - I get my 60 grms of Protein and drink my Water - I keep a food diary - I go to the gym 4 -5 days a week and walk on the treadmill - do i like doing all these things - the eating healhty is bad cuz it wasn't that I ate tons of junk just too much regular food plus alot of fried foods - do i like exercise - not really but know that I have to do it in order to lose weight - My highest was 250 - at this weight i tired easily - didn't have motivation to do much of anything execpt come to work. So I can imagine how tiring it is to carry around your weight.

Jenn, please don't think that bypass was your answer instead of the lapband - it's not - neither are the magic cures to our weight issue they are only tools.

You are not a failure - you just haven't developed your new habits (eating heathly & exercise) It takes awhile - but it will come if you just keep plugging away - It you can - see a counsler (sp) about your food issues - alot here do.. You can't think of this as most diets fail everyone due to fact that once you stop - you gain all the weight back on - we are making life time life style changes to our food issues..

We are here to support you - go to give you tough band love...