My email to my family.

[Longhorn 1]

I decided I didn't want to keep my surgery a secret from my closest family but I also didn't want to have to keep explaining it over and over and I certainly didn't want to argue or debate with anyone (something my family is known for, including me! )

So I sent out an email in advance and the results have been great. No one argued or disagreed, at least, not to me. I received some well wishes before and after surgery. And while there may be questions when I see them over the holidays, my hope is that I've cleared up a few things in advance.

Here's my email:

Subject: Do you know what Lap Band Surgery is? (Warning: this is long!)

It's a procedure in which an inflatable band is placed around the upper portion of your stomach. There is a tube attached that runs to a port that is placed just below the skin. Saline is injected into the port to inflate the band. The idea is to create a pouch of the stomach through which food initially passes. When this pouch is full, you feel full and so eat less.

I am having this procedure on Thursday. I have researched it extensively and have visited the surgeon, a nutritionist, a psychologist, and my own family doctor. All have been supportive but I was especially pleased with my own doctor's opinion, since he has no affiliation with the others, though, coincidentally, he knows the psychologist. (She has a regular family counseling practice and does not work for the surgeon.) My doctor said that he has about half a dozen patients who have had the procedure and all of them are doing great. He was very positive about me doing this. Also, he performed all of my pre-op tests and I am in excellent health.

I have about 70 pounds to lose. The Lap-Band will not cause me to lose it especially quickly. However, it should help me keep it off. You may recall that I lost 70 pounds four years ago, too. I fought to keep that weight off with continual dieting and exercise. Unfortunately, diets don't work, and 95 percent of people who lose weight will gain it back. People tend to be blamed (or blame themselves!) for this regain but there is more and more evidence that our bodies are programmed to regain this weight. I read a recent study with rats: two groups of rats were given the same amount of food. The rats who had previously lost weight GAINED while those that hadn't stayed their normal weight. Of course, those of us who have struggled with our weight for many years don't need these studies to convince us this is true!

Here's what's going to happen to me: I go in for surgery at 7 a.m. at Austin Surgical Hospital. It's a laparoscopic procedure that should take no more than an hour. After I've recovered, I'll go home the same day and I'll go back to work Tuesday. For the first week or two, I will be on a diet of Clear liquids. Then I'll be on full liquids (anything that can go through a straw) for another couple of weeks. Then I'll be on soft foods (foods that can pretty much be swallowed without chewing) for a few weeks. Finally, I'll be able to start adding normal food. I will need to chew thoroughly and slow down the eating process. I will also not be drinking with my meals because liquid just pushes the food on through. Eventually, I'll be able to eat most foods but more slowly and in smaller quantities. The process is slow in order to allow my stomach to get used the band while I get used to learning to eat differently.

After six weeks, I'll go in for my first adjustment, called a "fill." My surgeon is conservative about filling the band, one of the reasons I chose him. I want to take my time and adjust to each change. I am not in a hurry about losing the weight, especially knowing that this will be the last time! The perfect amount of restriction is being able to eat almost anything I want in small quantities without being hungry but still losing weight. While some people get exactly the right amount of restriction with no fill at all, it is more typical to get three or four fills, or more, several months apart. Also, as one loses weight, there is less pressure from fat on the outside of the band, so the band can loosen up, requiring a fill.

The band can be unfilled a little or completely if I ever get too much restriction or have a medical reason for needing more food. Also, the band can be removed completely in a similar surgery and my stomach would return to normal. However, this is only done if there is a medical reason for it. It's considered permanent like a knee replacement or defibrillator. This is a big difference from gastric bypass surgery, which is a permanent reconstruction of the stomach and cannot be reversed.

One of the best articles I read that summed up the procedure is an ABC news article about Khaliah Ali's book, "Fighting Weight." She is Mohammed Ali's daughter and she had the Lap-Band surgery. An excerpt from her book is in the article and she does a good job of summarizing: ABC News: Excerpt: Khaliah Ali's 'Fighting Weight'

I have other links if you would like to learn more about it.

Mr. Longhorn and the girls will be taking care of me after the surgery, though I shouldn't need much. The surgery is considered comparable to gall bladder surgery. I'll be up and walking a lot that weekend to get rid of the CO2 gas that the surgeon will pump into my body during surgery to create room to work. Many people have very little pain afterwards. I'm getting the latest version of the band, made by Allergan/Inamed. While complications have been rare, this band has improvements designed to address those complications.

I'm sorry this is so long but that's why I decided to let y'all know in an email. I didn't want you to confuse what I'm doing with gastric bypass surgery. I also wanted you to know what to expect when we're together for meals in the future. And I didn't want to have to repeat this "lecture" over and over! :eek:

Love,

Longhorn

Feel free to use any part of my email if you find it helpful.

[Skinny_Jill 36]

Great e-mail Longhorn! Did you send this to your parents, brothers and sisters, in-laws, aunts, uncles and cousins? I've only told my mom, sister, brother, cousin (had her stomach stapled years ago), 2 friends and my mom told my aunt. I'm sure my cousin told her parents and siblings which is ok. I really don't want everyone to know but I also don't want to hide it. I don't want them asking me about it everytime I see them.

[IndioGirl55 32]

Great letter !!!!!

[Longhorn 1]

Great e-mail Longhorn! Did you send this to your parents, brothers and sisters, in-laws, aunts, uncles and cousins? I've only told my mom, sister, brother, cousin (had her stomach stapled years ago), 2 friends and my mom told my aunt. I'm sure my cousin told her parents and siblings which is ok. I really don't want everyone to know but I also don't want to hide it. I don't want them asking me about it everytime I see them.

Thanks!

Yes, I sent it to the members of my family that I see on a regular basis with whom we normally share things like this. It's hard to draw the line on who to tell without putting family members in the position of feeling like they have to keep a secret. I did it by email so that I wouldn't have to listen to their initial reactions -- I'd give them time to take it in. If they think I'm crazy, fine, but they have time to be polite about it now.

[Longhorn 1]

Great letter !!!!!

Thanks, IndioGirl!

[METALBAND 0]

Love it! I did not tell my family but if I ever do, I may steal parts of your letter. We have a family website and it would be great to just post it and not have to tell the tale over and over.

Well Done!

[Longhorn 1]

Love it! I did not tell my family but if I ever do, I may steal parts of your letter. We have a family website and it would be great to just post it and not have to tell the tale over and over.

Well Done!

Thanks, Metalband! I guess the true test of success of my letter is when I see my family over the holidays. They may still have questions but perhaps I'll be spared any negative reactions. And if they're positive, they'll still be positive.

[jmarruda 22]

Beautifully written, and I think you have explained so well what the band is, how its going to work, and what they should expect from you. Maybe now nobody will be coming up to you going, so, did you lose more weight, well, how much have you lost, etc, etc. It seems like most of the questions I have been asked would definately be answered in this e-mail.

Oh, and congrats on getting your band, and your loss so far!

[make33 2]

I have been reading your various posts and have agreed with you on the issues...

But none so much as I do now! Wow--you have floored me! Your email to everyone was concise and intuitive, with education on the subject mixed in!

Color me truly impressed! I just wish I hadn't told almost everyone (and just revealed to the hub's family this week)--this was a smart simplistic way of announcement!

[Longhorn 1]

Beautifully written, and I think you have explained so well what the band is, how its going to work, and what they should expect from you. Maybe now nobody will be coming up to you going, so, did you lose more weight, well, how much have you lost, etc, etc. It seems like most of the questions I have been asked would definately be answered in this e-mail.

Oh, and congrats on getting your band, and your loss so far!

Thanks! I agree that I don't want to be asked all the time how much I've lost!

[Alfie 58]

Hi L.H.

First, I want to tell you that I wish you all the best in your lapband journey.

Next, I am glad that you said that we could use your email. Of course I must change some details but I am going to send one to my family and friends as well,

Thanks,

Alfie

[Longhorn 1]

I have been reading your various posts and have agreed with you on the issues...

But none so much as I do now! Wow--you have floored me! Your email to everyone was concise and intuitive, with education on the subject mixed in!

Color me truly impressed! I just wish I hadn't told almost everyone (and just revealed to the hub's family this week)--this was a smart simplistic way of announcement!

You're very kind!

I guess time will tell if I regret telling so many but many members of my family could benefit from this surgery so maybe I can set a good example.

Thanks and keep up your good work!

[Longhorn 1]

Hi L.H.

First, I want to tell you that I wish you all the best in your lapband journey.

Next, I am glad that you said that we could use your email. Of course I must change some details but I am going to send one to my family and friends as well,

Thanks,

Alfie

Thanks, Alfie!

Yes, we all have different circumstances -- for example, you're not married to Mr. Longhorn!

Good luck! :clap2:

[taismommy 0]

Longhorn,

I thank you so much for this letter! I had decided not to tell my family until I had a surgery date(hopefully). I just didnt want to explain it or try and justify why i was doing this, but this letter (with some tweeking to fit my life) is just what I needed.

I have a habit of having a strong tone in my statements and tend to make people upset. I dont mean to but I get frustrated when they dont get what im trying to say.

Thank you again for letting us use parts of your letter to our own families.

[Longhorn 1]

Longhorn,

I thank you so much for this letter! I had decided not to tell my family until I had a surgery date(hopefully). I just didnt want to explain it or try and justify why i was doing this, but this letter (with some tweeking to fit my life) is just what I needed.

I have a habit of having a strong tone in my statements and tend to make people upset. I dont mean to but I get frustrated when they dont get what im trying to say.

Thank you again for letting us use parts of your letter to our own families.

I hope it helps, Tamika (what a lovely name!) I understand about tone -- it took me several drafts to try not to sound like I was arguing! If anyone was offended by my letter, he or she hasn't told me and a couple of people thanked me for explaining it. So I hope the tone is okay.

Good luck as you plan for your big day!