What to expect out of spouse before and after surgery?

[Bootscraper 56]

39 minutes ago, ShannaH said:

I’m ok with this being my decision and him eating what he wants.. my issue is when he tells me he supports me then when I ask to not go to a specific place because they are not low carb friendly, he gets an attitude. If I cook, he knows that if he don’t eat what I cook then he won’t eat.

I had a similar question last week after taking my partner to a support group meeting. He seemed to be less "supportive" when he really got information on how my changes will affect him. . I don't know if this is helpful, but any major lifestyle change that you truly want to be successful usually has to rely on your own perseverance and conscientious daily decisions. I have thought to just turn off the "negative response" attitude that I have when my partner behaves in a way that does not support my necessary lifestyle changes. I have not had surgery yet, any any time my partner says "do you want...." something that is not on my plan.. I just say NO. I don't need to get in an argument of why he isn't being supportive with food or why he doesn't go to the gym with me. All I can do is lead by example and hope that he decides to take the ride with me.

Another mention is that when you are changing your food choices, it can be seen as (even unconsciously so) as a change in your romantic relationship. People bond over food, date night, vegging out in front of tv with chips. It can be hard for the non surgery partner to feel like you are changing the parameters of your relationship by changing your relationship to food. He could possibly benefit from attending an appointment with your nutritionist to talk about how your changes can improve his lifestyle also.

Edited September 24, 2018 by Bootscraper

[insta_adventurer 1,046]

So I can totally relate. I had a similar situation with my husband, but we’ve got a better compromise now.

It’s cool that others have the willpower to have their loved ones eat crap, but the reality is most of us probably do not. Willpower fails, cause we’re all only human.

I tried the laissez-faire approach at first.. I was totally cool with my mom and husband ordering pizza my first night home from the hospital... 🙄🙄. But I had zero appetite then... and then I did get my appetite back some and there were constantly salty Snacks (my kryptonite!) around.. that I cheated with.. because like I said, willpower fails sometimes. I finally broke down and had a long talk with my husband about bringing crap food around. We compromised... he no longer brings salty snacks home, but I am okay with him buying sweets and the like. Why? Cause I can resist those... never have been a sweet person really. Also- he eats what he wants to eat when we go out or he’s out with friends.

In my case, for me to have any chance at success, I needed him to come on board somewhat. Tell him how important this is to you!

[Bryn910 519]

This is my opinion only, but he’s right. This is your journey, not his. If you guys both go through a drive through, you can place your order when he is done with his. It’s that simple.

Is he being an a**hole about it, sure. Because it’s quite simple to say “no bun please”, he just doesn’t want to. It could be that he is envious of you. Or maybe he is mad. Whatever emotion it is, it’s his problem. If he isn’t the type to talk about it or change after you’ve expressed how you feel, then you have to accept it.

I realized after my surgery that I CANNOT expect anyone else to cater to my diet needs. If my coworkers have a potluck and bring nothing but food I can’t eat, guess what, I am not eating that food and being my own lunch. I can choose not to participate and bring no dish, or I can bring a dish I can eat as well as others. Ironically, I bring a dish I can’t eat because I still like seeing people happy by eating my food lol.

this journey is yours and yours alone. I hope you find peace with your decision as well as your husbands.