Secret sleevers?

[diabladepaz 42]

On social media, I see entire Instagram accounts dedicated to people's personal journeys of getting sleeved. I see so many that this *feels* like the norm. But I am curious to know...do any of you NOT tell a lot of people about your surgery? I am not ashamed to be getting sleeved, but for whatever reason I do feel very private about it. It feels like this deeply personal medical decision that I don't want to involve more people in than is necessary. I am not inclined to tell more people than I absolutely have to, at least until I have actually had the surgery. I am working through so many of my own fears and anxieties that I feel like I don't have emotional bandwidth to tell others about my surgery and deal with their questions, fears, and anxieties about it. I'd rather wait until it's done and then tell people as I feel comfortable. Would love to know your thoughts/experiences about how open you chose to be...

[Matt Z 4,139]

18 minutes ago, diabladepaz said:

On social media, I see entire Instagram accounts dedicated to people's personal journeys of getting sleeved. I see so many that this *feels* like the norm. But I am curious to know...do any of you NOT tell a lot of people about your surgery? I am not ashamed to be getting sleeved, but for whatever reason I do feel very private about it. It feels like this deeply personal medical decision that I don't want to involve more people in than is necessary. I am not inclined to tell more people than I absolutely have to, at least until I have actually had the surgery. I am working through so many of my own fears and anxieties that I feel like I don't have emotional bandwidth to tell others about my surgery and deal with their questions, fears, and anxieties about it. I'd rather wait until it's done and then tell people as I feel comfortable. Would love to know your thoughts/experiences about how open you chose to be...

I kept things pretty quiet moving into the surgery, not really out of necessity, just not something that I needed to broadcast. I told a select few people for one reason or another, but for the most part I kept pretty mum about the process until it was official, then once I started my pre-op, I let the rest of my friend base know what was going on.

[YeahOkay31 651]

Only a hand full of people know. I imagine a few suspect, but I am a private person myself so I am not advertising.

[Vizslamom 92]

Only tell the people you want to know. Be prepared with the answer you are comfortable sharing when they ask you how you’re losing all that weight.

[jjenclarke 10]

I only told a few family members and my best friend. Has I didn’t feel it was necessary. Less pressure


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[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

46 minutes ago, diabladepaz said:

I'd rather wait until it's done and then tell people as I feel comfortable.

This is exactly what I did. I told very few before the surgery, but I've been open with people afterward. But I've posted nothing on public social media.

Edited September 10, 2018 by Orchids&Dragons

[AASosa 56]

I told everyone that I needed to tell in person at first about my decision to have the surgery, and then how my recovery was going. But I never posted anything about it on social media cause I don't want the attention or everyone knowing all my business lol. Now whenever I post a picture online my friends that don't know say wow looking great what are you doing??

If I am asked in person I will explain the process to them, but social media friends get the generic Diet and Exercise comment. No right or wrong way to do it

[sillykitty 10,776]

I have been very private in my professional life, but fairly open in my personal life.

[MargoCL 677]

I told exactly 4 people. My mom and boyfriend, my boss and my best friend at work. I wanted to keep it very private, I didn't want to answer questions or receive criticism before hand.

If in a year people ask how I lost the weight I may be open about it, but right now I'm just following my plan and no one seems to be questioning my "new" eating habits. Plus 2 oz spread out on a plate looks like much more than it seems.

[sillykitty 10,776]

4 minutes ago, MargoCL said:

no one seems to be questioning my "new" eating habits. Plus 2 oz spread out on a plate looks like much more than it seems.

You're fortunate, that has not been my experience at all

[MargoCL 677]

7 minutes ago, sillykitty said:

You're fortunate, that has not been my experience at all

it's still early, I'm only 3 weeks. LOL. I'm sure if I go out to dinner or something with a new group there will be questions. I guess my first true test will either be this weekend with in-laws to be (they are super watchful and judgmental about food) or at the end of the month when we have a department meeting that I catered. LOL

[Heretoloseit2018 7]

On social media, I see entire Instagram accounts dedicated to people's personal journeys of getting sleeved. I see so many that this *feels* like the norm. But I am curious to know...do any of you NOT tell a lot of people about your surgery? I am not ashamed to be getting sleeved, but for whatever reason I do feel very private about it. It feels like this deeply personal medical decision that I don't want to involve more people in than is necessary. I am not inclined to tell more people than I absolutely have to, at least until I have actually had the surgery. I am working through so many of my own fears and anxieties that I feel like I don't have emotional bandwidth to tell others about my surgery and deal with their questions, fears, and anxieties about it. I'd rather wait until it's done and then tell people as I feel comfortable. Would love to know your thoughts/experiences about how open you chose to be...

My surgery is not till November but I told my immediate family and two friends. My work just knows that I'm having surgery....i just said it was female surgery and left it at that. I'm not embarrassed but I had feared a certain reaction that I did get from one of my very good friends and it was pretty much you just need to eat less and exercise more why would you do this to yourself. So after that reaction I have not told anyone else. It might be different after surgery and I might tell more people but I'm pretty hesitant to tell anyone else. I shouldn't have to explain to anyone that this was an informed decision that was made based on health problems and its not like this process is overnight after I made my decision I started the process in April and the earliest I can have my surgery is November.

[CrankyMagpie 509]

My spouse knows, as do my brother and my aunt (who are both thinking of also getting it). Some close friends know that I'm having some kind of surgery, and I've talked about some of my feelings around the surgery without actually naming it, but they aren't stupid--they can probably guess, especially the two who have a close friend who has had it. My coworkers know I'm having "medical stuff," that will keep me away from work for a few weeks, and that is all I ever plan to tell them. (I don't work in a super healthy environment.) Same with my classmates.

After the surgery and the worst of the pain is over I'll tell my mother. (I really like your phrasing/framing, @diabladepaz: "I don't have the emotional bandwidth" to deal with her issues when I'm already anxious, pre-op, nor will I immediately after, when I'm healing and tired and in pain and maybe going through the buyer's remorse phase.) And probably my less-close friends, as needed. Before I next see my in-laws (next summer), I'm probably going to get my partner to tell them, possibly with some kind of spiel like "Cranky is willing to answer questions about the procedure, about the rules people have to follow after it--any kind of general medical facts you might want to know. But they aren't willing to talk about their weight or to answer personal medical questions. Be cool."

As I've said in most threads when this kind of conversation comes up, I'm willing to completely dodge people's questions ("I'm not comfortable talking about my weight/food choices/medical history/whatever. Anyway, how about those Dodgers?"), but I think it's cruel to ever tell another fat person we've lost all this weight through diet and exercise alone. I'll avoid the question, but I won't be deliberately misleading. It's been done to me (knowing what I know now, I suspect it's been done on at least three separate occasions), and it made me feel like an awful failure; I won't do it to another person.

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

2 minutes ago, CrankyMagpie said:

Before I next see my in-laws (next summer), I'm probably going to get my partner to tell them,

My mother-in-law has a cruel streak. She pretends that the incidents are accidental foot-in-mouth mistakes, but I've seen it too consistently over the last 29 years. She came into town for our son's graduation, 3 months after my surgery. Hubby had the task of telling her about it on the ride home from the airport and letting her know that any comment other than "You're looking good." would not be tolerated. She actually kept her tongue. I was shocked. So, good luck with your in-laws.

[MargoCL 677]

6 minutes ago, Orchids&Dragons said:

My mother-in-law has a cruel streak. She pretends that the incidents are accidental foot-in-mouth mistakes, but I've seen it too consistently over the last 29 years. She came into town for our son's graduation, 3 months after my surgery. Hubby had the task of telling her about it on the ride home from the airport and letting her know that any comment other than "You're looking good." would not be tolerated. She actually kept her tongue. I was shocked. So, good luck with your in-laws.

My boyfriend and I thought about telling his parents and he debated it on his last visit home. But then his mother made a comment about her niece's sister'n'law and having WLS and she was so cruel and ignorant about it that my BF opted to keep it between us. I told him after her told me this that his family was probably the only people that I really didn't want to share this with. Nothing good can come of it. And the way I see it, it's not a lie to say I'm on a medically approved and monitored eating plan. - His mother is 5' and weighs 80lbs soaking wet and has pretty much her entire life.

Edited September 10, 2018 by MargoCL