Overheard Staff Joking About My Body

[GamePlan18 24]

On 08/17/2018 at 09:10, J San said:

Read it perfectly fine but that was not the focus of your statement. I guess you didn't notice but this is a public forum, one where others read and respond to posts of others. And I damn sure will have a nice day. and hopefully you damn sure will as well. DEAR

I never disputed the fact that any random can respond, I stated I wouldn’t be arguing with said random, when I was replying to the OP. Again have a great day, sweetie. 💁🏾‍♀️

[GamePlan18 24]

On 08/16/2018 at 16:35, virginiaRN said:

Hi, folks. I have not been on this board for a long time. Today, I had a visit to my bariatric surgeon's physician assistant (PA). I am 16 months out from roux en y surgery and have lost a total of 101 pounds. I went there today because I have been experiencing severe abdominal pain, bloating and flatulence at night, every night x 2-3 weeks. I should add that I am an RN and am one semester away from completing my Family Nurse Practitioner Master's degree. The PA gave me some advice, ordered some meds and labs and I checked out--it was about 4:10pm.

She had told me to do the labs today, due to the severity of the symptoms I was having. Their office was closing. I went to my PCP's office--which has a lab tech--and they were closing and the lab tech had left. I went downstairs to the outpatient lab and it was closed. The only lab open was the STAT lab on the 2nd floor. Since I was still in the building, I thought I'd just double check that the PA did not want these labs to be drawn STAT. I went back to the office.

It was locked. I knocked on the door. I had already heard the cackling and loud voices from 10 ft away. As I got closer, I heard the PA saying "I know, and every time she moved her arms! I couldn't believe it! And she had her teenage son with her!" Needless to say both me and my teenaged son (almost 17) heard this. He drove me today because I wasn't feeling well and he also needs to rack up his driving hours to complete his driver's permit and get his regular license. Just then, the PA, the receptionist and someone from the billing dept emerged from the door. They turned white as ghosts. Their jaws almost hit the floor. Being the classy person that I am, I didn't reference that I overheard them talking about something on my body just then. Their reaction confirmed what I thought I overheard. I asked the PA if she wanted the labs STAT, she said no, and my son and I walked to the elevator. The women huddled back by the door, somehow frozen. The only way to either the stairs or the elevator was toward the direction my son and I walked. Clearly, the women felt ashamed (?)/shook by being overheard body-shaming a patient, violating HIPAA, and being overall terrible people.

As we drove home, I was pretty hurt. Most patients at a bariatric surgeon's office are going to have body image issues. Whether they are pre-op or post-op, they have likely experienced some type of negativity about their bodies (either from within or without, or both.) Also, I should add, I am a breast cancer survivor. December 2018 is my five-year anniversary of having stage 2 invasive breast cancer and having a b/l radical mastectomy and subsequent reconstruction, followed by a hysterectomy. One year after my b/l mastectomy, the reality hit me that my GG breasts were now AAs, mutilated and scarred. I felt unattractive, repulsive and beyond depressed. I was thrilled to be alive and that it was caught in time to prevent spreading to my lymph nodes and that by doing a b/l mastectomy, I didn't have to do chemo or radiation. I failed to be able to tolerate Tamoxifen, and had to be put on a cocktail of other meds that resulted in me gaining about 50 pounds to my already Rubenesque 225 lb body. It was a low time.

Then, I got my reconstruction. My breast did not, do not, and will not look like "porn star" boobs, or "stripper boobs," although many people have suggested that was the "up side" of breast cancer. See, when you get a radical mastectomy, they hollow you out like a cantaloupe. Then, either at the same time, or at a later surgery, they insert implants (or, in some cases, spacers). Because I was 220 pounds when I got my reconstruction, they put the biggest implants the FDA allows--800 cc. The reconstruction surgeon repaired a lot of the scarring caused by a severe post-op infection from the initial surgery, during which both of my breast turned black and I had to debride the dead tissue myself at home. I was and am thrilled that I had a good reconstruction surgeon and, after recovering, felt a little bit more whole.

While I had no breast tissue before, but now, any extra cushion vanished as I lost over 100 pounds. My breasts are skin and implant. It's definitely not a "hot" look. Well, all this cancer talk comes into play because what the women were talking about was my breasts. You see, when you get a breast reconstruction, your breasts don't look like regular breasts. Again, they are hard, stiff, and look like "robot boobs," as I call them. Today, at the office, I was wearing a bamboo material sundress, that was mostly dark teal, but also had other colors tie-dyed into the design. In the front is a "peekaboo" hole. The rest of the dress is just an A-line dress with a full skirt. It is not particularly "sexy." (Including my flabby/flappy wing-like arms!) But because my breasts don't move, there is a tiny bit of "side boob" seen protruding into my armpits. Not regular side boob--because remember, nothing is "soft" anymore. No, it's part of the round, button shape (just imagine an implant covered with skin, literally.)

As I reconstructed what the women were saying, I recalled more and more of the beginning. I guess in the moment, in shock, my brain kind of protected me and I somewhat blanked out. Look, we are all human, I get it. We all make mistakes. But for God's sakes, you would think that the staff--including a provider--would be a little more sensitive about yucking it up about patient's bodies while anywhere near the doors/exit.

I am posting here in general for support because it just feels yucky. I know I've never done anything like that as an RN, but one never knows how one's words may affect another person. Also, the HIPAA violation bothers me. I work very hard to whisper, even when I am behind closed office doors, because I know how much sound carries in offices. I often tell my patients "I'm sorry I'm kind of talking softly, but these room walls are paper-thin and I want to protect your privacy." I know I won't have the b*lls to tell the office. I feel like somehow they would turn it around on me, even though 3 of them were there and me *AND* my son heard that. And as a mother of a 16 year old son, a 19 year old son, and a 21 year old daughter--it's creepy.

The implication that my son--who has seen me go through hell and high Water with cancer and this gastric bypass--would even think about looking at my breasts is disgusting. This can only come from a woman with no children. The PA is probably like 35 (I am 44), no wedding ring. Normally, I wouldn't even mention any of that because I fully believe in living my own life and others live theirs but for f*cks sake, please don't foist your sick thoughts on me.

I would like some thoughts on how I might handle this. I feel like I won't have the courage to say anything, for fear of being "gaslighted." But, I also feel like there is a lesson for their staff to learn. It occurred to me to write an anonymous letter to the surgeon/head of practice and give a little vague summary of what happened and advise that his staff might want to not be so catty, mean, and to stop violating HIPAA. I don't know. I just know it hurt. I'm hurt. Thanks in advance for any words of wisdom.

I think you should report them, I liked that you didn’t flip out on them. You will probably get better results in your report because you took the high road. My ass would’ve flipped out, cursed them out and then went and sliced their tires in the parking lot, but that’s just me.

[J San 1,071]

Sorry sweetie, figured maybe you might want a different perspective on what the OP might have been saying. Apparently I was wrong. Didn't mean to upset you. Please excuse me for making a statement on, as I said

6 minutes ago, GamePlan18 said:

public forum, one where others read and respond to posts of others

[GamePlan18 24]

On 08/17/2018 at 09:25, J San said:

Sorry sweetie, figured maybe you might want a different perspective on what the OP might have been saying. Apparently I was wrong. Didn't mean to upset you. Please excuse me for making a statement on, as I said

You’re good, I’m good. I hope OP will get justice against these unprofessionals. If they’re doing it to her, they will do it to others. No one should work in the medical field if they can’t display good human decency.

[mrpritchett 8]

As someone who works in a hospital this should be reported to patient services ASAP.

[virginiaRN 60]

3 hours ago, MIZ60 said:

There is no excuse for this. I have been a primary care pediatric nurse practitioner for 28 years. Sure, there are situations that come up that I talk about with other providers in my office but not in that way. Just because a door is closed does not mean someone is not eavesdropping. I had a shared office with a pediatrician for several years and if we needed to discuss anything sensitive about a patient, parent or staff member we actually texted each other back and forth while sitting at our desks because the walls have ears.

I urge you to make what happened known to the doctor and practice administrator. The people involved need to be counseled and warned that further behavior like that will not be tolerated.

I am very sorry this happened to you, especially with your son there.

I did just that this morning. I agree wholeheartedly. It's just a shame, really. Hopefully, they will remedy this situation and educate/counsel their employees.

[virginiaRN 60]

3 hours ago, Bootscraper said:

Something similar happened to me when I was at a new Dr's office. This was a couple of years ago and I was being seen for weight loss medication management (I was being put on a appetite suppressant). I was in the patient room waiting for the doctor to come in and I could hear the nurses in the main area (open work station, all patient room doors faced the nurse station). I could hear them talking about me and laughing about what I was coming in for and saying that I was about the same size as someone else they must have all mutually known. I was mortified that they were discussing why I was in the office and my body with each other and within earshot of other patients that were in their own rooms. I did not say anything, I wish I would have, just to hopefully prevent other patients from feeling as awful as I did in that moment. They are not ignorant of their behavior, they are apathetic of how it affects other people and should be called out on it.

So mean. These are the wrong people to be in the medical field. I hate when I hear this, I am so ashamed of my fellow healthcare workers. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[virginiaRN 60]

2 hours ago, J San said:

Seems to me maybe she was referring to the way hers look in comparison to the "perfect" image of them usually associated with those of a stripper or porn actress. Rather than classifying a type of person that gets this type of surgery done.

Out of her whole story that's what you decided to focus on. hmmmmmmmmmm

I can't see GamePlan18's post. It looks to be deleted. I'm surprised that I have to further denigrate my own looks to state: No, I ***WISH*** they looked like porn/stripper breasts, or hell even normal person breasts. Mine look very odd, with literally NO BREAST TISSUE and not even human. I think I made that pretty clear. Many people have made the erroneous comment that "oh well, at least you get a free boob job" when they heard I was dx'd with breast cancer. *THAT* is the point of that whole section. That my breasts look abnormal and weird, and unlike what unempathetic people have said, getting a "free boob job" wasn't a "upside" of getting cancer. Hope me further describing how hideous my breasts are clarify that for you! Really wasn't trying to go back in that hole today.

[Sleeved36 356]

You are a brave woman and have been through a lot! Do not let them shame you! You don't need to scream and rage, just send an email to the office manager/customer service.

They need a reminder that all people deserve to be treated with respect. Do it for you and do it for the next person they decide to mock/belittle.

We protect each other from bullies when we stand up for ourselves.

[virginiaRN 60]

1 hour ago, mrpritchett said:

As someone who works in a hospital this should be reported to patient services ASAP.

Done and done! Thank you.

[virginiaRN 60]

1 minute ago, Sleeved36 said:

You are a brave woman and have been through a lot! Do not let them shame you! You don't need to scream and rage, just send an email to the office manager/customer service.

They need a reminder that all people deserve to be treated with respect. Do it for you and do it for the next person they decide to mock/belittle.

We protect each other from bullies when we stand up for ourselves.

Done this morning. I had to follow up. I couldn't live with myself if I let that behavior go unchecked. Like I said, I worry more about the person who may feel more vulnerable than me. A friend of mine went to this practice to inquire about the process and said the PA was so rude to her, she never came back. And this would be such a blessing to her, she has a lot of weight to lose, many comorbidities and a couple little kids to care for. I am hoping she will check out some other practices!

[GamePlan18 24]

On 08/17/2018 at 11:28, virginiaRN said:

I can't see GamePlan18's post. It looks to be deleted. I'm surprised that I have to further denigrate my own looks to state: No, I ***WISH*** they looked like porn/stripper breasts, or hell even normal person breasts. Mine look very odd, with literally NO BREAST TISSUE and not even human. I think I made that pretty clear. Many people have made the erroneous comment that "oh well, at least you get a free boob job" when they heard I was dx'd with breast cancer. *THAT* is the point of that whole section. That my breasts look abnormal and weird, and unlike what unempathetic people have said, getting a "free boob job" wasn't a "upside" of getting cancer. Hope me further describing how hideous my breasts are clarify that for you! Really wasn't trying to go back in that hole today.

Yes I deleted my reply as I realized I miss understood that part of your reply, as Jan was trying to point out to me. I apologize and am removing myself from the conversation. Have a nice day.

[Frustr8 7,886]

And I hope somewhere in the beautiful. Commonwealth of Virginia she may find a talented sympathetic surgeon with a professional yet staff,that can help her. As someone who postponed and waited till the,later portion of life to seek Bariatric Surgery I want,her to find a surgical,home base. I thought there was no hope, no,place to turn for me, life had cursed me with obesity I couldn't diet away. I found my hope and I hope she finds hers also. And then she will have a chance to watch,her babies grow up!

[virginiaRN 60]

9 minutes ago, GamePlan18 said:

16 minutes ago, virginiaRN said:

I can't see GamePlan18's post. It looks to be deleted. I'm surprised that I have to further denigrate my own looks to state: No, I ***WISH*** they looked like porn/stripper breasts, or hell even normal person breasts. Mine look very odd, with literally NO BREAST TISSUE and not even human. I think I made that pretty clear. Many people have made the erroneous comment that "oh well, at least you get a free boob job" when they heard I was dx'd with breast cancer. *THAT* is the point of that whole section. That my breasts look abnormal and weird, and unlike what unempathetic people have said, getting a "free boob job" wasn't a "upside" of getting cancer. Hope me further describing how hideous my breasts are clarify that for you! Really wasn't trying to go back in that hole today.

Yes I deleted my reply as I realized I miss understood that part of your reply, as Jan was trying to point out to me. I apologize and am removing myself from the conversation. Have a nice day.

Got it. Sorry. I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone. I would love to have cute boobs, trust me! Take care.

[BeeCat 99]

I agree with what so many people have stated. Please don’t just blow this off. Not only was it VERY unprofessional and insensitive but also against HIPPA regulations! You are a very strong woman who has faced serious challenges and have a strong sense of self but what about the next time these unprofessional staff members do the same thing to a more vulnerable patient? I can’t imagine that this was just a one time occurrence. They looked ashamed and guilty because they were caught not necessarily because they believed they were wrong to be speaking that way.
I’d certainly let the office manager and Dr. know to protect other clients.