Worried about my wife

[Biggamehunter 13]

2 hours ago, BigViffer said:

Actually, it is impossible to create new muscle tissue when you are eating fewer calories than your body burns. It's kind of a law. (Conservation of mass). If your BMR is 1500 calories and you can only eat 1000 calories, you absolutely cannot create new muscle tissue.

Now you may be able to have the existing muscle tissue live up to it's potential, increase in size comes from blood and Water engorging the tissue. As the muscle is worked, it can hold more. In the case of building new tissue, the above happens as well, but now you literally have more muscle fibers that are holding more blood and Water.

@Biggamehunter - perhaps the forum members suggest you get help because you are so angry and taking it out on strangers on the internet? I don't see this as a your side/their side situation. I have no bias one way or the other. I'm just here to answer a question. If you want help from these people, you need to be more personable. You are not endearing enough to make anyone want to help, only argue.

Hope you and your wife can come to a consensus on what to do next.

I’m not being angry with anyone on here. Sorry if I come off that way. Im oilfield construction. We all come off as abrasive. My wife has gotten used to it. But I’m not really nasty. We just speak our minds.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Well, I can be blunt - I am retired IT and we like to get logical 1's and 0's.

You are angry. Now maybe this is the emotion you display when worried, if that is the case you are probably displaying it in that manner to your wife too. It won't help the situation (and I would tune you out.) The decision was made, the surgery is over, the weight loss is the result, the body changes are right in front of you in black and white.

As far as a medical issue, there could certainly be some issues since food is making her sick. The unused stomach portion left in can develop an ulcer, she can develop malnutrition and vitamin/mineral deficiencies. Has there been a full blood workup for bariatric patients? What was the result? Has she had a scope to check anything internal? Is her skin overly dry, dry brittle hair/nails, how are her teeth/gums, etc? Is she tired ALL the time? These questions/answers are real evidence, not skinny legs and loose skin. At 10 months she should be able to consume more calories than you state unless an issue is preventing the consumption. Is she sick immediately following certain foods - does she have her gall bladder ( I might have missed that on your post)? Does she take any NSAIDS or pain meds? Does she take acid reflux meds or other meds - thyroid, anti-depressants? She could have food aversions, not uncommon with wls patients. Gather more hard evidence when you make a concerned case, but be kind when giving the facts.

[sleevedshereen 524]

I was the same way. Used to be so strong. Lost all muscle but I’ve been working out and building muscle and gaining my strength back. My boyfriend was surprised that I was getting strong again when we were wrestling. As for the aging, the extra weight filled out the face. I know a lot of people that aged a lotttt when they lost weight. I think just be honest about your concerns and offer a solution AS A TEAM and it would make her feel really good

[macadamia 591]

This guy is an internet troll. He is baiting everyone here. I hate to say this but he is now the first person I have put on my ignore list. I have better things to do than listen to this.

[insta_adventurer 1,046]

On 08/08/2018 at 10:14, macadamia said:

This guy is an internet troll. He is baiting everyone here. I hate to say this but he is now the first person I have put on my ignore list. I have better things to do than listen to this.

There’s a way to ignore certain people. 🤔🤔. Where do I find this magical functionality?!

[GreenTealael 25,352]

13 minutes ago, macadamia said:

This guy is an internet troll. He is baiting everyone here. I hate to say this but he is now the first person I have put on my ignore list. I have better things to do than listen to this.

The plot thickens...

[macadamia 591]

Click on your name on the website (I do not know if you can do it via the app) in the upper right corner of the page. Click on "ignored users" and enter their username. Then, select what you want to ignore, there are four options. Then select ignore and you are done.

I also just discovered that you can hover your mouse over the username and wait a moment. There is a box that comes up and at the bottom has the selection of "ignore user". Again, this is on the website, I'm not sure about the app.

I will not reply to any questions directed at me in this thread. If you want to talk to me, send me a message, please.

Edited August 8, 2018 by macadamia

[FluffyChix 17,415]

22 hours ago, BigViffer said:

To be clear though, I am a sleeve patient. There will be some differences in the amounts of food that can be eaten at one time. However, it has been proven that bypass patients can indeed lift weights successfully. The most famous example I can think of is Lyss Remaly:

http://fabulyssfitlife.com

To be fair to the OP though, the first year post op it is next to impossible to build muscle because of the lack of caloric surplus that is necessary to build new muscle. There will be atrophy and loss in size as the body breaks down muscle for the Proteins needed for it to function. If she were lifting weights currently, she would be able to stave off some loss of size, but she would also be increasing the Protein requirements thus breaking down more muscle, etcetera etc..

To the OP, give her time. 10 months is not that long. As long as she is having regular checkups with her surgeon and/or her primary physician to monitor her health, she will be fine.

So glad you mentioned Lyss. Great post, dude.

To the OP, I don't think you're wife bashing or whatever you are accused of doing in this post. (skimming only). I think you are genuinely concerned. I'm sure others have mentioned, that initially due to weight loss in general, but due to quick weight loss in particular, we get to the point toward goal where we do look like melted candles--a bit--at least I'm looking decidedly melty-ish in parts these days. But over the next year, the fat will actually re-distribute and fill out some places.

I'd say if the doc isn't worried, then take comfort from that, and trust your wife. This is clearly important to her. You've no idea of the beasts and battles we have in our heads re: weight, self-esteem, sexuality. We may appear the most confident women in the world and some are! But others of us fight it daily. And it's a big war within.

I think your fear stems from the experience with your aunt. I'm sorry for your loss. It honestly sounds like maybe your aunt's tummy twisted and blood flow got cut off and that's why she went septic.

But, I also think some of this is your seeing your wife for the first time outside the norm--as a skinny wench. And that takes us all time. The body dysmorphia applies to loved ones and friends as well as the bariatric patient. Just for reference, your wife is SMACK in the middle of normal weight for her height. Yay team! I know I'm not planning on stopping until I get to the normal weight zone. There can be a 10-15lb regain around 2-5 years, so there is that as well...

I just think keep on doing your research, stay connected here for support and be supportive of your wife's journey. And it DOES help to talk it out with someone who went to school for therapy rather than us internet whackamoles!

Cheers!

[Biggamehunter 13]

4 hours ago, FluffyChix said:

So glad you mentioned Lyss. Great post, dude.

To the OP, I don't think you're wife bashing or whatever you are accused of doing in this post. (skimming only). I think you are genuinely concerned. I'm sure others have mentioned, that initially due to weight loss in general, but due to quick weight loss in particular, we get to the point toward goal where we do look like melted candles--a bit--at least I'm looking decidedly melty-ish in parts these days. But over the next year, the fat will actually re-distribute and fill out some places.

I'd say if the doc isn't worried, then take comfort from that, and trust your wife. This is clearly important to her. You've no idea of the beasts and battles we have in our heads re: weight, self-esteem, sexuality. We may appear the most confident women in the world and some are! But others of us fight it daily. And it's a big war within.

I think your fear stems from the experience with your aunt. I'm sorry for your loss. It honestly sounds like maybe your aunt's tummy twisted and blood flow got cut off and that's why she went septic.

But, I also think some of this is your seeing your wife for the first time outside the norm--as a skinny wench. And that takes us all time. The body dysmorphia applies to loved ones and friends as well as the bariatric patient. Just for reference, your wife is SMACK in the middle of normal weight for her height. Yay team! I know I'm not planning on stopping until I get to the normal weight zone. There can be a 10-15lb regain around 2-5 years, so there is that as well...

I just think keep on doing your research, stay connected here for support and be supportive of your wife's journey. And it DOES help to talk it out with someone who went to school for therapy rather than us internet whackamoles!

Cheers!

I don’t refer to my wife as a wench ever. I think the people with this surgery care more about being skinny than being “fit”. And I don’t care what some internet scale of proper weight people should be. For the people that are 4-500 pounds I don’t if you get this surgery cause you can’t control yourself but if you’re a woman 250lbs and should be under 200 then you need to do something. Not remove your stomach. I don’t care who that offends. Cause this is bullshit. Not healthy and not a necessity.

[FluffyChix 17,415]

I live in Texas. LOL, in my family "wench" is a term of endearment. I'm the kitchen wench. It was supposed to be funny, sorry. I've been a wench as have my sissies for years. We actually love the term.

Also, just to be clear. DAMN straight I want to be thin. I also wanted to save my forkin life. At 287 I was on 3 blood pressure meds, 3 asthma drugs, GERD medicine, had Fluid around my heart, had a very low ejection fraction, had Stage II lymphedema in my arm from cancer. And was at serious risk for BC recurrence. My oncologist BEGGED me for 2 years to do this surgery. He felt it was maybe the only hope I had of surviving 10 years from the cancer without recurrence.

I was bed-bound, could barely shower, could barely walk from my recliner where I lived to the potty. I could not stand to cook cuz the pain and exhaustion was terrible. I got MSSA in my foot that took 3 months to heal and wasn't being helped cuz of the heart fluid and leg fluid and BP issues. I could not sleep longer than 1-2 hour stretches and I was in aching 8scale pain 24/7/365.

Am I sooo unbelievably thrilled I can now sleep 4-5 hours at a stretch without waking from crying in pain? Am I glad my neuralgia is partially better around my chest and down my left arm from the surgery? Am I glad to have my life back?

Am I happy to be off all asthma drugs and off all bp meds except a lower dose of 1? Am I happy my fluid around the heart is slowly improving, the ejection fraction has improved 5%, am I thrilled to be able to bathe, cook, clean my house and be a better partner? Fu*k yeah! Am I thrilled I can now shop for the first time in 8 years? That I can walk for 1 hour straight? That I can stand for longer than 10 minutes? Am I determined DETERMINED that I will be in the normal weight category just once in my life? FU*K yeah! And I would not (in the end) let anyone or anything keep me from having the chance to reclaim my life. I will also jump through fire to keep from ever going back to that place of living hell ad misery where I lay in my chair and prayed to die.

I was TRYING to be charitable about your motives dude. LOL.

Edited August 8, 2018 by FluffyChix

[TakingABreak 2,733]

9 minutes ago, Biggamehunter said:

For the people that are 4-500 pounds I don’t if you get this surgery cause you can’t control yourself but if you’re a woman 250lbs and should be under 200 then you need to do something. Not remove your stomach. I don’t care who that offends. Cause this is bullshit. Not healthy and not a necessity.

Oh wow. I've followed this post now for awhile, resisting the urge, trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. I even reported a post that I felt was degrading to you. BUT, this is where I draw the line.

Why are you on a BARIATRIC FORUM for patients who gather together who've had BARIATRIC SURGERY, if this is how you feel? I don't think you are going to find the "support" you are looking for, and in the meantime, are vastly offending people left and right. You can't just say that because your wife only had 50lbs to lose, that WLS was a bad idea. Perhaps she's yo-yo'd her whole life with weight, perhaps she's never successfully lost weight, perhaps she has a binge eating, or other eating disorder. Many people have struggles that prevent them from losing or successfully keeping weight off. This surgery is meant to be the last option for people who've exhausted all options. And, you do realize a vast majority of people who have surgery aren't 4-500lbs...... in fact, many are in your wife's category. I can name plenty of users by name that fell in this weight range. We don't come onto this site to give and get advice from closed minded people like you, who, think this is bullsh*t. At this point, please take your concerns and go elsewhere. You could have gotten a wealth of knowledge from this community, but you've just proved that you don't take us seriously anyway. You don't agree with our decisions to have surgery, and don't see it as a "necessity". Therefore, why continue to engage us?

[Biggamehunter 13]

1 hour ago, AshAsh1 said:

Oh wow. I've followed this post now for awhile, resisting the urge, trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. I even reported a post that I felt was degrading to you. BUT, this is where I draw the line.

Why are you on a BARIATRIC FORUM for patients who gather together who've had BARIATRIC SURGERY, if this is how you feel? I don't think you are going to find the "support" you are looking for, and in the meantime, are vastly offending people left and right. You can't just say that because your wife only had 50lbs to lose, that WLS was a bad idea. Perhaps she's yo-yo'd her whole life with weight, perhaps she's never successfully lost weight, perhaps she has a binge eating, or other eating disorder. Many people have struggles that prevent them from losing or successfully keeping weight off. This surgery is meant to be the last option for people who've exhausted all options. And, you do realize a vast majority of people who have surgery aren't 4-500lbs...... in fact, many are in your wife's category. I can name plenty of users by name that fell in this weight range. We don't come onto this site to give and get advice from closed minded people like you, who, think this is bullsh*t. At this point, please take your concerns and go elsewhere. You could have gotten a wealth of knowledge from this community, but you've just proved that you don't take us seriously anyway. You don't agree with our decisions to have surgery, and don't see it as a "necessity". Therefore, why continue to engage us?

Wow is right. There is some sensitive people on here. So basically all I’ve tried to get out of all this is, is my wife supposed to be this way now or is she capable of doing anything about it. But what I’ve gotten is, you should support it no matter what the outcome and how dare you see it any other way than ours. I’m done here. Y’all need help.

[BostonWLKC 807]

That isn’t what was said at all. Reread the thread with an eye for the many solutions people gave

[BadWolf523 196]

On 08/07/2018 at 16:33, Biggamehunter said:

I never said you were patronizing me. You most certainly were not. The other people throwing out the personal attacks definitely are. My wife isn’t willing to exercise. I guess I was just looking for someone to show me that it’s going to be ok. But I’m pretty sure I went from having an overweight wife that was beautiful the way she was to have an unhealthily skinny wife with a pretty face. It is what it is. Maybe we’ll make it maybe we won’t. I told her I’m there anyway I’m just not pleased with the way It has made her so skinny. She isn’t happy about parts of it either but if you try to talk about it with her she just gets mad. I’ll delete this thread today at some point.

I think her not willing to exercise is the problem and not really the surgery. No one on this thread would be success if they didn’t eat right and exercise. Of course she’ll lose weight but she’ll never gain the muscle if she won’t exercise

[BadWolf523 196]

The first year after my friend got surgery she kept getting sick. But it wasn’t from the surgery it was because she wasn’t taking her Vitamins or eating the right way. Now she’s on her Vitamin, and in the gym and doing much better