Help for my daughter

[Happy2lose13 14]

I need help. My daughter is 15 and I feel like she’s going down a very bad path health wise (very poor eating habits) sorry for the long background- 2 years ago she had a relationship with a girl friend and finally opened up to me about being gay. She hates herself and still struggles greatly with self esteem and self love. Prior to that summer she was always lean and super athletic. Since then, she’s been on and off depressed, very moody, and very lazy. Last summer she gained about 30 pounds in just a couple months and now has stretch marks, cellulite, etc. she now hates herself even more. I’m trying to set a good example for her, I was sleeved on 5/29/18 and have been trying to help her make healthier choices. Unfortunately, whenever I try she gets angry and sad and says that I think she’s fat and a disappointment in many ways. We’ve gone to 3 different counselors of these two years, but she never made much progress. What can I do?

[ShimmyShade 93]

It sounds like the weight gain is a symptom of the depression. I would focus on helping her with that then progress to better life choices. When you went to counselors were they for weight loss or mental health? If not mental health, then I would strongly suggest she talk to a guidance counselor or therapist to help manage with her depression. You can check too to see if they're LGBT friendly so she can feel secure talking about that aspect of her life.

[Happy2lose13 14]

On 07/31/2018 at 05:57, ShimmyShade said:

It sounds like the weight gain is a symptom of the depression. I would focus on helping her with that then progress to better life choices. When you went to counselors were they for weight loss or mental health? If not mental health, then I would strongly suggest she talk to a guidance counselor or therapist to help manage with her depression. You can check too to see if they're LGBT friendly so she can feel secure talking about that aspect of her life.

Oh it was for mental health. We even tried anti depressants, but she didn’t like taking them and said they didn’t help. It’s so difficult to find the right therapist that can break through. She just won’t open up to anyone

[Frustr8 7,886]

I don't know if this. Will be helpful but just might be. Get in touch with your local Children's Hospital. I am sure they have an Adolescent Medicine Department, they may be able to give you referrals to consulers willing to work with young ladies like your daughter.
I live in Central Ohio, thought I had lived long enough to know a lot about a lot of things. I just found out recently my nearest Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus has an Adolescent Bariatric Medical department and one of my Bari-pals @ mercmerc who had a VSG at,13 recently had a RnY gastric bypass in her early 20s done there. And her director of Bariatrics was assisted by,my future surgeon Dr Needleman from Ohio State University, was done July 25th and she's doing pretty dog-gone good!
So there's some info and I hope you'll be able to do the best for your daughter. PS You are a Wonderful mommy and she's lucky to have YOU!

[AEdoesRnY 531]

Firstly, thank you for being a supportive and understanding mom to your daughter!

This is an organization in Minnesota that focuses on LGBTQ youth and how their identities intersect with mental health needs. They have an extensive resources page, some of the things on there are national or have chapters nationally (e.g. have you connected with PFLAG in your area?). I second the suggestion to look for providers who have experience working in the LGBTQ field - they will be most able to help her talk through that part of what's going on without feeling like it's the ONLY thing to talk about/work through.

The other thing is the food component. I grew up with a mother who constantly made me feel ashamed and bad about my relationship with food and about my body. Not because she was mean-spirited, but because she sensed a sadness and wanted to help. It's a hard line to walk when she's voicing her disappointment with herself, but I would say that from my experience affirmation and kindness and lifting her up is so much more needed than help with dieting/choices. If she asks, help her make more time for meal prep or invite her to cook with you or something like that, but make sure those kinds of initiatives are driven by her. I agree with others who've said that it's important to work through the mental health/identity side of things before focusing on the food side. I'm sorry for being prescriptive in terms of food, but I just know how much pain and long-lasting shame around food and my body were caused by my mom's well-intentioned attempts to help me lose weight....

[Frustr8 7,886]

I feel for your daughter so muc. Adolesence,is difficult in the first place, trying to figure out your place in life and the world. Then you put on the layer of feeling "unaverage" she may be feel if she reaches out to someone she will be rebuffed for her sexual orientation. No this isn't my problem, I am high level autistic but many facets are similar. I feared being rebuffed also, for my thinking processes aren't average, still valid but not average. What people needed,to see, and few did, it does works for me. I'm proud she knows this aspect of herself, now how to work with it and have it shine. Do seek PFLAAG, once you have your foundation firm you can help her rebuild her blocks too. In the meantime, we are your brothers and sisters . Reach out when you need to!😛