To tell or not to tell?

[fluffy562 110]

Just wanted to introduce myself and begin my journey with you. I am 47 years old. I'm scheduled for the VGS August 23, 2018 and I can't wait. I suffer from arthritis, hip trouble, knee pain and apparently I snore my family out of the house. I have been researching, reading everything the internet provides & watching YouTube videos. I look forward to getting my life back. To not have to endure the pain & wake up with energy wanting to exercise. I've been overweight now going on 13 years. Have been on every diet since only to be successful to a certain point and then back to the same old routine. When I turned 45 my whole body went sideways. Within a few months, I went to hearing aids, reading glasses, neck surgery, root canal and arthritis all within 4 months. I don't want my kids to see me suffer any longer. I am fully prepared mentally to get back to living life to the fullest knowing It's not going to be an easy road, but willing to do the work to prove not only to myself, but to my kids that anything is possible.

My question to you is ..... Do I tell my kids I'm having the surgery? or do I not? I have two teenage boys and I don't want to send the wrong message. But they don't know the pain I struggle emotionally. They are only aware of my physical struggle.

Looking for opinions, Thanks

[SummerEssence 130]

Yes I think letting your children know is important just in case you have and complications God forbid I pray all goes well but, tell them and let them know your only telling them to not discuss it with others as you’d prefer it that way.

[HealthierME2018 17]

I would also recommend to tell your family. I didn’t at first , I only told them about two weeks prior to surgery but the reality is that you’ll need support (and an explanation of having only fluids for several weeks). I’m 4 days post op today & im glad the people close to me know. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[rebchief 52]

Communication IS key

[Frmamomzeyez 76]

The love of my life knows. Told my mom, dad, step mom & sister. Thats pretty much it for me. I’m such a private person. I plan to tell my close friends after. Which would make two more people. Just didn’t want to here the negativity from anyone

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

4 hours ago, fluffy562 said:

My question to you is ..... Do I tell my kids I'm having the surgery? or do I not? I have two teenage boys and I don't want to send the wrong message. But they don't know the pain I struggle emotionally. They are only aware of my physical struggle.

Looking for opinions, Thanks

So - you are having your VSG on my 2 year anniversary . Good luck! I'm now 57. At the time of surgery I had daughters age 13 and 17. Once I had decided, we sat down as a family (my hubby and the girls) and I explained what I was doing and why. While I list my starting weight here as 271, that was my highest known weight. Looking back at photos I'm fairly certain I was over 300 pounds in 2015. I answered questions. Provided internet links. Offered to take them with me to my appointments. My younger daughter was a bit resistant - mostly because I think she was just afraid of me having surgery.

So, long story short - I'll be 2 years out very soon. I now weight about 155 pounds . I am a nationally ranked fencer in my age group (as in en garde) and I can deadlift more than I weigh by about 20 pounds. (I started fencing about 10 months post op). What's the wrong message? The message you are sending is you have multiple medical problems and this is a way to fix it. If you needed a joint replaced, would you hide it? If you had to have surgery for an ulcer, would you not tell them? They can handle it. Explain it clearly as doing something for your health so you can enjoy more time with them and doing things with them.

The emotional pain - not their problem. That you don't share. The physical - sure. My girls saw me with failing knees, asthma, severe arthritis and more. We'd go to amusement parks and I'd sit on a bench and hold bags. I wasn't going to die and be put in a 3x coffin.

Tell them.

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

BTW - I didn't tell my mother or sister. I told my husband, two girls and my best friend. That's it. My work only knew I had a surgical procedure. Everyone who knows me knows I have been trying to lose weight my whole life.

[BarrySue 602]

Close and trusted family yes, but only if you feel they can keep your secret. I genuinely don't feel that ANYONE is entitled to private medical information about your body unless you desire it. Additionally, kids talk. Telling anyone means you need to be comfortable with the reality of news getting out.

[fluffy562 110]

Thanks everyone. I am taking everything in to consideration. BarrySue hit it on the nose. my oldest teen can respect PRIVACY my younger one not so much. This is the challenge we are having with our 13 year old. Can't seem to keep it to himself and this isn't something I need for him to tell others. My journey and my story to tell or not tell.

Only peeps I want to know is my mother, husband and best friend. My husband and I planned the surgery around his annual trip he takes with our boys and he will be gone for a week with them the day I have the surgery and my mother will be here to help me. That why I questioned if I should even tell them really. Anyone who has boys especially teenagers, know they are oblivious to anything around them that doesn't suit them. For me to be on a liquid diet wouldn't phase then cause I'm always on some sort of diet.

But again, Thank you.

I truly am excited for this next part of my life. I enjoy reading through site and journeys.

[S@ssen@ch 745]

@fluffy562

Totally understand the crazy 40's where your body betrays you. I'm 47 and really started noticing changes a few years ago.

Regarding whether to tell or not, only you can decide on how private you want to be with this. Personally, I'm a very private person. It took me a year to decide for sure that I wanted to do this. So, when I did, I felt like this was my personal business and not anyone else's. My husband knows and a few close friends and colleagues. I did not tell my parents or my MIL. I did not tell my siblings. I did not tell my children. To this day, none of my family knows.

I kept this to myself, not out of embarrassment or shame or because I wanted to hide it, but because I didn't see the need to involve others in such a personal decision. My children are out of the house (either on their own or at least away for college). So, there was no one to witness the immediate post-op process except my husband and dogs. I've seen my kids and my family and I've even gone out for business dinners. From my experience, people notice that you're not eating a lot and may ask if you're OK. Those questions are easy to answer. I have honestly changed my diet and I am being more mindful of what I eat.

I suppose at some point I'll tell. If someone is bold enough to ask me whether I've had surgery, I typically answer honestly. I have nothing to hide. I just prefer privacy.

[Frustr8 7,886]

I didn't have trouble with the Crazy 40s, my down fall was the Sneaky,Snarky 70s, I entered at 259 pounds, less thanb2 years later I was 355 WTF happened? IDK I can just witness that it did. Now I go forth to put Hector my teensy little bit of an gastric ulcer to sleep, slay the Ghrelin Monster once and for all, and have with the magical tool of Bariatric Surgery a much better thinner, healthier, fitter and longer life. Keep your eyes👀wide open, this might be FUN to watch!😝LOL